Reply
This is hard for me to post... kthx. Due January 13 (girl); Cleves, Ohio 66665 posts
8th Dec '13

Let it dieeee. Lol.

Queen Rowdy TTC since Jan 2013; 1 angel baby; Australia 972 posts
8th Dec '13

I dont have much advice but did want to say I dont think you are fucked up at all! It is what it is and we all have different fantasies and turn ons. If you and your SO have spoken about it, you trust each other, you trust his explanation of what happened when he was away, then just roll with it. Just so long as you both have boundaries and stay safe.

[[Breezy]] 1 child; Savannah, Georgia 14721 posts
8th Dec '13

I'm confused..so your relationship wasn't verbally confirmed as an open relationship, right? Therefore..classifying this as cheating. And the lying... I'll say that it does sound a bit self-destructive that this was a turn-on for you since it was technically a betrayal of your trust. It's possible you may not feel the same about this in another couple of years, or maybe even if you guys conceive and become a mother (you just go through a lot of changes you know?).


There's nothing wrong with the thought of him being with someone else turning you on if that's what you're into. I would establish some ground rules immediately for an open relationship though, so that the next time one of you sleeps with someone other than the other person, it isn't classified as cheating, and you don't see it as a betrayal and you shouldn't get angry about it.

ETA: Missed where you said you don't actually want an open relationship.

I'm at a loss then haha it makes the cheating thing a lot worse then.




LA REINA™ New York, NY, United States 16286 posts
8th Dec '13

Well...there is so much that I want to say but I am going to refrain. I just hope that the times you had sex with him were with protection and that you do not have unprotected sex with him unless he gets an STD test. Cheating can be super dangerous.



kthx. Due January 13 (girl); Cleves, Ohio 66665 posts
8th Dec '13

Quoting Queen Rowdy:
I dont have much advice but did want to say I dont think you are fucked up at all! It is what it is and we all have different fantasies and turn ons. If you and your SO have spoken about it, you trust each other, you trust his explanation of what happened when he was away, then just roll with it. Just so long as you both have boundaries and stay safe.



See this is just so hard to explain. I don't trust him.... alone. And I don't forgive him for what he did. He still betrayed me. But if we take that betrayal out of play... I'm still turned on by what he did (if he had told me about it and I knew about it, that is). I don't even know how to explain it properly lol.

I'm mad he cheated... but I'm turned on by what he did. Because what he did is a fantasy of mine. So like.... I'm having sex with him and loving it because he is just so attractive to me right now, but he DID lie and cheat on me. So my mind is at a halt like.... wtf are you doing lol.

kthx. Due January 13 (girl); Cleves, Ohio 66665 posts
8th Dec '13

Quoting [[Breezy]]:
I'm confused..so your relationship wasn't verbally confirmed as an open relationship, right? Therefore..classifying this as cheating. And the lying... I'll say that it does sound a bit self-destructive that this was a turn-on for you since it was technically a betrayal of your trust. It's possible you may not feel the same about this in another couple of years, or maybe even if you guys conceive and become a mother (you just go through a lot of changes you know?).


There's nothing wrong with the thought of him being with someone else turning you on if that's what you're into. I would establish some ground rules immediately for an open relationship though, so that the next time one of you sleeps with someone other than the other person, it isn't classified as cheating, and you don't see it as a betrayal and you shouldn't get angry about it.

ETA: Missed where you said you don't actually want an open relationship.

I'm at a loss then haha it makes the cheating thing a lot worse then.








I don't want an open relationship that is like.... us having sex with other people, without the person there/knowing about it. I don't want him having a girlfriend, he doesn't want me having a girlfriend. And I'm okay with that. I don't want to be emotionally attached to someone other than him, just purely sexual. I want our relationship to include other people... but with us both being there. I guess that's what is turning me on about what he did -- because if I was there/known about it.. it would be a different story. But it's the fact that he didn't tell/ask me and he lied about it, that is pissing me off. So I'm turned on by what he did, and pissed off all at the same time :/ Lol.

kthx. Due January 13 (girl); Cleves, Ohio 66665 posts
8th Dec '13

Quoting BOB MARLEY:
Well...there is so much that I want to say but I am going to refrain. I just hope that the times you had sex with him were with protection and that you do not have unprotected sex with him unless he gets an STD test. Cheating can be super dangerous.







