Believe it or not, miscarriages are pretty common and will affect 1 in four women during their lifetime. Even though it happens with some frequency, it is still a sorrowful event and many women struggle with their feelings, even after they successfully conceive again.
The fact of the matter is, even though a miscarriage may not affect you physically, it may still weigh on you emotionally. Here are 13 ways that your next pregnancy is affected by a previous miscarriage.
13 You May Doubt Your Body
After you experience a loss, you may find yourself doubting your body’s ability to conceive or even carry a pregnancy to term. Even if your miscarriage was not your first pregnancy, these feelings may haunt you. You may feel like your body doesn't function properly, or that there's something medically wrong that your doctor didn't catch, but these fears are usually not based on anything solid.
That being said, most miscarriages do not happen because of anything the mother did or any failure in their body. Even if there was something medically wrong for many women, they can and do go on to have perfectly healthy pregnancies and babies afterwards.
12 Be Worried About Trying Again
After a miscarriage, you may be worried about trying again and whether your body is really ready to have a baby. Even if you and your partner were actively trying, you may find yourself pulling back from conceiving again. You don't want to feel that sting again, or the awkward ways people try to console you.
This is normal as you are grieving and it is sound advice to take the time that you need to heal emotionally, even if your body is fine, you still need to be in a good headspace. It is recommended that you don’t start trying again until you are ready to do so.
11 Be In a Hurry to Try Again
Then again, after a miscarriage, you may feel pressure to jump right back into that saddle. Many women do conceive, naturally, shortly after a miscarriage with no issues and for most people, medically this is safe to do. As long as you are comfortable with the decision, usually there is no problem with it.
It is important, however, to check with your doctor to make sure that you are physically able if there was some sort of complication that caused your miscarriage. Most couples are ready to try again after 2 or 3 regular periods but it is best to check with a medical professional first.
Some studies say it's actually beneficial to try not long after a miscarriage as swell. It really depends on your comfort level in trying again. So if you're ready to try, go for it!
10 Be More Nervous
Once you’ve conceived, you may find that you’re more nervous about things during this pregnancy than you were in the last. If the baby isn’t moving around as much or your symptoms aren’t as strong as you think they should be, then you may find yourself rushing to the doctor at the slightest thing.
Stay mindful of your body, but stress isn’t healthy for a pregnancy either, so it’s also important to try and relax. Discuss your fears with your medical providers, but don’t let them overwhelm you. Remember that time can heal all wounds, but you are the only one who can calm your nerves.
9 Be Jealous Of Swollen Ankles and Puking
As weird as it might sound, a miscarriage may make you jealous of other people’s symptoms! It may seem strange to envious of spending the morning locked in the bathroom or having to wear flip flops because they’re the only shoes that fit, but you may find yourself wishing you were doing the same.
Such visible reminders of your past pregnancy may bring up some odd feelings in you, but it’s best to own up to these feelings and not let them eat at you. You might especially feel this way if you're pregnant again and your pregnancy symptoms are mild. Just relax and know that your body is going through the motion of growing your baby, you'll get there when you're meant to get there.
8 May Seek More Medical Attention
As we mentioned before, once you conceive again, you may find yourself at the doctor’s office a lot more out of sheer nerves than before, but they may also want to keep a closer eye on you depending on your situation. Although you may want more information about your pregnancy this time around, unless your doctor gives you a reason to be nervous, you really can relax.
If you have had multiple miscarriages or your previous one was caused by a specific health issue, your medical team may suggest extra appointments and tests. That is, if you don’t suggest it first. And if something has come to light, relax in the knowledge that your doctor will be on top of it r refer you to a specialist if necessary.
7 May Have Mixed Emotions About the Pregnancy
Once you’ve conceived again, you may feel guilty about feeling happy about it. The pregnancy you lost was likely very important to you and it may feel like a betrayal to feel excited about your current pregnancy, as if the last one didn’t matter. If you struggle with these feelings, you can talk to a professional who can help walk you through your complex feelings.
This is a natural feeling, but being happy about your current pregnancy doesn’t mean that you aren’t sad about your miscarriage of that you didn’t care about it. It’s ok to feel both of these things at once, human emotion is complicated and if you became pregnant again quickly, you may just need some extra time to sort things out.
6 If You Feel Anything At All
Some women find it hard to become excited about their following pregnancies. Sometimes this is due to anxiety about the fetus’ health and chances, but other times it is due to a fear of becoming attached in case something goes wrong. There's nothing worse than feeling a hurt like that twice. So instead of feeling anything, they choose to remain numb.
It’s important to talk about your feelings in order to help you process them. Being worried and shy in this situation is normal and even a bit expected, but if you’re finding you are having trouble moving past your pain and finding the joy in your growing pregnancy, it might be a good time to speak with someone.
5 Keep All Your Feelings Bottled Up
Pregnant women are known for being emotional, after all, our hormones go haywire during this time, but if you’ve had a miscarriage, you may find it hard to disclose your feelings to the people around you. Whether it’s admitting you’re having hard time being happy or admitting that you are happy may make you feel that you’re opening yourself up to judgement from friends and family.
There’s no “right” way to feel your feelings, and it might help to speak to people who have been there before. There are support groups both in person and online for and populated by women who have been through exactly what you are going through. So if you feel that you need to talk to someone, look into these support groups.
4 May Not Even Tell Friends and Family
Even if you shouted your last pregnancy from the rooftops, you may find that you’re keeping this one a bit more low key. You may not want to have to break the news to a bunch of people if something goes wrong, which, although for many women this won’t be the case, it’s natural to fear that. There's nothing worse than seeing other people's pain, when you're already dealing with your own personal pain.
Although it may be hard to open up, it’s good to share the news with at least few people to help build a support group around yourself just for normal pregnancy issues. Having people you can rely on will help you feel better about your pregnancy. And as time goes by and you feel better about your pregnancy, you can let more people into your secret and feel even better about it.
3 Hold Off On the Nursery
After a miscarriage, you may find that you are less excited to go shopping for your next pregnancy. Even if the first time around you had to be physically removed from stores to stop you from buying ANOTHER cute onesie set, after a loss, you may feel shy about purchasing new things for the baby. Whether this stems from your anxiety or feelings of betrayal, you may not have the same vgiour the second time around.
Although it can’t hurt to hold off on buying things, it’s important to at least be prepared for the coming arrival, so even if you’re not going to clean out the baby section at your favorite store, don’t let your nerves keep you from preparing for your coming child. Make sure you have the essential items, you can buy 15 joke onesies after the baby gets here, but you’ll need a car seat to take them home among other things.
2 You May Go Overboard With Safety
Experiencing a loss may cause you to go overboard with safety measures. You may find that while trying to conceive, during, and after the baby is born, you follow all the suggested safety guidelines and “just in case” rules as a way to protect yourself and your child.
Being a little extra careful with your health and your child isn’t a bad thing at all, but don’t let it consume you! If it’s becoming more of work than is necessary, sit down and take stock of all the things you are doing. See if you can come up with better options to feel safe without feeling like you have to exhaust yourself.
1 Harder Time Bonding With the New Baby
This is possibly the worst way that a miscarriage affects your next pregnancy. After you finally have the child you wanted, you may find that you have a harder time bonding with them. This can be for a variety of reasons. Perhaps you feel guilty, maybe you’re afraid something will happen to the baby either way, it’s a hard place to be in.
If you find you are experiencing these emotions after birth, you should talk to your medical team and get help processing what you are going through. This may be a sign of postpartum depression and you will need treatment to seek help if you want to get better and deal with these heavy emotions. There’s no shame in it, you’ve been through a lot and needing a bit of help is nothing to be shy about.
Each person’s experience is unique to them. You may experience all or none of these issues, but if you do find that you are struggling with some of them, just know that you aren’t alone and reach out, support is out there for you.