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dream 2 kids; Linz, Ob, Austria 59810 posts
9th Aug '12
Quoting The Biscuit Farmer.:" Please give me suggestions on disciplining my two year old! She's a tester, but more recently, it doesn't ... [snip!] ... a lot, and it's just embarrassing. Especially when we're out in public (how do I handle THAT?!), and I'm really at wit's end."


without a specific example, I can't give you a specific answer, but I noticed that you emphsized consistency. What I've found from my personal experience is that flexibility is important too. Instead of always having a consequence for a tantrum, try to get down on her level and talk to her. If she doesn't want to talk or is too far flung in what she is doing, try to give her a hug. If that doesn't calm her down, then give her some space to finish kicking or screaming or whatever she is doing, then try again. If she is physically hurting herself, then hold her in an embrace until she calms down.



At this point, it doesn't sound like punishing her for a tantrum or acting out will help the situation. Instead try to diffuse the situation or let it run it's course and then get to the root of the problem. Why did she get to the point where she had the temper tantrum in the first place? Was she tired? hungry? asking for attention? trying to tell you something but didn't know how? Don't try to fix the tantrum. Focus on finding the issue before the tantrum starts.

The Biscuit Farmer. 2 kids; Vagina, Russian Federation 9128 posts
9th Aug '12
Quoting dream:" without a specific example, I can't give you a specific answer, but I noticed that you emphsized consistency. ... [snip!] ... to tell you something but didn't know how? Don't try to fix the tantrum. Focus on finding the issue before the tantrum starts."

I think a big part of it is trying to tell me something but I don't understand. The speech therapist has also made a good point about trying to "force" her to talk, not in a cruel way, just don't always immediately give her what she wants. Make her work for it, give us some sort of verbal clue, not just pointing and signing. And I think that's setting her off a bit, too, that we're not just giving in to it.



Sometimes, it's that we won't let her walk around in the grocery store, because she's still not that great about holding hands, and listening to us (like don't run away, don't grab things off the shelf, etc.). Or that we won't give her a popsicle until she's had real food. Some things we can compromise on, sure, but it's still that she almost always goes to a tantrum as her backup. Like that will get her what she wants. And we rarely ever give in to it. Most of the time, when she starts flailing about, we do put her in her room, or on the couch, or even in the middle of the floor to let her finish it out, and then we try again.



By the time she's in the tantrum, we can't pull her out of it. And we try talking calmly and distraction, and cooperation in some cases before she reaches that point, but it's just not successful :(

dream 2 kids; Linz, Ob, Austria 59810 posts
9th Aug '12
Quoting The Biscuit Farmer.:" I think a big part of it is trying to tell me something but I don't understand. The speech therapist ... [snip!] ... talking calmly and distraction, and cooperation in some cases before she reaches that point, but it's just not successful :("


for the store, get a child harness. I used one with my son for a few months and it was a life saver. totally eliminated the "battle" there as it gives them a little more freedom to walk around without going too far and without you having to hold their hand the whole time.



for other things, always ask yourself if it's worth it. as they say "pick your battles". like not having a popsicle before dinner.



as for the speech thing, I wouldn't "force"her to try and talk more than she already does. I know you didn't mean it like FORCE it, but still, if she can communicate what she wants in SOME way and you understand her, then just encourage her, but don't without what she's asking for. like if she points and the book and you say: do you want the book? and she points again and nods, then just say "ok, here is the book. BOOK. see, can you say "book"?" Give her the opportunity to say it, but still give her the book right away. she's still young. she'll learn.

Happy Momma with 3 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Lansing, Michigan 1489 posts
14th Aug '12

I need help in learning to control my temper I guess... I feel like when I have spanked DS in the past that it was more about how I was getting frustrated with his behavior than the actual behavior itself. I saw something just a few posts back about keeping a journal/diary and I haven't tried it yet but I think I might have to try this for potty training AND non-spanking. So to whoever mentioned that thanks. :)

Sofie+#2 Due March 18; TTC since Jun 2014; 1 child; Sheffield, So, United Kingdom 7731 posts
status 14th Aug '12
Quoting Sheldon & Elora's Momma:" I need help in learning to control my temper I guess... I feel like when I have spanked DS in the past ... [snip!] ... tried it yet but I think I might have to try this for potty training AND non-spanking. So to whoever mentioned that thanks. :)"


That was me, hehe. If you're getting angry, try just counting to ten before you do ANYTHING. Unless it's a dangerous situation, but in that case just worry about making your child safe before punishing them. Another mama in here does that and she says it helps her to not act from those feelings.

Evelyn & Owens Mama Due April 7 (boy); 129 kids; Bettendorf, Iowa 4132 posts
15th Aug '12

i am freaking out. i need help from the mamas in here. i found out a sitter of mine had been spanking E (no longer a sitter). and she was starting to act out a lot more..possibly because of it. the other day i flew off the handle and spanked her to see if it actually worked, and of course it did not. i cried, and she laughed and ran off to get into something else. she's pushing every button i have lately. she screams very loudly for attention, throws things at people, whines to no extent, tells me "NO" almost constantly, laughs at me, and runs away from me every chance she gets (parking lots, our yard, the park, the store) i feel like i can't even take her in public anymore. :oops::cry: i'm at a loss. i know she's two and a half. it's a hard age. but i felt like i knew how to be a mom..until now. now i feel like i suck at every little parenting decision i make, because i'm lost. she laughs at any sort of discipline and doesn't understand being rewarded for good behavior vs. bad.

user banned 2 kids; Minnesota 7318 posts
15th Aug '12
Quoting Evelyn Lilianas Mama:" i am freaking out. i need help from the mamas in here. i found out a sitter of mine had been spanking ... [snip!] ... make, because i'm lost. she laughs at any sort of discipline and doesn't understand being rewarded for good behavior vs. bad. "


My daughter is 2,5 too, and I know just what you mean about knowing how to be a mom until now. I am clueless lately.



