Childbirth isn’t easy. Duh. Mom's made it through the marathon that is pregnancy, and then she gets the great reward of pushing someone the size of a watermelon out of her hoo-ha.
Okay, so the beautiful baby you just gave birth to is the real reward. But, that won’t stop everyone from making you mentally leave the magical moment that is childbirth and getting down on yourself. How does this happen?
Well, if someone is saying something awful to you, it’s likely that you’ll feel kind of like garbage. Yeah, this is true anytime. Now imagine that it happens while you’re recovering from childbirth. Whoa! That magnifies the garbage feeling by about a zillion. Who would do this? Seriously. What kind of amazingly heinous creature would rag on a new mama who just spent hours laboring? It could be the husband, the S.O., the mother (that’s the new mother’s mother), the MIL, a so-called BFF or that BFF’s significant other. Or, it could be just about anyone else.
Whether it’s the closest person in the world to that new mama, or someone who is basically a stranger, saying anything awful to a pregnant woman who is recovering from childbirth is totally inexcusable. Hey, she’s exhausted, she’s emotional and she’s in need of positive feelings – and only positive feelings right now.
So, what are these ‘awful’ things? Check out the craziness that comes out of some people’s mouths when they’re talking to new mamas. Yeah, some of it is totally intentional. But, the rest is just thoughtless baby-related banter.
15 Hoo-Ha “Ha Ha”
Yes, we all know how a baby comes out. Unless you’ve had a C-section, that baby has to pass through your lady parts. And, most people assume that your “down there” area is completely decimated – especially if your baby is bigger. No one talks about your private parts in the pre-pregnancy days. That’s probably because they’re private. But, the closer you get to delivery, the more random people think it’s okay to talk about your hoo-ha. And, afterwards? Oh, that’s when the really craziness starts.
Your vag just stretched enough to pass a baby through it. Well, maybe it didn’t stretch all the way. It could have torn too. Or, your OB may have surgically cut it (in other words, given you an episiotomy). Between the tearing, cutting, stretching and stitching, things down there don’t exactly feel good. And, you don’t need anyone reminding you about it.
Even though your private parts should be off limits when it comes to anyone other than your S.O. (and your doc), your friends, co-workers, family and mommy pals will have no shame in hitting you with, “Wow! Your hoo-ha must be really messed up now. I bet it’s feeling painful AF.” Yep. It’s all true. But, you totally don’t need to hear it right now. Oh, and on top of that, it’s kind of gross that someone who you aren’t intimate with is bringing the topic up.
14 Don’t Worry About The Mess
Your 48 hours in the hospital are done. Now that you’ve been discharged your back home with your newborn. It’s time for some serious bonding. Between the cuddling, snuggling and all of those poopy diapers, you don’t have much time left to vacuum the dust bunnies and wipe down the windows. Yeah, you know it.
When your friends come over to see the baby and exclaim, “Don’t worry about the mess. We know it’s hard to find time to clean with a new baby,” it doesn’t exactly thrill you. Of course not. They might think they’re saying, “It’s okay, we get it. You have better things to do right now.” But, you’re hearing, “Whoa! Check out the major mess. How could someone let things go for so long?”
No, this type of comment isn’t exactly on par with, “Ohhh, your baby is so interesting looking.” But, it still hurts your feelings. It’s not like you haven’t noticed the mountain of onesies towering over the TV or the sink filled with dirty dishes.
13 Still Pregnant?
“Are you still pregnant?” You’re recovering from one of the most major things that has ever happened to your body. You spent nine months growing another human being inside of you, and suddenly everyone is questioning why you haven’t snapped back in nine minutes. That doesn’t seem fair. Does it? No way! You’re totally body conscious, and this is pretty much the last question you want to hear. As the words pass over your ears, you’re probably thinking, “What is wrong with this person? Why would they say something so awful to me?”
No new mama wants to hear that she still looks like she’s preggo – even though she delivered days (or weeks) ago. Taking the baby weight off isn’t an instant accomplishment. Okay, if you’re a supermodel or a celeb who can afford a nutritionist, a trainer and an awesome plastic surgeon, then maybe it is. But, you don’t have any of those. You’re recovering at your own pace. And, you don’t need people questioning you about whether you are or aren’t still pregnant right now.
12 It's No Big Deal
You just went through something bigger than anyone who has never given birth can ever imagine. And, that’s about when your childless cousin comes at you with, “So, delivery seems like it’s no big deal. Right?” Um, wrong.
Just because you’re not constantly complaining about it, doesn’t mean your L&D was super-easy. It also doesn’t mean that childbirth wasn’t a major life event.
By downplaying the role that you played in the childbirth process or by downplaying the whole event, the commenter is suggesting that your baby’s birth day was just like every other day. Okay, so that’s probably not what’s really going on here. Maybe the person is just doesn’t want the delivery details. Or, maybe they’re genuinely trying to make you feel better about any stress or anxiety you may have had about delivery. Whatever the reason, “It’s no big deal” isn’t anything that you want to associate with your child’s birth.
