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Another mom vent Just Emily :) 2 kids; Casa grande, Az, United States 9780 posts
status 1st Feb

So dh and I are getting a little more stable each month so we're trying to contribute more and more to the house since we don't pay rent. This month we were splitting the food 50/50 with my mom but then a pipe burst under the house so we offered to foot to grocery bill this half of the month so she could pay the plumber. So yesterday was payday and dh and I went to the store and bought two weeks of breakfast lunch and dinner for the five people in the house but we forgot a few things. So when we came home I made a list of what we forgot and estimated a budget for it. It came out to a little more than we had left in the food budget and I asked my mom if she'd be willing to help with a few little things like butter and eggs. Then she flips out on me about how maybe we shouldn't have bought name brand if we couldn't afford the basic stuff. I'm sitting here like ummmm he only thing I bought name brand was the tide. I got mostly store brand everything else. And we're trying to help out so I feel like it's not right for her to flip out on me when we're trying our best to contribute everything's we can to the house. Idk I am I wrong for being slightly offended? I know we offered to do all the shopping but it's been a while and I probably didn't do it as efficiently as I used to. It's not like I back out entirely. I seriously asked if she could afford to buy a loaf of bread, eggs, and butter. If she had said no I would have found the money somewhere else.

nov.08mama TTC since Oct 2013; new york, ny, United States 543 posts
1st Feb

She may just be overwhelmed with the pipe and other costs that go with owning a house. Bread and butter are staples in most homes so she could just be frustrated with you. 

all in all, I would solve everyone's issue by finding your own place. If that's not an option you should be paying rent in addition to buying food. That is only right.

JoAnna &hearts's Jett Due January 20 (boy); 1 child; Midlothian, TX, United States 6511 posts
status 1st Feb

Well, I'm sure she's overwhelmed with the pipe bursting. Why don't you pay rent? We live with my parents, mostly to help them out, and we pay rent, plus I always give them both extra money, we buy all of our groceries. Sometimes when I go to the grocery store I buy them some groceries too. 

Mandi Bass 1 child; Minnesota 1062 posts
status 1st Feb

She's probably just overwhelmed. Owning a home can be stressful when things break and you have to foot the bill to fix them. I feel like you should be paying rent plus buying your own groceries so no you really have no right to get offended. I can understand her getting mad about you buying Tide. That stuff costs well over $10 and there are plenty of generics that work just as well. Just buying generic laundry soap would have left you enough money to buy bread, eggs, and butter.

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 19247 posts
1st Feb

honestly, I understand her frustration.  If she takes care of the whole house financially for the most part, and the only thing your family was responsible for was the food, and you asked her to pitch in... I'd be livid. That seems a little outrageous to not pay rent then ask her to give you money for bread and eggs.

Just Emily :) 2 kids; Casa grande, Az, United States 9780 posts
status 1st Feb

We don't pay rent cause they didn't want it. So we just try our best to rely on them as little as possible but it's been a rough year for dh and I so they've just been happy to help us out. Then things started to get better (that's when we got pregnant) and we were about to move out And we made a family choice that they were in on that it would be best for dh to quit his job. So now he's been trying to find something new but he needs new plates on his car which is why our budget was tighter than usual this month. We want out but in all honesty none of us are totally miserable and the current arrangement does work out for all of us in one way or another. Like the fact that my parents have way more land than they can easily care for and dh helps to do a lot of work around the house and in the yard where if we weren't here they would have to hire someone cause they just can't do it. I was just hurt because we were trying to be nice and help out more than we had originally agreed to and she snapped at me after spending 300 dollars on food for everyone when I didn't have to because it wasn't part of our agreement but I wanted to help out as much as we could and she got mad that I bought name brand detergent. It's like I get that maybe I didn't need tide. Yes something else would have worked just as well but you could have been thankfuland appreciative   that you have a child who wants to pull their own weight even if they make mistakes and that we don't just sit on our asses and mooch off of you. We share everything we buy, declined when they offered to get us extra cable boxes for our room and living room because we didn't want to raise their bill, we almost never turn lights on unless we need to so we can keep our impact as low as possible and still I just get yelled at because I bought tide instead of store brand....

Just Emily :) 2 kids; Casa grande, Az, United States 9780 posts
status 1st Feb

Quoting castaway:
honestly, I understand her frustration.  If she takes care of the whole house financially for the most part, and the only thing your family was responsible for was the food, and you asked her to pitch in... I'd be livid. That seems a little outrageous to not pay rent then ask her to give you money for bread and eggs.


We help out with more than just the food. This post was just about the food. We pay water and electric every other month, I just filled my dads gas tank, I bought my mom more paints because she paints and sells animal portraits. We don't pay rent but we do everything we can to pull our own weight.

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 19247 posts
1st Feb

Quoting Just Emily LLC :):
We don't pay rent cause they didn't want it. So we just try our best to rely on them as little as possible but it's been a rough year for dh and I so they've just been happy to help us out. Then things started to get better (that's when we got pregnant) and we were about to move out And we made a family choice that they were in on that it would be best for dh to quit his job. So now he's been trying to find something new but he needs new plates on his car which is why our budget was tighter than usual this month. We want out but in all honesty none of us are totally miserable and the current arrangement does work out for all of us in one way or another. Like the fact that my parents have way more land than they can easily care for and dh helps to do a lot of work around the house and in the yard where if we weren't here they would have to hire someone cause they just can't do it. I was just hurt because we were trying to be nice and help out more than we had originally agreed to and she snapped at me after spending 300 dollars on food for everyone when I didn't have to because it wasn't part of our agreement but I wanted to help out as much as we could and she got mad that I bought name brand detergent. It's like I get that maybe I didn't need tide. Yes something else would have worked just as well but you could have been thankfuland appreciative   that you have a child who wants to pull their own weight even if they make mistakes and that we don't just sit on our asses and mooch off of you. We share everything we buy, declined when they offered to get us extra cable boxes for our room and living room because we didn't want to raise their bill, we almost never turn lights on unless we need to so we can keep our impact as low as possible and still I just get yelled at because I bought tide instead of store brand....

