WalMart department stores really do hold a special place in our society. I mean, where else in this world can you stop in to buy milk and bread only to be distracted by a shirtless man wearing nothing more than a leather vest while buying dog food? Or a transgender Santa that is pulling double duty for both the big man and Mrs. Claus at the same time? Or better yet, where else could you see Santa chillaxin’ in a reclining chair in the home goods section or getting his groove on near electronics and automotive?
Let me tell you, there’s no way you’ll see this kind of debauchery go down in a Target or a Macy’s department store.
Oh no. WalMart is where you can buy your groceries and see the worst of society happen all in one place.
And because the holiday season is just right around the corner, many stores across the land are getting ready for the onslaught of everything red, green, glittery and gold. There will also be plenty of Santa Claus sightings but unfortunately, some of them won’t be what you expect. Santa isn’t the same guy that you use to see at the mall when your mom wanted to take holiday pictures with him. Oh no. Here are 15 award-winning Santas at WalMart and yes, they are everything you would expect… plus more!
15 Santa In A Skirt
Ok, I know this is 2017 and that we are all supposed to have an open mind (along with a non judgmental one) when it comes to seeing things that are a little less conservative, but come on! Imagine if you were a 6-year-old child. How would you feel seeing Santa Claus wearing a skirt at your local WalMart? The thought of it alone is just terrifying!
Yet, this probably happens more often than we would like to admit. Is it wrong? Yes. Is it gross? Yes. Is it totally inappropriate for both children and adults of all ages? Absolutely. Someone, cover this fellow up! We don’t need to see this in public! And my goodness, we don’t need to ruin the holiday season this way, either! I don’t want to hear about this man’s jingle bells, either.
14 Santa Getting His Groove On
While I was growing up I was always under the impression that Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus were a pretty tight item. Sure, there were plenty of elves hanging out in the North Pole, but Mrs. Claus was never that kind of woman. She’s a stand by your man kind of gal. And I would think that Santa Claus were the same. Right?
Well, unfortunately, that wasn’t the case with this particular Santa right here. He was getting his groove on with two fans at the same time. Geesh. We don’t want to see that. And little kids hoping for a great Christmas present this year don’t want to see this, too. Talk about awkward! Get a room, Santa. Or better yet, go back to Mrs. Claus. She doesn’t deserve this.
13 Santa In A Reclining Chair
Ok, I get it. Santa Claus is a very busy man. He’s got a lot of houses to hit up during the holiday season. He works all year long. He doesn’t get many personal days off. But must he sit in a reclining chair in the home goods department at WalMart? I mean, has he really gotten this lazy? What happened to a good, old-fashioned rocking chair?
Santa Claus looks like he’s in a living room in the comfort of his room. And sorry, but I don’t think anyone wants to see that. It’s not part of the holiday spirit. Where are the reindeer? Where are Santa’s elves? Why is there a window behind him? We’ve got so many questions. This is just wrong on many levels. Am I not right?
12 Hot As NOT Santa
Oh dear. I don’t think there is one human being on this planet that woke up this morning thinking they would see this version of Santa Claus at WalMart. I mean, we can say so many things about this hot-as-not Santa Claus. But perhaps it’s best not to say anything. We don’t want to end up on the naughty list.
But seriously, do you know anyone who would voluntarily dress this way in public, and to a WalMart no less? Sorry to say but this almost feels like an assault on the eyes. We don’t want to see this! I’m sure the employees of WalMart don’t want to see this. And our children don’t want to see this either. The world is confusing enough as it is! Lady, put your jingle bells away!
11 Santa In A Leather Vest
Just when you thought you’ve seen it all, we present to you Santa Claus in nothing more than a leather vest. I understand that good old Santa needs a day off, but come on people. He shouldn’t be parading half naked at a WalMart while buying dog food (actually shouldn’t that be reindeer food?!).
Thank goodness none of this stuff ever happened during my childhood. Or maybe it did and I just chose to mentally block it out. With that being said, if you decide to do any shopping outside of the home, for the love of humanity, please put a shirt on. Unless you are shopping on Amazon from the comfort of your own home, this is just not acceptable. Plus, the leather vest is so several seasons ago.
10 Santa Forgot His A-Game
Oh dear. Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, this Santa here forgot his A-game. I mean, if you are going to dress the part, you need to do it from A to Z. Don’t skip anything. Wear the entire uniform. And definitely put on a beard. Santa is not Santa without a beard. We’ve never seen a clean Santa in our lives and we definitely don’t need to start now.
But I will give this guy the benefit of the doubt as I’m sure he dressed up as Santa for a good cause. Still, don’t confuse the children! As the kids like to say these days: fake it until you make it. If you are going to do it, do it well. Although we will give this Santa a passing grade for trying.
9 Transgender Santa
Well, didn’t we say that in 2017 you are bound to see and hear just about anything?!? Well, we weren’t lying. Apparently, Santa is just keeping up with the times here. Or maybe he’s pulling double duty at the same time. Mrs. Claus took a sick day so this Santa is just trying to play two parts at the same time. Or at least, that’s what it looks like.
Either way, could you imagine doing a quick WalMart run to pick up some bread and milk just to see a dudette dressed as Santa? Yes, it’s hard not to stare. But it’s funny AF and I’m sure a lot of people get a kick out of seeing this kind of stuff during the holiday season. Oh, WalMart. It’s good to know that you’ll never change.