11 That Looks Bad
When people you aren’t in any way intimate with talk about your post-pregnancy hoo-ha you get offended. But, when your S.O. talks about it, you get outraged. Hey, you carried his child around inside of your uterus for nine months. You spent days vomiting, had backaches, headaches and all kinds of other aches, and then pushed a fully-formed person out of your lady parts.
For all of that work, you should get a medal. Or, at least, something made out of metal. As long as that metal is gold. But, instead your S.O. takes one look and says, “Wow! Honey, your hoo-ha looks crazy right now.” Um, yeah. You have tears, cuts and stitches. And, when the man who you love the most tells you that your vag looks like a war zone, you kind of get the idea that any thoughts of romance are gone. Poof. From now on he’ll have THAT image in his head every time you climb into bed.
Okay, he’ll get over it. That said, you might not. Now you’re super self-conscious. Yeah, it all looks bad right now. But, it will heal. So, ignore your other half’s insensitive comment and focus on your baby.
10 WE Did So Well In The L&D Room
Okay, so your hubby did an awesome job. He was totally supportive of you and held your hand the whole time (even when you felt like breaking it). You’re super-happy that your S.O. was there for you every step of the way. But it wasn’t like he was the one pushing the baby out. Not so surprisingly, he seems to be taking all the credit.
He’s all proud of himself for standing up through the whole hour of pushing. And he’s telling everyone all about how he didn’t even feel faint – not even once. Wow! Amazing! Um, sarcasm completely implied here.
Yes you both did well in the labor and delivery room. But it was you who did the heavy lifting. Or rather, the heavy pushing. So when your guy says, “WE did great!” you’re kind of thinking, “We? Who is this we you’re talking about? Don’t you mean me?” After all, let’s give credit where credit truly is due.
9 Wow, Look At That Baby
Um, this comment isn’t said in a sweet way. Not at all. Sometimes babies aren’t born looking like they do in the movies. More often than not, newborns don’t come out looking like chunk little cherubs. Instead, they’re scrawny, wrinkly and covered in goo. And that’s not to mention the weirdo football-shaped head look. Moving down that birth canal doesn’t exactly leave your baby’s movable scull perfectly in place. Or perfectly round, for that matter.
You’re recovering from the big birth day. And you know that your baby still looks squishy. You don’t need to hear, “Whoa! What’s wrong with her? Why does her head look like that?” now. Come on. No one needs to say anything negative about your precious angel. Right? Even though it may be out of concern, or more likely out of ignorance, this is a pretty awful statement to make to a new mama.
8 I'm So Tired Right Now
You’ve been in labor for 18 hours. Then you spent another hour or two pushing the baby out. Just as you’re looking lovingly into your newborn’s eyes for the very first time your S.O. glances over, opens his mouth and utters those three little words, “I’m so tired.”
What? You’re mad AF right about now. You’re thinking, “Who’s tired? You’re tired? From what? From sitting on a couch watching me be in pain? That must have been exhausting.” And that’s not even mentioning the two hour nap he took at some point, while you labored away.
Instead of asking how you’re feeling, your significant other is going on and on about his pain. He’s exhausted. He’s so sleepy. He only got four hours of sleep last night. Needless to say, you’re not exactly feeling his pain. Even though the intention behind this comment isn’t to hurt you, it does. At the very least, it makes you feel like he just doesn’t get it. And it makes you wonder if the rest of this parenting thing is going to be all about him too!
7 Lots Of Stitches Down There
Tearing happens. It’s just part of childbirth. At least, for some women. Others have a surgical cut. And others don’t tear or cut at all. Lucky. Well, if you’re not one of the fortunate mamas, you will probably need stitches. Hearing the words, “I’m going to stitch you up right now” from your medical provider can strike fear and bring on some major anxiety.
Okay, so it might not be that bad. First-degree tears only involve the immediate area. That means the top layer of skin outside of the vagina might tear. These require very few stitches, if any at all. A second-degree tear goes into the muscle underneath and includes several stitches. Third- and fourth-degree tears are pretty major. These go past the vaginal tissue and into the perineum and the anal sphincter. The fourth-degree type may go through the anal sphincter and into the tissue under it as well.
Whether you have one stitch or a few, hearing that you’ll need them may make your stomach turn. Even though you might not feel the pain of the stitches, the knowledge that your doc is suturing you means that you’ve torn. And that is never fun to hear.
6 What About Number Two?
You’ve probably heard the rumors. You know – when you push a baby out, sometimes a little poop comes out too. Well, it’s true. Childbirth requires the use of the same muscles that you use to poo. So it’s pretty common for mamas-to-be to have a bit of a brown accident during labor and delivery. Hey, it happens. And the medical pros don’t really think it’s a big deal.
