Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. Nor for those who like to have even a little bit of privacy. Once a woman becomes a mother, she will no longer have the luxury of privacy. No more bathroom trips alone, showering alone or getting dressed alone. Women should get used to a little person watching them—naked and au natural, a lot.
It can be frustrating, not having just 2 minutes alone to just go pee.
It is also very sweet— sort of, kind of. I mean, when else will mom have someone that wants to be around her ALL the time? With any luck, she will never have someone wanting to watch her go to the bathroom and shower, anyone, other than her children would just be weird.
New moms should get used to little hands poking from the other side of the door, when they attempt to lock them out. They will also experience their child having a complete meltdown when they lock the door. Which is why most moms just leave the door unlocked and deal with their children watching them and talking to them while going potty or showering.
One good thing about never having any privacy, when mom finally does get some, she'll really appreciate it! When mom finally gets 5 freaking minutes to shower all by herself, well it's bliss. She will also learn how to shower really fast. Sometimes she may forget to shave a leg, or rinse the shampoo out of her hair. But that's not that big of a deal, right?
16 Welcome To The Hood...Motherhood
"Motherhood, the scariest hood you'll go through." According to a popular meme on the internet. And how true it is. Sleepless nights, no vacation time or pension. You spend many of your days getting thrown up on, pooped or peed on and have food thrown at you. Somedays all you want is a nice long bath or shower, by yourself.
It doesn't happen often, a shower by yourself. Mom's everywhere have learned how to sneak away from the kids. Whether it be to talk on the phone, go to the bathroom or shower. Just get the kiddos busy with a toy or movie, and pull the old slip away. It will give you a good 3 minutes to yourself, tops. If 3 minutes doesn't sound like much, it's because it isn't.
Somehow, kids have this innate ability to track their moms anywhere they go. Privacy? What is that again?
15 The Joys Children Bring
Kids are so awesome about putting their mom's on the spot. I love it when my daughter asks me if her friends can stay the night, right in front of them. It's a cool feeling. Accept it is really not and it makes for yet another awkward situation in the life of mom's. Kids are good at putting their mom's in awkward situations. Anyone have their kids friend over and they walk in on you half dressed, naked, or showering? If it hasn't happened to you, give it time, it will! And when it does, you will want to ring your child's neck. But don't do that, it is frowned upon.
Children just don't realize the awkward situations they cause for their parents. My daughter has a bad problem of walking in on me while bathing, I am usually good about locking the door. But on occasion, I don't and she barges in. Not a huge deal, but it is a big deal when she has a friend with her! This happened once, thank God I had a towel around me already. That would have been a fun conversation to have with her friend's mom...
14 What Was That?
Shower Schizophrenia. It happens to the best of us. I can't tell you how many times I have jumped in the shower, only to hear my child crying or calling for me. This is why sometimes it is just easier to not leave the door locked and they bust in on you. If you don't you will constantly be called for during your shower. Or at least think you are being called for or cried for.
Thinking you hear child call for you over and over while in the shower can be annoying, especially when they aren't crying or calling for you. It leads to you having to stick your head out every thirty seconds and yell "WHAT?!". Or "Honey, can you see if the baby is crying?" Then it just turns into a yelling match with you and your spouse yelling "What?!" to each other until you finally get out of the shower.
13 Showers Before And After Kids
Many moms I know reminisce about what it is was like before they had kids. I do too. Before we would get our nails done, our hair done, go to the gym and tan. Work and shop and have date nights without significant others. Taking a long hot bath, with a glass of wine after a rough day at work was the norm.
Showering for 15 minutes plus in the morning was nothing short of acceptable. Then the baby comes and you are thrown full force in the throws of motherhood. If you were to talk to these ladies about their lives now, it is very different.
There is no longer time for luxurious things like mani-pedis, getting your hair done, and showering. Long gone are the days of a 20 minute, hot shower, that you would take by yourself. Being a mom means you don't have much time to spare, especially for yourself. Jump in the shower, and hopefully, you remember to wash all your parts and your hair, and then you're done.