8 Obese Santa
Now, we get that Santa Claus isn’t the fittest guy on the planet, but my golly he shouldn't be the unhealthiest guy in the North Pole either, right? I mean, what has Mrs. Claus been feeding him throughout the year? Considering how many chimneys he has to slide down on Christmas Eve, this sure is going to make things complicated. He might not even fit through the first one!
Our Santa Claus needs to be somehow fit and active in order to deliver all of the children’s presents on time. I don’t want to sound insensitive (I know what you are thinking – too late on that) but lay off on the Jaffa Cakes, Santa Claus. Try one of Rudolf’s carrots instead. We need you to be in tip top shape before December 25 gets here.
7 Creepy Santa
Let’s get something straight here: we don’t want to mix our Halloween decorations with our Christmas décor. And this here looks like something that would be best suited for Halloween, even though it’s meant for Christmas. I mean, it’s a creepy looking Santa for crying out loud. Thank goodness Thanksgiving doesn’t have to deal with this kind of mess.
Whatever you do this holiday season, please (and I beg you) do not hang what looks like a dead Santa on your front porch. The neighborhood will thank you later for it. Someone might actually mistaken this for a real Santa and call the cops on you. And you definitely don’t want something like that to happen. Creepy Santa (just like the other Santas we’ve described above) have no place in our society. Right?
6 Santa Incognito
Sometimes Santa Claus just wants to go to his local CVS store or pick up a few essentials at WalMart without being recognized. And honestly, we don’t blame him. He’s a huge celebrity. He’s got a lot of goods. There isn’t a kid on this planet that wouldn’t go nuts with excitement while seeing him. He is the myth, the man, the legend.
But still, why does Santa Claus have to look incognito here? It’s so painfully awkward, that we really don’t know what to say. He looks like a long lost uncle that you know exists, but really don’t want to bother reaching out to because he’s a bit on the weird side. And we don’t want to see our Santa in that same light, too. Take the beige coat off, please!
5 Santa Getting Arrested
Ok, this is the kind of stuff that nightmares are made out of. I don’t know how you would react to this, but I can tell you right now that I would absolutely freak out if I saw Santa Claus getting arrested and at a WalMart too, no less! I’m sure my kids would feel the same way as well!
Now, seeing anyone get arrested in the parking lot of a WalMart is scary and traumatizing enough. But you can only wonder what this Bad Santa (no pun intended) was up to that landed him in handcuffs. Here’s hoping that whatever he did was more stupid than dangerous. But then again, this guy was dressed up as a jolly good man in America’s department store. It’s always weirdo season at WalMart, right?
4 Santa With No Clothes On
Ok, who ordered this Santa? Because trust me, this was not on my lists of “want” this year. In fact, this looks like the kind of Santa that you would get if you were naughty this year. And no, we don’t mean that in a good or positive way at all.
Traditionally, Santa should look like a jolly good old man that is ready to slide down the chimney and leave presents under the tree all night long on December 25. He shouldn’t look like someone who lost their outfit after doing the walk of shame during a night you’d probably want to forget. And what’s up with the cape? Girl, put some clothes on! And stop traumatizing the poor kids of WalMart. We’ve had enough to deal with this year, thank you very much!
3 Santa In The Underwear Section
Santa Claus sure is thorough with his lists, isn’t he? When you tell him that you want three bras of a particular brand in your size, he will go up and down every aisle in every WalMart all across the land to find you one! And by looking at this photo, you can tell that Santa is having one helluva time with his search, too.
Then again, how would you react if you saw Santa Claus going through underwear packs at WalMart? Shouldn’t he be in the toy section instead? Or is he just looking for a little special something for Mrs. Claus? Whatever the case, Santa needs to hightail it out of there. Keep moving, pops! You’ve got more work to do. Bobby might have been a bad boy this year, but the last thing any kid should get is freshly picked underwear from Santa. That’s just wrong!
2 Made In Canada Santa
Ok, let’s get this out of the way first: everyone loves their neighbors to the north, Canada. It’s home to some of the greatest cities (Toronto, Vancouver and Montreal), greatest poutine, and of course, great hockey teams, too. This person right here is just doing Canada a great disservice as the outfit is doing no one any favors.
First off, we can’t tell if this is supposed to be someone dressed as Santa Claus or a party-hopping elf who is about to hit all of the hot spots in the North Pole (I mean, the skirt just says it, right?). We don’t know what this person is doing, where they are going or what they are up to for that matter. And quite frankly, we don’t want to know either. Moving on!
1 Santa Taking A Selfie
Hey, now! Didn’t you know that Santa was a Millennial, too? You don’t have to write him a letter, post it with a stamp and send it to him to the North Pole. He answers emails! He leaves voice messages! He’s on social media. And better yet, he’ll take a selfie with you the next time you meet him at your local WalMart!
I mean, we wouldn’t expect any less of him. Santa is keeping up with the times! And he’s been doing this for how many years now? The man knows what he is doing. There’s no need to sit on his lap anymore. Santa knows it’s the year 2017 and everyone prefers to take selfies instead. It might seem awkward at first, but it really isn’t. Just smile!