Chances are, if you’ve already been pregnant a time or two, you may or may not have done a few things during those 40 weeks you aren’t too proud of. Look, we get it. Pregnancy is a crazy, hormonal, emotional rollercoaster of an experience unlike any other. Your body is basically invaded by a tiny little alien who consumes your every thought and controls your every move for roughly 36 weeks. It’s not your fault.
In fact, to say that pregnant women behave ridiculously isn’t all that fair because, it‘s not really their fault. But regardless of who or what is to blame, the fact remains that SOME (not all, not you of course!) pregnant women do some pretty crazy things.
Looking back on my own three pregnancies, I can honestly say I’m guilty of pretty much all of these acts… But had anybody dared to call me out on my ridiculousness at the time, I would have sat on them. (So if you are pregnant and offended by this list, please know I’m definitely not talking about you! )
Here are 10 ridiculous things pregnant women do.
10 Rush the Bump Along
You see this the most from first time expectant moms and I get it. I did it too. You are so excited about being pregnant that you simply cannot wait to have a cute little baby bump to show off.
So, you don’t wait. 5 weeks pregnant and you’re already walking around with your hand propped precariously on top of your belly. You insist that your belly has already “popped” and that it has nothing to do with the gas from all the extra Taco Bell meals you’ve consumed since finding out you’re pregnant. After all, you’re eating for two now.
So you start letting people feel your belly and wearing maternity clothes and flaunting your “bump” well before there should actually be a bump. You are proud that your belly is twice the size of your friend’s who is even further along than you, because you are just so excited to look pregnant.
But here’s where it gets ridiculous. You spend the first 6 months walking around proudly puffing your belly out, and the last 3 months crying about how huge you are.
9 Become Offended by Everything
So this is nuts. We so desperately want to be showing so that everyone knows we’re pregnant and sees our cute bumps. But once we are finally obviously pregnant and people start paying attention and commenting on our pregnancies, we are pissed.
Nothing that anyone says is safe. Everything can, and will, be taken the wrong way.
“How did he know I’m pregnant? What if I was just fat?!”
“What’s it to her what number kid this is for me?”
“No, you can’t touch my belly, you creep.”
“How dare she say my belly is big.”
“How dare she say my belly is small.”
“Why did he ask if I’ve been sick. It’s none of his business.”
8 Cry Over Spilled Milk
Or empty cookies. Or the wrong flavor of Cheetos…
It’s pretty safe to say that a pregnant woman can and will cry over just about any given thing at any given time.
There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for the emotional mess that is a woman with child. Hormones.
Our bodies are all kinds of crazy with hormones when we’re pregnant and we can use those hormones to explain almost any strange and unsightly thing that may happen during and even after pregnancy. And when it comes to how we behave, hormones are the obvious explanation.
We cannot, and should not, be held accountable for our actions when our bodies are being invaded by tiny humans. If the baby wants chocolate chip cookies dipped in ranch dressing and your husband brings home Oreos, just cry it out momma. That is not OK.
7 Give Up Everything Physical
Believe it or not, most pregnant women aren’t actually handicapped. I remember during my first pregnancy, I thought it was sweet when people would insist I sit down and offer me their chairs. But really, at a few weeks in, it wasn’t all that necessary.
For some pregnant women, working and staying on their feet is the only choice they have. And really, while that might suck, it’s not all that bad. Staying active and moving is probably better for you in the long run. Think less weight gain, better shape for labor, all that jazz.
But then there are those who give up all things physical the very instant they fall pregnant. They can’t carry anything. They can’t walk up stairs, they can’t sit in the hot sun, or basically do anything that requires an ounce of energy. C’mon guys, we all know someone like this. Perhaps we were like this?
But the truth is, in a normal and healthy pregnancy, there really isn’t all that much a pregnant woman can’t do. And it’s obvious all the reasons that staying active and in shape would benefit you.
I can say from experience, my active and healthy pregnancy trumped my fat and lazy pregnancy. It was a much easier and faster labor and an easier recovery. So don’t be scared, a little physical activity is a good thing.
