We've all heard the craziest, weirdest things that kids tend to say. There wasn’t a show honoring it in the '90s for nothing. But while they might be stating the most precociously adorable and shocking statements, we're no better. It's no secret that being a parent changes you. It makes you more aware of the world in general, the rights and wrongs, the different ways to look at things instead of just black and white.
Being a parent also makes you appreciate things like sleep and flat tummies that much more. Somewhere along the way, our priorities shift from spending nights out with friends to looking forward to Netflix binges with our significant others. And our concerns become laden with poop-themed questions. Parents, new and seasoned, can relate to those things which are special only to the club of parenthood.
And as a result, only other parents may understand the meaning or importance behind some of their exclamations or questions. Unlike Will Smith's hit song as a young rapper, parents do totally understand.
Some of what we say to our kids or significant others can come across as downright weird, sure, but as we progress on this adventure of parenthood, these things simply become phrases that are ingrained in our vocabularies. They're important for us to remember as parents and even though they don't make much sense on the outside, maybe that's a good thing. It makes this whole parenting gig that much more exclusive.
10 "Was there poop today?"
When you have a baby or young toddler, it is all about the poop. And if your little one hasn’t gifted you with a full stinky diaper on any given day, then there is an immediate cause for concern. But a new parent's tendency to jump to worrisome conclusions is a whole other story. As parents we tend to question our partners or caregivers about whether or not baby has pooped as our first question of the day.
But can we really blame our fellow parents for being so concerned? If there is no number two, then we can only assume that all of that milk and those many chicken nuggets are sitting in a heavy pile in their tiny tummies. It can't be comfortable, as we ourselves can attest to, and the best remedy for a very full stomach is to, ahem, make room.
9 "I got to sleep in until eight!"
The most common running joke about parenthood is the lack of sleep we go through, as new babies keep their own chosen hours of sleep and awake time. As in, we're lucky if we get a full four hours of sleep on any given night! Yeah, nothing to joke about. We didn't think so either. But even still, it's very true, and remains so until our babies are not quite babies anymore, but still well into their toddler years.
As a result, getting to "sleep in" until 8 a.m. is a treat. Some toddlers enjoy waking up a bit later, true, and to those parents we say "No fair!" But for most of us, kids love waking up even before the sun is totally risen, ready and energized for a bright new day. So as silly as it sounds to be excited about sleeping in until the still-early time if eight o'clock, go on and be excited about it.
8 "What color was his poop?"
Yes, we're back to the whole poop situation. And rightfully so. Because not only are we as parents concerned about the amount of actual dirty diapers our little ones have each day, but also the color. Brown is good, yellow is concerning, dark green is just plain weird. And, once again, if there is any color just a little bit off, we start to worry. Which is totally our prerogative, but somehow it always goes back to this whole poop thing.
Only parents can appreciate this obsession, if that's what we should call it, and it doesn't really go away until the toddler years have ended and our children are closer to school-aged. At least, we hope no one is clamoring for a look at their six-year-old's poop!
7 "Get out of my belly button!"
As babies turn to toddlers, they also turn a whole heck of a lot more curious. About their bodies, about our bodies, about the differences and similarities and about the curious parts that are just so funny to them. Belly buttons included. But who can blame them? The little dots on tummies that we're so quick to tickle on their tiny bodies.
Naturally, it makes them turn to your belly, and if you haven’t got an "outie", then you'll get a tiny finger or two poking you like doing so will make you sing their favorite nursery rhyme. And even when you exclaim for them to "get out of there", it'll only make your kid giggle harder.
6 "Get your finger out of your butt!"
Oh yes, their curiosity eventually makes its way to their most stinky body parts, laying territory for all of the gross farting and belching behavior of the future. Not only will their inevitably stick their little hands down the back of their pants, but they'll be quick to pull their hand out and go about their day without bothering to ask you for some help in washing it!
