Oh celebs! How we envy you…let us count the ways. There’s the money, the beauty, the fame. We mustn’t forget all the fab things all that money can buy! Cribs and whips, fancy clothes with designer tags, not to mention the high-end parties… And while we love you, we also love to hate you: because jealousy may not be a very pretty emotion, but it’s real AF.
Yes, there are some things about you that makes us want to throat punch you. We would never, of course, but the fantasy is there…festering in our fan girl, pea-green-with-envy minds.
And then, just when we think we can’t be any more jealous of our favorite celebrities’ fascinating lives, they go and have perfectly adorable children walking around in outfits that cost more than our cars. Celebrity moms have the best nannies, the most put-together nurseries a mother could ever dream of, the cutest celeb minis wearing their name-brand doll clothes, and they even have trainers to help them get their mom bods back into the right shape.
Of course we normal moms would look at celebrity mothers and want to punch them in the throat—it’s only natural. It just isn’t fair! Why can’t we have their picture perfect lives? Obviously, we are jealous of some celeb moms more than others, because even among celebrities, there are the best of the best—the stars! Here’s a delightful list we’ve put together of 15 celeb moms we want to punch in the throat just a little bit more than others.
15 The Blessed Beyoncé
Oh girl, you know we adore you! You are basically American Royalty—the Queen herself. That makes the fabulous Blue Ivy an American Princess. You’ve got it all: the husband, the looks, the singing voice, the fame, and of course the mula! Your fans are obsessed with everything about you: “What is she trying to say with those earrings?” Now you are pregnant with another set of—I’m sure they will be—absolutely adorable children—little princes it’s speculated? Can we get another hint? We all know those kids will have the best of the best that money can buy. What mother wouldn't want to buy their kids the whole world, but not all of us can actually do it! And can we talk about that ridiculously expensive push party you just had? Uh, wow. Yes. We want to throat punch you. But we also love you! Kisses! Send me backstage passes to the next concert?? You can send them to: firstname.lastname@example.org Thanks!
14 Lucky Jessica Simpson
This blonde bombshell signed her first recording contract when she was 16 years old. Her first album was successful and it was mostly uphill from there. Young fame and success is always enviable, so it is mostly for that reason that we want to throat punch Jessica Simpson. It suggests that this starlet got more than she gave, and it’s a slap in the face for all the rest of us out there in the world working hard for everything we’ve got. To add insult to injury, Jess distracted America’s quarterback, Tony Romo, from his duties on the field. That’s a bit of a stretch, but still…Go Cowboys! While she did have some hardship, getting a divorce from her first husband Nick Lachey, her trials didn’t last long. Jess married former NFL tight end Eric Johnson. They have since produce two precious children, the first of which is basically Jessica’s mini-me.
13 Gifted Solange Knowles
If having a world famous sister isn’t enough of a blessing, the gifts just keep coming for this woman. Sure, she’s got the usual—beauty, fame, famous family, the singing voice… All that would be reason enough for a good bout of jealousy from all us simple folk, but she was also gifted with a baby boy when she was a teen, and she’s turned that ‘unexpected blessing’ into another Knowles family accomplishment. Cute as can be, little Daniel Julez J. Smith Jr. can even speak French! Solange just keeps climbing higher and higher, with lots of successful businesses under her belt, and she’s now estimated to be worth around 8 million. Sure, that’s a far cry from the 350 million her sister is worth, but her sister has had a little more time. Give it another couple of years… Solange’s little boy is lucky to have such a beautiful, talented, and loving mother.
12 Gisele Who Has It All
When you’re a world famous supermodel, every woman on the planet is going to want to throat punch you—it just comes with the territory. Long legs, gorgeous face, and men falling all over you…sound about right? Well, we all secretly hope that you have an eating disorder or you're abusing drugs, or something, because we have to justify our hate somehow! As though your physical attributes weren't enough reason for us to be jealous, you go and marry one of the hottest guys in football—Mr. Tom Brady. Come on! Give the rest of us a chance at happiness... After all that awesomeness, you go and have two cute kiddos, one of each, and you seem to be a wonderful mother. Also a humanitarian and a supporter of breastfeeding, is there anything we shouldn't be jealous over? Not the 360 million net worth...we're definitely not envious of that! Could you, like, show us a zit or something, so we can tell you’re human and not some goddess?
