With so much emphasis put on actually getting pregnant, no one really thinks about how pregnancy will affect their intimate life once the deed is done. After all, there’s a lot to consider in a relatively short period of time: the pressure to be a good parent, financial worries, the nursery theme. The list goes on.
In the beginning, there’s not really much of a difference between pregnancy boinking and regular s-e-x. Besides a positive test and no period, it’s like she’s not even pregnant at all. Life goes on and sex can be fun and recreational again, instead of just a means to an end. Or can it?
Getting it on while knocked up can be a real predicament. And even though we don't talk about it, we're still doing it, or trying to at least. But with all the sympathy usually given to the mom and her delicate condition, very little attention is paid to the dad and his plight. These fathers-to-be share the difficulties they encounter trying to keep their love life alive while their significant other is expecting. Some issues are embarrassing, some comical and some just plain mean.
There are obvious physical impairments that come with her changing physique as well as psychological hang ups that he just can’t seem to get past. Here’s a chance to see his side and try to understand his point of view. From the mental blocks to the physical hassles, sex during pregnancy is nine month marathon that challenges the strength of every union.
15 He Wants It All The Time, She Says Hell To The No
From the time that a couple first gets together up until the moment she gets pregnant, they are doing it constantly - like rabbits during mating season or dogs in heat. They can't keep their hands off of each other. And now that he’s going to be a dad, he’s feeling manlier than ever. Armin Brott of Mr.Dad.com explains, “For many men, getting a woman pregnant is a kind of confirmation of their masculinity (before becoming expectant fathers, a lot of us secretly fear that we’re sterile, and there’s nothing like getting a woman pregnant to make you feel like, well, a fully functional man). In addition, a lot of expectant fathers feel closer to their wives than ever before, and that closeness is often expressed erotically.”
But now she doesn’t want to be touched. Hell, she might not even want him to look at her. He shouldn’t take it personally though. She’s on a hormone overdose and between feeling hotter than the sun and fatter than Fat Bastard, she can barely stand to be in her own skin. He may have to fly Hand Solo for a few months but give her the space now and she'll make it up to him after she's no longer a hostage in her own body.
14 She Wants It ALL. THE. TIME.
At first, it might seem like the best thing EVER. Finally she wants to do it without all the begging, pleading, getting her drunk or trying to convince her that sex IS the best cure for a headache. But somehow the pregnancy hormones have created a monster and now he’s nothing but a piece of meat. An expectant father seeking advice from an online marriage forum describes his wife. “She became a sex addict, (wanting it) 3 times a day, every day. She sends me texts just about sex at least 6 times a day, especially during meetings. When I get home she immediately grabs me to bed before I even remove my jacket. We have been having great sex but this has got to be extreme.”
But who can blame her? For the first time in her life she feels sexy, powerful and seductive. She’s so confident in her new curves and upcoming motherhood has given her a new sense of self and purpose. Physical changes such as increased blood flow and heightened sensitivity to the skin can make sex more pleasurable than ever before. There’s also the newly appreciated ability to be totally inhibited and enjoy sex to the maximum without worrying about getting pregnant-since controlling birth is obviously no longer a concern.
13 He's Afraid He'll Hurt The Baby
When it comes to pregnancy sex, this is the most common struggle afflicting dads-to-be. Not only are most men truly clueless when it comes to female anatomy, its pretty ridiculous for him to believe he’s so well-endowed that he could possibly poke the little tyke with his manhood. Whether he's honestly convinced that he's able to reach the baby or just afraid of squishing junior from the outside, these soon-to-be fathers are scared to death that they'll hurt their unborn child. Maybe its sweet and endearing to be so sensitive when his wife and baby are the most vulnerable. Some men just don’t know their own strength. Either way, these phobias can cause serious intimacy issues for the expectant couple. John Lewis writes in his blog post Diary Of A Pregnant Dad, “the only problem was our constant concern that sex would put pressure on Jenny’s womb and harm the baby. Even though we knew our fear was groundless, it still had a way of cropping up at odd moments and getting in the way of a good time."
