One of the biggest struggles women face during pregnancy is how to handle morning sickness in a classy way that will not inconvenience others. Especially men. I mean, morning sickness isn't something serious like a man cold. That would require weeks of lying around and being waited on hand and foot. Pregnancy sickness is small potatoes compared to what a man goes through when he is ill. We can only imagine. Let's remember that and stay classy while we are gestating the next generation.
Looking good while you unload your stomach contents is a priority. Your baby isn't going to care if you are tired. That baby is going to want to know his/her mom is looking good while dealing with that first trimester (if you are lucky) discomfort. What do you do to make this happen? I am glad you asked.
15 Eat Small Meals
This should be obvious, but no one wants to see you pig out. No matter how much you claim it's for two people. You can't belly up to the trough and stay classy. I may or may not know that from experience. We don't have to get into that. Yes, Babycenter does say that it could help you to experience less sickness. That's not really our goal in this, but it doesn't hurt I suppose.
Yes, you are going to have stinky breath and that is never in style. Don't put people through that. They don't want molten vomit stench breathing down on them while you go over your Powerpoint presentation about stock performance. Even coffee breath is preferable to the stench of puke. Try peppermint, it can help to settle an upset tummy.
Confidence is really the most stylish accessory we can wear. Whether it be walking down the street playing Pokemon Go or bent over a bucket regurgitating. The one additional tip I would add here is that you should check a mirror to make sure there are no bits of food stuck in your teeth prior to the smiling. Again we don't want to scare people, only let them know that we are better than them even though we are puking at the moment.
12 Drink, Drink, and Drink more
Sorry, it's water. You have to drink water. Leave the rest to me. When our bodies are dehydrated that can cause some sick feelings. You want to drink in order to keep that at bay. Considering what we are trying to accomplish. I suggest you drink the water from a martini glass. I think they typically give off a very upper crust feel. If you want to add an olive, I see no harm in that.
11 Try Hypnosis
You heard me. Bring a pocket watch and follow people around the office. Get them to look at the watch as it swings. Repeat words like "Who is the chicest mama in this place?" and "You didn't just see me vomit in the fake tree next to the receptionist." Oh, I'm sorry I just double checked and apparently according to Babycenter you are supposed to hypnotize yourself not to puke. I like my way better, but you decide which you want to go for.
10 Bring Two Purses
That is right. Are you ready for this genius idea? You are going to use one purse for normal purse things. The other purse is going to be your "Purge Purse." This purse is for when you can't step away from your work. Use this purse and pretend you are looking for your checkbook. (You probably left it in 2006 when we still wrote checks.) Silently let the vomit fly. The important part of this one is not to get the two purses mixed up. Both purses should be either Coach or Louboutin so we keep our image intact.
9 Take Prenatal Vitamins at Night
Have you ever sat by someone that just burped up their vitamins and then tried to talk to you? It's not pleasant. Again I beg of you to think of the people around you. They are depending on you to not get your vitamin belches on them. Also, they are counting on you to hold that belch back like Moses held back the Red Sea. No one wants to hear that put forth. Ok, and there might be a slight advantage to you if you take them at night. Do it mostly for appearances and for other people.
8 Hire a Chef
According to AmericanPregnancy.org, not cooking can help you to avoid feeling so nauseous. I say take this a step further. Hear me out. If you are throwing a dinner party for your friends. They come over and you feel yourself getting sick at the table. If you had cooked the meal yourself you would have to make apologies about the food etc. If you had a Chef, you start yelling at the Chef. Thus, you can totally blame them for the sickness and maintain your impeccable elegant style. No one is the wiser. You probably have to really sell it by firing the chef, and he won't find work with any of your friends in the future. Your reputation is safe (which is more than we can say for that Chef.)
7 Hospital Stay
You know how celebrities go away to stay at hospitals for "extreme exhaustion?" That could be you. There is this thing called hypermesis gravidarum. It's basically when you are really, really good at morning sickness. Overachiever. When this happens there can be some side effects that require hospitalization. That is perfect to maintain the chic image we have to uphold. Tell everyone you went for exhaustion and wear sun glasses as you come out of the hospital. Perfect!
All the chic people do it. Do practice saying acupuncturist prior to the first appointment so that you don't fumble the words. Again wear sun glasses while walking in and out of the building. Dive behind trees pretending to dodge paparazzi.
5 Don't Be Stressed
What to Expect When You Are Expecting says (and I agree) that stress can cause some stomach upset. Not only that, it can cause wrinkles. They didn't say that, but I did. Minimize your stress and minimize some of the bad side effects. The best way I can think of to do this is to hire shirtless men to follow you around feeding you grapes. Not only to maintain the image we have worked for, but well it's good for office morale.
4 Hair Up
Practice doing your hair in a high pony tail or pinned away from your face in some way. This will make sure that when you return from your throne, you don't have vomit bits in your hair. Ideally you would have an assistant to hold your tresses out of your face and/or the toilet, but that isn't always an option. Try to make up for it with your hairdo. Banana clips can sometimes do wonders to keep all the hair out of your face when it's not long enough to go in a high pony.
3 Don't Skip The Makeup
Yes, you are going to be tired. Does that mean people should have to look at a "blank" canvas all day? No. Make sure you continue to do full face makeup and if you really want to add some chicness start doing fake lashes. Sure, if they unstick from your eyes and fall in the toilet, you are going to have to dive in after them. That doesn't matter right now. Stylish ways to handle pregnancy sickness is the name of the game. It says right in the title (more or less.) Do you want my help or not?
2 Take Care of Teeth
After you get sick make sure that you are brushing or rinsing with something. We don't want you to have vomit stained teeth. What to Expect When You Are Expecting says it best when it says: "it will decrease the risk of damage to teeth that can occur when bacteria feast on regurgitated residue in your mouth." Oh, my. That is so gross. Now if you decide to forgo this I do wonder how a gold plated grill would look. That seems like a good option.
1 Booty Booster Pads
When you are bent over the toilet, what are people going to see as they walk by the bathroom? What are they going to see as you sprint past them to get to the bathroom? What are they going to see while you are bent down on the floor to clean up since you misjudged the distance to the toilet? That's right they are going to see your ba-dunk-a-dunk. Make sure that even though they might not want you to go, they love to see you leave. Channel Kim Kardashian.