Mom’s have a hard job, it seems the whole of the household falls on them. It was common back about 50 years ago, it was a woman’s “job” to stay home, take care of the house, and raise the children while the husband went off to work. Well, times have changed, making women all over the world yell “hallelujah”, or have they?
I know I am treading in some pretty deep waters here with stating that there are many reasons why men should not change diapers. A man who doesn’t change a diaper nowadays is being labelled as a “deadbeat” dad. This is not only hurtful, but it is largely inaccurate. It boils down to what works for your family, and the family dynamic you have set.
I come from a very traditional family, dad went to work, mom stayed home and dad never changed a single diaper. Those family dynamics have rubbed off on me, as I choose to live my life that way. My husband goes to work all day, and I stay home. He earns the money, I clean the house and cook dinners. He plays with our daughter and I change her diapers. Now, he has changed diapers before when mom needs a little ‘mental health’ break, but that is simply not his role in the family. For many reasons, and he is anything but a “deadbeat” dad.
I am sure some of you are scratching your heads and are just extremely curious as to why there are any reasons that a man should never change a diaper, and what they possibly could be. Well, here are 15 reasons.
14 They Are Uncomfortable
A lot of men are uncomfortable around the icky parts of parenting. The vomit, the gas and the poopy diapers. It can be as simple as a man not being comfortable changing their baby’s diaper, especially it seems if they have a daughter. A lot of people yell “get over it” it is your child too and you have just as much responsibility as the mother does when it comes to the dirty side of parenting.
While, they are true in some respects. It takes two to bring a child into the world and to raise them, so it should take two to do all the necessary parenting jobs, but we can not define what someone finds uncomfortable and just tell them to get over it. If it makes life easier, and it is no big straw on a mother’s back, then just continue to let him get away with not changing a nappy. There are worse things in the world.
13 Not A Great Gag Reflex
Us ladies are tough, we can seem to handle and stomach just about anything, including any and all fluids that come out of our little angel’s. Men, on the other hand, do not usually have as strong a stomach as us do. It is actually a compliment that we can do something that they could never handle. I am sure we have all seen the very funny and viral videos of dad’s gagging and almost throwing up over a dirty diaper.
Hey, we get it, sometimes they are just too much to handle. This is one of the main reasons why my own father could never change my diaper. He just couldn’t stomach it. He is known for many things, but a strong gag reflux is not one of them, at the sound of someone gagging he is over in the corner throwing up. I guess my mom thought it was just easier to change all the diapers instead of having to clean up two messes. I get it.
12 They Sometimes Just Don’t Know What They Are Doing
For a lot of women, it seems like we just know what to do the moment our little one is born. We suddenly know how to perfectly change a diaper, get the bath water to the perfect temperature, and rock them perfectly to sleep. Men, on the other hand, do not always have this innate nature. I love the men in my life who are all fathers, they are great dads, but sometimes they can be pretty clueless about things.
I will give you an example, it was my daughters first birthday and I went ahead to the venue while my daughter was napping with my husband set to bring her after her nap. He just had to change her diaper and get her dressed and come. Well, he arrived, and he whispered in my ear that I may want to make sure her diaper was on right. Well, I did and yup, it was on backwards! It was not a big deal, and I had a laugh and fixed it, but that could have been a potential blow out situation.
11 If It’s A Girl It Would Be … Weird!
Babies are innocent, no matter the gender. There are a lot of dad’s out there who have baby daughters and feel a bit weird about changing her diaper. They think it is a tad inappropriate to look, clean and wipe their little girl’s bum. Of course, we know that it is just changing a diaper and we don’t see it as anything but a father taking care of his daughter. That doesn’t change his outlook on it.
It is actually pretty sad that men have this though. That they fear being perceived as a “pervert” for changing a little girls diaper. This can probably be blamed on the media for thinking that men and girls should be separate, even when it is father and daughter. Those saying “get over it” to this as well, will have the argument that no one thinks it is weird when it is a mother and her son.
10 At The Risk Of Not Looking Manly
Most men like to be macho. That strong, dependable and handsome version of what a man thinks they should be. Again, this probably has to do with media telling men this is how they should be. Women are victims to this as well, with the universe telling us we should have babies, and be the one to do everything associated with said child. Men take their masculinity very seriously, they do not like to be seen as weak or “girly”, and who knew that taking care of your child would be considered “girly”.
Sadly, to some men it is, and they do not want to change a diaper out of fear for looking weak. That’s OK, if the family dynamic is that the man is the man and they do all the hard stuff around the house, while the woman takes care of the nurturing part of the household then so be it. It is another reason men should never change a diaper.
9 There Are More Important Things To Do
Think about it, there are a lot of things to do when you have a baby, toddler or child. Even more if you have multiple. Changing a diaper doesn’t take that long, so it should not be a big deal for a mom to change the diapers and the males to take care of other things. It really is not that important. What is important (to me) is them interacting and playing with their children and not whether they change a few diapers.
Even if the things to do are not playing with their children, there are a lot of other things we could be getting them to do. Men are notorious for us asking them to do something and five months later they do it, so maybe while you change the baby’s diaper they could actually do one of those things. That would be great!