12 Takes Forever To Find A Comfortable Position
Nothing is more awkward than trying to get situated in the sack while heavy with child, especially in the third trimester. The spontaneity of hopping into bed, ripping each other’s clothes off and getting nasty is pretty much extinct. As the months steadily pass, the baby bump becomes more and more of a obstacle and just getting undressed is an aerobic workout. Her belly takes on a life of its own, so much so that it practically needs its own bed. And if Dad has a beer belly himself (because sympathy weight is NOT a myth) canoodling ends up being more like two sumo wrestlers competing in the ring.
However, Alan Hosking, author of What Nobody Tells a New Father is encouraging. “Provided the couple considers the magic formula of ‘positions and pillows’, they can still enjoy an active and fulfilling sex life. John Lewis of Baby Centre UK adds “in the final months, only 2 sexual positions (even) seemed possible: the doggy style and her-on-top.”
11 Her Body Is For Function, Not For Fun
Pregnancy changes everything in a woman from head to toe, inside and out. Once considered a sexual object, she's now just an object. Some affectionately refer to her vessel as an oven and its primary role has changed from pleasing her man to baking a baby. The simplest but most profound biological process causes a mental transition, almost into autopilot mode as a couple instinctively shifts gears from sex for enjoyment to sex for a purpose. And now that its mission has been accomplished, sex is no longer even necessary. Even her breasts that were once a fun bedroom accessory are now going to provide someone else’s sustenance. The hot, sexy wife all of a sudden becomes an asexual maternal figure. Thinking about his own mother only makes it worse.
Most men agree that while she’s still beautiful and glowing, she’s no longer his for ravishing. One dad in a BabyCenter.com poll relates. “I was really put off by the idea of sex. I just couldn’t get my head around the fact that there was a baby in there. I absolutely loved my wife and found her very attractive but it was a huge mental barrier.”
10 Leaky Milk Spoils The Fun
It doesn't happen to all women, in fact for some moms, her breastmilk hardly comes in at all. But for the overproducer, mammary glands get a head start gearing up for dairy duty during pregnancy. Thinking about baby before he’s born, and then hearing him cry after, can cause milk to leak at the most inopportune times. Maybe some men get turned on by the white shower spraying everywhere but most admit that it’s distracting and downright gross. There’s nothing sexy about wearing breast pads to bed and the thought of baby’s meals spilling all over mom’s chest can be a huge turn off. He certainly can’t be expected to legitimately enjoy the moment when her boobs look like they’re crying. And what’s the point if they can’t be squeezed or sucked on. Sex is messy enough already. Adding clean up on aisle booby can take all the fun out of sexy time.
9 Trying To Do It To Evict Baby
Fornication becomes functional again in the third trimester when sex is used as a tool to induce labor. She may more uncomfortable than a beached whale, hotter than balls, swollen and suffering from excruciating heartburn and yet she STILL wants to do it if it means finally putting to her misery.
Some speculate that its just a myth while others swear by the method. When she goes past her due date and is way beyond ready to get that baby the F out of her, she'll try anything. Dads usually feel so helpless and useless during pregnancy but he can genuinely be her hero by loving her down to kick baby out.
Colton shares his experience. "“I’ve heard sex can induce labor,” my wife said to me on a November evening back in 2013. “So get over here. I want this kid out of me.” We both laughed. And then we had sex. She went into labor about two hours later, and our first son was born the following morning. Privately, we joked that her pregnancy started and ended with us having sex.”
8 She Has To Throw Up. Again.
Another dilemma that can make sex while preggers difficult is morning sickness. From the blog uncoveringintimacy.com Jay Dee recounts his experience. “Morning sickness: deceivingly named because its not necessarily just in the morning. Getting her in the mood while nauseous is difficult at best, impossible at worst.” The process usually happens like this: (when trying to have a baby) You start out with tons of sex,(then) dwindling sex during pregnancy, if at all." This is because pregnancy can really feel like the flu. Or death. And all that rocking, thrusting and gyrating can put too much motion in the ocean. Her sensitive stomach just can't handle all the vibration. Not to mention, pregnancy hormones have caused her sense of smell to become incredibly sensitive. Just the slightest stench of body odor or a heavily perfumed candle can send her running for the trash can. This can really put a damper on sexy time. Having to stop to throw up then come back with vomit breath definitely ruins the mood.