But that’s not to say that other people won’t turn this ‘not so much of a big deal’ into something major. Asking if you pooped during childbirth is a pretty awful thing to say while you’re recovering. You already feel gross. Seriously. You do. And right now you don’t want someone saying, “Hey, did you poop when you were pushing?” Chances are it’s not your baby daddy who is asking the question. Why not? Most likely he was in the delivery room and knows what did and didn’t happen. Beyond that, he knows better than to ask about it.
That leaves family members, friends and acquaintances. Imagine the nice, but nosy, accounting assistant at work asking you about your push poop. Yeah, it’s pretty awful. Right?
5 What's For Dinner?
Mama’s recovering from something major. There’s a reason they call it labor. It’s super-hard work. There’s stretching, tearing, pushing and ultimately you’re exhausted at the end. Happy. But exhausted. Those two or so days you spent in the hospital post-birth were magical. You had a full medical staff to help take care of the kiddo and everyone waited on you hand and foot. Yeah, it’s not exactly relaxing. But you were still able to get some sleep. And then you went home.
Your hospital discharge does mean you’re completely recovered. You’re still healing and you’re still completely exhausted. You’re trying your best to get used to your new life as a mommy, but it isn’t always easy. Then it happens. Your S.O. asks, “What are we having for dinner tonight?” Awful. Absolutely awful. Why? Your other half isn’t asking what he can make for dinner. And he’s not asking where you want to order in from. He’s expecting you to pick up your aching self and make him dinner. Oh, and you can eat some too.
If this is something that your S.O. decides to say, don’t freak out. Simply let him know that you’re still recovering and you’d appreciate his help. He’ll get it. Hopefully.
4 When’s The Next Pregnancy?
The baby just came out of you. Literally. You actually just gave birth something like a week ago. And what are people asking you? Yep, there’s someone who wants to know when baby number two will be due. What?
Alright, alright. On it’s own the, “So, when are you getting pregnant again?” question isn’t exactly awful. At most it’s mildly intrusive. But when it comes on the heels of childbirth, it’s outright offensive.
Chances are that the asker is someone close to you. And it’s someone who has some sort of stake in your kiddos. Maybe it’s your own mom, or maybe it’s your MIL. Whoever it is, asking you when you’re planning a second pregnancy is just not okay right now. Your hoo-ha is still in major pain and you can’t even imagine getting back to baby-making. Don’t stress. Just ignore the question or laugh it off. After all, it is pretty funny.
3 Labor Sure Was Loud
You’re not exactly a loud person. But suddenly you find that you’re a yeller. Why? Um, because you’re in labor. Those contractions are coming, one on top of another, and you just can’t take it. Something’s got to give. And right now, that’s your ability to hold in all of those screams.
You know you’re being loud. It’s pretty obvious. Yeah, you’re screaming your head off. But there’s another human being coming out of your hoo-ha. So that’s to be expected. What isn’t expected is your S.O.’s reaction to your screams. In the moment he shut up. Good thinking on his part. Maybe he’s smarter than you give him credit for. Oh wait, no he’s not.
You just had the baby and you’re recovering, kind of. That’s when he exclaims, “Whoa, you sure were loud during labor!” Well, yeah. Is that really necessary to say? Of course it isn’t. It kind of feels like he’s making fun of you, and if he’s not it seems like he’s being kind of picky.
2 Hubby At Home
The moment was magic. You gave birth and you’re on cloud nine. That is, until the reality of what just happened sets in. Oh, you’re still completely thrilled to be a mama. But you’re in pain, you’re tired beyond possible belief and you’re not at all sure what to do with this weird squishy person who just came out of you.
Wouldn’t it be nice if you had some help right now? Well, you do. The hospital staff is all over it. But you want some help from someone who is close to you. Someone like your baby daddy. That’s when he says, “I’m headed home?” You start screaming a string of expletives so foul that you the nurse tightly closes your door so that the other patients can’t hear you.
Even if he’s just leaving to get in a quick nap, change his clothes and feed the dog, you’re mad AF at the fact that he’s leaving you. You just pushed his child out of your body, and he can’t even stick around? Really? Feeling abandoned by your S.O., even if it’s only for a few hours, is the worst during childbirth recover.
1 Moms Have Been Giving Birth For Thousands Of Years
Yeah, you know that you’re not the first woman in history who has given birth. You were pregnant, not an idiot. That doesn’t change the fact that you’re talking nonstop about your ‘special’ experience. Hey, it’s okay. Every new mom does it. It’s a life-changing experience, and you want everyone to know about it.
Most of your friends and family will patently listen to you. Heck, some of the will actually be interested. But then there are the Debbie downers who have to say something awful, “What do you think you’re the first woman to have a baby or something? Mothers have been giving birth since the beginning of human history. It’s totally natural and not anything special to you.”
This just makes you feel small. And it kind of makes you feel stupid. Or at least it makes you feel like your friend or family member thinks you’re stupid. Like some of the other not-so-nice things that people say, just ignore this post-pregnancy comment.