15 Behavioral Problems That Are Mom's Fault

Mother's try and emulate perfection to be a good influence for the babies, but even Moms make mistakes as they try their best to protect their children from any negative influence. Sometimes they are the source of that negative influence and they don't even know it. The major mistake that a lot of mothers fall into is that they try to imitate the way that they were raised, forgetting that their children are born in a different era. However, there are still many things that transcend the generation, such as being polite, having acceptable table manners, personal hygiene, and so forth.

Technology has made it easier for children to fall under bad influences and there is little that can be done about it. Even though it is very easy to blame the new age, actually a lot of misbehaviors can be solved by effective communication. Children are empty books in which society writes different chapters, and it's the job of the parents to control the content that gets added. However, what happens when those who are responsible for controlling the behavior of their children are actually the cause of the misbehavior?

Unfortunately, it often happens there are children with unacceptable or unstable attitudes that if not moderated, will produce a difficult teenager and even adult. They will probably blame their parents for implanting such characteristics inside them, believing they were victims of their parents’ bad parenting in how to raise a child with a healthy personality. The following are 15 behavioral problems that are often caused by mothers.

15 Nail Biting

Although this is a mild misbehavior, a lot of people happen to suffer from it. The main reason is that children were not fully satisfied from breastfeeding. This is especially true and encountered frequently for the first born child due to the fact that their mothers are still inexperienced and they are still not aware enough to realize when their son/daughter had enough feeding, so they tend to pull the baby away before the baby is full. This can cause a sense of frustration and anxiety that will lead to the child to biting their nails.

The second reason is attributed to continuous anxiety in the house, especially when the mother does not take anything with ease and relaxation, but with anger, fury, and frenzy. A tense mother will lead to a tense child, and it can only get worse when the mother starts yelling at the child for biting their nails, leading into a vicious circle.

14 Too Much Shouting

Loud voices in children are attention seeking aids. Children usually speak loudly when they feel ignored or unappreciated and this is mostly a problem of middle-aged children or girls in a man-centered society. It's easy for a mother to be caught in the daily activities that will lead her to not necessarily prioritize her children; another reason is unintentionally comparing her children and others, for example, words like ‘I wish you were more like him/her’ or phrases that show them that they are unappreciated.

Some of these phrases are: “He/she is so talented! I wish my children were the same,” “These children are amazing/so well behaved,” “Look at him/her, they are so cute!” or “Please do not talk when the grownups are talking!” etc. In addition, not listening to them when they speak, or muting them out can cause them to start screaming out for attention.

13 Constant Interrupting

This is also a cry for attention, but this state is very dangerous because the child can grow up being self-centred and egoistical. This results from being continuously ignored by Mom to the extent that a child feels the only way to get noticed is to interrupt Mom during her downtime, a conversation, while she's making dinner, etc. This phenomenon mostly exists in middle aged children due to the fact that they do not have the ‘maturity’ of their older siblings and they feel they do not get the attention from their parents like other siblings, so they always feel the need to interrupt in order to be noticed.

The mother’s mistake lies in not giving them the attention they crave, or acting as if they don't need as much attention as Mom gave the first born. The second reason is that Mom see everything that one child does as smart or cute, whereas everything this child does is “Okay,” which would instil a lack of confidence, compensated by trials of craving attention.

12 Being Narcissistic

This means excessive self-love, which is mostly evident in the youngest child due to the fact that they are treated as babies no matter how old they are, allowing them to get out of any kind of trouble. In addition, anything they do, no matter how stupid or meaningless it seems, is considered as cute and great by their mothers.

Nevertheless, those factors alone are not enough; the major factor caused by their mother is the obsession and fascination towards them which leads into a problematic world view. This trait by itself is not considered as a misbehavior, yet it is usually associated with other behaviors, such as constantly interrupting, because no matter who is speaking, they consider themselves smarter and better and they crave to be noticed. This leads to inappropriate and inconsiderate behavior. Anyone who is taking or trying to take attention away from them is considered an enemy. When Mom keeps giving excuses for them, they should realize they are not helping the child.

