I love my child but I hate being a mom. Those are the words that pop up infrequently in between the myriad of posts on how to better take care of children with endless stimulating activities, colorful recipes with hidden veggies and DIY photoshoot ideas.
When scrolling through Facebook and Pinterest, all of those ideas look and sound fantastic but let’s face it, they can be pretty mind-numbing from an adult perspective. Sure, dads have become more involved in recent years, but there is still a long way to go until stay-at-home dads are as common as stay-at-home moms.
Just like many fathers look forward to going to work just to have their peace, so do mothers. It’s only normal to not want to live, breathe and eat baby and toddler-related things all day long every single day.
The reality is that a great percentage of mothers would rather not be mothers at all. It’s not that they don’t love their children, they certainly do to the moon and back, but spending all day long doing every little thing for a little being who refuses each step of the way… it’s just too much. Heck, it can even be too much for the mommies who don’t hate being a mom.
Let’s have a look at 15 women who hate being a mom and why.
15 Ending It Would Be Better
For Kathleen, having a kid meant giving up on her career dream:
“I hate it. All of it. The whining, the tantrums, screaming so loud my ears ring, the incessant demands, the constant pawing at me, the [pee] and [poop] and epic failure at potty training, the mess, the never ending cleaning, the head melting nursery rhymes on repeat over and over and over, I hate it all. I think about suicide a lot. I sometimes don’t know if I love her. Pregnancy was its own special hell and I never felt that rush of love when she was born. Most days I hide in the kitchen to get away from her. I didn’t know if I wanted kids but I definitely knew I didn’t want to be a stay at home mom. But here I am. Just got my qualifications and BAM! chained to the house with a kid on my hip.”
14 Daddy's Mini-Me From Hell
Rachel’s summary of what it’s like to be a parent is the reality that many live every day:
“As soon as my feet hit the floor, I am bombarded by various breakfast requests; most of them asinine (like candy, ice cream, or gogurts) but I just give it to them anyway because I cannot take the whining. I am constantly running around doing two things that I hate the most: Cleaning and serving, cleaning and cleaning and serving to an unappreciative bunch of people.”
“My son tells me he hates and calls me a b*tch often and he is only 3! And no I don’t cuss them out. I usually try to laugh their behavior off as a coping mechanism because I have given up on any forms of discipline. All this coupled with my husband’s unrealistic expectations of what I should do and have done every day is exhausting and at times, yes can be depressing and exhausting.”
Kind of makes you wonder from whom her son learned to call her that word…
13 He'd Be Better Off With People Who Want Him
Erica brings up a really good point about the lies we tell on Facebook. Taking care of a newborn isn’t all rainbows and butterflies as one might think. Anne shared:
“I have a three month old and I think about suicide daily. […] Everyone keeps telling me I have postpartum depression. NO- this is going to be FOREVER depression. I really made a mistake. My baby is beautiful and loving but he sucks. […]
What I really can’t understand is why everyone is such an effing liar! Everyone posts all these pictures on Facebook about how great life is with their baby. I’ve taken hardly any photos so far. I post them and he’s posed and it’s just one big show. […]
The baby would be better off with a family who wants him anyhow. I’ve started yelling at him during the day like “shut the hell up” “be quiet” etc. And I can’t believe the words when they come out! […] This is misery."
12 Can't Even Quit...
Another unhappy mom shared:
“I don’t like being a mother. I dread waking in the morning. Knowing I will try to get ready for work with him screaming. I dread coming home from work and picking him up, finding food he will not eat and throw on the floor. Keeping him from breaking everything. I look forward to bedtime, only to cry when he refuses to sleep, even though he is exhausted. And then it all starts over again.”
She continued on to say:
“I do it all by myself. My husband works out of town and is only home on weekends. He can’t understand that he doesn’t have to do it. He works and then is off work. Goes to his hotel room. No screaming, no tantrums. I work 24/7. Work and then care for the kid.”
Parenting is a partnership and even though her husband works during the week, it definitely sounds like he could be doing more on the weekends to give her a break.
11 He’s Living Her Dream Life
Candice feels that she gave up her financial freedom:
“In the meantime he was promoted and really and truly not much changed for him. Same job, same good old friends, same body, same mind. All at my cost. I lost career, financial independence, freedom, mind (I honestly feel retarded, sooooo tired and stressed) , friends (mainly singles) and body (used to like myself, until C-section left me with a scar, saggy bit on my stomach and saggy boobs after breastfeeding). And he doesn’t get it!!! “Why oh why are you feeling like this???” Says the one who spends most of the week outside this mess. I used to be proud of myself, my degree (MA in economics), 3 languages, good salary, savings and respect. Now I’m a total zero on mercy of my guy.”
10 It's Just The Same Thing Over And Over Again
Sometimes one can love kids, only to hate having kids as explained by Nikki:
“I LOVED kids, before I actually had my own. She, however, was not planned in the slightest. I love my daughter and like you, would do anything for her! But I seriously think I am drowning being a mother. All. The. Time. […] It takes so long to get anything done, can never relax until 9 pm and then I know I will be woke up by a 2 year old yelling at me at 6 am. I'm over it right now, too.”
On top of having no down time, she also explains that she has to do everything herself as she is no longer together with her daughter’s father. This is a situation that is all too common. Taking care of kids takes an immeasurable amount of time, especially when they turn into willful toddlers who make messes at every turn.
9 Just Hit Back One Day
Katelin's explanation for why she hates being a mother is actually really common:
“My [son] was not planned (a fun surprise three months before our wedding)...so I was a little unprepared. Also my husband and I never got to enjoy just being married. I was pregnant and then boom, baby. Our marriage has suffered beyond belief...and I think that may have to do something with my annoyance of being a mom. […] I feel constantly stressed, tired, and two weeks behind. Once my [little one] is home from daycare, I only have like, an hour and a half with him before bed. Yet I am grumpy and impatient - and yeah, these temper tantrums don't help. If I get hit in the face one more time....”
Getting kids to bed on time is a battle, but one that is important to not give up on. A consistent evening routine is key and so is regularly spending time together as a couple without the kids.
8 The Biggest Regret
Unfortunately, Nina’s situation is all too common:
“I love my 2 daughters but motherhood sucks. Everyone says how wonderful it is. Let your husband leave you for the fat girl he messed around with in high school. Then tell me how wonderful it is. When you’re alone battling anxiety, depression, 2 kids that cry all the […] time, and he’s living his life with that fat wh*re as nothing ever happened. It is seriously the battle of your life every single day. I never would have brought children into this mess if I would have had any idea I’d feel this way, or be alone doing it.”
The hardships that come with being a single mom can’t be put into words, but what make this mother’s situation so much worse is definitely the way her relationship ended.
7 Hate Every Bit Of It
For Laurie, a divorce wasn’t the answer:
“I have never enjoyed being a mum. I thought the reason was being bad at MARRIAGE, no parental help from husband, no family member in the country etc. But even after I left him, being a single mother, I have not enjoyed a moment being a mum. I just hate every parental responsibility.
Bathing, dressing, brushing teeth, feeding, tidying up, hearing her ask why? Why? Why? Her touching my breast is the worst. I just hate every bit of it.
I want to sleep without interruption, I want to cook quietly with nice music, I want to bathe alone and relax, I want to go to yoga, meditation, retreats, museums, theatre. […] Not to mention the cost of NANNYING if I wanted to get a peaceful moment for myself. Being a single mum, that’s way to LUXURIOUS.”
She concluded: “Kids are nice to see bit not to live with.”
6 The Woman Is The Slave
It’s not that Vee doesn’t love her daughter. It’s that to this day, women are still mostly expected to be the only ones to take care of the kids:
“As I sit here on my laptop stuck home with my very well behaved, and beautiful toddler with her bouncing curls and her positive smile I still find myself googling ‘I hate being a mother’, ‘Unhappy mothers’ and things of that nature. […] I am sitting home again on another day off, he is out doing whatever he wants because “He got caught up in errands after work” and I am essentially a live-in babysitter. He doesn’t do it intentionally, it’s the way they are raised in this area. It’s a given that the woman […] enjoys giving up every aspect of her life to slave over her family and her house never desiring a moment of time to herself.”
5 Reaching A Breaking Point
They say it takes a village to raise a child and yet right after giving birth, we’re all sent home to fend for ourselves. Going from an independent lifestyle to all of a sudden having your life revolve around a helpless little child can be too difficult of a transition for some. Sara shared:
“I feel like I can't keep this up much longer. I hate doing all the mom crap and being responsible for everything about her life. If I didn't have my husband around to do most of the "mother" stuff I would have melted down by now.”
Unfortunately, not every mother has a supportive partner willing to help out with raising the kids. It’s true that an increasing number of dads are stepping up to the plate, but many mothers still face the hardship of pretty much raising the kids on their own, sometimes without the dad in the picture at all.
4 Just Going Through The Motions
According to research, postpartum depression can occur at any time during the first 12 months after giving birth, but more strongly in the first couple of weeks. With this being said, is Liza suffering from lingering postpartum depression?
“There I said it!!! From the time I got pregnant, (which was planned from my husband’s original idea), I've had the WTF did I do attitude. I never had the maternal instinct feeling when she was born via C-section after 36 hours in labor and I don't now, 2 years later. I love my daughter and I would never let anything happen to her but I hate the motions. The feedings, changing, temper tantrums, the mess!, etc. I miss my fun loving, carefree, do what I want life!”
It’s possible that she is, but for many it’s not always the case. Although having a C-section can have an effect on the maternal bond, after two years of feeling that way, there are probably deeper issues at play that it might be worth consulting a therapist to determine.
3 No Clue Where She Went Wrong
Cortney is at her wit’s end:
“I yell too much, I drink too much. I think horrible things. My son is sweet with a wonderful heart, but he is just so dumb. He breaks everything he touches. We recently were at the hospital for 16 hours because he needed surgery because he ran full force into a pole.”
The situation isn’t any better with her daughter. She went on to say:
“My daughter is the one that really sucks the life out of me. She lies, she steals, she is obsessed with skimpy clothes, make-up and kissing. She is only 8 and has never seen a PG-13 movie, watches less than 2 hours of TV a week and has never been on the internet unsupervised. I have no idea where I went wrong. My most agonizing fear is that she will become a teen mother and I will end up raising her kid too. The thought makes my blood run cold."
2 They Mess Up Everything
Joanie, a mother with three daughters explained her frustrations:
“They whine and fight constantly! The arguing is unbearable. I thought once they were all in school, which they are finally all in school this year; that it would get better! But it hasn’t, I have to get up 5:30-5:45 to help get them get dressed for school. They all have natural hair and so do I. I don’t know how to cornrow that well so I have to actually do three heads EVERY SINGLE DAY! It’s so stressful and annoying. They wake up fighting arguing crying and go to sleep fighting arguing crying! They come home from school fighting arguing crying/whining immediately want a snack usually three different things. Argue over what to watch on TV who won’t share a toy. They immediately mess up everything that I spent time and cleaned while they were at school.”
1 Too Poor To Have Dreams
For too many, the joys of motherhood aren’t so joyous because at the end of the day, there isn’t much time left for oneself. As Aisha shares:
“I love my son. And if he was gone I would me devastated. I’m confused how I can love and hate my own kid. He’s done nothing to me. But I am not stay at home house wife material. I can’t help but dream about college. I’m so close to finishing but so far away. I can’t afford daycare and there is no point in working where we live because I have no trade or degree so minimum wage jobs still wouldn’t pay for day care and they’re always going to be dead end. I have to do the productive thing. I have to be BUSY changing myself and bettering myself.”
Sources: Babycenter.com, Mommywise.com and Reddit.com.