Are you really going to argue with her? After all, she is pregnant. She’s growing an entirely new human being inside of her body. And, that’s pretty special. Um, it also makes that mama-to-be kind of sensitive.
Those pregnancy hormones are no joke. They’re taking her on a roller coaster of craziness right now. Okay, to start with, maybe we shouldn’t say “craziness.” Calling an expectant mama crazy is never a good place to begin. That will only add fuel to any argument that may creep up. Of course, it will probably start an argument on its own.
Between the major hormonal ups and downs, the random aches, her growing body and everything else that comes along with those nine long months, you might be acting extra-nice right about now. Seriously. You’re taking a step back, shutting up and avoiding anything that she might possibly see as argumentative.
Of course, there are the times when you just can’t help yourself. Whether you really, truly feel like you’re in the right or you just plain forget that she’s pregnant (yeah, that’s probably not the smartest thing to do), you somehow manage ton accidentally start something with her. Oops. You struck a nerve and apparently hit on some sort of expectant mama hot topic. Yikes! What can you do now? Stop immediately. And, start apologizing. Oh, is that making her even more angry, upset, PO’d or otherwise unhappy? Probably.
So lets’ avoid this situation entirely. Or, at least try to. Before you open your mouth, check out the top arguments that you will absolutely, positively never win with a pregnant woman.
15 Where To Eat
She spent the past few months feeling like she was out to see. During a storm. And not just a normal storm. A movie-scale sized storm. You know the one. It’s got wave swells the size of Mt. Everest and tosses even the sturdiest of ships around like they’re toys. Well, her stomach has felt like she’s on that sort of wild ride.
Mama finally got through those oh so rocky days and she’s ready to eat. Kind of. There are a still a few foods that turn her tummy and she’s got some pretty ‘interesting’ cravings. Hey, you don’t want to make fun of her sudden adoration of chocolate-covered baked potatoes. Of course not.
Okay, so right now it’s the mama-to-be’s job to take care of and nourish her growing baby. That means eating healthy foods. Or at the very least, eating. If mama wants pizza, then chances are you aren’t going to win that, “Honey, I’d rather have steak” argument. If she’s all about falafel, she’s probably not going to give into your burger craving (her cravings are much more powerful). And, if she wants lasagna, it’s Italian for dinner tonight. Don’t argue, just say, “Sounds good to me.”
14 Who Is Tired?
It’s the end of a long day. You’re totally and completely exhausted. You got up early, hit the gym, went to work, spent the better part of the day slaving away (with your boss not so subtly nagging you) and now you’re finally home. Ah, the couch! You sit back, kick up your feet and lazily drift off for a little early evening nap. You are so tired. So, so, so tired.
Don’t even think about saying, “Ugh, I’m exhausted” to the pregnant woman in your life. She doesn’t care. Okay, she might care. But, she did everything you did and with a baby in her belly. On top of the fact that pregnancy can cause exhaustion on a level that she’s never felt before, she’s trying to make it through her day with all of those weirdo aches and pains that growing a baby brings on.
You can go ahead and try to argue the case that your day was tougher than hers. You can tell her that you’re tired-level is on high and hers just isn’t anywhere near yours. Or, you can close your eyes, take a rest break and then ask her if there’s anything she needs right now.
13 The Baby’s Name
She’s been on a baby name quest from the moment that the little pink plus sign crossed the pregnancy test. It’s entirely possible that she doesn’t even know which sex she’s searching for, but she’s still on the lookout in a major way.
Okay, so no one is saying the baby’s name is only mom’s choice. There are two parents, and they should both have equal say. Shh! Just don’t tell mom that. It’s entirely possible that she started her baby name list years ago when she was naming her dolls. And, she’s absolutely sure that she’s got a winner when it comes to the mightiest of monikers.