11 Ignoring Mom

This is often due to the fact that Mom has lost the respect of her child, and this is may be a result of the mother trying to be ‘friends’ with their children instead of being parents. To be clear, being a friend automatically makes you less of an authority figure. Another cause is that the mother often ignores them, which will lead them to think that ignoring is okay to do.

Some of the other reasons may be too much TV or video games, in which they become so focused they are not readily aware of what is happening around them, or they are to engrossed in what they are doing and choose not to respond. Not following through on discipline may be the biggest cause of a child ignoring their parents. If a mother threatens to take away a child’s toy if they don’t do what they are asked, and then don’t follow through, the child learns that there are no consequences to their bad behavior.

10 Playing Too Rough

This is a sign of frustration and anger issues, and the mother’s behavior is involved in provoking it. This is especially true if they are playing rough with their siblings, which may be induced by their jealousy of them, either because the siblings have their mother’s attention, or because they feel less appreciated than them.

In case they are playing rough with everyone, this is a huge red flag that must be taken seriously. It may be due to the fact that they saw their parents during sexual intercourse, or that the house atmosphere is “intoxicated,” or they are being compared in a negative way to other children of their age, which makes them release their frustration in the form of physical violence. Sometimes this violence is masked by gameplay, which is done by the elder kids who try to manipulate the rules in order to have violence as part of the game.

9 Acting Too Independent

This doesn't meant that the independence of the child is literally a misbehavior, but they may demonstrate exaggerated independence, which means there is something that should not be happening. It's mostly due to the lack of attention from the mother, or that she is not able to understand what her children want.

Children will always find a way to get what they want or need if it is not provided by their parents, they will try to obtain it on their own. If the two year old is eating alone without the help of their parents, it means that they are obviously not being tended to. This character is usually very hard to change, and they will refuse any authority that would normally exist. Even though parents might see this as a strength of character, and encourage its development in the kid, it is in fact a sign of irresponsibility of the parents' part.

8 Always Lying

If the child is lying, it mostly indicates that their mother overreacted the last time they told her the truth. In this case, Mom had only shown extreme anger that made her child became afraid of her and lose Mom's trust. The other possible reason is that they are jealous from friends, so they make things up in order to impress their parents. It's worth mentioning that there is a difference between lying and imagining.

The difference can be distinguished by how often the situations happen, and what the stimulus for them is. Another important thing to point out is that there is a difference between a pathological liar and the normal lying of the child; the child lies in some situations and it's normal, but their mother has to know how to handle these situations. Overreacting to a lie has negative effects instead of the required constructive ones. A child may also lie because they have seen their mother do it often and therefore believes it to be okay.

7 Living In Their Own Imagination

If the child happens to be living in their imagination, it's a probable indication of a cry for help. This may be due to a mother’s lack of interest, or because they see that Mom is too busy for them, or it could be that there is nothing interesting in their surroundings. In this case, the child is observed watching too much television or playing video games. The ease of access to these media through advanced technology facilitates the increase of the intensity of this condition.

Children by their nature, have wide imaginations and it's a healthy condition which, with proper direction and control, can improve the creativity of the child in the future. Having this creativity could involve more than a single discipline. However, when this imagination starts to take them completely from reality, it may be labelled as misbehavior. The best approach in such a case can be gradually decreasing the time they spend on playing video games, and to strengthen and deepen the bonds between the child and their reality.

6 Being Too Shy

If the child is too shy, it means they don't have the required self-esteem, and this happens mostly when Mom makes them feel unneeded or inadequate, does not listen to the child or pay any attention to them. This can accidentally happen, especially for working mothers who tend to mute out their children when they need a moment of peace and quiet; so kids lose their self-confidence which makes them easy to be manipulated, and they become socially recessive. This is especially seen in middle aged children who still don't clearly know their role in life, which may cause depression and suicidal thoughts, especially in teenagers.

The best solution is to provide children with the confidence they need by assuring them that everyone makes mistakes and they should not be afraid of rejection. They should not be obliged to be copies of their siblings, but instead, they should be encouraged to find their own identities.

5 Being Rebellious

This is caused when they feel mistreated or poorly treated, the major known factor is jealousy, which happens when they feel that Mom prefers another child to them, leading them to reject any form of authority, whether it is parental or of other sources. Some of the phrases that mostly stimulate these feeling are: “He is my favorite son,” “He is the smartest of his brothers,” “She is the responsible one in the family,” “My other child looks up to his brother," “He is the leader among his brothers,” etc.

The “He” in the previous examples refers to brothers or friends they have. The signs that a child is becoming rebellious are not to be neglected, especially in young ages, Moms have to try their best to be impartial between her kids, and even if she can't do more than pretend, children should not sense any prejudice from her side. Although most teenagers will rebel to a certain extent, this is more due to them exerting a feeling of independence from their parents as they approach adulthood.

4 Too Much Nagging

This is another characteristic of miscommunication between the mother and child. Nagging develops when Mom mutes her children, which will make them crave her attention. The problem with nagging is that negative results are mostly expected. Giving the child what they want after they start nagging would teach them that this is an effective method to get what they want, whereas not giving them what they want would only make them insist on nagging more.

Therefore, one good solution is to communicate with the child and explain why they can or can't have what they are asking for, in other words, the mother should provide an explanation for her agreement or refusal to give them what they want. An efficient way to do this is connecting the act of giving with a positive action they did, or Mom wanted them to do, for example buying them a new video game if they promise to do better in school.

3 Having An Opinion About Everything

If the child tends to insert their opinion or words into everything, even when not being asked, or the topic is out of their area of knowledge, it is mostly a result of two factors: the first being they crave attention, which is lacking from Mom, and the second factor is egoism, which is mostly fed by Mom with random but consistent phrases such as “Who are they to think they are better than you?”

Even though this motivational talk is necessary in some situations, if used too often, it develops egoism, which will lead the child to always try to be in the center of the conversation. This is problematic as they would not be able to listen, they will hear what others are saying only in order to respond, causing them to be close minded, as well as angry and displeased when others have the audacity to disagree with them.

2 Trying To Be ‘Responsible’

A lot of children try to meet the expectations of their mothers, therefore when they hear that they should act responsibly in the family, they tend to grow up before their time, and in doing so, can dominate over their siblings and friends by taking control over any group activity or dealing with them as ‘children’ and ‘immature.’

The problem with such behavior is that these children are still inexperienced, and they almost surely will lead themselves into trouble. This is often the case with most first born kids who are almost always requested to take care of their younger siblings, even though they themselves are still children. The idea that they are ‘mature’ and ‘responsible’ can lead to difficulties, especially when they start to believe that everyone but them are immature and untrustworthy. Moms do make things worse when they applaud such behaviors and give their children the thumbs up as a feedback.

1 Forgetting They're The Kid

It's normal for the child to try to imitate their father, but the conflict happens when they try to seriously occupy his place. According to Freud, every child tries to take their parent’s place, but they can't do so unless they are encouraged by one of the parents. In this case, it is the mother who is giving encouragement, with using sentences such as “you are just like your father” or “you are tougher than your father.”

These phrases, and similar statements, actually cause much more harm than good. This is especially true for divorced families, where children tend to feel guilty about preferring one parent over the other, so they try to compensate for it by attempting to take their place. It's important in this matter to keep in mind that imitation is a normal phenomenon, yet impersonation is not, and the difference between the two is a thin line that can be easily overlooked. Children should always be allowed to be children and not be forced or asked to act like adults.

Sources: PsychologyToday.com, Telegraph.co.uk, LiveScience.com, Patient.info, ScienceDirect.com

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