As far as running, I have a rule that she has to hold my hand in dangerous places. If she bolts, she gets carried.



When she's screaming, is, do you mean crying for attention, or just simply screaming? My daughter just started screeching to be silly I suppose. It is loud and imposssibly high pitched. I just let her do it, unless we're somewhere like a library or restaurant.



One thing that helps with fake crying, if that's what you mean, is teaching them to just say mommy, will you pay attention to me? Once I taught my daughter that phrase, that got so much better.



Throwing I have no experience with and whining I cannot find a solution to, lol.

Evelyn & Owens Mama Due April 7 (boy); 129 kids; Bettendorf, Iowa 4132 posts
15th Aug '12
Quoting Chim Richalds:" My daughter is 2,5 too, and I know just what you mean about knowing how to be a mom until now. I am ... [snip!] ... that phrase, that got so much better. Throwing I have no experience with and whining I cannot find a solution to, lol."


when i pick her up to carry her, she kicks, screams, bites, and says "get away, leave me alone, don't touch me, get lost!" i don't know where she picked these actions/phrases up, but it hurts so badly to hear her saying them.



and i mean..SCREAMING. top of her lungs, glass shattering, i need my way and i need it now scream.



and the problem is, she doesn't want my attention, i try and give her attention, and hugs and she hits and says leave me alone.



if she's getting this frustrated at 2.5 and i can't help her, i'm scared for what's to come. i just want to be a better parent for her!

user banned 2 kids; Minnesota 7318 posts
15th Aug '12
Quoting Evelyn Lilianas Mama:" when i pick her up to carry her, she kicks, screams, bites, and says "get away, leave me alone, don't ... [snip!] ... getting this frustrated at 2.5 and i can't help her, i'm scared for what's to come. i just want to be a better parent for her! "


Don't take the things she says when she's angry personally. We all say things we don't mean when we're angry. And just keep carrying her if she doesn't hold your hand. It's a pretty natural consequence, if she wont help you keep her safe, you will keep her safe all by yourself.



What does she want when she's screaming? Do you even know or does it just seem random?

Evelyn & Owens Mama Due April 7 (boy); 129 kids; Bettendorf, Iowa 4132 posts
15th Aug '12
Quoting Chim Richalds:" Don't take the things she says when she's angry personally. We all say things we don't mean when we're ... [snip!] ... you will keep her safe all by yourself. What does she want when she's screaming? Do you even know or does it just seem random?"


i don't know to be honest. it does seem very random. i keep a close eye on her and nothing in the environment changes, nothing in the sound volume, everythings the exact same as when she wasn't screaming, except she's screaming. and it takes a LOT of redirection to get her to stop.

user banned 2 kids; Minnesota 7318 posts
15th Aug '12
Quoting Evelyn Lilianas Mama:" i don't know to be honest. it does seem very random. i keep a close eye on her and nothing in the environment ... [snip!] ... the exact same as when she wasn't screaming, except she's screaming. and it takes a LOT of redirection to get her to stop. "


Have you asked her when she's calm why she screams? I wouldn't redirect or distract from screaming, I'd just let her feel whatever it is and sit with her. Sometimes when A does that, I say do you just need to be mad (or sad) right now? And she'll nod and I just say I get it, and sit next to her, ir put her in my lap if she'll let me, usually she does t though.

blair-[logan&liams mommy] 2 kids; Ohio 944 posts
27th Aug '12

I really need some help. My older son is going to be 3 in November and he's started biting, really hard. He bit his little brother and he's got a round bruise on his arm, and today he bit me and left a huge bump. I put him in timeput put him in time out (which I usually don't do, but I didn't know how else to react). He's not biting at daycare, just at home. What can I do to ge him to stop so he doesn't start it at daycare?

user banned 2 kids; Minnesota 7318 posts
27th Aug '12
Quoting blair-[logan&liams mommy]:" I really need some help. My older son is going to be 3 in November and he's started biting, really hard. ... [snip!] ... else to react). He's not biting at daycare, just at home. What can I do to ge him to stop so he doesn't start it at daycare?"


Is he biting for fun, out of anger, for a reaction? Or all three?

blair-[logan&liams mommy] 2 kids; Ohio 944 posts
28th Aug '12

I don't know, it seemed really random. I think he was trying to lay, because when he bit his brother they were playing, and when he bit me I was playing with him.

user banned 2 kids; Minnesota 7318 posts
28th Aug '12
Quoting blair-[logan&liams mommy]:" I don't know, it seemed really random. I think he was trying to lay, because when he bit his brother they were playing, and when he bit me I was playing with him."


Have you asked him?