Sure, tons of couples are trying their hardest to get pregnant each and every month. Some are just starting out on their TTC journey, while others have been entrenched in it for years and are constantly praying for relief in the form of a positive pregnancy test. They eagerly await the moment that there are two lines instead of one, and they try to imagine how they will feel when it happens.
Will they be in shock that it’s finally happening? Will they cry or scream for joy? How will they tell their partner? What about women who aren’t trying at all and end up pregnant? Many of them find themselves perplexed with decisions over what to do about their pregnancy and how to deliver the news to the father.
There are also women who have planned all along to have a baby who find themselves completely second guessing that decision once it’s actually set in motion.
It might seem silly to onlookers, but it can be scary to come to terms with the reality that motherhood is looming in the future — even if it's a woman who's been hoping and dreaming of being a mother. Babies are tough yet so adorable that it’s easy for women to feel like they’ll just fall in love the moment they hold their baby and that everything will be alright.
But babies grow into toddlers, who grow into pre schoolers and middle schoolers and then teenagers.
Those teenagers eventually want to go off to college. They’ll need someone to bail them out when they fall short. They might need financial help and they’ll look to their parents during tough times when they don’t know what the right thing is to do. It’s completely understandable that some women find themselves wondering if they’re ready to take on this responsibility.
Names have been changed to protect the dignity and well-being of these brave mommas who have agreed to share their stories.
15 "I Considered Giving My Baby To My Cousin."
Kate wasn’t ready to be a mother at all when it happened to her — at least that’s the way she recalls it. There must have been something she wasn’t aware of at the time. A desire for responsibility and a kind of love she’d never experienced that perhaps she would never have known if it hadn’t been thrust into her lap.
You see, she never wanted to be a mother. She was clear about that when she met her boyfriend at the time. It was a point of tension for them in the beginning because he was quite certain he wanted a big family with lots of little ones and that if she didn’t change her mind they would have a serious problem. They’d only been official for a few weeks when she found herself expecting.
Kate’s cousin had been struggling to adopt a child for some time and she seriously considered giving her baby to her. She felt like she wasn’t ready for motherhood when she was still in college and so young and the relationship with her boyfriend was still so fresh. In the end, she stuck it out and is glad she did. That boyfriend is her husband today and she doesn’t see any way she could be happier without him and her babies.
14 "My Miscarriage Made Me Resent My Next Pregnancy."
There are a multitude of emotions that go into a woman’s pregnancy. Sometimes it’s fear. Women who have endured miscarriages are all too accustomed to this seemingly out of the ordinary complexity of feelings that surrounds them when they see the word pregnant show up on the fancy new test.
That’s kind of what it was like for Amy when she found out she was expecting — again. She had lost a baby last year and wasn’t expecting to get pregnant again. It came out of the blue and we all know that not all surprises are good. Amy felt angered by the news. She felt like she had just now gotten to a place of peace with her miscarriage.
Her boyfriend had been angry about the miscarriage, too. Underneath all that anger was hurt. It’s human nature to confuse the two and express them in miss-matched ways. His anger only fueled hers more. It took a little time, but when she heard her son’s heartbeat at one of her early doctor appointments, she was forever changed.
The anger faded with the security that this baby wasn’t going to be lost. She’s only a few weeks away from meeting him now.
13 "I Tried To Kill Myself And My Baby."
Emily’s experience with pregnancy is definitely not your ordinary story. She recalls spending months trying to conceive with her boyfriend. They were in this together and adamantly hoping to be blessed with a baby. After a few relentless months, it happened, and she was ecstatic.
Then Emily’s life would come crashing down around her when a stranger would enter it one random day to tell her that she too was pregnant with Emily’s boyfriend’s baby.
Emily was devastated and fell into a deep depression. She even tried to take her own life at one point, and that of her child’s, by crashing her car. Instead of directing her anger at her boyfriend and the situation he caused, she internalized it. She started feeling like she hated herself. As time when on, she struggled with how she would be able to bring a child into the world.
