Motherhood in the modern world is the hardest role any of us women will play. It is hard enough when we have a partner to rely on. But when a mom is single, it is all on her shoulders. It is on her to raise her kids to have good manners, learn all they need to know, feed them, provide for them, keep a home clean, and pay the utility bills. Most single moms I know have to work two or more job just to keep up with basic necessities. They have to make the most out of every moment they spend with their kids because they spend their kids spend the majority of their time at school or with sitters.
I was raised by a single mom, and I remember well the struggles we faced. We moved twice a year on average in my elementary school years. I had to grow up fast and babysit my younger siblings at a young age. Looking back, I know my mom did the best she could. And I know she felt a lot of guilt over how things were. Thankfully, we had a supportive extended family. Still there were many sleepless nights wondering how everything was going to get done, and everyone come out in one piece. We always made due one way or another.
Single moms are some of the strongest women I know! They do what they have to do to buckle down and provide their family with all they need and a lot of what they want, and they do it with a smile on their face. They don't stay down when the world tries to break them. They get back up and laugh in the face of all that is against them. No matter how strong they are, they need help sometimes. They need to vent and expel all those emotions, so that they can take a deep breath and keep on keeping on.
15 Not What She Signed Up For
We all have a vision for our lives. Hopes and dreams of our futures. We make plans to ensure our future is all that we want it to be, and avoid the drama and stress we've seen others go through. No matter how much we plan, we cannot always foresee all future issues. Our lives can be going swimmingly until we are broadsided by unexpected changes.
This single mom confessed on Whisper that had she known she would be a single mom she would have made a different decision in regards to having her son. On one hand she's upset that other people's choices have left her in a situation she never wanted to be in. But does that mean she wishes her son was never born? She loves her son and I'm sure she's a great mom. We all have moments in which we don't exactly like our lives and wish things were somewhat different, don't we?
14 Sorry To Disappoint You
Husband divorces his wife with a smug attitude thinking he is what kept her life together. He expects her to fall on her rear and not have anything. He is going to live the single life, while she flails around trying to get on top of everything. He thinks he has it all figured out.
But his ex wife is raising their child on her own with no help from him. She is working two jobs and going to school so she can be an even better provider. She doesn't need him. She doesn't need anybody. She has this! She's an amazing single mother. Kind of seems as if the ex-husband was holding her back.
I can see it now. Ex-husband is probably feeling lost and incredibly disappointed that he isn't as needed as he thought he was. Men tend to get it twisted that way. Just because wives tend to want their husband's attention, want to be loved, want to be appreciated and want them to step up and be a father to their children, doesn't mean she is needy or nagging. She can and will do it without him. Just an FYI.
13 Single Teen Mom
I've never been a teenage or single mom. But I have been 17. Life was stressful enough with finishing high school and moving out on my 18th birthday. It was just me and my boyfriend, who is now my husband of 15 years. We both worked and spent all our extra time together. Eventually, we adopted a dog and that was a huge commitment for us.
At 17 years old, this whisper confessioner has already gotten pregnant, suffered the loss of her boyfriend, and had her baby prematurely. That is more than most grown women can handle. I am a preemie mom, but I was almost 30 years old when she was born. As a teenager, it would have broke me. This teenage mom seems to take a lot of comfort in the fact that her son looks like his father. What a beautiful way for that young man's life to carry on. My heart goes out to this girl.
12 Thankful To Be On Her Own
As a happily married mom, I don't have to worry about my kids' father not being involved or that he won't follow through when he says he will be there for them. Admittedly that is something I take for granted. Single moms do not have that luxury as they are the main source of emotional, educational, physical and financial support for their kids. The lucky ones have an ex who continues to parent and is there for their kids as much as mom is. But more and more we see situations in which dad just takes off and pops in and out of the kid's life as he wants, often leaving them high and dry and awfully disappointed when he fails to follow through with a promise.
The mom who confessed in this whisper post is thankful she is single with no dad in the picture for her kid. I can understand that. It likely protects the child as much as the mom. No empty promises. No extraneous heartbreak.