*eta*  nevermind.... I missed something from another post

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 19247 posts
1st Feb

Quoting Just Emily LLC :):

We help out with more than just the food. This post was just about the food. We pay water and electric every other month, I just filled my dads gas tank, I bought my mom more paints because she paints and sells animal portraits. We don't pay rent but we do everything we can to pull our own weight.


oh, I missed this.  Hopefully you can get out soon.  No matter how well adults get along, living together can be so hard and stressful.

when I left my exhusband and moved home for a while, it worked, but it was not easy at times.  she is probably just stressed about the water pipe and lashed out.  

Just Emily :) 2 kids; Casa grande, Az, United States 9780 posts
status 1st Feb

Quoting castaway:

why did he quit a job before he had a new one secured? do you work?

Yikes, what a situation. If it were me, I would want to go above and beyond what they ask for because of their generousity, not go the other way and tell her that taking care of this was never part of the deal.  Hopefully he/you finds work soon, there isn't much you can say about any way she treats you when she foots the bill for pretty much everything, and cutting the lawn doesn't set you guys at equal in regards to your level of contribution to the house.


I work, I get money for going to school since I was active duty , and I have a small inheritance every month from my grandfather for until November.  So we do provide quite a bit financially to the house just not in the form of rent. We pay whatever they say they need help with. And because my mom had insisted on buying a house they couldn't afford unless we're here to help with the other bills and she refuses to work because she few up in a house where the women didn't have to work  they honestly wouldn't be able to pay the mortgage if we were to move out and stop helping with all the things we do pay for. 


Dh quit quit his job without another lined up for personal reasons but like I said they were in on the discussion and agreed it was best even though it meant we'd be here longer (plus we do help out around the house so much finically it's next to impossible to build a savings account at least until dh finds a new job)

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 19247 posts
1st Feb

Quoting Just Emily LLC :):

I work, I get money for going to school since I was active duty , and I have a small inheritance every month from my grandfather for until November.  So we do provide quite a bit financially to the house just not in the form of rent. We pay whatever they say they need help with. And because my mom had insisted on buying a house they couldn't afford unless we're here to help with the other bills and she refuses to work because she few up in a house where the women didn't have to work  they honestly wouldn't be able to pay the mortgage if we were to move out and stop helping with all the things we do pay for. 


Dh quit quit his job without another lined up for personal reasons but like I said they were in on the discussion and agreed it was best even though it meant we'd be here longer (plus we do help out around the house so much finically it's next to impossible to build a savings account at least until dh finds a new job)



oh wow, I'm sorry, that sounds very stressful.  Hopefully once you guys get your ducks in a row, you aren't left feeling guilted into staying so they can afford to live.

Just Emily :) 2 kids; Casa grande, Az, United States 9780 posts
status 1st Feb

Quoting castaway:

oh wow, I'm sorry, that sounds very stressful.  Hopefully once you guys get your ducks in a row, you aren't left feeling guilted into staying so they can afford to live.



I hope so too. We want to move to Phoenix so I feel bad that we won't be around to physically help them either. My dad wants to move out there with us (in separate houses lol) but my mom refuses. My dad and I work together so we could both transfer out there with the company easily. But my mom refuses to move even though she doesn't work, has no friends out here, and won't even leave the computer screen for longer than it takes to walk to the bathroom and back. My dad hates it here but she doesn't care.

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 19247 posts
1st Feb

Quoting Just Emily LLC :):

I hope so too. We want to move to Phoenix so I feel bad that we won't be around to physically help them either. My dad wants to move out there with us (in separate houses lol) but my mom refuses. My dad and I work together so we could both transfer out there with the company easily. But my mom refuses to move even though she doesn't work, has no friends out here, and won't even leave the computer screen for longer than it takes to walk to the bathroom and back. My dad hates it here but she doesn't care.


Hopefully he can convince her, but at least you have a vision for where you want to go.  that is awesome that your job is so flexible,  I love Phoenix!  I lived in Tucson for a while and I'd go back in a heartbeat.

Just Emily :) 2 kids; Casa grande, Az, United States 9780 posts
status 1st Feb

Quoting castaway:

Hopefully he can convince her, but at least you have a vision for where you want to go.  that is awesome that your job is so flexible,  I love Phoenix!  I lived in Tucson for a while and I'd go back in a heartbeat.


That's awesome to hear. I've driven through Phoenix but I've only been there once for about 4 days. But the houses seemed nicely priced and I work of a prison called corrections corporations of America. They have 4 locations so they're always hiring in Phoenix. They have a few in San Diego also among other places.  So there's tons of opportunity. Plus dh and I were happier in our marriage when we didn't have family around.

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 19247 posts
1st Feb

Quoting Just Emily LLC :):

That's awesome to hear. I've driven through Phoenix but I've only been there once for about 4 days. But the houses seemed nicely priced and I work of a prison called corrections corporations of America. They have 4 locations so they're always hiring in Phoenix. They have a few in San Diego also among other places.  So there's tons of opportunity. Plus dh and I were happier in our marriage when we didn't have family around.


I haven't lived in AZ since '08, but at the time in Tucson, you could get a BRAND new home, 3 bed/2 1/2 bath for less than $200K, because they built too many. So as long as you didn't plan on selling any time soon, you could get a great deal.
It's so beautiful out there, if you move that way Tucson is worth a visit, it's more mountainous than Phoenix and quite lovely.  You can even see snow on Mt. Lemon in the winter from town.