Things only worsened from there when she started drinking and using drugs. It was her intent to kill herself and the baby, sparing them both from the life he had destroyed. Fortunately, she sought help through a mental health treatment center. She considers herself somewhat recovered from the ordeal and feels better now.
While she was able to give birth to her baby, she doesn’t think she could ever tolerate being pregnant again.
12 "I Couldn't Go Through With The Abortion."
Angie never wanted to be a mother. She dreamt of life as a doctor following years of medical school that she planned to commit herself to full time. She wanted to do something powerful with her life that would help others. Her fiancé was much the same. He has ambition and wanted to be a career man.
So when she ended up pregnant at just 22-years old, she immediately knew that terminating the pregnancy would be the best option for her. She thought long and hard about the after effects of abortion and knew this was a choice that she would have to live with forever. She drove to the abortion clinic and looked at herself in the car mirror.
As she stared at the person she was at that moment wondering who she would be when she left, she lost all track of time.
Thirty minutes later — beyond when she was supposed to be there — she found herself driving home never having walked into the place. She couldn’t do it. Her daughter will be born any day now. While she doesn’t judge those who do go through with abortion, she knew in those moments in her car that terminating her pregnancy wasn’t the right choice for her.
She and her fiancé — whom she says has been ”nothing short of supportive” — will marry next year.
11 "The Father Wasn't Intending To Stick Around."
Lynda felt a strong mixture of sadness and excitement when she found out she was pregnant. Even though the relationship wasn’t stable and was on its way to expiration, she thought this was the best reason possible to try and make it work. However, the baby’s dad wasn’t intending to stick around. So she found herself alone and struggling to see the bright side of this pregnancy.
It took time, but Lynda was able to find a happier place where she found joy in the life she was going to bring into the world. Though she is young and will have to do it on her own, she remarked that her baby was “all that matters now.”
On the upside, the baby’s father does attend doctor’s appointments with Lynda. He says he’s excited, but she has trouble trusting that. Her baby girl is due in just a few weeks.
10 "I Wasn't Complete Enough To Be A Mother."
There have been very few things in my life that I have come to regret, and I can say wholeheartedly that my abortion still isn’t one of them. I say that as an older woman today with a stable life and supportive partner. Back then, I wasn’t whole. I wasn’t complete enough to be a mother.
When I found out I was pregnant, my initial fears had very little to do with me. I was worried about the child that would have me as a mother.
I was worried about the father of that child, too. He was a good friend, but he was a lousy partner, and that’s why I never really found myself committed to him. He wasn’t ready for the stable and lasting relationship he was asking me for back then. He thought he was, but I knew better having seen the way he was in his relationships with other women.
Since then, I’ve watched from the sidelines as he had an unexpected child with another woman that he has failed to remain faithful to. Their relationship has been full of drama and it’s often his fault. I look back sometimes wondering if his life would’ve been different had it been spent with me, but what ifs are time well wasted in my book, and my future is too bright to ignore.
9 "My First Abortion Put Me In A Deep Depression."
Abortion has been a choice for many women. Roughly one in three American women have had one. When confused_girl666 found herself pregnant, she and her longtime boyfriend both agreed it was for the best that they terminate the pregnancy. Neither of them were prepared to be parents, and her health wasn’t in good shape with her diabetes being out of control.
However, things would change in the months following the abortion. She would find herself feeling regretful and heartbroken over the choice she helped to make. She felt like she should’ve kept the baby after all, but nothing could be done. As a result, she fell deeper and deeper into depression.
Today, she has a job — unlike before — and her health is in check. So when she found herself pregnant again, she knew she wanted to keep the baby. But the father didn’t agree. He continues to assure her that he wants to maintain their relationship and will support whatever decision she makes, but he also continues to try to persuade her to terminate this pregnancy, too.
What is a mom to do when the dad is pressuring them to go down a path they aren’t ready for? Is she doing the same thing to him?
8 "I Want To Give My Baby Up For Adoption."