It doesn’t matter whether you think her picks are plain ol’ crazy or not, keep your opinion to yourself. You will not win this argument. Hey, no one is naming that baby until she’s here. By that time the pregnant mama may be open to some of your suggestions – especially when she sees the baby. Her little “Matilda” might look more like your “Hannah.”
12 Baby Clothes Shopping Part Zillion
Awww, isn’t it cute! You’ve heard this phrase something like a zillion times. Um, every time you’re near a mall, baby store or a computer that has a window open to some sort of baby-centered website.
The nursery’s closet is starting to look like a stockroom at a baby boutique and there’s a rainbow onesies overflowing into your sock drawer. Her baby buying abilities are on high and she can’t seem to quit.
That’s okay. This whole baby thing is new to her. After all, you have absolutely nothing for the baby yet. And, she’s nesting her way to a complete infant wardrobe. Is she going overboard? Heck yeah! But, she’s probably been ogling baby clothes since the moment she decided she wanted to become a mommy. She watched as her BFFs were showered with sweet little sleepers and pint-sized overalls. And, she was jealous. Yes, jealous – of baby clothes.
Now that it’s her turn, don’t dare to tell her to stop. Eventually she’ll run out of space, or money. When one of those happens she’ll stop. There’s no need to argue here.
11 Who Should Get The Ice Cream
It’s midnight and she’s craving rocky road. Right now. Okay, so it doesn’t really matter if it’s 8 a.m., 7 p.m. or the middle of the night. When a pregnant woman is having a food craving, time is of the essence.
Yeah, you’re tempted to tell her to go out and get the ice cream (or whatever else she absolutely needs to eat) herself. But, what would that really accomplish? Obviously she’s physically capable of getting her own food. She’s pregnant, not injured.
So why would asking her to get whatever she’s craving for herself be such a hot button topic? Well, it kind of seems like you’re insensitive. She’s the one carrying around the baby. She’s the one suffering through the exhaustion, nausea and aches. She’s the one with the ever-growing belly. And if she wants one little thing that will make her day just a bit better, maybe she shouldn’t have to get it for herself. Right?
10 The Baby Shower Guest List
Your cousins keep badgering you about the baby shower. They’re texting, emailing and leaving FB comments. Constantly. The baby shower is coming up and the mama-to-be is giving her BFF, sister or whoever else is throwing the event the guest list.
Okay, so here’s the deal – it’s her shower. Yes, she should be polite and invite the whole family. That includes the ladies on both sides. But, when it comes down to it, this is her day. That means she gets the final say. If she’s still somewhat annoyed with your cousin for getting drunk and making a fool of herself at your wedding, then that relative may be off the guest list. And, that’s entirely alright.
It’s perfectly acceptable for the shower recipient’s close family to make guest list suggestions. Her mom might want to add a long-time family friend, her MIL might want to invite her own sister and her S.O. might think that his best friend’s wife should attend. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with asking. That said, if the expectant mom vetoes anyone, don’t put up a fight.
9 Getting The Nursery Ready
She’s got a picture in her mind. It’s the nursery, and she wants it to be exactly like she has always imagined. The soon-to-be mommy has been scouring Internet design sites, flipping through decorating magazines and checking out her friends’ nurseries.
There are paint swatches on the walls, fabric swatches on the furniture and carpet samples littering the floor. Hey wait! This is your house too. Shouldn’t you get a say? Um, yeah. Of course. The two of you share a life, a home and a baby. And, that means you have the right to have an opinion. But, it doesn’t mean that you’ll win and get your way.
Chances are that the expectant mommy isn’t giving up on her picture perfect nursery right now. Instead of going head to head, step back and offer a few simple suggestions. Talk about compromises, and not about whose way is the right way. This might just help you to avoid the argument in the first place.
8 Walking Is Better Than Riding
The mall is crowded. Really, really crowded. So you park wherever you can. Sure, it’s a hefty walk away from the entrance. But, exercise is good for you. Right? Of course it is. And, it’s good for pregnant mamas too. As long as the doc doesn’t tell her that she can’t get physical, a pregnant woman can feel comfortable in getting in some light-duty workouts. And, this certainly includes working.
