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How?? Heaven blessed 3 kids; 6 angel babies; Seaside, Oregon 6238 posts
6th Apr

Any ideas how to tell my DH how I am feeling without hurting his feelings?
here is an example of he conversation:
"hey bear, can you watch the kids for a bit I'm so stressed out right now?"
"no...I want to relax. I'm stressed too and you're better with them."
Oh and my favorite is when I ask for a back rub he is like I need one worse so you give me one,a good one and I'll give you one. So I give him like a 30 min rub and he rubs my back for like 5 mins than plays video games!!!! 
I just feel like when I tell him how I'm feeling he says I know or I'm trying to make him feel bad. 
Btw i never ever call him names or say that he doesn't do enough. But he takes it that way. 
Please help...any suggestions help. 

Leah's Mommy <3 Due February 21 (girl); StalkMe, IL, United States 2362 posts
6th Apr

To honestly help, can I get a bit more information? What does he do? What are both of your roles in the house and are you a stay at home mom? 
i understand your frustration and sometimes guys think if they do more work that their stress takes priority. 

Heaven blessed 3 kids; 6 angel babies; Seaside, Oregon 6238 posts
6th Apr

Quoting Amoursmores:
To honestly help, can I get a bit more information? What does he do? What are both of your roles in the house and are you a stay at home mom? 
i understand your frustration and sometimes guys think if they do more work that their stress takes priority. 


I'm a SAHM and I'm going to school full time, and I'm supposed to be taking it easy.  And he delivers pizza. 

Leah's Mommy <3 Due February 21 (girl); StalkMe, IL, United States 2362 posts
6th Apr

Quoting Taun Taun Momma:

I'm a SAHM and I'm going to school full time, and I'm supposed to be taking it easy.  And he delivers pizza. 


Ah I see. One of those guys. Right. What does he do in the house when he gets home? From the moment he steps in. I ask so I can better help you find an approachable way to talk to him :) gotta learn what he does

Heaven blessed 3 kids; 6 angel babies; Seaside, Oregon 6238 posts
6th Apr

Quoting Amoursmores:

Ah I see. One of those guys. Right. What does he do in the house when he gets home? From the moment he steps in. I ask so I can better help you find an approachable way to talk to him :) gotta learn what he does


Play video games

Leah's Mommy <3 Due February 21 (girl); StalkMe, IL, United States 2362 posts
6th Apr

Quoting Taun Taun Momma:

Play video games


No cleaning? No chores? Nothing at all? Does he work full time? Does he work overtime? What shift does he work? Day time? Nights? Overnights? 

Heaven blessed 3 kids; 6 angel babies; Seaside, Oregon 6238 posts
6th Apr

Quoting Amoursmores:

No cleaning? No chores? Nothing at all? Does he work full time? Does he work overtime? What shift does he work? Day time? Nights? Overnights? 


He works night shift and barely gets 24 hours a week. And ya no cleaning or chores besides doing his own laundry. If I ask multiple times he will take the trash out. 

Heaven blessed 3 kids; 6 angel babies; Seaside, Oregon 6238 posts
6th Apr

I feel like I'm living in the 50's

Leah's Mommy <3 Due February 21 (girl); StalkMe, IL, United States 2362 posts
6th Apr

Quoting Taun Taun Momma:

He works night shift and barely gets 24 hours a week. And ya no cleaning or chores besides doing his own laundry. If I ask multiple times he will take the trash out. 


Oh my gosh hun. That's bad. And he thinks he's more stressed than you? And your due in July? Your pregnant and doing more? I wouldn't honestly honestly nip this shit in the bed right now. 

you are his partner, not his mother. Trust me, I've been in this situation. You need to be firm but still loving here. If you don't do anything now, your going to end up caring for him like a child with a newborn. You can't do it all on your own. Are you both married or just bf?

Heaven blessed 3 kids; 6 angel babies; Seaside, Oregon 6238 posts
6th Apr

Quoting Amoursmores:

Oh my gosh hun. That's bad. And he thinks he's more stressed than you? And your due in July? Your pregnant and doing more? I wouldn't honestly honestly nip this shit in the bed right now. 

you are his partner, not his mother. Trust me, I've been in this situation. You need to be firm but still loving here. If you don't do anything now, your going to end up caring for him like a child with a newborn. You can't do it all on your own. Are you both married or just bf?


Married going on four years. I know I spoiled him before, but I'm trying to talk to him without without hurting his fragile feelings. 

Leah's Mommy <3 Due February 21 (girl); StalkMe, IL, United States 2362 posts
6th Apr

First bit of advice. Chore list. Get a big ass white board or TAC board. Put it in a weekly format for the month. Put post notes on them in black pen so that he can't say, rewrite them or erase them on the board. Or a laminated folder ring where you slide in a weekly schedule at the top. Work schedule included so everyone is getting a dish of equality. As for the video games, video games are OKAY. My so plays games. But when I ask him to do something, help me, or spend time with me. Games go off. Finish what your doing. Pause it..I am more important than a game. That goes both ways. If he wants to spend time with me, I out my tablet off, put on the TV and we relax together! He gives me a massage, a LOT then I give him more lovemaking or cooking him meals for when he gets home, to show my appreciation. 
as far as who's good with baby? Don't let him say, oh your better. If he says that reply with, aw thank you so much! I'll give you this time to get closet with him while I take a bath. I wouldn't want you to feel like I am better than you! Your a great dad! Then give him the baby and go run yourself a bath. Then come back and say aw you both are getting on so well! Thank you for taking the time to help me when I needed a break. I appreciate the help and I really needed that bath. How about I take him now and you can play a game? Or maybe we put him down and watch a movie? 