No lingering, enjoying the warmth or contemplating life. Now you are just lucky if you get a shower every day
12 Just The Surprise Mom Wanted
Ever been in the shower, enjoying the few minutes to yourself under the hot running water? Feeling pretty proud that you were able to slip away undetected by your kids? It's a pretty cool feeling. Five minutes into the shower and feeling like the sneakiest mom ever. Then—BAM! Shower curtain flies open and standing there is your child.
Looking so sweet and annoying all a once. "What are you doing?" They might ask. Or quickly point out something on your naked body you already don't feel so great about.
The surprise factor is one I hated. I am jumpy by nature and easy to scare. Ask my husband and my daughter. It's a game to them. Scaring me half to death. So imagine being in a nice shower, and boom, heart attack because the tiny person you created wants to see what you're up to. Motherhood means, never a dull moment and no privacy.
11 No Privacy Now Or Ever Again!
Most people know way before they ever have a child, that it will be life changing. It may be a bit of embellishment to say you will NEVER have a moment of privacy again. It will come, just many years down the road. The early years are typically the hardest when it comes to getting time alone. As the meme above says, you will never eat, sleep, poop, pee or shower alone again. If they aren't just watching you, they will be on top of you or next to you. Always, they're always there.
Most of the time that's just fine. Being a mom is about taking care of your baby and having them around you constantly, and having massive guilt if you are ever away from them for more than an hour. Sometimes even showering alone, can bring the mom guilt. It comes with the territory, as does basically never being alone. This is a perk if you don't like privacy or alone time or quiet.
10 Getting Comfortable In The Shower
How true this meme is. I never thought I would be comfortable with someone watching me go to the bathroom, take a shower, shave my legs and all the other things I do when showering. But somehow, I am now ok with it. Probably from all the times of my daughter would be sitting in her bouncy seat watching me bathe, to when she got big enough to shower with me.
But having a bouncy seat for her to sit in, so I could take a bath was wonderful. NO doubt about that. Being able to watch my baby and bathe? I hit the jackpot. She loved her seat, and it worked for us.
She started getting a little older and I gave her toys to play with and let her crawl around the floor of the bathroom while I bathed. One time I had a pair of clippers thrown in the tub, thank goodness they weren't plugged! Having children pushes us out of our comfort zones. Which isn't always a bad thing.
9 When The Privacy Space Is Gone And So Is The Patience
As mom's we get fed up. And that is ok. None of us are perfect, and even the most even tempered will get fed up and lose her temper every now and then. Being tired, overworked and underappreciated come with the territory. Frustration is a feeling many moms' understand. And we feel this way, probably a little more than we ever expected.
So when you finally get to take a shower, something that should happen daily—but probably happens once every three days, it is ok to get a little frustrated when the kids won't GTFO.
It's not just the kids that can get us frustrated either. It can be a number of things. Sometimes after a rough day, rinsing the day off in a hot shower might be just the thing to help put you in a better mood. So, if the kids are busting in on you, and hollering for you every 30 seconds, it's ok to lose your cool. Just pretend you are in a horror movie and scream. That might help you feel better.
8 The Truth Hurts
Leave it to your kids to say something that may hurt your feelings. They have a tendency to be honest, if not brutally so. Sometimes being a mom means we just want our kids to not embarrass us. Going to the store, we pray they're quiet and don't say anything very loud about the old man who smells funny, or the plus woman busting out of her leggings.
Kids say the darndest things, and most of the time they're pretty accurate.
I'm not sure if it is worse for our children to call out another human being for their flaws, or when they call us out for our flaws. And Lord knows after having a baby, our bodies have some flaws. Being able to show privately helps hide some of the things we feel insecure about.
When your children come into the shower with you and watch you undress and shower and get dressed, they see your body. All of it. They may point out the stretch marks on your tummy, or cellulite on your ass. While not meaning to be mean, it can definitely hurt our self-esteem. Give it a little bit, because then it will be funny. Sometimes.
7 Weekly Showering
Whether you are a brand new mother or have been in the game for years, time to yourself is hard to come by. Sometimes the days run together. There are meals to be made, a home to keep clean, kids to keep alive. Not to mention Dr. appointments, school, work, after-school activities, and whatever else life throws at us. It becomes clear to us, when we become moms, why showering is talked about like a luxury.
