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Gone. Mommatini. 1 child; 1 angel baby; Alabama 1236 posts
26th Sep '13

Thanks for all of your help.

Delilah Rae TTC since Jul 2013; Japan 67 posts
26th Sep '13

That's not a good environment for your daughter to grow up in. Do what you can do to get away from him ASAP before things get worse. If he wants to work on fixing the relation then he's got to fix himself first.

Mommatini. 1 child; 1 angel baby; Alabama 1236 posts
26th Sep '13
Quoting Delilah Rae:" That's not a good environment for your daughter to grow up in. Do what you can do to get away from him ... [snip!] ... get away from him ASAP before things get worse. If he wants to work on fixing the relation then he's got to fix himself first."

I don't want to fix things.
I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of seeing my daughter and I go through this because he's a f**king selfish a*****e. I've TRIED giving him the whole "you're sick" thing, and he IS, but f**k dude. He has to WANT to get better, TO get better. I'm not carrying him through this. I genuinely am debating on leaving the state.

Gosloving 1 child; Washington 12831 posts
26th Sep '13

f**k that. I don't normally advice this, but yes I'd be running the opposite way. Have him committed in what way? Like, jail time or hospital? I wouldn't get a restraining order but I would try to talk to someone about getting him some help.



I saw a documentary where, there was this guy who was bi-polar. This one lady always wanted to get him some help, get away from him & everyone kept telling her pretty much the same thing they tell you, don't leave him alone. Show him some support, etc. etc.



Well, he ended up killing her & himself.

bia. Due August 13; 2 kids; ., ., Portugal 76253 posts
26th Sep '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mommatini.:</b>" I don't want to fix things. I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of seeing my daughter and I go through ... [snip!] ... He has to WANT to get better, TO get better. I'm not carrying him through this. I genuinely am debating on leaving the state."</blockquote>




I would leave, it's not good for your daughter or you, at all.



So sorry you're going through this. ♡

tonys_mama(army wife) Due August 2; 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Fort Irwin, California 15566 posts
26th Sep '13

My grandma is a manic depressant and her episodes are horrible. She almost burt her house down once. It was extremely hard to have her committed. The doctor had to have proff that she was a danger to herself or orhers. Its very hard loving someone with a mental disorder. Just know that this is not him and he needs someone to help him through this. How long has he been off his meds?

SR ♥ 1 child; V, AR, United States 7877 posts
26th Sep '13

YOU cannot fix him. He has a mental issue and it's going to take a lot of work on HIS part and medication to make life bearable for him. But there is nothing you can do.



If you do not want to continue the marriage, leave. Or if it's your house, tell him to leave. Be sure to have someone there with you when you say it, so that he doesn't go off and hurt you or your child.



It's not a safe environment for you or your child. The dangerous "thing" needs to be removed. You can sit and hold your breath and wait and justify this and justify that, but.......It's not going to change and it's not going to get better until he puts effort into it.



Also, the mental aspect only goes so far. Yes, he has a disease. Yes, I'm sure he doesn't want to be this way. BUT, people let their emotions and behavior go wild because they know they can blame it on their disease or disorder. I'm not saying everyone who is bi-polar freaks out and b***h slaps people because they can use it as an excuse, but.....He is somewhat in control of what he says and does.



You say he's spiraling out of control. You and your daughter do not need to be around when he reaches his bottom because it's probably going to be ugly. You and your daughter could be harmed.



If you have the funds to pack up and leave, do it. Do what YOU have to do to protect yourself and your daughter.



You may feel like a d**k for taking her, but....He needs help and he needs to help himself before he can be a good parent.

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
26th Sep '13

You can't just have an adult committed. He's violent....that's the problem. Known he's violent, get out of his way when he asks, don't try getting out of the car unless it's in park, etc.



Your problem is that you're set on fixing him, which is impossible. You cannot change people. But right now you're essentially telling your daughter that this is normal, and if you continue, there's a good chance she'll seek out men just like this guy, and try to fix them.



People aren't projects. They treat you well or you walk away.



It's clear that you know what you SHOULD do, you're just not ready to throw in the towel yet, which is horrifying for you and your child.

SR ♥ 1 child; V, AR, United States 7877 posts
26th Sep '13
Quoting Red Bottom:" You can't just have an adult committed. He's violent....that's the problem. Known he's violent, get out ... [snip!] ... that you know what you SHOULD do, you're just not ready to throw in the towel yet, which is horrifying for you and your child."


This is really true. I learned the hard way.



When I met my husband, he was a drug addict. I went through 9 months of hell, 9 months of scraping together money just so I could buy his drugs so he wouldn't be a douche to me. I couldn't change him and I couldn't force him to be anything other than what he was. Luckily, getting sentenced to a 9 month rehab and his love for me gave him the WANT to help himself. If it weren't for that, I would have had to walk away from it.



So many women get with men and think, "Oh...I can TRAIN him to be this way or I can teach him to be that way." And....Yes, you can teach them little things. Like.....To be tidier, or to cook hamburger meat a certain way......But as far as mental health or any sort of addiction, no one else can give them the want-to and the motivation but the single person. You can either choose to wait it out and cross your fingers that he gets the help he needs one day. Or you can grab your things and get out of the situation.

Onalee's Mummy Due August 26 (boy); 1 child; Newcastle, Australia 5355 posts
26th Sep '13

Is he on drugs too? It's like he is selling belongings.



Leave. It's not your job to look after him. He isn't willing to help himself

Vicki McDonald Due September 28 (boy); 3 kids; Belleville, Ontario 927 posts
26th Sep '13

I would leave. I would go somewhere he didn't know about with my daughter. I would take her somewhere safe. IF and when he decides to get help, then I would consider at that point whether or not it is safe and healthy to have a relationship ( of any kind ) but until then my main concern would be the safety of yourself and your daughter. You can not control anyone else's behavior, much less someone who is suffering from mental illness.

☮Hippie Jesus☮ 2 kids; West Virginia 10560 posts
26th Sep '13

Is he on any medication for the bipolar disorder? Call his psychiatrist and/or therapist and tell them what has been going on.



Is this normal behavior for him or is there an obvious difference and you pretty much KNOW he's in an episode? If he's been like this all along, he's probably not going to change and you need to just leave. However, if he only gets like this when he's having episodes, I would definitely try to commit him and get him the help he obviously needs.



If his undesirable behavior is a result of the episodes, you should remember that during those episodes, everything that he's saying and doing, even when it hurts those around him, is making perfect sense to him and he doesn't see that there's a problem with him. With that being said, if he has always been a violent person, I would just leave. But, like I said, if it is the result of a mental health crisis, I would try to have him committed immediately and if that isn't possible, I would at least keep myself and my kids away.



It really depends on whether you want to stick by him and hang in there for the better times or if you're just tired of it and need to get away for your own sanity.