He didn't have sex with them, and they didn't perform oral sex on him. Supposedly, these kinds of 'brothels' are extremely popular in Canada. Totally legal and clean. I looked one of them up... and it looks like a high end spa. Never would've known that behind closed curtains, people were REALLY getting a happy ending.

Drunk Blair Waldorf 2 kids; Alpharetta, Georgia 19208 posts
8th Dec '13

The turn on to that kind of thing is perfectly normal and healthy.

You staying with an asshole who lied to you and cheated on you MULTIPLE times makes you a fucking idiot.

Not only that, he PAID for it.

But hey. If you're not worried about the STDs he's carrying in his beard, then do what you do I guess.

Mer is a Douchebag TTC since Dec 1999; 1 child; Bald Knob, Arkansas 72472 posts
8th Dec '13

You are mad that your SO cheated, but now you want him to do it again? Also he tongue jacked a hooker and you are ok with having unprotected sex with him now? I wouldn't even be ok with him being in the same county as me at this point. I'd say do whatever makes you happy, but wait until some std testing comes through before you do it, and make sure that everyone is appropriately wrapped up before continuing with these activities.

LA REINA™ New York, NY, United States 16286 posts
8th Dec '13

Quoting kthx.:

He didn't have sex with them, and they didn't perform oral sex on him. Supposedly, these kinds of 'brothels' are extremely popular in Canada. Totally legal and clean. I looked one of them up... and it looks like a high end spa. Never would've known that behind closed curtains, people were REALLY getting a happy ending.



I would always rather be safe than sorry....and BROTHEL, Sam...


I have so many things I want to tell you :( I am sad for you.

user banned (boy); 2 kids; Fucking, Austria 36337 posts
8th Dec '13

I think you are nuts. You will do anything to have a baby by settling. This grosses me out.

LA REINA™ New York, NY, United States 16286 posts
8th Dec '13

Quoting Drunk Blair Waldorf:
The turn on to that kind of thing is perfectly normal and healthy.

You staying with an asshole who lied to you and cheated on you MULTIPLE times makes you a fucking idiot.

Not only that, he PAID for it.

But hey. If you're not worried about the STDs he's carrying in his beard, then do what you do I guess.



done.

☆º×ß¡±©µ×º☆ 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Centralia, Washington 45570 posts
8th Dec '13

He cheated on you and got away with it do you really think hed tell the truth if he actually had sex with these girls?

☆º×ß¡±©µ×º☆ 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Centralia, Washington 45570 posts
8th Dec '13

Quoting ℳj:
I think you are nuts. You will do anything to have a baby by settling. This grosses me out.



!!!

kthx. Due January 13 (girl); Cleves, Ohio 66665 posts
8th Dec '13

Quoting BOB MARLEY:

I would always rather be safe than sorry....and BROTHEL, Sam...


I have so many things I want to tell you :( I am sad for you.



I'm calling it a brothel... in Canada, it's an exotic massage parlor.

I'm not settling. I know full and well that I can leave and will be okay if I do. But I don't want to. I'm upset with him for lying.. and to Mer, no.. I don't want him to cheat again. If we invite a girl over (whenever) it would be a mutual want. He didn't bring up wanting to bring a girl over -- I did. Like I said, I don't know why I feel this way... and I don't think I'm dumb for staying. Because I'm not TOO bothered by what he did. I'm mad he lied for so long.. and spent so much money on it, but I just CAN'T even make myself upset with him. I tried to force myself to cry so I would look normal and I couldn't.

I know this is weird... and I knew I would get the reactions like I am from some of you... but I'm going 'wtf' just as much as you guys. I'm confused as to why I'm not reacting like normal. And why I'm partially okay with this. Even turned on by it. I don't freaking know Embarassed