11 No Tag Team
Motherhood is exhausting. Period. Especially in the very beginning. We create and grow this miniature human being for nine months. And after delivering the baby, we bring it home knowing nothing other than the very basics. Feed. Change. Sleep. Repeat. At least one of those basic life skills will bring some difficulty in the very beginning, if not all three. I remember thinking, "Wait a minute, it is a human being. It shouldn't be this difficult. Why can't I figure this out?" If I didn't have a partner, I would have been going even more insane than I actually felt I was.
Single moms may have some support in their extended family and a great network of friends. But when it comes to the nitty gritty of real life, she is on her own. When her baby won't sleep due to colic and won't stop crying, she can't just hand the baby over and lock herself in the bathroom for a steaming hot shower and a half hour sobbing session. She and her baby cling to each other and cry together. And their bond will be that much stronger for it.
10 Must Not Have Baggage
No matter the circumstances, single parents carry a certain amount of excess baggage. Kids are always the priority, they have to find sitters for dates, and they have to work around all the dance rehearsals and basketball practices the kids may have. Not to mention the ex. No matter how long it has been or how amicable they may be to each other, there is drama and trauma involved in past relationships. This single mom took to whisper to confess her own views on dating single dads.
This mom realizes she has enough of that baggage of her own and is not willing to date a single dad that would bring his own luggage to the relationship, unpack and have more for her to take care of. Yes, it is hypocritical. But it is also smart. She has her priorities in order, and wants to date someone that will add to her life with her children, not another hot mess to handle.
9 Boyfriend Showing His True Colors
Sometimes men can be bigger babies than our actual children. We want to be able to take care of everyone and everything all the time, but physically and emotionally we are not able to do that. We still have work obligations, children to take care of, and about a million and a half other responsibilities. This guy hasn't even put a ring on it. If they lived together it would have been easier to make sure he had everything he needed.
We are not our man's mom. He has a mother. Even she won't drop everything to take care of his sick hind end. It would be a bit easier to go the extra mile if they took care of us when we're ill. But we are on our own. We can't even lay in bed and nap for four hours while attempting to recover. We still have to take care of our children and run our homes. Because his life goes on as normal.
Mama, you are doing great! Don't let this weak man shame you or make you feel bad for having your priorities in order.
8 Partying Or Staying Home With The Kids
Everyone deserves to have a break from their responsibilities, let their hair down and have some fun. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is when single moms are too thirsty, party too hard, and leave their kids with anybody and anyone, and go out every chance they can. Partying tends to be the priority and turns into the needed release of all the stress and responsibilities moms, single moms especially, tend to have. Motherhood is isolating, and a night out is a good way to blow off steam.
However, there are way too many creeps out there waiting to prey on vulnerable women, especially those with young children. It is very important for any mom to protect themselves and their children by being picky with who watches their children. When a woman becomes a mom, her priorities need to change. Kids first, partying last.
7 Too Many Creeps
On the internet we can be anyone we want to be. No one truly knows who is on the other end of the chat. On social media, we take for granted that everyone is who they say they are, but fake and spam accounts are numerous and impossible to track. The anonymity can feel safe for a single mom ready to dip her toes into the dating world. It is easy to get caught up in the online dating world.
Predators and pedophiles are using online dating sites to find easy prey. Struggling single moms, even if they don't want to admit it or even realize it themselves, are looking for validation, attention, and a knight in shining armor. With the ease of getting to know someone online, predators are able to find these single moms, worm their way into the moms' lives, and even build relationships, just to gain access to their children. Please be careful!
6 Suicidal Mom
When mom is the only caregiver for her children, it puts added pressure on her to remain healthy so that she will always be there for her kids. The thought of dying and leaving their children with no one is stressful to the point of keeping some moms up at night. When mom is suicidal and knows there is a very real possibility she won't be able to fight her demons, even for her son, it must be terrifying.
It is important that there be more education on mental health and the stigmas associated with it. Shame, stigma and reputation are all reasons why mom may not reach out for help. Once suicidal thoughts come into play, they already feel helpless, worthless, and honestly feel as if their loved ones will be better off without them. Let's hope this mama reaches out for help before it's too late.
