There should be a subject called “Family” in high school and a chapter called babies to be studied. When everybody knows that nearly all so called intelligent creatures on this earth end up building families and babies, then why not provide training so that they don’t end up struggling so much while doing it?
While high school classes aren’t about to start covering the subject of raising a family, or caring for a baby on a regular basis, a mom needs to do all the research she can to learn what is normal and what isn’t. Motherhood is usually projected as a fulfilling experience by most people, but they do usually do that once their kids are potty trained. Until and even after then, it can overwhelming.
When a woman becomes a mother she will try to do everything right because she wants the best for her baby. Of course, there can be no “perfect” parent because we are human and succumb to human frailty, such as being tired and cranky from time to time, or being downright forgetful.
In the process of learning, moms are worn out and can become miserable and desperate. During this time, it is important that someone be by the side of the mother and tell her that it is okay to be imperfect and no one is perfect. She is doing everything possible for her baby, which is more than enough.
So mothers need to stop putting extra pressure on themselves. It is important for a mother to find a babysitter once in awhile to get some time for herself and that will surely help her get a breather. However, we all have negative thoughts when we are tired, frustrated and feeling beat, and all of these are okay.
15 “What More Does She/He Need?”
A well fed baby crying at night can make a mother think, “Why is my baby crying this way? I already fed them everything they need, what more do they want?”
Newborn babies have no other way to communicate other than through crying. While this can make a sleep deprived mother who feels at the end of her rope more tired and stressed, it's important for her to realize these feelings and ask for help and take a break from the baby when she's able.
These thoughts do cross the minds of some mothers who feel they have done enough and cannot do more. Even after feeding, burping, bouncing, changing, hugging, kissing, baby talking, the baby might still need something, or is maybe over stimulated. Either way this can cause the baby to cry.
While most moms can relate to asking, "What else does she/he want?” They also know that the baby may just be communicating that they're uncomfortable or in downright pain from gas and just wants it to go away.
14 “Why Is She/He Torturing Me?”
Some babies want only mom and aren't happy unless they get what they want. But that means that mom has to give up sleep, eating and any other third thing that she might want to do. For moms who have a baby who just want them all the time it can feel like a form of torture.
It's hard for a mom to think about the strong bond she shares with the baby when she feels like the baby is purposefully trying to take the last pieces of sanity she has. For some women that motherly feeling can be harder to achieve than it is for others, throw into the mix breastfeeding and diaper changes what mom may see as a clingy baby may just push her to the edge.
If mom is in need of some alone time, she should try to get some help from dad or other people in her life that are willing to watch the baby while she goes off and has a massage, gets her hair done or anything that helps her get back any piece of herself that she may have been missing.
13 “Why Am I Getting So Angry At My Baby?”
“What kind of a mother am I?” Once the rage comes out and the mother starts thinking straight, it's time for a guilt trip. No mother feels good after getting angry and feeling annoyed with their own newborn.
Many women feel that every other mother with their baby seems to be effortlessly becoming a mother, and she feels ashamed for getting those frustrating feelings. First of all, all mothers should know that no matter how perfect other mother may seem, every mother has these thoughts, and they’re probably thinking how is it that you manage to be so perfect.
They too have had moments of despair, anger and guilt. But no one wants to talk about their inappropriate feelings. It is okay to feel angry as long as a mother does not act on it. When angry, she should immediately take a time out or leave the room and count backwards. Only once she is calm again should she should go back to the baby and only then will she be in a position to calm the baby.
12 “I Hate My Baby”
The hatred mom feels for her baby can be momentary or it can stay for days. More than often it happens for first time mothers. Bonding can take some time in some cases, especially when the mother’s body takes time to produce milk.
Maybe after a tiring labor and too much damage done to mom's body during labor, she might not take an immediate liking towards her baby. Sometimes this happens during emergency c-sections when the baby is whisked away to the NICU or when mom suffers from postpartum rage.
When problems with labor and breastfeeding make a mother weak, it's natural or her to have a hard time bonding with the baby. This is undoubtedly temporary, mothers who hated their babies go on to love them like no one can. At other times, mothers may be so tired and sleep deprived that they feel hatred for their baby momentarily.
When these feelings come on, a mother should know that she doesn't really hate her baby, and she shouldn't worry about her negative emotions. As long as she seeks help, she can overcome this difficult situation.
11 “I’m Nothing More Than A Baby Machine”
A machine that can churn out babies, produce milk and do anything on demand. The machine is never shut down, even when it's low on battery and it is never gets fully recharged. A new mother may be thinking, “I am a super machine that can perform even when it is low on maintenance." Although mom's performance levels keep going down from time to time, there's nothing she can do but continue on.
Feeling like a machine is pretty common for moms. The routine of feedings, diaper changing, naps--all of it does feel robotic, but it also does get better. So for moms out there who feel like they're just going through the motions, the light is coming, I promise.
Just marvel at the little wonder in front of you who depends on you and loves you more than they are able to express to you right now. It's all worth it.
10 “I Just Want To Run Away”
There are times when a mother feels like she can’t do this anymore. She's at he end of her rope, her nerves are frayed and she feels utter exhaustion creeping into her bones. It's at this point that many new moms just want to run away and get rid of the tiredness and emotional drama that she is going through.
Mothers who have babies less than 6 months old have a tough time soothing the baby all the time. First time mothers are almost in shock at times. Mothers with 3 or 4 kids go crazy with so many monkeys flying around the house, it's enough to drive anyone crazy.
All mothers will admit that they think about running away, but as a day progresses these thoughts fade away and mothers come back to that happy place where they're holding their child. So strong is the bond of a mother and child and it really isn’t the desire to leave it all behind, but rather just the desire for a good night’s rest and some ‘me’ time.
9 “I'm Failing As A Mother”
The desire and pressure to look and feel perfect as a mother is real. Even those celebrities who appear to be perfect and give interviews projecting their perfectness have gone wrong somewhere. They've also had experiences that made them feel weak and imperfect. Most of the time this pressure moms feel is self applied, but it's a vicious circle that's hard to get out of.
In fact, to be a failure, you’d have to be almost criminal to be a truly bad mother. Mothers do everything from cleaning the house, feeding, cleaning and soothing the baby to washing and folding the laundry, doing the dishes, buying the groceries and cooking nutritious meals.
Feeling like a failure only comes when mom feels like she should give up or when she has set her goals or standards so high that she's unable to achieve them. Now that doesn't mean she's a failure, it just means that while she was striving for perfection, she just fell short by a bit. That’s it! Failure comes only with quitting. Somehow every mother gets her energy back and gets back on her feet for another seemingly endless struggle.
8 “I Made A Big Mistake”
Whether the new mom was yearning for a baby, or waited for several years for her baby, she may still feel that she made a mistake by entering into motherhood. In the early days of motherhood, moms hormones play with her emotions so much that mom may think she's a bad mother. Mom just needs to remember that it's her hormones that are making her believe that motherhood and a baby is a mistake.
Feelings come and go. We as mothers should not get worked up over negative emotions or feelings. These un-motherly like feelings mostly come from feeling like we're on the edge of our sanity and we're completely out of patience. Motherhood wouldn't be complete without these tough days, but moms just have to learn to ignore these negative feelings and not to let the guilt set in.Time will pass and things will change. mom's thoughts will go from, “She is the worst thing that has ever happened to me!” to, “This child is the best thing I have ever done!”
7 “I Hate My Husband”
It is not just the baby who gets the brunt of these negative feelings. Sometimes even the dad gets some hate-filled vibes from mum. When a mother feels like her husband has it better than her, or that he isn't pulling his weight with the new baby, resentment can set in.
She might also be jealous of his freedom, even how much more sleep she thinks that dad is getting. Even though she knows that he needs to go to work, she still feels like he's not contributing. She's so wrapped up in her negative thinking that she may not notice that dad is also spending sleepless nights with the baby.
It is important for any motherwho feels this way to understand that the problem is not with the daddy. The problem lies in her own tiredness and struggle. The never ending routine of baby-care needs to be broken by the mother by finding a couple of hours for herself.
If mom finds herself feeling this way, mom should ask for help with the baby from dad or even friends. Even spending a little time on herself can make a world of difference.
6 “I Feel Like I'm Trapped In A Jail”
When mom has had no reprieve in months and has been taking care of the baby mostly single-handedly, she may feel like a shut in or like everyone she knows has forgotten about her. It can almost feel like a jail sentence or a punishment for some unknown crime. Plain and simple, it can suck and feel extremely lonely at times.
