The fact of the matter is that people are more sensitive nowadays about what is being said to them, and many times they have a good reason to feel that way. That is because some things are clearly not appropriate to say to people, especially when it comes to their family planning decisions and situations.
For instance, most people that are parents realize that it is not right to ask a couple who has been married for over five years when they are planning to have kids. That is because it is not of anyone's concern other than their own. They may purposely choose to wait to have kids so they can travel and get to know one another better during that time. Or, some may be struggling with infertility. That is a huge reason why that is a very insensitive question to ask any couple that has been married for a long time that doesn't have kids in the picture.
Additionally, the same thing applies when you see a woman that is over 30 years of age that is pregnant or has small children. There are some things that you must not say to her because they are clearly wrong however, there are also some things that are perfectly okay to say to her that has to do with her pregnancy. It is time to go over those now.
Let's start with the 10 things no pregnant woman over 30 wants to hear...
20 Never Refer To Them As AMA
Many young moms are quick to point out that moms who have started their motherhood journeys over the age of 30 are of advanced maternal age. Even though this is technically true from a medical standpoint, especially after they are older than 35 and pregnant. However, the one thing according to Parents Magazine that new moms or pregnant moms over 30 do not want to hear from their younger counterparts that they are AMA or of advanced maternal age.
The only time they will accept hearing the term from a younger individual is if that individual happens to be their midwife or OBGYN.
19 Don’t Ask If They Are Doing Treatments
Many younger individuals, especially younger moms that are under the age of 30 assume that pregnant women that are older than them went through fertility treatments. And they actually ask these pregnant moms that question!
According to Parents Magazine, that question actually gets asked a lot by younger moms because they assume if you are over 30 and pregnant that you went through fertility treatments and IVF.
Perhaps some of these moms did, but that is not the point. A question like that should never be asked because it is not of anyone's business unless the mom chooses to discuss it.
18 Don’t Ask Them If They Realize That They Will Be Old When Their Child Goes To College
The one thing that older moms really don't like being reminded of is how they will be much older when their kids go to college. They are aware of this, and according to Parents Magazine, one mom who had her kids over 30 said that she was constantly reminded that she would be a lot older when her kids go to college and get married.
She said she was no mathematician but stated that she was well aware of the fact that when her kids are legally allowed to enjoy adult beverages, she will be pushing 60. She is also well aware that when her first turns 30 she will be closer to 70, and made it clear that she really doesn't want to be reminded of these things at all by anyone else because she is well aware of this reality.
17 Don’t Tell Them That It's Best To Have Kids While Young
The one thing that is also not an appropriate thing to say to moms that have their kids over the age of 30 is by telling them that you were glad to have had your kids young, unlike her. Imagine a 30-something-year old mom pregnant with her first child hears someone tell her that.
According to Parents Magazine, these types of comments are common and are quite insensitive. It is possible that the mom wanted to be a young mom but infertility prevented that from happening. Or, even if she purposely settled down late and started having kids over 30, a comment like that may make her feel guilty for enjoying her life in her 20's by traveling, finishing her education, or focusing on her work.
16 Don’t Tell Them That Being Done With Having Kids Was The Best Decision
If you had your kids young and had your tubes tied by the time you were 30, then that was your decision. There is no need to tell pregnant moms over 30 that you are glad to have been done with having kids.
According to Parents Magazine, older moms receive a lot of those comments and just like telling them that you were glad that you had your kids young, telling them that you are glad to be done is not helpful. It is insensitive and there is no purpose in saying it. Especially if the mom wanted to also be done with having kids in her 20's but it didn't exactly work out that way.
15 Don’t Remind Them That They Will Have A Great Chance Of Developing Complications
Another insensitive comment to throw at a pregnant mom over 30 is reminding her that she could have pregnancy complications because of her age. According to Parents Magazine, this happens often. And, these moms do not need to be reminded of the fact that they are at a slightly higher risk of developing pregnancy complications like gestational diabetes or preeclampsia because of their ages.
