It is almost 2017, and there are a lot of ways to get in the motherly way! Sure, the "ideal" way is to date someone for awhile, get married, be married for awhile, and then carefully plan out as a couple when to start trying for a baby. In a perfect world, women would be out of college and financially stable before bringing a baby into the world.
Ideally, both parents would be part of their children's lives from day one. Kids would grow up in stable homes with parents that loved them. Well guess what, life isn't always "ideal." In fact, there are a lot of mothers out there that have no idea who the father of their child is. She may not even know his name.
The biological father has no idea that he has a child in the world. Sure, it isn't ideal. But it isn't always the worst thing either. These children are loved and are living full, rich lives. Many of them have father figures in their lives too.
Here are fifteen REAL WORLD confessions of women who don't know who the father of their baby is. Some of these confessions might sound crazy, but we are betting that most of them don't. In fact, chances are that at least some of these scenarios sound pretty familiar to a lot of women out there.
These women from an online support group offered up their stories willingly so that we could all experience both the pain and the miracles that come from bad experiences.
So before anyone reading this starts judging, try to remember all of the experiences in one's life that could easily land them in the same situation.
Joanne gives her experience through her story below.
"Not all children are born from a loving relationship, a fun time, or even a casual hookup. Some children are born because something awful happened to their mothers. No one likes to talk about it, but it doesn't make it any less real.
My baby just turned one years old. That means that about 21 months ago, I had the worst night of my life. I was assaulted. Some awful man took it upon his self to physically overcome me and force himself on me. It was the worst fifteen minutes of my life. It felt like forever. I thought it would never end. But it did. He ran off and was never caught.
That monster of a man is out there somewhere potentially still violating young women.
Now I have a child, a can of pepper spray, and my concealed handgun license. Nothing like this will EVER happen to me or my child again."
This is Carrie's story.
"Ok, so I'm not really a prostitute. I don't make money by being intimate with strangers. But there was this one night in college. I was broke. Really broke. My electricity had been turned off earlier that day because I couldn't pay the bill.
And I was hungry. Really hungry. I didn't go out to the bar looking to get paid for doing the deed. I went to the bar hoping to find a nice guy to buy me a snack and maybe a few drinks to wash away my worries. All I wanted was food.
Well I found one. We got to talking...and drinking. I told him my situation. He offered me $300 if I....well....you know. It wasn't the first one night stand I'd ever had, but it was the first time (and only time) I was ever paid for doing it. Three weeks later I woke up puking. His name was Chris....I think."
Brandy recalls her painful past.
"Do you remember how cool dares were in high school? We all dared each other to do crazy things. I remember daring Sally to spill a glass of water on the study hall teacher. That landed her in detention. I remember someone daring my best friend Billy to smoke a cigarette in the bathroom. He got really sick.
The dares got progressively more ballsy as we went through high school. "I dare you to take your dad's car for spin." I didn't get caught. It was so awesome.
"I dare you to do it with Carl." Ok, I've done a lot of stupid stuff. This one made me really nervous. I had never been intimate before. My parents would kill me. It took me a month to work up the nerve. I think Carl was nervous too. We did it one day after school in Carl's treehouse.
Expecting a baby in high school wasn't so cool. All of my friends no longer wanted to hang out. Carl got in a ton of trouble, and his parents made him change schools. I never saw him again. I guess I technically do know who the father is, but barely. I look at his picture in our sophomore yearbook from time to time."
Crystal tells us about a time she lost control.
"Have you ever been really caught up in the moment? It is almost like you lose control of yourself. I lost control of myself once. It wasn't anyone's fault but my own. No one forced me to do it. For a long time I blamed peer pressure, but no one made me do anything.
I was out with a group of friends hitting all the rave parties. There was smoke and lights and lots of dancing. We were drinking and popping ecstasy. Then there we were in some private room. The walls were vibrating from the music and smoke still filled the room.
We were laughing and dancing and groping each other. I think there were two or three girls and at least two guys (maybe three). I remember doing some girl on girl stuff that I'd never done before. I know I was intimate with at least two guys that night. I knew them. They were part of my circle of friends. I don't know which one is the father.