8 No Life Experience
A lot of men were raised in households that had attitudes and traditions that were very much 50 years ago. They watched their moms raise the babies and change the diapers and do the bath time, and their dad sitting on the couch, drinking a beer and watching the game. So, we can not blame them when they simply do not want to do these tasks, and we have to respect their idea of a traditional family, and what constitutes family dynamics.
So, if their idea of a family is one where the mom changes the diapers, then you will not change them and they should not have to change a diaper. This is one reason why it is so important to have certain conversations before you enter into marriage and baby-making. Knowing this kind of information and defining the family dynamics can stop any and all problems before they arise.
7 The Waste!
It is really no joke about how expensive diapers, wipes and all that butt cream is. They are probably one of the priciest things you purchase when you have a baby, and if you have your children close in age, it is a cost you are going to have for a quite a few years. We will always search for the sale, or for different coupons to try and save just a little bit of money. We also hate nothing more than when they are wasted.
Going back a bit where I said that a lot of men just don’t know how to change a diaper, this means that sometimes they can be a bit of a waster with the diapers. They rip the tabs off the diaper, and they may reach for the duct tape, but we all know that’s not going to work. They will probably use more wipes than they need as well as the butt cream. It may be more economical for mom to change the diapers.
6 It Just Shouldn’t Take That Long!
It doesn’t take a mom long to nail down the diaper job, most have it down pat by the time they leave the hospital. An experienced mom can probably change a diaper in 30 seconds tops, there really should be competitions about it (what do I know, maybe they do). For men, it takes a little longer for them to master the skill, and sometimes they just may never master it.
We may ask our other half to change a diaper, and then wonder where they are 20 minutes later. Yup, they are still changing the diaper. They just don’t know how to master the squirming baby while applying diaper cream, and trying to attach the diaper together. Of course, by this time, the baby has probably peed everywhere and goodness knows how many diapers he has gone through. So, for the sake of time, it may just be easier for mom to change the diaper.
5 You Will Have To Throw Them A Parade
I really am thinking about all of you moms out there with this article. Does anyone notice that when a man does something around the house for you. It can be any chore, emptying the dishwasher, cleaning a toilet, or even changing a diaper. They want a large celebration about it? They think they just did the best thing in the entire world and they deserve all the praise!
This is why it may be easier for mom to just change the diaper, unless you want to praise the ground he walks on for changing a diaper. It doesn’t seem to matter that when they do complete these various tasks, they usually do it wrong. I should clarify, it is not really because they do it wrong, but they don’t do it how we would have done. Then we usually go back and “fix” it. So, save yourself the eternal praise!
4 Is It Really Quality Time?
A lot of people who advocate strongly for men to change diapers defend their opinion on the basis that it is quality time for a dad and his child to bond. I am going to call a bit of their bluff on that one. My family dynamic is that diaper changing is my territory, my husband will change a diaper if I am not around, but it is my job. I would never see changing a diaper as quality bonding time with my child. I am wiping her butt after all.
There are way more important things that create a quality bonding experience than changing a diaper. Taking them out for a walk, to the park or for a special treat is bonding time. Snuggling on the couch reading a book or watching a TV show is bonding time. Wiping pee and poop off a little one’s bum is not the key to quality bonding. I would never say to my mom that I feel so connected to her because of all the times she wiped my bum!
3 Society Tells Them They Don’t Have Too
The media and society has a large impact on how we think about the definition of a family. Even though we think progress is being made, there are still messages being sent that tell us that the woman should change the diaper and the men should not. Again, whatever works for the family and their defined roles are OK, but it can be hard for men to go out with their baby and be actually able to change the diaper.
A lot of men’s washrooms still do not have baby change tables. Which seems a little weird, as there are more and more male-led families out there. Dad’s raising babies alone, and then of course they have to change diapers. So, the only choices they are left with is going into the women’s washroom or changing them outside on the ground or on a table. We can’t blame men for not wanting to change a diaper, society tells them not to, and that it is OK.
2 They Are Scared
It is OK to be scared of things, I don’t think there are any people out there who are not scared of anything. If you do meet someone who says they are not scared of anything, I hate to break it to you; they are lying! Things that people find fearful is also subjective, no one can define what someone is scared of or tell them that they are right or wrong.
Some men are literally just scared of changing diapers. They are scared of doing it wrong and they are scared of not cleaning their kid properly and leading to an infection or a rash. This is OK, and if they are scared but want to learn then that is great and you can teach them. If they can not get past their fear, then you will just have to roll with them. You would never expect someone to make you hold a spider, or jump off a building if you were afraid.
1 They Are NOT Deadbeat Dads
When looking for inspiration for this article, I was shocked at all the articles I came across that called a dad who doesn’t change a diaper a “deadbeat” dad. I can truly understand why people think it is weird and wrong for men to not change their child’s diaper, but I think we have entered into a world that is a little extreme.
There are many reasons why men do not want to change diapers, and reasons why they should not change diapers, but it all comes down to one thing. What has the family decided, have they had a conversation on what the expected roles are within the family? If you are part of the world where men are not expected to change a diaper and if that works for you and your family, then you should not change it to fit what society thinks a dad is. If a dad is loving, kind, supportive then he is not a “deadbeat’ dad, even if he won’t change diapers.