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What NOT to say to someone who has lost their Baby. Scentsational Scents 96 kids; Corpus Christi, Texas 11038 posts
24th Sep '08

So I've been thinking alot about the things people say when you lose a baby that they intend to be comforting but are actually not. Feel free to add your own...



It

Flores_party_of_7 20 kids; Seattle, Washington 17095 posts
24th Sep '08

And don't call the night they delivered their dead baby and ask what they're making for dinner.
(My grandma did that... I assume because she had no clue what to say... but it hurt.)

Nachomama 4 kids; Lawrenceville, Georgia 790 posts
24th Sep '08

Everything can be turned around into a negative when someone is hurting and in pain. Tell us what the correct response should be.

Steph & "The Boys" + Sis 51 kids; Lacey, Washington 8542 posts
24th Sep '08

Best thing my mom said to me and I say to anyone who has miscarried or had any kind of death/loss is "You know people are going to say things will be ok but they won't and that's alright you just cry until you feel better and nobody is going to judge you" and she held me. I think that's the only acceptable thing to say because it kind of conveys that you know how they feel even if you've never gone through it yourself. I mean really what is the best thing to say except I'm sorry for your loss? I totally agree though with that, I got so many of those responses and it just made me feel 10 times worse.

Mara Due September 27 (girl); 2 kids; San Francisco, California 38964 posts
24th Sep '08
Quoting HawaiiNessa -DD-GS-:
Crzy mom!! 3 kids; New Jersey 3004 posts
24th Sep '08

How about the universal, meaning for anyone who has lost someone,

...At least they're in a better place....
I don't think that when I die and leave behind my friends, family, and children wherever I go will be better then being with them.

My sister said that to me last month when a very good friend of mine killed himself. She came up behind me at the wake as I stared at him wondering why he was gone and she pats my back then says...at least he's in a better place. WHAT THE F*CK?! Do you think his 6 month old daughter will understand there is a better place then being with her? Do you think his mother wouldn't rather him be home with her alive instead of some cold ground somewhere?!

Grrrrr!!!!

JBJHV 34 kids; Jenkins, Minnesota 7338 posts
24th Sep '08

The correct response is just to be there for them, you dont even have to say anything. Just so they know you are there and love them.



I know those things are awful to hear when you are grieving, but everyone only says them because they care and are unsure of what to say. They really do mean the best.

brigmama TTC since Jun 2008; Westerville, Ohio 1017 posts
24th Sep '08

I'm really sorry about your lost!

Not to change the subject but we have friends that live there, where you are. The last name is Peterson!!! Cool

lolajessup 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44071 posts
24th Sep '08

sorry :oops: i don't really ever know what to say when someone loses a child. but i feel like i should let them know i am sorry, at way they don't feel underappreciated. What should i say then, because i don't really know. i gues i will just ignore all the people from now on who lose their babies, that way i dont "say the wrong thing". i am sure they will feel better when they make a post that their child died and nobody responds.

It's Ashleyyyy! 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Savannah, Georgia 14297 posts
24th Sep '08
Quoting HawaiiNessa -DD-GS-:
brigmama TTC since Jun 2008; Westerville, Ohio 1017 posts
24th Sep '08
Quoting 5w 2d to go:
It's Ashleyyyy! 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Savannah, Georgia 14297 posts
24th Sep '08

OH OH OH! I forgot! TWO DAYS after i got out of the hospital.. my then best friend calls to announce her pregnancy.. If she would have given me a mourning period I would have been fine with it.. but the fact that I had just gotten out of the hospital & I was expected to be happy for her! She got pissed off at me when I got upset. WHAT THE HELL

lolajessup 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44071 posts
24th Sep '08
Quoting Madame "Is it Oct yet?":
Starting all over 3 kids; Pennsylvania 327 posts
24th Sep '08

I am so sorry for your loss and if you need to talk I am here for you even if you need someone to share the silence with I am here for you. As someone who lost twins I know the pain and sometimes there is nothing anyone can say to make you believe that it will get easier the week I lost my babies my friend gave birth and she wanted so bad for me to come and share inher joy andI couldn't. I was happy for her but my pain was too real and I was depressed. But it got better over time.

northwind 19 kids; Indiana 3896 posts
24th Sep '08
Quoting Nachomama: