Before having a baby, everyone loves to warn new parents and give them copious amounts of advice on pregnancy and the newborn life. What some do not tell you, is the dark parenting truths that can last until (or past) the time kids are off to college and out of the house.
Parenting is tough, and everyone seems to be the authority on it. There are things that remain unsaid that may catch parents completely by surprise. There may come a time when a parent feels like they’ve got this whole parenting thing down, and then something new pops up and they question if they even have things under control. No parent is perfect, and parenting can bring out every emotion in the book somewhere along the line.
There are some things that parents totally expect- tantrums, expensive dance recital outfits, carpooling to soccer, and potty training, to name a few. Little do some know, there is a whole other realm of parenting that affects parents on a very personal and deep level.
These truths can bring forth stress, tears, and even anger if they end up occurring is hard to predict when and if these certain things will happen, but it is best to be prepared for what may be ahead. Some of these topics are ones that most do not expect to hear during a play date or a mom’s night out, but they can happen and they can be rough.
Read below to find out what parenting truths to be prepared for.
14 Parenthood Will Feel Like A Mistake
Most parents will not admit out loud if they regret their children. Parents would most likely never tell their offspring that cruel information as well, but you cannot help how you feel. There are many things that can have a parent feeling this way, like the time mom had to lock herself in the bathroom to cry or dad had to cancel guys night due to parent teacher conferences.
There are certain feelings that can trigger little tinges of regret. Parenting is hard work, and anyone who says it is all butterflies and rainbows is definitely lying. Those moments where you wondered how you’re ever going to manage for the next 14 years can come with feelings of regret and guilt. More often than not, these feelings are temporary because you love your sweeties more than the world itself- but sometimes it can get tough.
13 There's No Such Thing As Friends Forever
When becoming a parent, some may not expect to have their life long friends disappear. This does not happen to every mama with every friend, but it is a common thing that people swear will never happen to them. If friends do not disappear, then the friendship will most likely be different. As a mother…no matter if you are a working mother or a stay at home mother…you are now much busier and priorities change.
Those nights of Netflix binge watching over wine will get traded for Sesame Place and apple juice. Of course mom deserves time without baby to be with friends, but it will feel different. Most likely, you will want to talk about how your baby just tried pears instead of your typical talk of crazy love making nights. Some friendships may go, while others may change, but it is because baby is now the prime focus in your life, and hey, who could blame you!
12 The Baby Will Be Judged From Birth To Adulthood
It is kind of a given in that as a new parent, every move you make will be judged and you’ll be given opinions about what you are doing. Little do some parents know, that doesn’t ever end. People may make opinions about what you’re feeding your five-year-old and what high school you’re sending your 15-year-old.
This can be irritating because by 18 years of raising a child, you probably feel like a veteran parent, but no matter what someone will have something to say about what your family is doing with their lives. The best thing to do is ignore them and continue to do what is right for your family. That can be easier said than done when getting suggestions, opinions, and other things said to you that either annoy or upset you.
11 The In-Laws Will Butt In
A great relationship with the in-laws is ideal, but that may change once baby comes around. Even with your own parents as well, things might annoy you that you’d never expect!
A lot of drama can occur once a baby is in the picture. Aunt Mary may over step her boundaries by giving her (very unwanted) opinion on baby’s sleep schedule while your brother in law may sneak baby licks of that forbidden lollipop.
There may be a competition for favorite grandparent or favorite aunt, which can be very irritating. Also, some family members may not bother with your new babe as much as you’d hope for.
Family drama sucks, and it seems like adding a new family member can make some people act in ways you’d never expect, but the best piece of advice is for mom (and dad) to stand strong with what they believe and not allow drama to impact their babies lives.
10 Forced To Trade In Passion For Diapers
Before baby was born, you may have had dreams of advancing in your career and going back to college, while hubby dreamed of continuing Thursday night basketball with the guys and traveling the world. Things will change once baby is born.
Parents will have to put (maybe some, maybe all) passions and dreams on the backburner. Before kids, you probably never expected to have to give up pieces of yourself that you once loved- but it is a possibility due to time, energy, and new commitments.
If you have a passion for wine tasting, that does not mean you have to stop, but you may have to give up those monthly trips for quarterly trips. Once a baby is here, absolutely everything changes, and your hopes and dreams may too. Of course, you can always go back to college and you can always travel- but things may have to be put on hold or done differently now.
9 The Relationship Will Either Grow Or Fail
Before baby, the love life can be amazing. From fun dates, to snuggling together at night time, and relaxing days off together- relationships can be awesome. The idea of throwing a baby into the mix does not seem stressful, until it happens. Relationships can drastically change once children come in the picture. Sure, children are amazing and having a family can be a blast, but it can cause damage to your relationship.
A big issue in relationships after having kids is you have less time for each other due to being busy. You may have to trade in those days off for chores and soccer practice. Another big issue is disagreements about parenting decisions. This can cause major issues that can progressively get worse. The best thing is for you and your partner to get on the same page. As your relationship continues and your family grows, so do bills and finances.
Finances can cause a rift in relationships as well. On top of that, being exhausted from work, parenting, and other responsibilities can make some put love on the back burner.
8 Other Kids Will Drive You Crazy
This may sound crazy- but you may like children less after you have your own. Before kids, you may love babysitting and your nephews and nieces. After you have your own, you may only be able to handle the snot, meltdowns, whining, and company of your own kids. Children are not innocent or perfect, but after having your own, you most likely think your own are, and may despise other children.
It can be hard to be around other kids that you witness being mean to your own. Knowing other kids can physically and emotionally hurt your pride and joy can turn you off being able to tolerate certain (or all) kids. It may be a mean thing to admit out loud, but inside the whining of other kids on a playdate can make you want to escape and run back home.
7 Lovemaking Will Be A Thing Of The Past
Love making before kids was probably romantic, wild, and fun. Not having to be quiet due to babies sleeping or being too tired from the exhausting day with the kids- just plain old steamy romance. Well, after kids, that may change. After kids mom may not feel as comfortable in her body, which may result in a change in her confidence in the bedroom.
Also, scheduling intimacy time can totally kill the excitement factor, but with kids, jobs, and tons of responsibility- you may have to pencil in loving making time. If sleep with your children or they end up coming into your bed at any point of the night, that can be a total mood killer as well. The sex drive of both partners may change for a variety of reasons as well. Love making does not have to stop, but it will be different.
6 There's A Never-Ending To-Do List
Before having a child, going to Target probably took absolutely no effort. Most likely, you grabbed your keys, threw on some shoes, and left. With a child, things get a whole lot more complicated. Sometimes getting things done will take so much longer than they did pre-baby.
Maybe there was a diaper blow out the second baby was put in the car seat, while the older one is throwing a tantrum over the pair of shoes you put on her. Grocery shopping may turn into tantrum city with children who find it boring while cleaning the house will be difficult with children who are making messes in rooms that were just cleaned.
Getting ready to go to work quickly may become a thing of the past when one child wants to be held or the other one is crying over the wrong television show episode. Parenting is tough, and pretty much any little task can get turned into a longer more difficult one.
5 Sweatpants... Need We Say More
Before kids, some women and men spent a lot of time focusing on their appearance- going to the gym, buying themselves nice clothes, buying good quality makeup and doing their hair on a daily basis.
We regret to inform you, that after kids, that may change- drastically. Before baby you’d never be caught dead in sweatpants at the mall, and now you may be rocking them with your hubby’s tee shirt decorated with spit up stains as well.
As a parent, most free time is wrapped around the kiddos, so that fifteen minutes in the morning curling your hair may be swapped for putting shoes on and heating up waffles as the family is trying to hurry out the door. This does not have to be the case for every parent, but be warned that it is a possibility that you may not keep up with your appearance like you once did.
4 There's No Such Thing As Trust
Some parents may expect to feel this way pre-baby or some may be surprised- but you may not trust anyone watching your child. Those dreams of dropping off your cutie in the child care room at the gym so you can get your pre-baby body back may not happen as soon as you thought, or at all.
As a parent you have the absolute best intentions for your child, and you assume no one else does. No one will love and care for a child like her parents, and for some parents, that can be a huge reason to not let anyone (even grandpa!) watch that little bundle of joy. It may take time to realize who can and cannot be trusted, and it is understandable to be overprotective of your new baby.
3 Mom's Own Childhood Is Haunting
When becoming a parent, most people reflect on their own upbringing. Parenting may make you face truths about your own parents that you never expected. This can be a good thing and a bad thing. This is a time where parents may have to focus on mistakes their own parents made with them, which can lead to a tinge of resentment.
On the flip side, you may appreciate your parents SO MUCH more now that you have your own, because you just get it. You get why mom seemed stressed out at the dinner table or why dad went to bed super early after a long day of work.
Becoming a parent can have you grasp a sharper focus on the mistakes your parents made with you, and catching yourself when you make the same mistakes. Some parents becoming closer to their own parents after having kids while others become most distant.
2 There's Lifelong Heartbreak
Some say having a baby is like having your heart walk outside of your body, but what some mamas don’t know, is it can be true. When having that sweet little bundle of joy, all a mama wants to do is protect that little cutie from all the danger in the world. When a baby is in their mama’s arms, mama normally feels like they are the in the safest place.
A mama protects their baby, and when baby is out of her hands, she fears the worst- always. A mother wants to protect her child from things such as danger, sadness, rejection, disappointment and heart break- and knowing that is impossible to do forever can be really devastating.
All a mama can do is teach their child the best they can about how to handle certain problems in the world and hope they do so when the time comes.
1 Parenting Isn't Always Fulfilling
Some parents-to-be expect having a child will complete them and their family. The truth is, parenting is not totally fulfilling for anyone, and that is okay. Parenting can fill a parent’s life with joy and happiness, but it cannot take the place of all the other possible joys and happiness in the world. Although our kids devour our attention and time, they should not totally consume our own.
Some may say that their child is an extension of themselves, which is fine if that works for you, but totally okay if it does not. It seems that in parenting some lose their sense of self being so absorbed in their kiddos. It is okay to admit that other things make you happy and taking an hour break a week is saving your sanity.