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Bad step mom? Anon......... Switzerland 24521 posts
18th Oct '09

So, I was just talking to a friend, who said to me and I quote "I'll never love _____ and ____ as if they were my own kids. I'll always love my own, more." The ____'s are the kids names. Their her boyfriend's kids from two previous relationships.



I told her that she'll make a shitty step mom if she can't love his kids like her own. She laughed and said "Oh well."



Do you agree? I mean, I expect my future husband to love T as if she were his own and wouldn't think of marrying anyone who didn't.

CountingBlue+3 3 kids; Bridgeton, MO, United States 3575 posts
18th Oct '09

I think when you are with someone you love, the people that they love the most are an extension of that. If Nick and I ever split, I wouldn't be with someone unless they loved Jack like their own. Your friend is way wrong!

.nnnb British Columbia 18155 posts
18th Oct '09
Quoting Boob Tick's Mom ebfb.:
wittybbent 2 kids; Orlando, Florida 1818 posts
18th Oct '09

I mean, she's being honest. I wouldn't tell a kid that, but maybe a friend. . . it's a hormonal thing you have with your own children, she can't really help it I think. Kind of like I'll never love my step mom as much as I love my real one. I guess it depends on the situation. I'm not saying step moms can't love their step children like their own, just that I personally do not think admitting that makes her a bad step mom, as long as she doesn't tell the kids that or treat them differently.

D: Chicago, Illinois 5418 posts
18th Oct '09

I can't really answer how I would feel since I'm not in the situation.



I'm sure I could love someone else's child but I don't know if I could love them as much as Kenzie.
That doesn't mean I wouldn't love them though?



Maybe I would feel differently if I was in the situation though?
Do I make sense? hahah

*************** 66 kids; Iowa 33630 posts
18th Oct '09
Quoting Boob Tick's Mom ebfb.:
MariaAlexisNJCIII(ASD) 66 kids; Sterling, Illinois 11519 posts
18th Oct '09

i was a stepmom 1 time to 5 kids! and to this day i love those kids just as much as i love my own!!! i have been seperated for 8 years on October 20th but would have been ** married that day for 9 years and after i left him and he went to prison i went moved in with there mother and i helped her raise her kids (shes motherto 3 of them) they r now 18, 16,15, 15, and 13 and im 27 (lol)



shes mean im sorry.....if a person cant love ur kids like they would love ur own dump them!!! my current bf loves my exes kids and does a lot with all of us when the kids come down

shabutie 4 kids; Redlands, California 4095 posts
18th Oct '09

I have been in a realtionship with my SO for 6 years, we have our own son and then he has 3 kids from other relationships. I love them just as much as my son, they are like a part of me that I could never live without even if my SO and I did break up.

Cassi♥DLKA♥ 4 kids; Victoria, Texas 23081 posts
18th Oct '09
Quoting wittybbent:
Sydney and a Half 1 child; Phoenix, Arizona 3671 posts
18th Oct '09

Hm, I am not married to SO but have been living with him for 3 years, and his 3 year old daughter is moving in with us in a month. I have loved all of his children (he has 3 that are not mine, 1 with me). I don't love them the same as my own child. It is a different love, I'm not sure if it is equal, and I'm not sure if it is important that it be equal in all situations. I would never mistreat the children, spoil my own, I expect the same discipline with all of them which is actually hard, because his daughters are a lot more spoiled than my son it seems (they are with their mothers primarily, who are all generally lazy & disgraceful human beings in their own way).



But before I get too off topic, I don't think loving separately makes me a bad semi-substitute-parent-woman-thing.

Anon......... Switzerland 24521 posts
18th Oct '09
Quoting wittybbent:
Zigeunerleben 2 kids; Washington 12801 posts
18th Oct '09

That's sad, but if that's the way she feels, there's not much that can be done. She may grow to love them though, even if its not "as much" as her own children. I know my step dad loves me like I'm his child, but I've been a part of his family for 13 years, it wasn't always like this.

Paddy Cake Due December 29; 18 kids; Sacramento, California 1386 posts
18th Oct '09

I'm a step mom. Im 22, and he's 32. His kids are 8 and 11. I know where she's coming from. When they have a functioning mother in their lives (in my case) it's hard to embrace them as your own. There's this barrier you don't want to cross. I can't fully open myself up to being their mother because they have one. I love them, but not like my own...I love them as much as I can, and I treat them like my own. but there is something about being a mother, and having your own kid, sure, treat everyone the same, don't play favorites. It's hard. They know I love them, but they don't call me mom. I told them not to, because I wouldn't want my daughter calling anyone else mom, and that's special for them.



IDK if that made sense to you..but there's a balance to it all. If she doesn't have kids, it will be harder to open herself up to his kids....but it can work, it takes time.

Cassi♥DLKA♥ 4 kids; Victoria, Texas 23081 posts
18th Oct '09
Quoting Boob Tick's Mom ebfb.:
*His Mommy* 2 kids; Wyoming 1834 posts
18th Oct '09

My fiance's cousin's wife is like that. She doesn't like his 2 boys from a previous marriage. They have 2 lil ones together, and I know when they got deployed for the first time in Texas, they took the other 2 boys with them. I dont think she (new wife) liked that idea at all!! But then she came back because he got sent to Iraq right away. Now they are back in Texas, but not sure if his other 2 boys are with them.