If you had seen someone doing any of these things before you became a parent, you likely would
have cringed in disgust. But now that you have children of your own, nothing can gross you out!
If your little one has ever had a cold, you’ve probably seen or used a nasal aspirator to clear their nasal passages. One end of the aspirator goes in your child’s nostril, and you use the straw-‐like portion to suck the snot right out – using your mouth! Sure, there’s a filter.
But somehow that small piece of paper doesn’t seem like it provides a lot of protection from getting a mouthful of mucus!
As a parent, not only will you examine every piece of poop that your child expels, you’ll probably also document its consistency, color, and frequency. Try explaining that information written in your journal to your non-‐ parent friends!
It’s a fact that for every bite of food your toddler takes, another two will end up somewhere else on their body. You need to clean their faces off anyways. So why let all that perfectly edible food go to waste, when you could eat it yourself?
Experienced parents take for granted that the easiest way to identify the status of a baby's diaper is to hold them up to your nose, and smell their rear ends. Yet to the non-‐parent, this is a strange and revolting task.
When you consider how many times a day the average parent does this, it adds up to a lot of hours spent with your nose pressed up against someone’s butt!
Ceilings are not a location where you generally expect you’ll have to clean up pee. But when you’re the parent of a baby boy, the ceiling is just the beginning Prepare yourself to spend time cleaning urine from walls, carpets inside open light fixtures or vases – and if you’re (un)lucky, maybe even your mouth!
Babies and toddlers get sick. And trying to squirt a syringe full of medicine into the mouth of a screaming, flailing child is like trying to pin a tail on a real, live donkey. You want your little one to feel better, and if you need to stick your finger up his/her bum to make it happen, so be it!
Baby drops his or her soother on the floor. When you pick it up, it’s covered in a thin layer of dirt, hair, and who knows what else. So what’s a parent to do? Pop it in your mouth and give it back, of course!
It’s been scientifically proven that human saliva is better than any hair product at taming wild locks! Okay, so that’s maybe not quite true, but any parent will tell you that the old spit and swipe is a reliable means of flattening even the craziest bedhead!
Maybe your kid constantly puts things in her mouth that aren’t food. Maybe it’s the brand-new immune system. Maybe it’s just because your child threw a tantrum and cried so hard that he choked. Regardless, you’re going to clean up a lot of puke during your years as a parent. You’ll hold your little one while he vomits on you, you’ll catch it in your hands, you’ll unclog a sink full of puke with your fingers…. Better get used to it!
Is this worse than catching puke with your hands? Probably not. But if the half-chewed, slimy contents of your child’s mouth do gross you out, you’re in trouble! Besides, it’s easier to catch the food your toddler rejects with your hands than scrape it off the floor later!
Toys. Shoes. An entire roll of toilet paper. Your cell phone. Just a few of the things that your child will likely drop in the toilet over the course of their lifetime. You could use a spoon or net, but who has time for that? Stick your hand in, give it a rinse, and you’re back in business!
- Elya Lam