But as much as you request that they keep those hands where you can see 'em, it just won't do. Kids are curious and kids are insanely gross. So instead of stressing on the fact that your kid is kind of gross, laugh at their bad habits that could totally be worse.
5 "How did he go down today?"
If someone who wasn’t a parent heard you say this, they might relate it to a saying about "putting down" an animal. And that just won’t do, will it? But you can't help but laugh a little at the similarities in the phrases and just shrug it off. And you also can't help asking this at the end of the day to your spouse or sitter, to be sure your baby got their probably much needed nap.
This concern is up there with the poop inquiries, because well, who doesn’t want to know when they'll be dealing with a non-napping terror? It's always nice to be able to prepare for tantrums and whining. Even if that preparation is filled with just a little bit of dread.
4 "Did you clean the nipple?"
If a stranger walking down the street heard you ask your significant other this question, they'd no doubt do a bit of a double (or even triple) take and keep an eye on you to see where the conversation went. This, of course, refers to the nipples we rely on to keep bottles properly put together. And no one wants to risk their baby putting a milk-clogged nipple into their little mouth, getting a first swig of tart milk as they drink.
It's plenty easy to just skip the nipple cleaning, brush the inside of the bottle, and be done with it, so we don't blame you if you sometimes don't "clean the nipple" yourself, but we know that you know how important it is to keep those things nice and squeaky clean.
3 "Don't smell the kitty's butt!"
If you've got a small child as well as a pet or two, then you've undoubtedly witnessed the uneven love of an overzealous toddler and a jumpy cat. But, never one to give up so easily, your toddler totally keeps on their chase, eager to get their little hands on the furry feline or puppy. And in their desire for their pet friend, they seem to grow a certain curiosity that includes getting near the kitty's tail and everything underneath.
Not the cutest curiosity, we'll admit, but toddlers seem drawn to their pet's least appealing parts. So if you feel yourself groaning, "Don't smell the cat's butt…" don't feel too silly. You definitely aren’t the only one with a gross little kid. But really, a "gross" kid is sometimes the funniest. If you've got a toddler chasing after a cat, laughing as he tries to get to that tail, then guess what? You've perhaps got a future class clown. And who doesn't love a sense of humor, right?
2 "Put my underwear down, please."
Depending on your child's day, she will either be incredibly helpful as you work on household chores, or almost destructive as you try to vacuum or fold laundry. This includes carefully taking each perfectly folded item out of the basket and flinging it around the living room. This, followed by an excited giggle that you can't even begrudge them for.
Which may bring you to chase them around, trying to reclaim your undies or stray sock from their grasp. But for every day that you get them in this playful mood, you'll be privy to the helpful version of your toddler. The one who wants to actually help you put away these folded items. Go figure, right?
1 "I can't wait to sit on the couch all night and watch T.V."
As parents, we are enlightened in a way. We have gone past the point in our lives where we need to go out and be seen at the coolest bars, or for our Facebook pictures to feature us doing totally out of control and awesome thing with friends. Sure, it's plenty important to spend quality time with friends, but suddenly it isn't a priority to get wild and crazy. And now, we're totally okay with that.
After a long week of work or full-time parenting, or both, nothing says the weekend like an absolutely silent house, but for the living room T.V. showing a lovely Netflix binge of your favorite T.V. show. You can appreciate the smaller pleasures in life that are now much bigger and appreciated. You're happy hanging out, relaxing, and cultivating your friendships and relationship with your significant other, while enjoying the sound of silence that is a sleeping baby.
It's your time to sit and do absolutely nothing at all
Like we said, being a parent changes you a lot. It alters your values and hopes and makes you say the wackiest things, even as your toddlers try to one up you with their own silly sayings. While you may feel strange as you ask about your baby's poop or worry about bacteria-laden hands, you'll soon get used to these questions, which are actually pretty important. They may not be the most eloquent of requests or questions, but you're a parent now. Welcome to the world of poop, belly buttons, stinky hands and short bursts of sleep.