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10 White Lies Moms Tell

Lying is wrong, right? Isn’t that what we tell our kids? But hold on, Moms. How many lies have you told today? This week? Since becoming a mom? Chances are, if you’re like most of us, you’ve turned into quite the little storyteller. Why? Why do moms lie? Because, it’s easier than telling the truth. That’s why.

Rather than deal with the lecture from your child’s pediatrician, the unsolicited advice from other moms, or the disapproval of our grandparents and aunties, we simply tell everyone what they want to hear. Or we give the answer we wish were true. Or we simply just say whatever pops out when a random third cousin asks if we are “still“ nursing... Because how is that her business anyway?

And lying to our kids is just a given, right? Can we all just please finally admit that we lie to our kids? I mean come on, it’s for their own good sometimes. Whether we’re willing to admit it or not, we are all a bunch of liars, liars with our pants on fire and here are 10 of the most common lies we tell.

10 “I LOVE being a Stay-at-Home/Working Mom.”

Unfortunately, the battle of the stay-at-Home versus the working mom is still very much on. I don’t know why. It doesn’t make sense to me. Our only job as moms is to be the best moms we can be to OUR kids. So what another mom does with her day is really none of our business.

Honestly. I mean sure, if all my friends go and get jobs outside of the home, I won’t have anyone to gossip with at the playground as we pretend to have super fun stress free playdates. But I can always find another mom who’s loving every minute of staying at home to meet me at the park.

So, why the competition. Why do we lie about how much we LOVE staying home or LOVE working and could never imagine going the other way? Because we can’t admit that maybe sometimes we doubt our decisions? Maybe everyday?

Then in the same breath we want to fight about who’s job is harder? Which is it moms? Is your job harder? Or do you love it more? Let me guess, both.

9 “We don’t eat fast food.”

Well. Then your kids must not dance and play soccer 3 nights a week.

And how convenient that we have to drive right past those damn golden arches to get in and out of town every single day… I mean a mom can only hear “Mom can we get Happy Meals Pleeeeeeease?!” so many times before giving in to the thought of taking a night off of cooking.

Not to mention, at least they actually EAT the fries and nuggets that come with the toy. Because at home I have to fight with them for 3 hours and warm their plates up 6 times just to get them to eat half of the “healthy” meals I slave over.

It’s exhausting.

Not to mention… fast food places have great coffee. 

8 “ He doesn’t take a bottle/ use a pacifier anymore.”

I can remember fondly, the days of snatching my sons pacifier out of his mouth before taking him out of the car. God forbid anyone see that my little guy still used a pacifier.

One of the hardest battles for parents is getting the little ones to give up their pacifier or bottle. Every parent knows this. Every doctor knows this.

Yet, there is so much judgment when these things aren’t taken away the minute society thinks they should be. So, we lie. We become closet bottle feeders and pacifier suppliers. Because… you gotta do what you gotta do. And we when anyone asks, “we totally gave that up months ago”. Sound familiar?

7 “We don’t do screen time.”

Just the other day I was at my youngest child’s 6-month checkup and on the literature they gave me I saw “no screen time before age 2.”

Oh, crap. I totally forgot that was a “rule.”

I remember thinking to myself “good thing I wasn’t showing him a video on my phone when the doctor walked in.”

Because, really?

In this day and age where literally every person we encounter is staring at a cell phone, tablet, computer, or tv screen, we are expected to keep our kids from wanting to see too?

That’s just mean. 

6 “I love being a soccer mom.”

I used to dream about driving a minivan full of kids to soccer practice everyday. In the early days I signed my firstborn up for every activity imaginable. I used to wonder why more parents didn’t have their kids in activities. This was so fun.

Then preschool started and then my second child started to get involved in her own activities. We went from one or two activities a week to 4 or 5 days a week in the blink of an eye. Last night I begged my three year old to skip dance so that we could just stay home. (She didn’t want to, so we drove a half hour each way only for her to have a melt down 15 minutes in and demand to go home because she didn’t like the teacher with the long black hair).

