~*~Mother to an Angel~*~ 48 Posts | Joined BG: Jul 25, 2011 Last Visit: 4 years ago
Age 21
Gender Female
Status Single
Location Pennsylvania
Kids 16
My name is Rachel, I am 16 and was expecting a baby, but God had better plans and took my baby up to be with him. I found out 8-18-11, that my baby had no heartbeat. I called up the doctor's the night before cause I had light spotting 2 days in a row, they told me to call in the next morning (8-18-11) they got me an appointment for 2pm. I was originally scheduled for an appointment on the 23rd or august, but because my bleeding it caused them to move it to the 18th. The nurse came in and i told her I was spotting, but I don't have any cramping, she said "It could be nothing." she said in a rather harsh 'you don't know anything' tone and gave me a stare like I was stupid. The ultrasound nurse/midwife came in, and looked in me with a speculum and said I am bleeding, she stuck the rod ultrasound in, and she said "I can't pick up a heartbeat." She took the rod out and on the plastic cover for the rod, was brown blood. She told me she is going to send me to the hospital to get lab work for my blood type, and an ultrasound done. After I got my lab work I headed straight for ultrasound, they said the same thing. "I'm sorry, but there is no heartbeat..." I was devastated, I go from a moment of happiness of being pregnant, to a moment of shock and sadness. She asked me if I would like a picture to keep of the baby, I told her yes. She printed me out a picture, I took one look at the picture, and the ultrasound screen, and I just broke down and cried. I couldn't believe I lost it. Its like my world came crushing down. I have been bleeding for 4 days, tonight (8-19-11) it has just gotten heavier, it is red blood now and clots like a period would be. The doctors told me that if I don't pass the baby in a few days, I have to get it surgically removed by D&C. I haven't had no cramps yet, but for some reason I still think my baby is alive, maybe in my mind I just don't want to tell myself that it is gone. They told me at the hospital ultrasound, my baby is only measuring 7 weeks when it should be measuring 10 weeks, but the thing is, if they take off those extra 2 weeks, I would be 8 weeks next week. I think they are wrong, and that my baby is still alive and they just couldn't pick up the heartbeat at the time. After the hospital, I went back to the doctor's office, and the same midwife came in, she asked me if the hospital told me anything. I told her yes, they told me the baby has no heartbeat. She nodded her head and sadly said "Yes, unfortunately your baby has died. If you don't pass the baby in a few days, you will need to have it surgically removed." but right when she said the word "died" I immediately started crying, I couldn't believe it at all. They called it a Spontaneous Abortion, they said it was nothing I did, it was a chromosomal (sp?) defect in the baby. They said something went wrong when the baby was developing that caused it to abort itself. I couldn't handle all this, when I got home, I went straight to the bedroom and went to sleep. I woke up at 10pm and just started crying again, I was praying to God asking for a miracle that this baby is still alive and well and that everything will be fine, but I don't think that will happen... I asked since the baby stopped growing at 7 weeks, does it mean the baby died 3 weeks ago? They said possibly, but the thing is, when I had my first ultrasound (8-1-11), my baby was 7 weeks and 4 days according to my last date of my period, I had that ultrasound and it showed a strong and healthy heartbeat. Maybe their rod ultrasound caused my baby to die? I know that when my time comes, I will see my baby in heaven, it will be standing there at the gates of heaven with it's hand in God's hand, flashing his beautiful baby smile, and telling me "Welcome home mommy!" and come running to me with open arms, and I will hold my baby for the first time. I will miss my beautiful baby, even though it didn't get to be born into this world, I know it was a beautiful baby, I would have loved to go full term and hold that baby in my arms for the first time and hug it close and tell it I love it so much, and give it loads of kisses, but now that my baby is to be passing out of me soon, I won't be able to see its first moments. I won't be able to see it's first smile, hear its first coo, hold its gentle hand, hear it sleep against my chest, hear its first laugh, see its first steps, or see it go to school for the first time. This was my first baby, but now it's my first angel baby, and will always be my first <3, one day I will have another baby, and when it gets older, I will tell it of its beautiful older sibling in heaven watching our family, smiling down on us, and protecting us. I know that its hard to loose a baby, and know it's in heaven now with God, but every time I think of my baby, I just get choked up and want to cry. I will be missing so much, but I know God is taking care of my baby, and its needs, way better than I could have here on earth. My little angel baby is so special, and I can't wait to meet it one day. I only wish I knew if it was a boy or a girl, and what it looked like, but God knows exactly what it was.

~*<3*~R.I.P.~*<3*~ Victoria Noelle or Sebastian Xavier, Found out about death: ~*8-18-11*~. Passed from mommy: ~*8-23-11*~ You will be forever remembered as my beautiful angel baby. I only wish I could have held you in my arms on March 24th, 2012. You will be greatly missed, but I know you are safe with God up in heaven, and I will see you one day soon. I know you are watching over me, and I know you love me, and I love you too my sweet little angel. You will get to meet me in heaven one day soon and I will hold you in my arms, and let you know how much I've missed you. Till we meet little one, I love you, and will always love you forever. You are Mommy's little angel <3