Sometimes it’s hard to admit things as a new mom. We sort of hide our emotions on anything not associated with the baby. Also, we’re usually so consumed with pregnancy worries, our relationship worries are internalized. Mothers-to-be have fears that plague them about the foundation of their family. You can be honest with yourself and your partner about the feelings you have. Every one of us has experienced relationship fears while pregnant.
During pregnancy, a woman is vulnerable emotionally in a relationship. Her body is changing as it does with the miracle of growing a baby inside her womb. Her hormones are going crazy with all the extra boost of everything and she’s scared about a few things. Here are 10 relationship fears and truth during pregnancy.
10 Overwhelming Feeling of Being Undesirable
If you’re already suffering from body image issues, this is probably going to be a biggie. First off, you are beautiful. You are awesome and look down at your belly! You grow people! So explain that to yourself when you are standing in the mirror after realizing you gained 20 lbs with the pregnancy and still have months to go, it isn’t a big deal. In your mind you don’t think your man wants you because your body is growing.
The change in your body with all the up and downs makes you feel undesirable. You’re watching your body literally stretch to accommodate a living being. And you might think your significant other might think it’s strange. Besides the point, he better not think that! Most men find the thought of their child growing safely in the womb of their woman to be the sexiest thing imaginable.
If you’re having a bad day, maybe complaining about puking 10 times in a row to him isn’t smart. Just tell him you need an extra, “You’re beautiful,” comment and some ice cream.
9 Not too Sure About the Whole Sex During Pregnancy
Let’s talk sex! That’s how we got here after all. Nine months of having all the “extra” going on, the normal stuff in the territory of being pregnant, including a heightened libido for some. It could be a good or a bad thing depending on how things are progressing. Really, it’s only bad if it’s hard to come by for medical reasons or your belly gets in the way.
As the months advance, the sexual position you use will need to be more creative to accommodate your new body shape.
Honestly, sex may eventually stop altogether, and then you might become worried that you’re not having enough. At 30 weeks you aren’t interested, or at 35 weeks he is increasingly worried about hurting the baby. Fears about your physique and the baby may lessen and that’s normal. Every relationship has its period when you can’t get enough of each other and when just sleeping next to each other is good enough.
8 Is He Going to Cheat on Me?
Hard truth time. Everyone at one time or another has wondered this without a baby involved. Now, think about all the changes going on. You are going to have mood swings a couple times a day, maybe arguments over tiny things that didn’t used to bother you. It’s like when the mental mommy button switch gets turned on, we become slightly neurotic about things. This perhaps could cause tension and then you worry.
You ask yourself if you’re pushing him away. This is normal under any circumstance, as women we have this talk even without a baby. Having a pending birth makes women worry about single parenthood.
Here’s an important thought to remember, breathe. Before you accuse your significant other of doing anything, or have a yelling match, take a moment and calm yourself. Then proceed to talk about what’s going on and how you are feeling.
7 What Will We Be Like as Parents?
This is every new parents big fear in a relationship. You fear failing your child. You think you’ve safety proofed the house enough, you plan learning stages and create fun things to do with your new arrival. Meals are set up for the best nutritional value and you make it your number one concern to keep your baby safe. Then stuff happens. They fall off beds and eat random things off the floor--after you’ve swept. They get hurt because you blinked.
You probably researched neighborhoods for the best schools and after-school programs because you only want to be a great mother. You question your baby’s father because you want him to be a great dad. No matter what, if your child is happy, healthy, loved, and safe, you’re going to be great parents together. Things will happen and you will screw up. Learn from it and change for the future.
6 Will Our Level Of Intimacy Change?
There’s a difference between being intimate and having intimacy. We’re not talking about sexual relationship intimacy, this is about the moments before your pregnancy when as a couple you would snuggle in bed and watch a movie. The moments when you grab a bite to eat and you watch each other from across the room, when your eyes connect and everyone in the room ceases to exist for a few seconds.