Needless to say, I look back on that night a lot. I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't gone out of control. But then again, I look at my daughter and know that she was meant to be."
Liz recalls her past loves in her story.
"I really love them both. They are two completely different people, and I am madly in love with each of them.
One of them is named Mark. He is a firefighter and works on muscle cars in his spare time. He has the most brilliant smile. He looks like he walked out of one of those calendars. He is sweet and really attractive. We enjoy going to the movies, and he loves taking me on picnics at the park. I love him.
The other man is named Joseph. He is an engineer and works in an office all day. He is thin and tall. He wears suits sometimes to his big presentations, and he always smells amazing. We enjoy going to art museums together, and he wants to marry me someday.
I'm four months along. I've been sleeping with them both for almost a year. I love them both. I don't know what I am going to do."
Mary fondly remembers her magical day.
"Just because I am a lesbian doesn't mean I don't want a child. I am in a loving relationship with my partner Molly, and we want a baby just like most loving couples do. There is just one problem. Neither of us have sperm.
I didn't want to be intimate with a man so we saved up all of our money, and I got artificially inseminated a couple years ago. We looked through binders of potential donors. They all became numbers to me. It seems very strange to be shopping for a daddy. So we just flipped to a page and chose one. His name was Shawn. He seemed nice enough.
We do not care who the father of our child is. Why does it even matter? All we care about is our bouncing baby boy. His father must have been pretty good looking though because this baby is super cute."
This is Candice's story.
"My boyfriend cheated on me. He cheated on me A LOT. I don't know how I never knew. Maybe I didn't want to know. My friends were suspicious. My sister tried to convince me to leave. But I loved him.
Then one day I dropped by his place and found him there with another woman. Really? Did I have to walk in and see that? Yep, I actually caught them in the act. I know what her whole body looks like. I can't get that image out of my head.
Needless to say, I wanted revenge. I must have gone out with (and been intimate with) ten guys in the next three months. I didn't care who they were as long as my ex found out I was screwing around.
It worked. He was miserable. He called, texted, and sent me flowers. He was begging for me to come back. Finally I did. There was only one little problem. I was expecting. Oops! So much for my revenge."
Kim chuckles as she recites stories of her past.
"There really was nothing immaculate about me back then. I did a lot of bad things. I had done it with a lot of guys. I always practiced safe sex though which was why I was dumbfounded the day I went to the doctor for a stomach bug and he told me I was carrying a child. I asked him about immaculate conception, and he laughed at me. How rude!
I never missed a birth control pill, and I had never been intimate without a condom. On my second doctor appointment, the doctor asked me if the father knew. I told him I would gladly tell him except I didn't know who he was. I had narrowed it down to three guys based on the timing. Ah well, that is what they have paternity tests for! Immaculate conception? Nah, more like a condom malfunction."
Samantha gave us her story. Here is her experience.
"I really just wanted to impress him. I obviously would have done almost anything. We had been dating a couple of months, and I was head over heels. He was on the football team, and he was ultra popular. I don't know why he chose a nobody like me. At least I didn't know why at the time. I met him at a study group of all places.
We had first semester finals coming up. We were just freshmen in college.
Anyway, we started being intimate right away. I had never been with anyone before him. But like I said, I would have done anything for him. After a few months he introduced me to some friends - another couple. He started asking me if I would "double up" with them. He seemed really disappointed when I hesitated. So after a few attempts, I gave in.
He promised it would only be once. Well it was only once. When I told him I was expecting, he left me. It is probably his baby, but I like to pretend it was the other guy. That guy was nicer."
Joy is happy to encourage other women with her experience.
"Are you judging me yet? Its ok. Most people do. I do not care. I wanted a baby, and that is pretty much the end of the story. I wanted a baby, I found a man, and we made a baby. I don't really know who he is. He doesn't know who I am either. But we have a beautiful baby. I raise her alone, and we are very happy.
There isn't a one-size-fits all motherhood model. If you don't fit in the conventional Hollywood version of parenthood, don't worry too much about it. Happiness comes in all sizes and shapes. For me, that was having a baby with a stranger.