Next week, both kids are starting soccer.

I’m only just beginning to get a taste of this crazy busy soccer mom life. My best friend has 3 kids in activities and her daughter dances like 6 days a week. She never complains about how busy they are.

Um, this is exhausting. I’m exhausted already. This is me confessing that why I do love being a mom and watching my kids do the things they love and have fun with their friends, I don’t always LIKE it.

Thank God I didn’t give up caffeine. 

5 “ I gave up caffeine entirely when pregnant and nursing.”

Did you? Did you REALLY? Ok I know there are plenty of people who really do manage to make this one work. But do you really have to rub it in for the rest of us?

But if you really didn’t give up caffeine why lie about this to make the rest of us feel bad? Because the rest of us, we would love to be able to say that we were able to stop caffeine cold turkey from the minute we found out we were pregnant until we were done nursing….But there’s just one little problem.

Coffee is life.

When your nighttime consists of “sleeping” in 2 hour increments between night feedings and every other increment is interrupted by a toddler peeing the bed or a giant 5 year old coming to snuggle… mornings are hard.

And the good news is this, a little bit of caffeine is still ok in pregnancy and when nursing. So ha! Of course, our kids are the reasons we get out of bed in the morning… but coffee helps.  

4 “I don’t bribe my kids.”

If you really don’t, more power to you. But why not?

Bribery is my favorite tool as a mom. Bribery is power.

I mean, I try to keep it to a minimum, in public… when people can hear me. But in reality I am bribing my kids left and right to get them to do what I want.

I might lie about what I use for bribery though. I wouldn’t want everyone to know it’s almost always candy.

Which brings me to our next lie….

3 “My kids don’t eat candy."

I know, I know. There really are some moms who manage to stick to this rule. And I’m in awe of them. How do they do it? Everywhere we go people are shoving candy in my kids faces. In any given day of errand running, at least 2 people offer them a lollipop.

And don’t even get me started on the grandparents!

So sure, I could be the bad guy and say no, a million times a day. But I simply do not have the energy for that. But if the dentist asks, no my kids hardly ever eat candy. 

2 “I don’t yell at my kids.”

Oh, how I wish I could say this. I have laid in bed in the morning and vowed to make today be the day that I don’t yell at my kids. And it lasted maybe an hour.

I don’t WANT to yell at my sweet little angels. But unfortunately sometimes they don’t act like sweet little angels and “mean mommy” comes out.

I know this is something most moms struggle with. We hate yelling at the people we love most. But being a mom is hard. Running the ship is a stressful job and if nobody listens, sometimes mommy loses her sh#t. It happens. It’s ok. I’m actually convinced my kids don’t even hear me anyway.

I remember once saying to my own mom “You must think I’m so awful because I yell at my kids all the time. You never yelled at us. How did you never yell at us?”

My mom laughed and said, “I yelled at you guys all the time, you just never listened.” To this day, that conversation is one of the most reassuring I’ve ever had. So moms, there’s no need to lie about yelling. Most of us do it and our kids probably aren’t listening anyway. 

1 “We don’t co sleep.”

There it is. The number one lie moms tell. I can’t even count how many times I’ve lied about this in the past 5 years. Nor can I tell you how many times other moms have told me they don’t let their kids sleep with them, knowing full well that they were lying.

I hate the stigma that comes with co sleeping. I hate the divide this argument creates between parents. I hate the debate that any discussion about co sleeping creates. And I hate that so many parents feel like they have to lie about where THEIR kids sleep because they are afraid of being judged.

Um, hello. Last time I checked, parents are allowed to do what they want with their own kids.

Chances are, if you’re reading articles on a site about babies and pregnancy, you are a good mom who has your child’s best interest in mind. You are perfectly capable of making responsible decisions about parenting.

Co sleeping can be done safely and some doctors even approve of the practice.If co sleeping works for you and your family and you can find a safe way to do it and even manage to get some sleep in the process, then have no shame.

But, I still tell my pediatrician my kids sleep in their own beds. Ain’t nobody got time for a lecture. 

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