Reply
. Way, MA, United States 73772 posts
status 15th Jun '13
Quoting Mama Lizzy :]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting
KristaAnne 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ, VT, United States 19460 posts
status 17th Jun '13

Hi ladies-
My name is Krista. I have 2 boys ages 5 and 3.5. To be honest I am at my wits end with my youngest thinking he can hit people, pinch and bite and that he is the boss of everything. I have no idea where to turn.

. Way, MA, United States 73772 posts
status 18th Jun '13
Quoting KristaAnne:" Hi ladies- My name is Krista. I have 2 boys ages 5 and 3.5. To be honest I am at my wits end with my ... [snip!] ... my youngest thinking he can hit people, pinch and bite and that he is the boss of everything. I have no idea where to turn. "

Hi! If you don't mind I'm going to post a few links where I've responded in other threads on BG. I think they might help you. :)



http://forum.baby-gaga.com/about2510419-1.html
http://forum.baby-gaga.com/about2511864.html
http://forum.baby-gaga.com/about2511540.html
http://forum.baby-gaga.com/about2506822.html




Everytime he is rough with someone I would get on his level, look him in the eyes and say "I will not let you hit/bite/pinch. That hurts, we do not hurt eachother". Help him learn to empathize with people, show him the "owie" and explain to him that he just hurt that person. "You hit your brother (or whoever it is. That hurt him. Do you see it? It hurts. Do you like to be hurt? How do you feel when you get hurt? Is that how you want to make your brother feel?We need to be gentle with eachother. We don't hurt people, especially people we love" etc.



I think the hurting and the bossiness shows that he feels out of control and he's trying to gain some over other people. Do you guys have power struggles in other areas? If so I would try to give over some of the control to him. It might help him feel like things aren't happening to him. Allow him choices and allow him to try things on his own if possible, it will help him feel more confident. :)

Castri Oklahoma City, Oklahoma 11 posts
18th Jun '13

My family and I've been always against violence no matter who does it. I have tried always to make my child disciplined by my love and affection.

KristaAnne 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ, VT, United States 19460 posts
status 18th Jun '13
Quoting
. Way, MA, United States 73772 posts
status 18th Jun '13
Quoting KristaAnne:" Thank you. I think what you said makes sense. Especially the part about him feeling out of control. ... [snip!] ... control. It actually made me cry because I know that it's probably true. I have stopped letting him make choices. it's hard. "

Oh no, I'm sorry! :( lol. It can be really hard to give our control over. The same is true for kids though, I think that's why they tend to be defiant in situations like that. My LO loves to do everything by herself. Picking out her clothes, pouring her own drinks, spreading the peanut butter on her bagels :lol: I am naturally such a control freak so it takes a lot of effort for me to stand back and let her do her thing.

user banned 2 kids; Minnesota 7318 posts
18th Jun '13
Quoting
. Way, MA, United States 73772 posts
status 18th Jun '13
Quoting Chim Richalds:" DD loves to "spread" her own peanut butter too, but it just ends up with her eating massive quantities of peanut butter and no toast at all haha."

:lol: Haha, that's exactly how my LO's bagel was this morning. Like a giant mound of pb on one side.

user banned 2 kids; Minnesota 7318 posts
18th Jun '13
Quoting
. Way, MA, United States 73772 posts
status 18th Jun '13
Quoting Chim Richalds:" Sometimes she'll just be like...mom I just want a spoonful of peanut butter. I think, I could fight ... [snip!] ... it on something, but she'd just lick it all off and I'd end up throwing away a perfectly good piece of bread so I just let her."

We totally do the same thing lol. At least they're getting some protein I guess haha. :D

user banned 2 kids; Minnesota 7318 posts
18th Jun '13
Quoting
. Way, MA, United States 73772 posts
status 18th Jun '13
Quoting Chim Richalds:" Lol I tell myself all sorts of things. More healthy than lucky charms and some kids get that for breakfast ... [snip!] ... breakfast every day! Less sugar than a cup of koolaid, that's a staple in some houses! I am pretty good at justifying stuff."

Exactly. When you put it that way I see nothing wrong with a spoonful of peanut butter lol.

ItsEasyIfYouTry 1 child; Florida 830 posts
21st Jun '13

My toddler and I had such a rough day today. And I totally know it's my fault for letting him get HALT (hungry/angry/lonely/tired) The day ended with my iPhone in a sink full of submerged water. Oy...just wanted to vent and say here's hoping I do better tomorrow with patience and kindness.

May♥ 1 child; Texas 9167 posts
22nd Jun '13

I'm a mother of 15 month old and I am against spanking.
but is it normal to be tempted to spank? I have no Patience, none. I catch myself yelling often and try to justify it by saying ateast I.don't spank.



I want to be different. I want to have patience. I don't want to yell. I need help

. Way, MA, United States 73772 posts
status 22nd Jun '13
Quoting May ♥:" I'm a mother of 15 month old and I am against spanking. but is it normal to be tempted to spank? I have ... [snip!] ... justify it by saying ateast I.don't spank. I want to be different. I want to have patience. I don't want to yell. I need help"

I think it is. Parenting is frustrating. The main thing I would do is walk away first. If your LO is doing something that really triggers you then I would walk away, go into your room alone for a minute or two to breathe and then come out and deal with it. It's really hard to stop yelling, there's definitely no magic fix. It takes a conscious effort and even then you're going to slip up every now and then. So don't beat yourself up. :) Try to keep realistic age expectations. Realize your LO is going to get into things, spill things, make messes, get angry etc. Try to assume the best intentions, s/he's not trying to make a mess s/he's just exploring and found something interesting. S/he's not trying to be defiant s/he just can't control his/her emotions yet (I didn't see if you said you had a boy or a girl lol). Try to see the behaviors as normal to the age and not something that is being done on purpose. That might help to lower your frustration.



And your LO is only 15 months but I think it is helpful to go to your LO and tell him/her that you're sorry for yelling and that you know it's not okay to yell, you're working on expressing your frustrations in a more appropriate way etc.




It's hard to quit yelling if you're a yeller because that's just what you're used to. It's like a loop you're stuck in, it becomes a natural reaction to being stressed. So you just have to find something to break that cycle. So I would definitely start with walking away first, give yourself some time. Maybe even try to whisper at first when you feel really angry. And make sure you're giving yourself some time for "you". You need a break every now and then, it helps you gain perspective too. :)