11 We Are Pink With Envy For Kourtney's Kid's Nursery
Sure, sure, the Kardashian mommies are super hot and famous and wealthy, but it's the fashionable part that makes us want to throat punch all of these chicks. They can afford the best of the best, but they also seem to have the style to pull it all together. Every room in their house(s) is stunning and coordinated, and every time they hit the street they are dressed impeccably with designer clothing and accessories. Not all celebrity mamas do that! Some celebs are a hot mess, but not the Kardashians. They have the kind of style we will always envy—even when pregnant they look beautiful, and they make a great effort to stand out. We moms want to hook up our kid's nursery and dress our kids in adorable outfits too! That's why these celeb moms have us following their every Instagram post, so we can copy their mommy style (with cheap knockoffs, of course).
10 Alessandra Ambrosio Gives New Meaning To The Term "Mom Bod"
Are you serious? A mom-of-two's body looks like that? Yeah, and we normal moms aren't supposed to be a little bit pissy about it? We aren’t saints. Alessandra Ambrosio is another Brazilian supermodel, and like Gisele she seems to have it all: a net worth of $40 million, two cute kiddos, and a hot millionaire fiancé. Nothing to be envious of here! But it's that insane mom bod that makes us truly want to punch this model in the throat...and what a pretty throat it is, too. Yes, we realize she has such a hard life! She had to walk a runway three months after giving birth to her first child; she was the spokesmodel for Victoria Secret's Pink line, and she got to wear some fancy bra set with diamonds and other jewelry. No big deal, or anything. Yes, we are slightly jealous of the beauty and fabulousness of this model mom!
9 Kate Hudson, Fabletics And Fabulous Mom
Kate Hudson has that glow about her...you know, she's always smiling. People with perfect smiley faces really get under my non-glowing skin. I absolutely adore this mom celeb. There is something about her perfectly petit frame that I've always envied, how 'bout you? And she doesn't look like she's aged a bit, how does she do it? Add to that the fact that this new Fabletics line on Kate Hudson is so flippin' cute, I want to punch this woman in the face or throat—either one, I'm not picky. Why, I swear she can make me want to work out more than any other weight loss commercial ever could. I haven’t actually worked out, or bought the clothes, but she makes me want to—and that’s really something! Even after having her two boys, Ryder and Bingham, she still looks so amazing, and so young. Kate. I hate you. But really, I love you to death, and every movie you've ever made. Keep being fabulous!
8 Reese Gets A Real Life Mini. No Fair!
Reese Witherspoon has a lot of very successful films, but she really stole my heart in Sweet Home Alabama. How I envied her that handsome Southern husband of hers, whom she so callously took for-granted. Maybe I take movies a little too seriously, but I still haven't quite forgiven her for the way she treated him, because yum. I thought she was perfect for the role though, and I've adored her ever since. But what makes me want to throat punch her more than anything—and no it's not for her cool $120 million—is the fact that she gets to have her very own mini-me. So unfair! Look at these two beauties together! My daughter is gorgeous, but she doesn't even look like she came from my uterus. Reese, we know you aren't perfect, but you are a great mother and you get to have a miniature you, so enjoy it, but know we are a little jealous.
7 Model And Mother Miranda Kerr
Yes, yes, Miranda Kerr is stunning. I mean, look at her! And look at that throat—perfect for punching. The main reason we envy this gorgeous mom celeb is because she got to make a baby with Orlando Bloom—the lucky duck. I don't even care about her looks, or the fact that she's a model, nor do I care that her son is like, the cutest little thing ever, and too bad about the divorce, but that's what you get for taking Legolas from me... Seriously though, I wouldn't wish divorce on any family, and certainly not on that precious little boy, but this woman seems to have bounced right back, as she is presently engaged to the billionaire Snapchat co-founder Evan Spiegel. Yeah, I'm feeling really sorry for you, Miranda. Not. Side note: Orlando Bloom is single again after splitting from Katy Perry. Stop dating those famous beautiful types; they are so overrated! Wink!