IT IS. For most showering is a given right. One that everyone should be able to have every day. Unfortunately for moms, it is not. It becomes scarce, and the rare occasion we get one, sometimes a few days apart, we love it. And if you ever get to really indulge, take a long hot bath, and turn on some music to drown out the screaming and banging on the bathroom door.
6 All The Single Ladies
This one is for the single mamas out there. It is hard being a mom when you have a supportive spouse. It is even harder when you are doing it all on your own. And to those of you single moms, keep on rockin it— because you are. A 10-minute shower sounds like heaven to any mom, especially the single mamas. Imagine being alone and raising a child.
It sounds pretty hard. Some of the first few weeks after I had my daughter; I waited all day for my husband to walk through the door and give me a little break. Or at least time to cook and serve him dinner while he played with our daughter.
Being single you don't get the luxury of having support or being part of a parenting team. You are the team. Knowing a few single moms, some of their favorite activities are showering alone, going to the bathroom alone, doing anything alone for at least 5 minutes. Not so different from their non-single counterparts.
3 Let The Countdown Begin
Most of us know our children like the back of our hands. We know their behavior and what sets them off. We know when they need a nap or need a snack. We also know the minute we go to do anything, the countdown is on and they will soon find us.
When cleaning or doing something mundane, like folding laundry, they tend to not want us. Or not near as badly as they do when we are on the phone, or trying to have some alone time in the bathroom. The sneak away is good for a few minutes, but we know, oh we know, it's like a ticking time bomb. The countdown is on, to get as much done in the next 3 minutes before your kids find you. They will find you, they always find you.
2 Motherhood—A Speed Event?
Taking a shower is really like a timed event. Much like the meme above states. Time is always of the essence, especially for moms. Be careful, though, don't trip on a rubber ducky or fall on a toy boat. Motherhood does not allow for moms to be hurt and sick. Who would take care of everyone? So while you're racing around to hop in the shower, you have to avoid hazards like toys.
You also will have to hurry. The kids are banging on the door, your husband can't find his socks, or needs dinner.
The pressure is really on when you finally get to take a shower. It may not seem fair, and that's because it isn't. But that's motherhood, and you chose it. Try sneaking a glass of wine in the bathroom next time, it'll help take the edge off! And in case you do trip over something, you will be a little more relaxed and less like to get hurt.
Or more likely because you had a glass of wine and it made you tipsy. It could go either way. I'd risk the wine.
1 Uninterrupted Bliss
There are times when you will be able to take a shower, an uninterrupted shower, for more than 5 minutes. That's a mom win right there in my book. Taking a nice, hot and peaceful shower is blissful. Nobody knocking on the door. Nobody crying at the door, or sticking their tiny little hands under the door. Nobody peeking under the door. Yes, blissful.
Until you remember you are a mom. This doesn't happen. As moms, we know when our children are being quiet, they're up to no good. It's just how it works. Children are messy and curious little creatures. So the next time you get a quiet shower, just remember you will be walking out to some kind of huge mess. At least for a few luxurious minutes things were perfect.
Showering, going to the bathroom alone, eating in peace, these are luxuries that don't really fit into motherhood. There ae a lot of things that happen to us as mothers that just isn't fair. But nobody ever said motherhood was fair, or easy. It takes a tough lady to be a mom. It will be the hardest and best job of your life. It can break your heart and make you feel love like you have never thought possible.
It is a crazy thing, motherhood. Who ever thought that such seemingly little things, like showering alone, and peeing alone, would become our mini vacations?
If you do get to sneak into the bathroom undetected, it's a wonderful surprise. Maybe the kids won't catch on for a good ten minutes this time. That's plenty of time to shower for the whole ten minutes, or maybe play on your phone for a little bit... I am not saying I have done this, but I'm not saying I haven't.
A few minutes of uninterrupted bliss is all a mom needs sometimes. A few minutes to think, and gather her wits about her. After being around your children all day, whom you undoubtedly love more than anything, you really deserve a long hot shower. Mom's everywhere really deserve a bottle of wine and 30-minute hot bath every night.
It sounds like a good thought. But this is motherhood bitches, and it ain't for the week. All you moms out there, get used to having a shower buddy for the next 10 years!