The reason people stop visiting after the initial birth is because they don't want to bother mom and baby. And sometimes mom doesn't want to go out because she feels out of shape, her clothes fit poorly and she feels like a zombie.
Over come these feelings by taking the baby out for a stroll for at least a half an hour. Getting some fresh air is good for both mother and child. Even if the baby cries when they're out, moms shouldn't worry because all babies cry. When the mom gets a little time with adults outside she will feel better about herself. Getting out of the house, even with the baby in tow, can do wonders for a new mom.
5 “I Don’t Like Being A Mother”
Being a mother is a heavy responsibility, moms get woken up every 20 minutes by the baby, they're unable to catch up with the laundry, their house looks like a crime scene, the sink is always full of dishes, their body aches with every move, and sometimes it feels like there's no one around to help. Talk about being overwhelmed!
With an endless pile of things to do and next to no time to do those things in, it can feel like the whole house is going to cave in. That's when a new mom might start thinking that she no longer wants to be a mom.
With a 24/ 7 job that is very demanding and all those sleepless nights, it can naturally make mom feel that motherhood is just not for her.
Hang on mom! You will get your life back in a few months, till then, just scream SOS. Get some help. Taking care of a newborn is not a one-man job any given day. It's important for an overwhelmed mom to get a break so she can have time to herself, either to catch up on some sleep, or just get a new haircut. She’ll feel like a new person afterward.
4 “I Hate My Life”
Motherhood is extremely difficult for independent business women who consider themselves career women. It can be a shock to the system when a woman who is usually busy with her career is suddenly thrown into the deep end of the domestic pool. It can feel like her home life is drowning her and changing who she feels she is.
In these dark moments she might start to think she hates her life. Making sacrifices and foregoing dreams to rear a child can feel like a cruel joke. What women need to realize is that their career will still be waiting for them.
If she really starts to regret having a baby, she probably just needs some support from her extended family or put her baby in daycare so she can go back to work. If these thought begin to consume mom, she should talk to someone right away.
3 “I Want My Old Life Back Again”
Freedom is scarce after the baby comes. Women who led a busy social life can find it difficult to transition to motherhood where she might get to see two people every single day and one of them does not talk yet, but is cute and demanding. Professional women begin to miss the good old days of office parties and get-togethers.Some women still don't feel good about motherhood even when the baby is more independent. Because of the sense of accomplishment that some women get from their career may not be the same as simply getting a good night’s sleep, women should try to get out and join mommy groups to stop feeling isolated and alone.
Not all women feel this way, but it's normal for women to grieve for their past life. Once the child is ready to attend day care they get their old lives back to a certain extent, but it becomes a bigger struggle to juggle work and home.
2 “It Would Be Better If I Wasn't Here”
Between 10-20% of new mothers will suffer from postpartum depression. For women who don't seek help with their symptoms and negative thinking, suicidal thoughts can emerge. When there is no help for the new mother and she is unable to cope, it leads to a downward spiral that she can't escape from.
These are some of the signs of postpartum depression. When a mother is out of patience and regrets even being alive, that's when she needs help the most. Whether she feels extreme guilt because she's not caring for her baby well enough, or she feels extremely lonely or angry, if it leads her to think everyone will be better off without her, she reach out to someone right away.
Making statements like these, or any self harming need immediate treatment and possibly medication. The sooner a mother suffering from PPD get help for their illness, the sooner htey can recover from PPD and get back to normal.
1 “I Don’t Have A Motherly Bone In My Body”
While everyone around a new mom tells her to trust her instincts and that she'll understand her baby’s language soon enough, she might be struggling to find out why the baby is crying. Another way new moms get confused is by reading too much baby information.
This information overload can make her second guess herself and lose confidence. While it seems like many women have mothering instincts, that's not always the case. But every mother should know that it takes time to become a pro. It's difficult for a new mother to trust herself.
With each passing day the more she looks after her baby, the easier it becomes for her to understand her baby. Not all mothering skills can be learned in a day, it takes time, patience and practice. Soon the mother will know how to respond to the different types of cries. Only through trial and error, practice, patience and love will mom get it right after a while.