Becoming a parent is an enormous commitment, and definitely no easy task. Over the years, adoption has become a more accepted and open topic up for discussion. Mothers who feel they might not be able to keep the baby have a wide variety of options available to them. Adoption is never an easy choice and the decision cannot be made lightly. There is no maximum age to give your child up for adoption. The decision does not have to be made before the end of the pregnancy, or even before the birth.
According to American Adoption, these are sometimes referred to as “last-minute adoptions,” “pop-up adoptions,” or "after-delivery adoption."
There could be a long list of reasons why a woman is not ready to become a mother, or it could be as simple as, “I’m not ready.” There is no shame in admitting you can’t handle the responsibilities. There are endless normal daily tasks that might just push a teetering parent over the edge. A mom running on no sleep with postpartum depression and a colic baby might be one diaper blowout away from giving up the baby.
It is never too late to give your child a better life.
13 Unstable Home
An unstable home environment can shatter a child’s chances of succeeding in life before it even begins. If a child’s life involves upset and distress, for whatever reason, the child is more likely to suffer in various ways. Behavioral problems, cognitive development and health issues are just the beginning. Teen Mom star, Catelynn Lowell, wanted to provide structure, strength and consistency to support her baby. For her, this meant adoption.
Tyler Baltierra and Catelynn Lowell first came into the spotlight in 2009 on MTV's 16 and Pregnant, and their challenging decision to place the baby up for adoption have been watched and followed by many viewers. They decided to give the baby for adoption against their parent's wishes. Catelynn's mom had proven herself unreliable and Tyler's dad had been in and out of prison.
Sometimes, all it takes is a lack of stability to know that it isn’t right to keep the baby.
12 Developmental Disabilities
Developmental disabilities can vary from mild to sever, and it affects more children than you would think.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that in the United States about one in six, or around 15%, of children aged 3 through 17 years old have a one or more developmental disabilities.
some parents can see their child's challenges make triumphs sweeter and that weaknesses are often accompanied by amazing strength, while others only see what their child can’t do, or they can’t bare to see them at all.
Coleen Boyle, director of the National Center on Birth Defects and Developmental Disabilities at the CDC, led a study to find the number of children with disabilities and found an increase of 17 percent between 1997 and 2008. According to Boyle, the rise was largely due to growth in cases of autism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and the catch-all category of “other developmental delays.”
11 The Dark Cloud
Postpartum depression is surprisingly common for new moms. According to WebMD, 1 in 7 women were diagnosed with postpartum depression in a study of 10,000 mothers with newborns. It is normal to feel sad, depressed and like you can’t bond with your baby. This will be a big obstacle in the road for a new mom who is also contemplating adoption.
If you didn’t want to be pregnant, or your partner and family don’t help you care for your baby, you’re more likely to experience postpartum depression.
It is not in any way mom's fault if she has postpartum depression. Hormones play a huge role in whether or not a new mom will have the symptoms. They affect each and every woman differently, but whether or not you get moody before your period is a good indicator of how hormones affect you. Hormone levels rise when you’re pregnant. After the baby is born, the hormones drop suddenly, and the quick change can bring on depression in some women.
10 Trouble Breastfeeding
A woman's baby boy, named Landon, went into cardiac arrest just hours after leaving the hospital, and the reason is startling. Landon wasn't getting enough milk! He was exclusively breastfed, and his mom sought help from nurses and lactation consultants, but somehow it went unnoticed that the baby wasn’t getting any milk. The mother was told she may have a problem producing milk because she was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome).
Sometimes it is harder for women with hormone imbalances to produce milk.
The woman shared her heartbreaking story on a Fed Is Best blog post. Mothers have trouble breastfeeding every day, but in this case a mother was unable to hold her baby ever again.
9 Sleepless Nights
Sleep deprivation is something that all parents will face sometime or another. When our bodies are not well rested it makes everything else in life harder, especially parenting! Many babies arrive in the world with their days and nights completely reversed, says Charles Shubin, director of pediatrics at Mercy Family Care in Baltimore. After a week of sleepless nights, we are willing to hand the kids off to almost anyone in order to catch a quick nap!
The unending nightly demands from a baby creates an exhausted mom and dad.
"This can be very challenging for adults, because our bodies are not physiologically oriented to being up all night," says Shubin. The sleepless nights happen to every new parent, but for a parent leaning towards adoption, the first few nights in the hospital might be enough.
8 Financial Burdens
A shocking 45 million people, or 14.5 percent of all Americans, were living below the poverty line last year according to the census bureau report. Unfortunately, many of these people are families with children. The Huffington Post reported that poverty is particularly dire for single mothers. One third of all families headed by single women were in poverty last year — that’s 15.6 million households.
If your financial situation cannot support the needs of a child it can be hard, and sometimes impossible, to keep the baby.
