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why does it still bother me after 7 years??? ♥ Jessi ♥ 2 kids; Alaska 23137 posts
15th Aug '09

I was trying to make this "short" but believe it or not this is the short version!!! if you take the time to read this & reply I am SOO grateful!! (thank u)



So.... I was just washing my dishes, and i don't have the luxury of having a dishwasher so while i'm washing them, I have nothing better to do than think about things......



There are some things that went on when my husband & i first got together, that i would like to think i have gotten over but there are times it comes back to me & the feelings that rush through me are intense......
(UGH! idk how to shorten this up!!)
He was dating one of my cousins (we'll call her kelly....they were together maybe 2 months total & she was out of state for almost a month of that 2 months) and just for the record, I caught her cheating on him more than once in that time & she had told me at one point that she didn't want to date him but he liked her so much she felt bad :roll: AND she treated him like crap........
Her & I were living together & he was staying with us at the time, so when she left we were alone together a LOT.....
I had always been attracted to him (even before they got together) but he was always so busy chasing her he never looked in my direction.......
while she was gone, we got to know each other very well, and i started to fall for him HARD, one night we got drunk & i pretty much gave him no choice and came on to him really strong & one thing led to another & we slept together....... after that we couldn't get enough of each other, we felt bad but our emotions took over the guilt, there was one night that him & i sat on the bathroom floor & held each other, while i bawled my eyes out because i was in love with him & i knew he was something special & he was feeling it too........... but he was w/ someone else........ and there were times we would be making out or cuddling & she would call & i'd have to sit there & listen to him talk to her & tell her he loved her & missed her & all that CRAP......
When she got back there were a few days that we had to play it up like nothing happened, he was trying his best not to kiss her or be affectionate in front of me but he there were times he did....... He told me he just didn't know how to break up with her & he was trying to figure out a way, because he wanted me..... but during that time, he was still sleeping in the same bed as her & IDK what the hell went on..... those were the longest nights of my life, I have NEVER cried so hard, & felt so much hurt & pain, I honestly even had thoughts of suicide because i was hurting so bad (i was young & STUPID)
FINALLY after 2 or 3 horrible days & nights of this, he broke up with her...... he moved out the next day & we talked & saw each other on the DL.......
we kept our relationship a secret for about 2 years after that.....
I'm not sure what about all this bothers me so much........ and over the years i've boxed it all up, but every once in a while those feelings come back & i feel jealous? or something like that......



I don't understnad how something so wonderful came out of something so f*cked up, we both know what we did was wrong, but we've never really talked about it since that night in the bathroom.....
I guess what's bringing this up now, is that I just saw her last week & she reminds me of the past...... and when she's around she will make comments about him that piss me off....
example... I was teasing my other cousin because her husband & mine look identical from behind, and i was like "man i better watch it!! I don't want to be smacking the wrong ass" and "kelly" was like "oh yeah i use to do that too" :roll: she's an idiot!! my cousin & her husband weren't even together back then!!!
but that's not all, she would just make comments about him, about when they were together just to piss me off??
(even though according to her we didn't get together until 2 years after they split up)
But still...... i would like to go to counceling or something like that, but honestly we can't afford anything like that & i have no medical coverage for that.... AND i really don't feel like digging all my skeletons outta the closet......



I just don't know why, after SEVEN years this still hurts almost as bad as those nights did.... I'd really like to shut it out & never think about it again but that's not going to happen....



has anyone else been in a situation like this???
I'm just feeling a bit sad & needed to talk about this so i feel better.....
I don't know why it bothers me! I ended up with him, he has been completely honest & faithful since they broke up, I have no reason to doubt his loyalty, he married me, i'm the mother of his children... SO WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!!!???



sorry this is so long...... :cry:

Noah + Baby#2 Due November 16; 1 child; Massachusetts 874 posts
15th Aug '09

well i read it! and i understand how you feel.....i think. kind of. sort of. i mean iv never been in that exact situation but i have those times where i think about his x and how she was still trying to be in his life even after we were together......and i just want to cry!!!!



but anyways.



its not right of her to make friggen coments like that!! i dont know what to say to make you feel better but, hey, who has him now :)

♥ Jessi ♥ 2 kids; Alaska 23137 posts
15th Aug '09

i should have known this would be too long & i wouldn't get any replies..... why is it every time something is REALLY bothering me, i get no responses??? guess that's just the way it is!! (poor poor me :roll:)

OG;chubbiechubkinz TTA since Oct 2009; 15 kids; Roxboro, North Carolina 4606 posts
15th Aug '09

You sound JUST like me!!! I feel the same way about things that have happened in mine and my husband's past. I didn't know his ex before me other than the fact that we all used to work together, then just my husband and I started working at a different store, and one thing led to another. There are things about our past that I still dig up every now and then and it pisses me off, or makes me jealous, IDK which, I won't go into detail here, but I know exactly how you feel, and if you want to talk about it, I'm here, PM me any time. :wink:

jujuBb33 1 child; Lancaster, California 578 posts
15th Aug '09

I Actually read your whole story and I think what you are going through is maybe a bit of jealousy that you wont probably his girlfriend first instead he was dating your cousin. But I can relate a lil bit of what you are going through just not with a cousin But with a exfriend. But I can tell you I don't feel any Guilt im happy And old feelings always come back and they leave they are just there to sort of remind you of old situations that occured in your life
But don't stress about it be happy :)

☀ sunkissed ☀ TTA since Dec 2013; Clearwater, Florida 3030 posts
15th Aug '09
Quoting ♥waiting 4 keyahna!:
NANASMAMA♥BBM♥ 2 kids; Lancaster, Pennsylvania 1431 posts
15th Aug '09

? idk maby all 3 of you need to sit and talk

Jaimie and Alexys's Mommy Due July 2; 34 kids; St Charles, Missouri 14944 posts
15th Aug '09

I know what you mean my husbands ex drives em crazy just the thought of her! I dont know if it is true or not but she says he cheated on me with her when me and him first got together he swears he didnt but I know she was following him and shit trying to get him back. Do you think that there could be under lying guilt for what you did to your cousin?

Jaimie and Alexys's Mommy Due July 2; 34 kids; St Charles, Missouri 14944 posts
15th Aug '09
Quoting ☮L|A|U|R|E|N☀:
Jtina 33 kids; Copperas Cove, Texas 12753 posts
15th Aug '09
Quoting ♥waiting 4 keyahna!:
spacey mcpants TTC since Nov 2011; 252 kids; Beaufort, South Carolina 39646 posts
15th Aug '09
Quoting ♥waiting 4 keyahna!:
spacey mcpants TTC since Nov 2011; 252 kids; Beaufort, South Carolina 39646 posts
15th Aug '09
Quoting Justina (havin a boy!):
♥ Jessi ♥ 2 kids; Alaska 23137 posts
15th Aug '09
Quoting ☮L|A|U|R|E|N☀:
♥ Jessi ♥ 2 kids; Alaska 23137 posts
15th Aug '09
Quoting jujuBb33:
♥ Jessi ♥ 2 kids; Alaska 23137 posts
15th Aug '09
Quoting Noah + Baby#2: