Pregnant women who think that having babies will help to save their failing marriages may be right or wrong. There are certain marriages that do benefit from the arrival of newborns, while other marriages can't handle the strain of such big life changes. It's always better to bring a baby into a happy marriage, but life isn't perfect, and many babies do end up coming home from the hospital to homes where spouses tend to be at odds, at least some of the time.
Anyone who wants to learn about the impact of babies on marriages will benefit from reading every entry on the list. Keep in mind that every relationship is different. Only moms-to-be really know what's going on in their marriages. Only moms-to-be can accurately assess whether or not their marriages will be improved or damaged by new parenthood.
Women who are pregnant and love their spouses should make every effort to work on the trouble spots in their marriages before labor and delivery. There is so much that a motivated married couple can do to turn things around and make a marriage happier. There's always hope, as long as there is the will to change. Change usually needs to happen on both sides.
20 Both People Want To Stay Together (Can Save The Marriage)
If both spouses want to be together, even though there are problems, a baby may help to smooth over the rough spots. Babies do bring a lot of joy into households. They're adorable, they need their parents and they take the focus off of marriage problems. Newborns require round-the-clock care, so parents can't spend all of their time worrying about their marriages or arguing.
This change in focus can be a good thing. Always be realistic about parenthood and how it will alter your relationship, but hope for the best. Believe in your partner, who really wants to be with you and the baby.
19 There Are Solvable Communication Problems (Can Save The Marriage)
Experts recommend communicating as well as possible during pregnancy. Proper communication before the baby comes is one of the keys to a happy marriage after the baby arrives, according to Parents.com. During pregnancy, discuss the future. How will you both parent as a cohesive unit?
If communication is a problem, look for ways to express yourself that don't include blame and anger. Part of "adulting" (and you are definitely an adult since you're going to be a parent) is communicating in a grown-up way. It's about realizing that your partner can't read your mind. You have to tell your spouse how you are feeling, without being too negative.
18 The Couple Has No Financial Problems (Can Save The Marriage)
If you're expecting a baby and you don't have any real financial problems, congratulations. You're either very lucky or you've worked extremely hard to get your financial house in order before you become a parent. Couples who don't have financial pressures are more likely to be happy together after they bring their babies home.
Money problems are one of the biggest pitfalls in marriages. When money is tight, stress may build up and tear a relationship apart. If you think this might be an issue, try to fix things. Create a budget and figure out ways to bring in more money. Maybe you could even work from home.
17 Both Spouses Want A Baby (Can Save The Marriage)
If you want a baby and your spouse wants a baby, too, that's a very good sign. You're both on the same page and this will benefit your marriage once the baby arrives. Since both of you want to be parents, you'll probably work together to solve any marriage problems, for the sake of family unity. You probably both place a high priority on keeping the family together, so your baby can grow up with a mom and a dad.
Married couples who don't have similar life goals tend to drift apart. It's great when couples want the same things. Having the same goals keeps couples closely connected.
16 Both Spouses Are Honest (Can Save The Marriage)
If you're both committed to one another and want to keep things that way, life with a baby will probably strengthen your marriage. Your mutual commitment is going to make it easier to stay in love while you deal with all of the stress that caring for a newborn brings, from sleepless nights to money worries and beyond. Spouses who are devoted to each other have a strong foundation for long, happy marriages. There is enough love to keep things positive, even when life gets hard.
Of course, every day with a newborn isn't going to be rough, but you will both be tired. Luckily, you have each other's backs.
15 Both Sides Are Open To Therapy (Can Save The Marriage)
Lots of couples choose to go to relationship therapy when they hit stumbling blocks in their marriages. It's a smart way to resolve problems. Therapists know how to listen. They offer safe spaces for couples to work on their issues.
If both of you are open to therapy, that's another good sign. Whether you actually attend therapy or not, while you're pregnant or after the baby is born, you're both willing to work on things if need be. That shows a lot of faith in the marriage. When the baby comes, you'll both be motivated to work on any marriage problems that crop up, in or out of a therapist's office.
14 The Marriage Still Has Happy Moments (Can Save The Marriage)
If you feel like there are still a lot of good reasons to stay married, such as good times that you share with your spouse, and you're certain that your spouse is happy sometimes, too, then you're on the right track. No marriage is perfect, but there should always be some laughter and romance. Without this spirit of fun and love, a marriage may feel like a chore.
If you think that you could be having more fun with your partner, and you're expecting a baby, plan a few date nights. Usually, the second trimester is the best time for date nights, because pregnant women are the most comfortable.
13 The Baby Was Planned (Can Save The Marriage)
A surprise baby may be the best thing that ever happened to the two of you, but bring a lot of life challenges. Sometimes, couples are not emotionally and financially ready. A baby that is planned is going to boost the odds of marital bliss. Couples who plan for babies do tend to get their ducks in a row when it comes to finances and work. They choose optimal times for having children.
Planning is generally beneficial in all areas of life, including the decision to become parents. Lack of planning may place a bit of strain on a marriage.
12 Both Spouses Are Ready To Change (Can Save The Marriage)
It's rare that a marriage has a good spouse and a bad spouse. That does happen sometimes, but it's far more common for both spouses to be flawed individuals who need to work on themselves. If spouses are open to change, and more than willing to do the work on themselves, they may find that bringing a new baby home helps them to change rapidly.
When spouses step into parental roles, they begin to change anyway. Becoming a parent is a big deal. Spouses who are ready to change for each other's sake, and for the sake of their babies, are going to roll with the changes in a positive way.
11 Both Sides Are Mature (Can Save The Marriage)
Maturity is vital when babies are in the mix. It's time to grow up, for real, because babies are helpless and depend on their parents for everything, from food to baths to love and cuddles. If both spouses are mature and ready to step up, they'll have the right mindset for a happy marriage.
New parenthood is an exciting time in a married couple's life. It brings challenges, but they can be faced with maturity and courage. Couples who are mature will focus on meeting their babies' needs, rather than bickering with one another. They'll create a happy home for their baby.
10 One Person Wants Out (It Won't Make A Difference)
If someone's already checked out of the marriage mentally, that's a really big issue. The person may not be pulled back into the marriage, emotionally-speaking, just because a baby comes. This is why it's important to discuss problems during pregnancy. Don't be afraid to ask your partner, "How are we doing?"
Usually, women are pretty intuitive. We do have a sixth sense and tend to know what's going on with our partners. Read your partner's verbal and non-verbal cues. If you sense trouble, try to discuss things. It's important to understand how your spouse is feeling about starting a family.
9 Communication Styles Are Too Different (It Won't Make A Difference)
In real life, we can't go on a reality TV show like Marriage Boot Camp when we're having trouble with our spouses. We have to find other ways to resolve things. Couples who have a lot of trouble communicating on a regular basis, because their communication styles are just too different, may find that a baby isn't enough to save their marriages. While Marriage Boot Camp may be out of reach, don't give up. You can try to get help with your problems. It may be possible to change your own communication style, even if your spouse won't change his.
8 Money Problems Are A Big Issue (It Won't Make A Difference)
Cardi B wants some "cheese for her egg". She wants money for her baby girl. She rapped about it in, "Money" and I get where she's coming from. Couples who are married and expecting babies need money for their babies, too. When there isn't enough money, lifestyles are going to change for the worse once babies are at home. There may not be cash for certain luxuries, like there used to be. This can create enormous tension.
Some couples may struggle just to put food on the table and buy diapers. Money problems can be fixed, but they don't bode well for marriages when babies come.
7 One Spouse Doesn't Want A Baby (It Won't Make A Difference)
It's true that a spouse who didn't really want a baby may become bewitched by the baby and become a truly amazing parent. This happens every day of the week. It's also true that some people just don't take to parenthood and spouses who weren't really stoked about having babies are probably a lot more likely to not take to parenthood. Not wanting the baby is a bit of a red flag, isn't it? It's better when couples are on the same page about having babies. If you're in this situation and you want the baby, but your partner doesn't, just do your best for the baby. Be present and loving.
6 One Spouse Has Found Someone Else (It Won't Make A Difference)
If you're in this situation, and you're not the one who has moved on emotionally, you deserve compassion. It's important to take good care of yourself, because you're going to have a baby. It's not a good time in your life to have to deal with marital stress, but you are strong enough to survive. It's possible to forgive a lot. Only you can decide what it's safe and healthy to forgive. Also, your spouse's plans and wishes are going to play a huge role in how things play out. Try to focus on the happiness that is right around the corner.
When your baby comes, you'll experience love like never before.
5 The Marriage Is Never Really Happy (It Won't Make A Difference)
A marriage that just isn't pleasant probably won't magically become awesome when there is a baby at home. Marriages that are never really happy have deep-seated problems. These problems may persist or even get worse when babies are born. You may care very much about your marriage and want to save it, even though it's not much fun at the moment. If this is the case, you need to discuss things with your partner. You need to find out if your partner also thinks that the marriage is lacking in important ways. You both need to figure out a plan to make things better.
4 One Or Both Spouses Won't Get Counseling (It Won't Make A Difference)
If one parent-to-be is very resistant to marriage counseling, that's a bad sign. In some cases, males will be more resistant to opening up emotionally in therapist's offices, because they've been raised to keep their emotions under wraps most of the time, and to present an "in control" demeanor to the world. It may be possible to convince your hubby to attend therapy because you'll soon be parents.
If a spouse still won't go to therapy, it is not a good sign. Sometimes, therapy really is needed. Plead your case, but be wary of a spouse who won't go to therapy when the marriage gets hard.
3 The Baby Was A Surprise (It Won't Make A Difference)
A baby who is a surprise deserves just as much love as a baby that was planned, and usually gets the same amount of love. However, a baby who is a surprise may introduce new stress into the lives of married parents. For example, a couple may not really be able to afford the baby. Both spouses may be building careers and have to make changes to adapt to being parents. A lot of different tensions can surface due to the changes.
Anything is solvable, but spouses will need to work hard to move past problems. Every couple is different and will cope differently.
2 The Spouses Have Trouble Changing (It Won't Make A Difference)
There are people out there who really can't change. They don't see their role in problems, so they don't bother altering their behavior. If one person in a marriage is unwilling to change, or basically is incapable of change, there could be a bit of turbulence when a baby comes...or a lot of turbulence. If neither spouse can change, that's even worse.
As we move through life, we're supposed to change. When we don't, we're not making progress. Parenthood is a big step and spouses should change to meet the new challenges. If they don't, there may be trouble ahead. Parenthood is time for personal growth.
1 One Or Both Spouses Are Immature (It Won't Make A Difference)
Having fun and being silly together doesn't mean being immature. Being immature in a marriage is about failing to honor vows, failing to listen to the other person and bringing trouble into the relationship. Happy couples who've been married for ages, have kids and are still in love tend to be very mature. They appreciate what they have. They nurture their marriages, just like they nurture their children.
Immature partners may not feel sufficiently grateful for their spouses. If you or your spouse is immature, some work needs to be done. Your baby will need parents who do have maturity.
References: Parents.com, Psychologytoday.com, Psychcentral.com, Healthline.com, Macleans.ca, Therapytoday.com, Huffpost.com, Jezebel.com