That is because they are well aware of this fact already as their OBGYNs have already warned them about it and they are also likely doing what they can to minimize the risks by living as much of a healthy lifestyle as possible. You or anyone else does not need to remind them and to scare them about it. Only their OBGYN can do that if there is a good reason for it.
14 Don’t Ask Them If They Have Enough Energy
Both young and older moms are constantly asked if they have the energy to handle a pregnancy or to be raising small kids. That is really not an appropriate question to ask any pregnant mom regardless of their age. All moms going through pregnancy are going to have reduced energy and raising small kids also reduces their energy despite their age.
However, according to Parents Magazine, one older mom said that her response to that question was that she was well aware of the fact that her energy reserves would be constantly drained. However, she also said that she had no regrets for having her kids older because she was mature and wise enough to know that the colic, teething, and other phases would come to an end and she would be more patient as a result of knowing this.
13 Don’t Ask If Their Pregnancy Was Planned
Asking an older mom if her pregnancy was planned is quite wrong and unfortunately, many of their very young counterparts are asked that same question for different reasons. Asking a very young mom if her pregnancy was planned because it is assumed that she got pregnant by not being careful. An older mom being asked that question is asked that due to the assumption of her going through fertility treatments to get pregnant.
According to BabyCenter, this is one question that people must not ask and find a way to tame their curiosity. That is because whether the pregnancy was planned or not is not of anyone's business at all.
12 Don’t Tell Them That They Are More Likely To Have A Child With A Condition
It is a known fact that if a mom gets pregnant over 30, especially over 35, then there is a higher chance that her baby will have a chromosomal abnormality. And, the mom is aware of that as well, and there is no need to remind her. Additionally, the odds are still not in her favor that it is likely to happen as these same issues can happen to babies of younger moms as well.
However, according to Parents Magazine, there are also benefits of having kids a little later because studies have indicated that was mentioned in the same source that kids may be smarter than are born to older moms. The same source also states that it has been found that older moms have a reduced chance of developing ovarian cancer as well. There are risks as well as benefits for anything really.
11 Don’t Tell Them That It Will Be Harder For Them To Shrink After Delivery
Losing that baby expansion is not easy regardless of your age. However, older moms will have a more challenging time with it simply because as you age, your metabolism does slow down. And, according to Parents Magazine, older moms have been reminded of this fact as well, which they really don't need.
However, at the same time, one had stated that she was well aware of this fact and this is exactly why she has been very diligent about eating healthy and exercising and has been successful. Again, the only individual that has any business telling these older moms this fact are their OBGYNs or midwives and will give them tips on how to best get back to their old self, despite their age.
And here are 10 things that are okay to say to a pregnant woman over 30...
10 Do Say That They Make Pregnancy Look Effortless
As it was mentioned, one of the things not to say to an older pregnant mom is how she will ever find the energy to manage her pregnancy and to run around small kids. According to BabyCenter, there is one thing that you can say to an older pregnant mom that will flatter her.
And, that is how she appears to be making pregnancy effortless. Even if she doesn't agree with that comment, at least she knows it was a kind thing to say and she will likely thank you for that comment. And, she may even agree to disagree but for a good reason.
9 Tell Them That Their Style Is Great
Many women over the age of 30 are not so concerned about being 'cool' because they have matured beyond that to realize that there are more important things in the world. However, regardless of anyone's age they still want to be stylish, and one of the best compliments that you can give an older pregnant mom is by telling her how stylish she appears, according to BabyCenter.
She will appreciate it more than ever especially since she is older. And even though most people in general over 30 are not concerned about being 'cool', they'll still love being told that they are stylish because I still want to appear to be a bit hip!
8 Tell Them That They Are Going To Rock Motherhood
Older pregnant moms may be worried about how they will handle motherhood considering that they are older and are worried deep down that they may not have the energy to keep up with their little ones. This is a way as it was already mentioned, one of the things not to ask an older pregnant mom is if she has the energy to cope with pregnancy and motherhood.