The American Academy Of Pediatrics stated, “Poor children have increased infant mortality; more frequent and severe chronic diseases such as asthma; poorer nutrition and growth; less access to quality health care; lower immunization rates; and increased obesity and its complications.”
7 The Constant Crying
Babies cry. It’s what they do. Crying is their only way of communicating, so it’s normal. However, most new parents are unpleasantly surprised when they finally experience first hand how much crying is actually involved. Some babies are easy to soothe, while others will spend the majority of their days and nights wailing away no matter what you do. It can get really frustrating when you are doing everything in your power to soothe the baby and nothing is working.
When a mother can not soothe her baby it can often lead to feelings of postpartum depression.
She might feel disconnected from the baby and maybe even a little bit guilty if adoption was/is a serious thought. It’s not mom's fault if the baby is a constant crier, but it certainly does take a toll on parenting.
6 Lack Of Family Support
Family support is extremely important for new parents. Raising a baby is hard, and no one can do it completely alone. It’s great to have the support of your partner, but even better if you and your partner have additional help outside the home. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and close friends are all great to have around when there is a new baby around.
The saying, “it takes a village,” is completely accurate.
It does make it more difficult for a new mom to keep the baby if she does not have any support. Not everyone has an army of support rallying around them, but luckily there are still other support options available. If you're bringing up a child on your own, or struggling for any reason, there are family programs that can offer you extra support.
5 When There's Confusion
Babies are born knowing how to suck because it’s in their nature. Take all the man-made gadgets out of the picture, and a baby should get used to their mothers breast. However, when mom is unsure of breastfeeding, or unsure of keeping the baby all together, nipple confusion often comes into play. When a new baby is bounced back and forth between the breast, bottle and pacifier it can complicate the feeding process. A hungry newborn is no fun for new parents and the stress levels will start to rise quickly.
The best advice experts can give is to keep trying. Whattoexpect.com suggests offering the breast only for the first three weeks to avoid any nipple confusion. This is a lot easier said than done for a new mom struggling with breastfeeding.
4 Unpredictable Behavior
If there is one thing you can count on with a newborn, it’s that their behavior and sleep patterns will be totally and completely unpredictable. Some new parents can’t even bare the thought of having such little control over their little one.
The National Sleep Foundation stated that newborn sleep is irregular, and does not have predictable patterns. The baby may sleep for only a few minutes or several hours. The golden rule is to sleep while the baby sleeps. That’s not always possible when you have other obligations. Either way, the unpredictability makes it extra difficult when you are trying to get things done, or nap, during the baby’s nap.
Babies will continue the unpredictable behavior through childhood.
Kids tantrums will be unavoidable in the most inconvenient places no matter what precautions you take to prevent them. Then they quickly grow up and enter the teenage years, and that’s a whole other world of unpredictability.
3 Yearning For Independence
Many mothers have a strong desire to find their independence. It’s common to lose yourself after having a baby. You are putting all of their wants and needs before your own, and it’s easy to forget who you were before becoming a mother. Some young mothers have not even had a chance to find themselves and live on their own.
These young women are expected to jump straight from being a child to being a mother, and sometimes they just can’t or don’t want to do it.
Having a baby is a big deal. It will change your life forever, and you have to be ready and willing to accept the changes. Some of us are willing to do anything to have a baby, while some of us aren’t ready for the one we have been given.
2 The Dirty Disasters
Let’s face it, kids are dirty! The stinky diapers, runny noses and spit-up start from day one. The first few diapers you change will be some of the nastiest. Don’t be surprised if you find a greenish-black, tarry, sticky #2 that looks like motor oil in your newborn's diaper. The plus side to this is that it doesn’t really smell, however because of the lack of smell, it can sneak up on you when you are not prepared!
Breastfed babies will have different ones than formula fed babies. Breastfed babies' #2 typically looks like Dijon mustard and you may see little seed-like specks. Formula-fed babies have peanut butter-like ones and you won’t miss the smell! Speaking from experience, both are equally as yucky when they explode out of the diaper.
1 A Colicky Problem
Colicky babies are undoubtedly harder to care for than babies who are not colic.
The symptoms typically start around two weeks and include crying — Lots Of crying! According to WebMD, the term colic applies to any healthy, well-fed infant who cries more than 3 hours a day, more than 3 days a week, for more than 3 weeks. It might seem like a lifetime in the moment, but BabyCenter states, “By 4 months of age, 80 to 90 percent of infants are over colic. The remaining small percentage might take another month.”
Colic is not a disease, there are no long term side effects, and colic babies will grow up and be just like a child who was not colic as a baby. The hardest part about having a colic baby is being completely exhausted. The only way to get through it is one day at a time.
References: AmericanAdoption.com, WebMD, BabyCenter, HuffingtonPost, American Academy Of Pediatrics, CDC.gov, verywellfamily.com, Parents.com, Whattoexpect.com, TheBump.com
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