6 Jennifer Lopez
Jennifer Lopez is one of the most famous A-list celebrities of all time, and she's worth $360 million. Her career has lasted over decades, and it doesn't appear to be slowing down anytime soon. This fabulous star dabbles in a little bit of everything, and does it well we might add. Singing, dancing, acting, producing, and she's a savvy businesswoman—is there anything this woman can't do? At this point, there isn’t a single reason for us to not want to punch this celeb mom in the throat. Did we mention the adorable twins she has? Yeah, twins. And I heard they have an entire wing of their mother's mansion. You've come a long way, little miss Jenny from the block. She’s gorgeous, a fabulous mother, stylish, and funny as well—this celeb mom makes us shake our fists, because she’s just too lucky and too perfect for the rest of us to deal with.
5 Mother Of Five Mom Ina Raymundo Looks Like This In A Swimsuit?
Although not as famous as some of the other celeb moms on this list, we include Ina Raymundo because she has given birth to five children and she still looks this amazing. Oh yeah, and she's 41 years old. Gaaaah! If that doesn't call for some throat punching, I don't know what does... She has appeared on the cover of many magazines, and has been in commercials, films, and television, her most famous is Sabado Nights. She is mainly a Filipina film and television actress and singer, but a mom celeb's nationality doesn't exclude her from envy, my friends. She gets a lot of attention for how well she maintains her fitness and physique, even though she's had five children. Many people admire her for that dedication to staying healthy and trim. She also seems to be a loving and devoted mother, respectful of her children’s rights to privacy. Go hot mama!
4 Drew Barrymore
Like Jennifer Lopez, Drew Barrymore is a jack-of-all-trades. She's an actress, a producer, a director, an author, a model, and recently—a mother. Really, I can barely take my kid to school each day and you can do all that, and look that fabulous while doing it? I don't get it. What am I doing wrong? Right about now I want to punch myself in the throat, for being such a slacker. Although Drew had a pretty rough childhood, she survived it all through sheer willpower. She seems to be a much better mother to her children, than her own mother was to her. In fact, she was emancipated at the age of 14, due to such severe child abuse and neglect. It hasn't all been rosy since her childhood either. She's been in a string of relationships, and sadly is divorced from the father of her two children. She seems to keep a very positive outlook despite all of it, however. I'm sure being worth $125 mil doesn't hurt.
3 Courtney Cox
Courtney Cox is best known for her role as Monica on the hit sitcom Friends, and if you don’t love her or that show—there’s something wrong with you. One big hit like that would be enough of a reason to count your stars lucky, but she has many other T.V. and film credits to her name. She also is mom to the adorable Coco, and her mom bod looks like this? I say that calls for a throat punch or throttle, wouldn't you? In addition to acting, she's also a producer and director. $75 million net worth is also nothing to sneer at. Courtney, sadly, did get divorced from Coco's father, David Arquette, but they are rumored to still have a pretty friendly relationship. They also still maintain an ongoing business relationship with regards to their shared business Coquette Productions. Courtney, you are most definitely a cougar, and for that we applaud and envy you!
2 MILF Katie Holmes
I've always had a soft spot for Katie Holmes, though I suspect it's for the very simple fact that we share a name, but after seeing this photo, she's on my list of throat punching victims. It's just not right for any mother to look this good after they've had a kid, and that includes celebrities, darn it! While the marriage between Katie and Tom eventually ended in divorce, the fact that she married the man she dreamed she'd marry when she was a child is pretty interesting. If I had that luck, I'm thinking Brad Pitt will be knocking at my door any day now... What ever will I tell my husband? Katie seems to put her role of mother first in her life, becoming less active in filmmaking in recent years, and I admire her for that. Katie appreciates that her adorable look-a-like daughter is more important than ‘staying on top’. I’m still jealous of that bod, though.
A measly $220 million dollar net worth makes this singer no slouch in the success category, and her success is so great that she is right behind Gloria Estefan as the second bestselling Latin singer of all time. Success isn't everything though, this singer has the looks and sex appeal to make us all a bit envious, and those hips that don't lie, though. I'd like to punch those hips in the throat, because this famous celeb mom is so amazing and beautiful, even after having two kiddos. What I wouldn’t give for those hips, and how I tried to imitate her dance moves! She's also married to the hot Spanish soccer star, Gerard Piqué. They met when he appeared in one of her music videos. I'm sure their two sons would be lucky to inherit either their mother's singing talents, or their father's gifts on the soccer field. This family is perfectly, throat-punchingly adorable.