5 Low-key Birthday
Being a mom means that we come last. Even when we're sick. Even on our birthdays. We make sure that our kids and loved ones have a nice day, presents, a meal and a birthday cake. Everyone is always so used to you taking care of them and everything around you that you are not thought about in the same way. As a mom, it hurts to remind our kids and loved ones that it is our birthday and ask for a cake. But it is important for a mom to stand up for herself and remind others that she exists and her birthday is still special to her, even if she is now the mom.
We should all try to teach our children to remember others, and to treat them as they want to be treated. I lightly and good heartedly remind my kids on their birthday that everyone deserves a cake, and involve them in picking out or making a cake for each other. When my daughter hears it is someone's birthday, she goes all out and makes sure they are taken care of and made to feel special; and she is only four! We all need to take care of each other.
4 Double Standards
It really is a shame that single dads can hook up with no stigma, but a single mom automatically carries stigma, shame and ridicule. It takes two to tango last I checked. There are many reasons why a woman may end up pregnant but not in a relationship. A healthy sexual appetite or relationships are not shameful. Pregnancy gives an outward appearance of a woman's sexuality especially when she's pregnant outside of a relationship. People tend to relate this to morality and assign their own morals to it.
There is a double standard in this regard. Men can shag who they want and no one pays any mind or makes it their business. Why is it that pregnancy makes people think they are entitled to an opinion or an explanation? Just because a woman is a single mom does not make her promiscuous. Even if it it did, it isn't anyone's business.
3 No Shame In The Welfare Game
A young single mom can often find herself in a position of being the sole money maker in her household. Without a higher education, most jobs she'd qualify for pay minimum wage, which is not a living wage. Many single moms work two to three jobs, working 60-70 hours a week and are still not able to make ends meet. They limp along with the bare minimum, only buying and paying for the necessities for survival, and still find that they don't have enough to buy groceries after bills are paid.
Welfare programs exist for a reason: to make sure that babies, children and vulnerable adults survive in America. Welfare programs exist for women such as the single mom working 70 hours a week who is still unable to feed her kids. The mom who wrote this whisper confession is a college student, and is working towards becoming a member of society that doesn't need assistance and will pay her fair share of taxes when she finally lands a job that will support her little family. For now, she is putting her daughter's needs before her pride and accepting the help she needs.
2 Parenting R-rated Material
Babies, toddlers and children are kinda easy, even if they are exhausting. They need little to no privacy, rely on mom for everything and it is amazing witnessing them develop their own personality. When they grow into teenagers and go through puberty, it is a whole other can of worms. The smells, attitudes and personality changes they can go through are quite frankly frightening. And awkward. Especially when they experiment and express themselves sexually. A mom and a teenage son cannot possibly relate to each other as easily as parents of the same gender. But this single mom did her best to not shame her son, teaching him it is normal and natural to express himself in this way. She even had a conversation with her son about the importance of not allowing pornography to replace real life relationships. I would take it a step further and explain how porn is unrealistic and until he is an adult, it will be hard to distinguish reality and acting.
1 Societal Judgments
Every single person needs time to themselves; time to be alone with their thoughts, to pursue their own hobbies and find fulfillment outside of their role as parent. When mom is the only parent; she doesn't have that opportunity. She has to work full time hours, sometimes more, do all the cooking and cleaning of a stay at home mom, cart the kids to all their extracurriculars, help them with their homework, and get them to bed at a decent time. She has to try to get sleep herself, even with all the pressure and stress of how much rides on her shoulders. If she had a spouse, she wouldn't have to work as hard. She'd have a partner to help her in all of it. But she is alone. She is doing the best she can.
Yet society looks at her like she is a leech; she's promiscuous, didn't try hard enough in her relationship, the list goes on and on. Motherhood in general isn't valued as highly as it should be. Single moms are literally raising the next generation, while fulfilling their own role in society, paying taxes, and contributing in a meaningful way. I think moms should be celebrated more than just on Mother's Day.