That’s true intimacy that will feed the soul of the relationship. It’s what you fear losing as a couple when your baby is placed in the middle of your relationship, because these precious moments will be centered on the little bundle of joy.
Find moments when you can put small moments of love into each other’s day. It goes a long way to strengthen your relationship for the future years to come.
5 Will We Have More Disagreements?
Every relationship has its fair share of disagreements. It’s apart of being with any one person for most of your life. You can’t expect to be completely agreeable about everything. Since in most cases opposites attract, it’s almost guaranteed that views on important things will differ. When You’re pregnant it might be minor issues, but nonetheless, you’re probably just fussing a little bit more than usual.
Don’t worry, once you have had all the major talks about raising your child, those small spats can be put in two categories; Pet Peeves and Important. If it’s something that is just annoying one another, either change it or just forget about it. If it’s major issues, make sure you take the time to discuss it when everyone is calm. Never let something linger for too long, it will weaken the relationship in different areas.
4 Feeling Like Second Place
It’s a hard pill to swallow. In the beginning of your relationship you would get cute texts asking how your day was going. You were number one with everything, and now that the baby is here, baby is number one. Sometimes the shift in priorities goes unnoticed, because it seems so natural. You call to check on him, or he calls to check on you, but the conversation will always be center on your baby. As it should be.
There’s nothing wrong with every thought and word to be baby related, as parents your first priorities are to care and love for your child, as parents you will be strong knowing that your baby is safe and sound. But that doesn’t mean that once in awhile you or your significant other won’t feel like leftovers at the end of the day. That’s why little displays of affection between you are so important.
3 Going Out for Date Nights
He will complain, you will complain. Each of you will be unhappy for the weeks or months that the two of you just stayed at home as you adjusted to becoming new parents. There might even have been the chance when you’ve had the opportunity to go out for a day or a weekend, but you cancel because one of you isn’t ready to leave your newborn.
Don’t overthink the lack of date nights as failures in your relationship. Instead think of them as future chances to go above and beyond.
File away any new places you would like to try and plan it all out in advance. If you’re nervous about a sitter, have them babysit while you’re home and doing house stuff. the only catch is to pretend to not be there, the point is to observe how they handle your baby. Once everything thing is planned with backup plans, go out for an hour, then increase the time with each date night that follows.
2 Will the Foundation of Our Relationship Change
Starting out, a relationship should be built on friendship and mutual respect. Hopefully, as a couple you have developed a strong foundation before your pregnancy. Sometimes it isn’t the case, but during the 9 months you’re waiting for your baby, this is the time to learn about each other on a different level.
During your pregnancy the level of knowledge about each other will be uncomfortable at times. Those moments when you have to explain what’s going on with your body at the OB/GYN and he’s there listening. It shouldn’t be a surprise or uncomfortable between you two at any point. He should be able to answer questions without thought, because there’s a foundation in place of strength and friendship.
Once the baby is here, the foundation of your relationship will change to be centered around the baby. Everything as a couple you do will be for the welfare and protection of your child. So much so, that you will sometimes forget about the relationship. Friendship is the guiding light in those moments. You can fall in and out of love over a lifetime with someone. True friendship never fades and is always there in bad times.
1 Learning to Include the In-Laws
There's a fine line with your significant other’s family that each of you have to walk. The best advice to offer is to always remember he loves his parents like you love yours. The respect and consideration you offer should always be shared between both sides of the family. There will be moments when you screw up. Recognize them and adjust yourself when necessary to keep things peaceful between you.
Admitting your mistakes allows for room to grow and happy days in the future as a couple, and that’s what’s most important, to get over the tough times and enjoy the satisfaction that comes with being new parents. You go through trials and tribulations within a relationship that can be break a strong bond when you are starting a family.
Open communication is always a saving grace in any situation. Never hold anything in and always make it a point to tell each other you love one another. Nothing else is stronger than reminding the person you’re with that you still love them.