Do I regret it? Not even a teeny tiny bit. Never once have I looked back. After all, it is better that I have this baby on my own than with some loser boyfriend or husband. I know I'd rather have a single parent than a divorced or unhappy one."
Here is Maggie's recollection of bad decisions.
"Common sense, right? Don't get messed up on anything illegal ladies. Bad things happen. Like unplanned pregnancies with some random dude. Oh and you might lose your job like I did too. So there you'll be (like me) without a job and with a kid.
You won't have child support because you don't know who the baby's daddy is. You won't even really remember doing the deed because you were too messed up. Chemicals do weird things to your body too. My hair fell out and my fingernails are gross and discolored even a year after being clean.
Luckily I got to keep my baby, but I'm on probation. I have to go get a drug test every two weeks. Oh and I have to live with my mom. Sounds like a great life, right? I am no role model for my son. I just hope he turns out better than I did. Like I said, illegal substances are a bad idea ladies."
Angie puts a creative angle on her experience.
"Anyone watch 'Jane the Virgin' on Netflix? It can happen, right? I'm sure the chances are really low, and of course this isn't what happened to me. But it is my story, and I'll tell it how I want! I really do love that show though. It is pretty darn addictive especially now that I'm expecting with nothing else to do on a Friday night. I like her story.
After all, I am pretty ashamed of how it actually happened. I'd much rather pretend to be Jane, an innocent virgin who the doctor accidentally got mixed up with a woman wanting to be artificially inseminated. I'd much rather have that story than one involving alcohol and stupidity at a frat house.
No one wants to hear a story about a young sorority girl having mindless action with multiple frat boys. I'm sure they would rather hear my story of doctor negligence. Now I just have to work on people believing my story..."
Kate tells us a story that we can all identify with.
"We were all young and stupid at one time. Yes - even you! Tell me you didn't do something at least once that almost got you killed. Probably more than once. Well, I didn't get myself killed. I just got myself in the family way. Oh, and I got an STI out of the deal too.
I gave my baby up for adoption. Maybe I should have kept her. I thought she would be a painful reminder of my young and stupid days. I didn't want that. But it turns out that her memory is a daily reminder of how stupid I was to give her away. I do truly hope she is with a great family. I picked her out a really good one. She was going to have a brother, a dog, and a backyard full of chickens.
She just turned five years old. I hope she is happy."
Becky painfully recalls her story of dishonesty.
"Do you remember that football player who had the "made up girlfriend?" I can't remember his name. What I do remember is that I thought he was crazy thinking that anyone would believe his story. Well, I kinda understand where he is coming from now. I dated a guy for three years and never really knew him.
Don't get me wrong. I thought I knew him. We lived in different cities, but lots of people have long distance relationships. We saw each other once every month or two.
I got knocked up in March of 2015. He was happy about it. He said he was going to move to Tampa to be with us. It was June of that same year when I found out who he really was. He was a criminal! James wasn't even his real name! He was a fraud, and he finally got caught by the cops. I took the baby to see him once but changed my mind before we actually saw him."
Susan let's us in on how she ended up pregnant.
"Oh Alcohol. Almost every one has a love hate relationship with liquor. Sometimes we have so much fun together, and other times alcohol can really mess with us.
Has anyone ever had one of those really bad days? I'm not talking about a day where a woman might accidentally fart in a meeting or falls on their face in front of a crush. I'm talking about a day where she wakes up running a fever, gets to work late, spills coffee on herself, forgets her presentation at home, gets yelled at by her boss, her boyfriend of three years breaks up with her, her car breaks down, and her heater breaks when it is 20 degrees outside.
Yeah, all that happened to me. So sure, I called up a friend and we hit the nearest happy hour. Three drinks later she went home, but I stayed. Another three drinks later, I found myself hitting on a "total hunk" at the bar. Some amount of drinks later, we went back to his place.
The next morning I woke up with a bad headache. I rolled over and that "total hunk" wasn't cute at all. His face was covered in acne and he was a little chunky. I vomited in his toilet on my way out the door. I couldn't find one of my $400 sandals so I left it.
Me and that "super hunk" have a 4 year old child named Ben. Ben is awesome. That really bad day actually ended up kinda great."