However, according to Everyday Family, the best thing you can say to these moms is that you can reassure them that they will not only be great but they are going to rock motherhood. That is one of the best things you can tell a worried new mom-to-be, especially if she is older (but this can be told to any pregnant mom regardless of her age too).
7 Tell Them About Any Upcoming Baby Conventions
There are helpful things you can also say to older pregnant moms (or any pregnant mom regardless of her age) other than compliments. According to BabyCenter, one of the kindest things you can tell any mom-to-be is if you know of a baby or pregnancy convention coming up locally, then tell her about it. She may be interested.
And, an older mom would be very appreciative of this because she sees that you are telling her about these upcoming events just like you would tell a younger pregnant mom. This way, she sees that no one is excluding her from participating in anything pregnancy and baby-related due to her age.
6 Tell Them That You Know Where They Can Get Free Baby Stuff
If you are talking to a pregnant mom that is over 30, you don't need to walk on eggshells as far as what to say to her. According to Everyday Family, if you are unsure of what to say due to the possibility of saying something insensitive that you never would have meant, then you can give her helpful suggestions.
One of those suggestions would be, just like any mom-to-be, they would absolutely love to know how to get free baby stuff to save money. If you have any leads, then she would be very appreciative to know where she could sign up to get those freebies!
5 You Have So Much To Look Forward To
Whenever you see an older pregnant mom, you may be afraid to say anything, considering that you have just read what not to say. However, BabyCenter had listed many compliments and appropriate comments to say to pregnant moms over 30 years of age.
This way you do not have to feel like you are walking on eggshells when you are around an older mom. One of the best things you can do is offer encouragement by telling them that they have so much to look forward to after they have their babies. This way they will be excited about what is in store for them because even though raising kids is chaotic, the rewards are amazing.
4 You Are Glowing
If you have the need to comment on an older pregnant mom's appearance, then one of the best things you can say to her is that she is glowing beautifully, according to BabyCenter.
Even if the mom is having a difficult pregnancy and does not feel like she is glowing. It's at least a nice compliment that she can thank you for even if she doesn't agree if that were to be the case. Because any mom that is not having an easy pregnancy can use all of the positive directed at them in the world and this certainly is helpful.
3 Your Baby Bump Is Gorgeous
It is tempting to tell any expecting mom that is heavily pregnant that they are getting so big. However, that is never taken as a compliment and older pregnant moms may even be more self-conscious about that.
According to BabyCenter, if you want to make a comment on the mom's bump but you are unsure of how to say it in a way that would not hurt her feelings, then there is an easy thing to do. And that is to comment on how gorgeous her bump really is. This way she can appreciate the compliment and there will not be any hurt or hard feelings!
2 Offer Them Some DIY Tips To Make Their Pregnancy Cheaper And Easier
Do you know of some great DIY tips, especially when it comes to pregnancy and baby products, then any pregnant mom would be more than appreciative to learn some tips. Especially if these tips can help her save money. According to Everyday Family, if you are unsure of what to say to a mom that is over 30 and pregnant, then offer her some DIY tips if you know of some excellent pregnancy hacks.
For instance, if you tell her how to make her own maternity clothing or pregnancy pillow instead of spending money on either, then she will be grateful to learn about these awesome tips.
1 Remind Them That You Are There If They Want To Talk
Pregnancy can be a joyous and difficult time for any mom-to-be for a variety of reasons. And, according to Everyday Family, the fact of the matter is prenatal depression and anxiety are quite common and pregnant moms experiencing those are hesitant to talk about it because unfortunately there is a stigma around it.
However, older pregnant moms may be more willing to open up about their internal struggles and if you tell them that you are there to listen to them no matter what, they will feel very supportive. With that said, if you know of any mom-to-be regardless of her age, be sure to let her know that you are there to listen if she needs to talk about anything bothering her.