This mommy really wasn’t intending on pregnancy, but life had different plans for her. She tried hard to avoid it — even taking the Plan B pill after a condom broke and failed the couple. She took two pregnancy tests thinking the first one couldn’t possibly be right after going through the appropriate steps to protect against it.
While she acknowledged that it was totally their fault they ended up pregnant and they’d have to face the music in light of that, she has never been so terrified in all her life. While she may not have felt totally secure saying she was anti-abortion, it wasn’t a choice she was comfortable with for herself.
She was ready to have the baby and decided to place it for adoption before she ever even discussed it with the father. It’s hard to say how a man would react to that kind of news. Many women are accustomed to their partners freaking out when they end up unexpectedly pregnant. Is there a chance that they may be more open to adoption than moms? Time will tell for this mommy.
7 "My Boyfriend Wanted Me To Keep the Baby."
This couple was failed by condoms, too. Not an unlikely story, but they felt safe until two pregnancy tests would confirm that they weren’t. Abortion was an immediate consideration for this mother-to-be. She had no family to speak of and was in school full time with a part time job to tend to, as well.
She was barely scraping by financially and saw no way that she could bring a child into the world and adoption seemed too painful to her, but her man would surprise her.
She shared: “When I told my boyfriend, I expected him to be as terrified as I [was], but instead he was really happy. When I told him I wanted to get an abortion he reacted very badly. He actually cried and begged me not to. He texted me to say he had told his parents. He said they were excited to be grandparents. I was in shock because I thought I had made it clear I didn’t know if I wanted the baby.”
She was close to his parents. Having no relationship with her own, they were surrogate parents for her that she now felt she couldn’t be honest with. She still wanted the abortion. She admittedly knew it was a selfish choice, but even considered doing it without telling her boyfriend. She noted, “I don’t think there is any way to get an abortion and keep this relationship.”
6 "I Didn't Feel Ready To Be A Mother."
Cindy knew her husband wanted children from the time she first met him. He may have even wanted a whole litter of them. She accepted this but knew she wasn’t so sure how many she wanted. She had always struggled with the fact that she didn’t really have a strong desire to be a mom. Not the kind she thought she was supposed to have anyway.
They agreed not to try for kids until their thirties, but boy did the last of their twenties seem to fly by. Her husband didn’t waste any time, either. He asked on her 30th birthday if she was ready to stop taking her pill. She agreed with the thought in mind that it would probably take awhile to get pregnant. It didn’t. Just two months later, they were expecting. He was ecstatic. She was scared.
Cindy was slow to accept the transition into motherhood and then one day it was taken from her. It was a miscarriage, and she didn’t see it coming. That was when she realized how much she wanted that baby and longed to be a mother. Fortunately, life would bless them with another baby soon again, and this time around she would get to feel the excitement that her husband did.
Today her son is nearly a year old and she can’t imagine life without him. He will be a big brother next year.
5 "I Got Pregnant Just As I Was Starting College."
Beth and her husband were trying to conceive for a year before they called it quits while she went back to school. The change of pace would be a welcomed one as they had both tired of being constantly disappointed by negative tests each month. Things would change, though. Six months in, on Beth’s birthday, she found out she was pregnant.
The realization that their baby was finally on the way was a joyful one, but realizing it was coming on the heels of a full-time college schedule was not. All the doubt would come to be washed away as soon as they heard that first fetal heartbeat, though. They fell in love with their baby that day. Beth remarked, “It was one of the best days of my life. I was thankful.”
The timing couldn’t have been worse for them, but Beth was committed to making school and the baby work out in tandem. Her daughter has been such a blessing to them both, and she will graduate next semester with her degree. She is delighted that her daughter will be there to share in that moment as she accepts the bachelor’s degree she has worked so hard for.
This is how it was supposed to be all along. She knows that now.
4 "Does My Boyfriend Have The Right To Know If I Get An Abortion?"
This momma was already expecting to be at odds with her boyfriend before she even told him the blessed news. Alright, maybe it wasn’t such a blessing in her life. She certainly wasn’t looking to have a baby. Her choice to go off of birth control was one that was made with caution. The pill was causing unbearable side effects, but she was adamant about using condoms every time.