6 Show Everyone the Ultrasound Pictures
I know how exciting ultrasounds are. I have stacks of ultrasound pictures from my three pregnancies and have obsessed over them enough to still be able to tell which baby is which without looking at the dates.
And believe it or not, today I called my mom and she told me she had just been looking at my third baby’s ultrasound picture and couldn’t believe how much he still looks the same.
But listen… aside from you and your mom… not many others are going to care all that much about your ultrasound picture. I’m not trying to be rude… I’m just being honest.
I can say this is ridiculous because I did it too. I carried an ultrasound picture of my first baby’s sac… the SAC around as I announced to literally everyone I saw that I was pregnant.
That’s freaking ridiculous.
It’s hard enough to see an actual baby in an ultrasound but I was showing people a picture of basically nothing. People probably thought I was faking!
Most people can’t make out ultrasound pictures, and let’s just be honest, unless you’re pregnant with a bunny, most look the same. So really, while people may pretend to fuss over your stack of ultrasound pictures, they probably don’t really know what you’re showing them.
5 Stake a Claim on Multiple Baby Names
Baby names are serious business. There’s no better way to make a pregnant woman absolutely batcrap crazy than to mess with her baby names.
And I get it. Baby names are important. I obsessed over them myself.
But here’s the thing ladies… we can’t hoard all the baby names. My best advice is to keep the names you like to yourself until baby comes and you decide which one you’ll use.
I do not suggest sharing every possible name of both genders that appeal to you and then forbidding everyone you know from ever using said names in case you use them. That’s just crazy. Don’t be crazy.
4 Buying Into the Gender Myths
OK confession… I sort of believe them. I am pretty sure I am the best ever at guessing which gender a pregnant woman is carrying simply by looking at how she’s carrying.
Then you have the Chinese birth calendars to predict gender, the online quizzes about cravings and leg hair, and the presence or lack of morning sickness used to predict gender.
These are simply old wives tales and they are meant to be a fun way to pass the time. Ok I don’t know if that’s what they are meant for, but that’s what they should be meant for.
Basing your conception on the Chinese calendar or obsessing over these myths and taking them seriously is not advised.
According to the Chinese calendar, my first son should be my daughter.
3 Shopping for Clothes Before You Know the Gender
I will never understand why people would do this?
I get that sometimes you might prefer one sex over the other. Maybe you already have two boys and you’re really hoping for a girl this time around…
But you do know that hoping really hard for one or the other doesn’t guarantee that you’ll get your way right?
I can’t believe people would buy pink fluffy dresses and headbands when they have no idea if they’re having a boy or a girl.
That’s ridiculous. Why would you want to have to get rid of all of that when you find out you’re having a boy.
Unless you’re not finding out the sex at all. Then it is acceptable to buy one dress, one boy outfit, and lots of gender neutral.
2 Hope to Have the Baby Early
I’m guilty of this.
I think many women are guilty of this.
The last 6-10 weeks of pregnancy are MISERABLE.
But wishing and hoping to have your baby early is ridiculous. No matter how horrible you feel, how much pain you’re in, how sleepless your nights are, there is no acceptable reason to want to have your baby early.
Yes, I woke up angry every day that I was still pregnant those last couple of weeks with every one of my babies… but in the end I am so incredibly grateful that I carried them all to their due dates.
The words “He’ll come when he’s ready” were fighting words to me. But… they were true. They came when they were ready and I’m glad I was able to stay miserable long enough for them to be fully cooked.
1 Thinking They’ll Be Pregnant Forever
It’s never happened in the history of forever that a woman simply never had her baby.
At the end of pregnancy, the days seem to drag on forever. Every week feels like a month. You feel like the day will never come when you finally get to meet and hold your beautiful baby for the first time.
And if God forbid, you actually go past your due date (Bless your heart) you may start to think you’re simply never going to have that baby.
But, you will. I promise.
And the day that baby is born, time will start to fly by faster than you ever thought possible. So brace yourself, Momma.