Yes, physical activity is actually good for pregnant women. A sedentary lifestyle isn’t desirable for anyone, especially pregnant women. According the CDC, pregnant women should get at least 150 minutes of physical activity each week. Obviously this isn’t all at once and should be spread out over the course of those seven days.
So if exercise is good for that mama, then why is parking far away (or telling her that you’d rather walk somewhere than drive) an argument starter? Even though she might be a-ok with going to that prenatal yoga class or putting on her walking shoes and doing a circle around the neighborhood, she may also feel aches, pains and strains that don’t exactly match up with a long parking lot walk. She may also not be in the mood for exercise or appropriately dressed for it. It’s not likely that she’ll want to get her cute little sundress super-sweaty on the way to a nice dinner just because you didn’t feel like looking for a closer parking spot.
Instead of arguing the point, be polite and drop her off. Then go park the car and walk.
7 She Is Thin
“Ugh! I look like a whale! Don’t I?” Well, that’s a loaded question, isn’t it? She’s pregnant, getting bigger and can’t seem to stand her reflection in the mirror. Yes, she totally knows that she needs to gain weight during pregnancy. It’s healthy to put on a few pounds. Women who were considered a “normal” weight prior to pregnancy should gain between 25 and 30 pounds. Underweight mamas should gain between 28 and 40 pounds. Overweight women should gain between 15 and 25 pounds. And, obese mothers-to-be should gain between 11 and 20 pounds.
Your S.O. is gaining the weight she needs during pregnancy. Her rational self is saying, “This is so healthy.” But, the other side of her is saying, “OMG! I look so fat.” You want to help her out, so you make a point of saying she’s so skinny. Okay, so you’re not exactly going overboard. But, you are telling her that she looks totally rad the way she is. How does that start a fight? Most likely it’s because she doesn’t see what you do. You see a hot pregnant woman who looks like herself, but with a baby belly. She sees an alien creature who has replaced her former body with a sumo wrestler.
Don’t push it. Compliment her. Then let it go. If she argues back, “How can you say that? I look so fat!” A simple, “You’re beautiful” will do.
6 Doctor’s Appointment Disappointment
Another doctor’s appointment? Yep. That’s right. Being pregnant is a lot of work. And, there are a lot (like a lot, a lot) of medical provider appointments involved. There are monthly, then weekly, check-ups. Oh, and then there are special visits for various tests and an ultrasound. Oh, and you’re expected to go to them all.
Obviously the mama-to-be needs to go. It’s kind of hard to check on the baby if the baby isn’t actually there. But, her S.O.? Why does her significant other need to go? Well, because attendance is kind of mandatory. Not in a medical sense – really you won’t be doing anything health-wise. But, the S.O. needs to be there for emotional support. On top of that, you should show an interest in that unborn baby of yours. And, this is one major way to do that.
Skipping out on doctor’s appointments won’t score you any points with the expectant mama. It will land you in a major argument though. And, the more important the appointment is, the bigger the argument will get. Imagine what will happen if you miss that all-important first ultrasound. That’s right – you really need to go.
5 Calm Down Mama
Those hormones can make mama tightly wound. On top of that, she’s super-stressed – about everything. There are plans to make, things to do and only three teeny tiny trimesters to get it all done in. She’s kind of freaking out, and you know that isn’t good for the baby.
Guess what? She knows it too. She just can’t help out. You tell her to calm down. Of course, you use the nicest possible words. But, somehow that sets her off. If you thought she wasn’t calm before, you were wrong. Now she’s really stressing.
Let’s backtrack here. Again, the mom-to-be knows that stress isn’t what the baby needs. She’s pregnant, not stupid. She also isn’t trying to get stressed. She wants calm in her life. But, sometimes that’s just not possible. What she doesn’t need is other people pointing out just how anxious she is. Before it turns into an argument, come up with a more creative way for helping her to calm down. Maybe that means going to a yoga class together or asking her if she’d like a massage.