the main point there is not to give him a chance to say, oh he's more stressed. 
i can write a way for you to address all these issues calmly. I will go ahead and type out a nice list for you tomorrow. My so wants to spend time together so I shall before he sleeps. So do me a favpur tonight. Think about what time you want for yourself, how much you need help, and what you'd like him to do...then what you are going to do when he doesn't want to change. Take the time to figure these things out, what's most important to you and then I'll try and help you as much as I can with how to phrase it all the best I can. I am no expert but I have been in this situation before. Also try and relax tonight :) headphones! Nice music, a movie, anything! Relax! You freaking deserve it

Haley's Mommy+1 Due July 25 (girl); 1 child; Harker Heights, TX, United States 173 posts
6th Apr

I feel like I'm in the same situation as you and everytime I try to talk to my husband he gets mad. I work full time night shift ( 12 hour shifts) and go to school. We have a 2.5 year old and he works part time( maybe 24 hours a week) delivering pizza. Our house is a disaster and I sometimes feel like I'm going to have a mental break. I don't know how things will work once the baby is here. I hope you have better luck talking to your DH than I do. 

Heaven blessed 3 kids; 6 angel babies; Seaside, Oregon 6238 posts
6th Apr

Quoting Amoursmores:
First bit of advice. Chore list. Get a big ass white board or TAC board. Put it in a weekly format for the month. Put post notes on them in black pen so that he can't say, rewrite them or erase them on the board. Or a laminated folder ring where you slide in a weekly schedule at the top. Work schedule included so everyone is getting a dish of equality. As for the video games, video games are OKAY. My so plays games. But when I ask him to do something, help me, or spend time with me. Games go off. Finish what your doing. Pause it..I am more important than a game. That goes both ways. If he wants to spend time with me, I out my tablet off, put on the TV and we relax together! He gives me a massage, a LOT then I give him more lovemaking or cooking him meals for when he gets home, to show my appreciation. 
as far as who's good with baby? Don't let him say, oh your better. If he says that reply with, aw thank you so much! I'll give you this time to get closet with him while I take a bath. I wouldn't want you to feel like I am better than you! Your a great dad! Then give him the baby and go run yourself a bath. Then come back and say aw you both are getting on so well! Thank you for taking the time to help me when I needed a break. I appreciate the help and I really needed that bath. How about I take him now and you can play a game? Or maybe we put him down and watch a movie? 

the main point there is not to give him a chance to say, oh he's more stressed. 
i can write a way for you to address all these issues calmly. I will go ahead and type out a nice list for you tomorrow. My so wants to spend time together so I shall before he sleeps. So do me a favpur tonight. Think about what time you want for yourself, how much you need help, and what you'd like him to do...then what you are going to do when he doesn't want to change. Take the time to figure these things out, what's most important to you and then I'll try and help you as much as I can with how to phrase it all the best I can. I am no expert but I have been in this situation before. Also try and relax tonight :) headphones! Nice music, a movie, anything! Relax! You freaking deserve it


Thank you I will try this 

blahblahh + TwInZ 2 kids; Melbourne, Vi, Australia 540 posts
6th Apr

Quoting Amoursmores:
First bit of advice. Chore list. Get a big ass white board or TAC board. Put it in a weekly format for the month. Put post notes on them in black pen so that he can't say, rewrite them or erase them on the board. Or a laminated folder ring where you slide in a weekly schedule at the top. Work schedule included so everyone is getting a dish of equality. As for the video games, video games are OKAY. My so plays games. But when I ask him to do something, help me, or spend time with me. Games go off. Finish what your doing. Pause it..I am more important than a game. That goes both ways. If he wants to spend time with me, I out my tablet off, put on the TV and we relax together! He gives me a massage, a LOT then I give him more lovemaking or cooking him meals for when he gets home, to show my appreciation. 
as far as who's good with baby? Don't let him say, oh your better. If he says that reply with, aw thank you so much! I'll give you this time to get closet with him while I take a bath. I wouldn't want you to feel like I am better than you! Your a great dad! Then give him the baby and go run yourself a bath. Then come back and say aw you both are getting on so well! Thank you for taking the time to help me when I needed a break. I appreciate the help and I really needed that bath. How about I take him now and you can play a game? Or maybe we put him down and watch a movie? 

the main point there is not to give him a chance to say, oh he's more stressed. 
i can write a way for you to address all these issues calmly. I will go ahead and type out a nice list for you tomorrow. My so wants to spend time together so I shall before he sleeps. So do me a favpur tonight. Think about what time you want for yourself, how much you need help, and what you'd like him to do...then what you are going to do when he doesn't want to change. Take the time to figure these things out, what's most important to you and then I'll try and help you as much as I can with how to phrase it all the best I can. I am no expert but I have been in this situation before. Also try and relax tonight :) headphones! Nice music, a movie, anything! Relax! You freaking deserve it


Good on u that was a really sweet post....I can't complain about my hubby he's pretty good though I'm on mat leave atm and he hasn't helped me any where near as much which was starting to get on my nerves but I'm going to work earlier than expected and since he heard that he has been helping alot more....and he rubs my back to sleep every night :-/ I hope things improve for u op xx

Heaven blessed 3 kids; 6 angel babies; Seaside, Oregon 6238 posts
6th Apr

Quoting Haley's Mommy+1:
I feel like I'm in the same situation as you and everytime I try to talk to my husband he gets mad. I work full time night shift ( 12 hour shifts) and go to school. We have a 2.5 year old and he works part time( maybe 24 hours a week) delivering pizza. Our house is a disaster and I sometimes feel like I'm going to have a mental break. I don't know how things will work once the baby is here. I hope you have better luck talking to your DH than I do. 


Thank I truly hope everything works out