She was positive an abortion was the right choice for her. There was no swaying that opinion. She wasn’t in a place in her life that was child-friendly, and there was no desire to raise a baby either. But she worried from early on that her boyfriend wouldn’t share her feelings, and believed he was pro-choice.
She shared: “I can pay for the procedure myself, and since I'm opting for a medical termination (non-surgical) I don't need anyone to pick me up from the clinic. I don't really "need" to tell him, per se, but I feel that it is his right to know. However, I'm worried that he'll react poorly, or even think less of me, because of the abortion.” So, does Dad deserve to know when his Eggo is preggo?
3 "I Want The Baby, But My Girlfriend Wants To Give It Up For Adoption."
This story hails from a dad who was equally as concerned about which path to take away from an unintended pregnancy as his pregnant partner was. It’s a classic tale of he wants to abort the baby and she doesn’t, with a twist — she wants to give it up for adoption. In some circumstances, a father might have agreed to this, but this wasn’t the average situation.
This dad actually wanted a baby — with this mom. It was actually her who said from the start she never wanted kids. He gave up his dream of fatherhood to be with her and had resigned himself to that life. Now an unplanned pregnancy has thrown a wrench into the mix, and he doesn’t think he could cope with the thought of someone else raising the child.
So he would prefer it not be born at all. While he acknowledges it’s selfish, it breaks his heart to think of adoption.
If anything, his story is worth telling because it sheds light on the importance of the father’s opinion in these situations. It is equally heartbreaking when a couple who was happy and thriving before an unplanned pregnancy finds themselves at odds over a life-altering decision the next. He notes “I feel like I’m utterly powerless in a situation which will come to define my life.”
2 "I Had To Deal With Everything On My Own."
This story stood out to me in particular because the mother touches on the loss of freedom. Any parent who acts like they aren’t giving anything up by having children is lying through their teeth. Parenthood is joy and sacrifice wrapped in a suburban-sized bow. It’s just that good that it’s worth all the awesome crap you have to pass up for the next 18-plus years.
Needinternetopinions shared: “This entire pregnancy I never had the chance to mourn my freedom, because the father spent the whole pregnancy freaking out, and so I just had to deal with everything on my own. "
"Now that he's been out of the picture for a while, I just realized I’m not sure I want this baby. I don’t know if I want the baby or I’m just finally freaking out, or if it’s normal to not want the baby around this time?”
“I know that if I decide to give it up, the father will take her and raise her, but he's kind of an asshole, and I don’t want her to grow up thinking that that is how a man treats a woman. I have loved her up until the last couple days/weeks, but the closer I get to my due date, the more I resent her and my situation. (I know it's not her fault.)
1 "I Don't Want To Be A Mom."
Quietbaby shared: “I just don't want to be a parent. I've been mostly fine with things until a few days ago when I started freaking out about just how badly I do NOT want to raise a child. My SO doesn't know that I feel like this and it would absolutely destroy our relationship if he knew how I really felt about this."
"He does know that I'm scared and worried about being a parent, but doesn't know that I don't want to be a mom. I don't want to deal with toys and kid’s TV shows and teaching him/her how to walk and talk. I don't want to deal with preteens and teenagers and school."
"I've never wanted any of that. I'm starting counseling next week as I'm getting depressed over this. I honestly don't know what I'm doing. One moment I get excited over baby things like names and nurseries, and the next I want to cry because this is not where I wanted my life to end up. I feel trapped and alone. I worry that someday I will break down and leave my family or that I'll do something harmful to myself.”
She returns later to let us know: “Thank you for letting me know that I'm not alone in this, and hugs to all the ladies dealing with the same thing. I am going to talk to my SO this week. He knows I've been depressed and told me today that everything will be ok because I have him, without even knowing why I'm depressed. Hopefully, he'll understand."
"I know I can do this. I know I can be a mom and do all the mom things and take care of the baby. It's that I don't WANT to do it.” We sure hope counseling treated this momma well.