4 Dad Would Be A Rad Preggo
This whole pregnancy thing isn’t so tough. At least, it doesn’t look that way to you. She gets to eat whatever she wants, have people wait on her (well, have you wait on her) and she gets to wear those super-comfy looking pants with a cool elastic waistband. What’s so bad about that? You could totally do it.
Stop right there. Unless you’re looking for the fight of the century, never, ever, ever say anything that sounds like, “I’d be an awesome pregnant person. I could completely do it better than anyone else. It’s not that hard.”
Whoa! Those are true fighting words. Being dismissive of the mommy-to-be and her pregnancy is never the way to go. By saying that you could do it just as well (if not better), she’s hearing you say, “You suck at this. And I’m so much better than you.” No one is saying that this is what you really mean. You might just honestly think you’d make a fab pregnant person. But, mom won’t get the meaning. Not now anyway. Instead of having to explain what you’re saying for the next few months, stop yourself before you start. Being pregnant isn’t easy. Don’t act like it is.
3 Romance Time
In a few short months your couple days will be done. There will be sleepless nights, and not in the sexy fun way. Nope. Face it, your love life will suffer. At least for the first few months – maybe more. It happens. And, it doesn’t mean that eventually you can’t get back on track.
Right now you have the time and the opportunity to couple it up. The two of you can cuddle and much, much more whenever you want – without the baby interrupting. So you initiate ‘things’. And get a big ol’ “No!” Wait, what’s going on here?
Well, she’s exhausted, maybe a bit nauseous and not feeling it right now. That doesn’t mean she won’t have a total reversal of opinion in the next few minutes, hours or days. But, for right now she’s not into doing anything in the bedroom other than sleeping. You won’t win this one. You can beg, plead and state your case. It won’t matter. You can’t force romance, and you shouldn’t. Give her the time and space that she needs. By all means, continuing wooing. Just in a sweetly romantic way, and not with a, “Can we just get busy now?” type of approach.
2 Mother-In-Law Knows Best
You love your mother. For most of your life she was the number one lady. Aww. So cute! But, right now you’ve got a new lady – and she doesn’t want to play seconds. She gets it. After all, she’s about to become a mother herself. She knows what a mother’s love means and she thinks it’s adorable that you put your own mama up on a pedestal. But, she doesn’t want your mother’s words always coming out of your mouth.
Your MIL has opinions when it comes to pregnancy and parenting. And, sometimes they don’t jive with your pregnant S.O.’s. That’s okay. People aren’t all the same, and no one should expect that.
So, you take your MIL’s well-meaning advice and give it to the mama-to-be. There are times when she’ll take that advice and run with it. And, then there are the other times. If she disagrees with the mother-in-law’s advice, don’t get in the middle. This is an argument you will never win. Beyond that, it may drive a wedge right into the middle of your family. Let everyone have their own views, and don’t let one mama impose hers on the other.
1 Financial Fictions
Arguing about money isn’t exactly uncommon. All couples do it. Add in a child, and chances are that you’re arguing is going up a notch. Seriously. Having a child is expensive. A middle-income family can expect to spend roughly $233,610 on raising a child through age 17, according to the USDA. Yikes!
The more baby gear you buy, the more you’re starting to realize just how expensive these little baby people are. Oh, and so is the mama-to-be. Suddenly she’s freaking out about every dollar you spend on anything that doesn’t have to do with the baby. Okay, so this is completely normal. Having a baby is stressful. It’s a major change. And, it’s going to impact your whole life – including your financial well-being.
Arguing about finances right now won’t do you any good. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t plan ahead. By all means, sit down with your honey and budget away. Just don’t pick a fight about it. There’s so much going on with the pregnancy, you don’t need to add information on extra expenses to the mix.