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When to tell the family? B&R + J 1 child; 2 angel babies; Germantown, Ohio 3745 posts
18th Jan

Ok so my husband and I had some issues a few months ago. We were separated for a few months and lets just say each of our families hated the other person. At Christmas i had told my mom i needed to go on a diet because i had noticed a little pudge (bloating) and she said are you sure thats a diet, insinuating i was pregnant. I said hell no mom. beause i had taken a test 2 weeks before and was negative. I told her there was no way. Well, the next day i just had a feeling beause i was late. I tested and it was ofcourse positive. My mom would absolutely kill me and his dad him. I'm 8 weeks 3 days. So when should we tell the family. I am just so tired of the drama. -_-

Kelly&Coralie 1 child; Rochester, NY, United States 56008 posts
18th Jan

You were separated? Is the baby your SO's?

I would talk to him about and see how he thinks the situation should be handled. 

GatorMommy7141031 2 kids; Jacksonville, FL, United States 546 posts
18th Jan

Are you still seperated or did you guys work things out and get back together?
Either way I would have your husband there and inform each family as you want.  I wouldn't just go blurt out oh btw i'm pregnant and him not be there to support you.  I think even if you haven't worked out all your issues you still need him there to support you and let him take the lashings from both sides of the family. If he's there to stick up for you it's going to show both families that you are realizing you need to fix whatever was wrong before hand and neither one of you is going anywhere.  They should put aside their mean towards both of you and love and support you both. I know that sounds all nice and all and I know some people won't support it but hey who knows they might put it to one side.  I just wouldn't go to them if you start having problems again while you are pregnant because then you get the I told you so's from people.

(PS I'm not going back and looking at your posts so if you posted about it previously I don't have a back story I'm just going by what you are posting a.t.m)

B&R + J 1 child; 2 angel babies; Germantown, Ohio 3745 posts
18th Jan

Quoting Kelly&Coralie:
You were separated? Is the baby your SO's?

I would talk to him about and see how he thinks the situation should be handled. 


I'm not trying to be rude, the asking if the baby is my DH's really doesn't play into what i had been asking. Ofcourse it is his. He doesn't know either which is why i came here for advice

B&R + J 1 child; 2 angel babies; Germantown, Ohio 3745 posts
18th Jan

Quoting GatorMommy7141031:
Are you still seperated or did you guys work things out and get back together?
Either way I would have your husband there and inform each family as you want.  I wouldn't just go blurt out oh btw i'm pregnant and him not be there to support you.  I think even if you haven't worked out all your issues you still need him there to support you and let him take the lashings from both sides of the family. If he's there to stick up for you it's going to show both families that you are realizing you need to fix whatever was wrong before hand and neither one of you is going anywhere.  They should put aside their mean towards both of you and love and support you both. I know that sounds all nice and all and I know some people won't support it but hey who knows they might put it to one side.  I just wouldn't go to them if you start having problems again while you are pregnant because then you get the I told you so's from people.

(PS I'm not going back and looking at your posts so if you posted about it previously I don't have a back story I'm just going by what you are posting a.t.m)


It says were in my post, if we were now i'd say my husband and i are separated. 

Anyhow, thanks for the advice. I know he'll be by my side. but it's not simply that easy to tell them. i'm afraid they'll yell :(

GatorMommy7141031 2 kids; Jacksonville, FL, United States 546 posts
18th Jan

Quoting B&R + J + #2:

I'm not trying to be rude, the asking if the baby is my DH's really doesn't play into what i had been asking. Ofcourse it is his. He doesn't know either which is why i came here for advice



Lol okay now that I know he doesn't know that you know (wow that's a lot of knowing)  I'd tell him first let it sink in never know he may be happy.  Then tell the family.

Nicola. 2 kids; Huntsville, AL, United States 7157 posts
18th Jan

Quoting B&R + J + #2:

It says were in my post, if we were now i'd say my husband and i are separated. 

Anyhow, thanks for the advice. I know he'll be by my side. but it's not simply that easy to tell them. i'm afraid they'll yell :(


Why are you so defensive? People are trying to give you advice, you aren't making it easy.


First off, you need to tell him before anyone. It is his baby he deserves to know already and definitely before your parents.


You are married and you are an adult, you tell them when you are ready. If they yell at you then they do. You aren't going to be able to counteract that. Then again, if you wait awhile they may feel like you are trying to hide it and it might make it worse.
I can never keep anything from my parents, I would have already cracked. lol

GatorMommy7141031 2 kids; Jacksonville, FL, United States 546 posts
18th Jan

Quoting B&R + J + #2:

It says were in my post, if we were now i'd say my husband and i are separated. 

Anyhow, thanks for the advice. I know he'll be by my side. but it's not simply that easy to tell them. i'm afraid they'll yell :(


          I skim read sorry.  I say if they yell at you guys for anything just remember to keep your cool and don't yell back.  If it gets to be too much then opt for the "We wanted to just let you guys know, we are going to leave now when you calm down we will talk to you"  keeping it kosher is the best.  Hell if you don't want to do it face to face just get on the phone with them and if they start up there is an end button! Just say unless you can talk to me like a normal human being and not some idiot then I'm going to continue to hang up on you.  They'll ge the picture.

Kelly&Coralie 1 child; Rochester, NY, United States 56008 posts
18th Jan

Quoting B&R + J + #2:

I'm not trying to be rude, the asking if the baby is my DH's really doesn't play into what i had been asking. Ofcourse it is his. He doesn't know either which is why i came here for advice


I think he needs to be told ASAP, before you even think of telling anyone else. See how he wants to handle it

B&R + J 1 child; 2 angel babies; Germantown, Ohio 3745 posts
18th Jan

Quoting GatorMommy7141031:


Lol okay now that I know he doesn't know that you know (wow that's a lot of knowing)  I'd tell him first let it sink in never know he may be happy.  Then tell the family.


lol no i meant he doesn't know how to handle the situation. he was there when i took the test lol haha

B&R + J 1 child; 2 angel babies; Germantown, Ohio 3745 posts
18th Jan

Quoting Nicola. (Expecting #2):

Why are you so defensive? People are trying to give you advice, you aren't making it easy.


First off, you need to tell him before anyone. It is his baby he deserves to know already and definitely before your parents.


You are married and you are an adult, you tell them when you are ready. If they yell at you then they do. You aren't going to be able to counteract that. Then again, if you wait awhile they may feel like you are trying to hide it and it might make it worse.
I can never keep anything from my parents, I would have already cracked. lol



He knows, he was there when i took the test. Also, i just thought it was unnecessary to ask if the baby was my DH's, that's all

GatorMommy7141031 2 kids; Jacksonville, FL, United States 546 posts
18th Jan

Quoting B&R + J + #2:

lol no i meant he doesn't know how to handle the situation. he was there when i took the test lol haha


                                                   Dear goodness!  We are all just confuddled now aren't we!  Hey you can always do a cutesy little surprise thingy for each family then they kinda can't be mad because you got them all excited first.  Express your happiness openly and to the extreme that might make them go well crap now I can't be pissed.

Piecey. 3 kids; K-Town, KL, Germany 63105 posts
status 18th Jan
Quoting B&R + J + #2: He knows, he was there when i took the test. Also, i just thought it was unnecessary to ask if the baby was my DH's, that's all

I think it's pretty pertinent to the situation. You were separated, now back together and knocked up. Your families hated the other person. Proper guidance on how to go about it would definitely depend on the paternity, especially in regards to his family. 

Nicola. 2 kids; Huntsville, AL, United States 7157 posts
18th Jan

Quoting B&R + J + #2:

He knows, he was there when i took the test. Also, i just thought it was unnecessary to ask if the baby was my DH's, that's all


Well if you were separated, it could have been the case. Which would probably change the advice someone would give you. So I'd say it is a valid question.



I don't think there will be a "right" or "perfect" time to tell them. But you want it coming from you and not from someone else. I don't know if anyone else even knows but that would probably hurt them more.

Courtly Due September 19; TTC since Dec 2011; Australia 221 posts
23rd Jan

Just tell them "This is how it is. If you don't like it tough titties."

For me personally I was feeling iffy at work one night (last Tuesday). Went home did a test it was positive. Rang my fiancé and told him. The next morning (Wednesday) I did another test, took it into the bedroom to show him. Called the doctor and booked an appointment for the Friday. We rang and told our parents, siblings and grandparents that same morning (afternoon by time I called my grandfather).

Because we had been trying for 2 years, we put it on facebook for the remainder of our family and friends to see. And I told my boss on Monday.