7 She Can't Stop Crying
Sex is supposed to be fun, relieve stress and bring partners closer together. But hormones can be mean and cause a woman to climb aboard an emotional rollercoaster from hell. Don’t be surprised to find her dissolving into tears and succumbing to sobs even when trying to knock boots. And while all loving husbands want to be there for their fragile wives, sometimes the waterworks can really get in the way. Its hard to get in the zone when she looks like her dog just died.
One poor husband is scared to even touch his wife. “My wife is heavily pregnant and its been over a month since we made love because she cries when we are in the middle of love making.” This can really make a man feel insecure and helpless, questioning if he’s being a good enough husband. He’s already wondering what he’s doing wrong trying to figure out why he can’t comfort his bride. Fortunately, this too shall pass and after baby arrives she’ll be back to her fun loving sexy self.
6 She's Too Tired
Pregnancy is an exhausting phase that takes a toll on every aspect of life. Intimacy is not excluded. Pregnancy hormones can cause so much fatigue that she can’t even keep her eyes open, much less open her legs. Then piling on added weight and becoming increasingly more uncomfortable makes having sex a dreaded chore. Doing it is no longer the pleasurable pastime it used to be. Maybe its just preparation and practice for the impending lethargy and sleep deprivation that all new parents with infants must endure.
Clint explains his struggle “Sex with a pregnant person takes ingenuity. Times changed with each trimester and some moves that were comfortable before were no longer comfortable. We talked a lot more during sex, gauging this or that almost like teenagers trying to figure out how this sex thing works. It took more time and thought. I found it frustrating at times. Sometimes I wondered if sex was ruined forever”
5 Drowning In A Downpour Down There
With all the changes happening to a woman’s pregnant body- hormonal and otherwise- it’s no surprise that a common side effect is a change in cervical fluid. In some women this can lead to increased vaginal wetness. While we can all agree that dryness during sex sucks, sometimes wetter isn’t always better. One dad asks for help on a pregnancy forum “When we try to have sex she just gets too wet. I think wetter is better but she gets so wet I can’t feel anything. We have to stop every 5 minutes to wipe off. She’s like a waterfall.” Too much of a good thing can truly be a bad thing, especially when excessive wetness leads to loss of sensation. The goal of sex is to make a baby and to feel good. Doing the deed becomes pointless if the baby is already made and now they can’t even feel anything! On top of that, being forced to stop to clean up and start again can make any couple want to throw the towel in-literally.
4 The Entrance Is Now An Exit
Another mental block some dads deal with during pregnancy is the fact that the doorway they once freely entered will now be someone’s exit ramp. And the gate is currently blocked by a mess of unkempt pubic hair and a growing FUPA turning that hot spot into unrecognizable mangled mess. Its not longer a fun tunnel when its going to be a birth canal. After a certain point shaving is logistically out of the question and the pregnancy fatigue becomes so overwhelming towards the end that she doesn’t even care anymore. Josh talks about the quandary he experienced when his wife was with child. “I just couldn’t bring myself to go down on her. And thinking about a baby, my baby, coming out of the same place I was putting my mouth was just too much. I kept thinking about seeing my baby’s face and it became a huge turn off. I just couldn’t do it.”
3 Having To Wait After Baby Is Born
The struggles of lovemaking that couples encounter are not just limited to those experienced during the gestation period. The time postpartum can mean troubles too. One issue that men grapple with is the rule that they must wait the recommended 6 weeks after baby is born (and even longer after a C-section) before sex is allowed. Birth is no easy feat and a woman’s body must be given sufficient time to heal and recover. Three fortnights seem like an eternity, especially to those couples who were fortunate enough to continue copulating until delivery. This can drive a man crazy with frustration as he impatiently longs for her body to be his again.
Matt Villiano confesses “Face it fellas, we dudes have needs. So after the gift of fatherhood, after you dole out the cigars to your poker buddies, it’ll hit you: you want to have sex again ASAP."
2 He's Just Not That Attracted To Her
Many men believe the mothers-to-be of their children are the most gorgeous, stunning versions of themselves, but then there are a few that actually find her to be less than appealing while pregnant. Sure he still loves her and appreciates the magnitude of her body’s amazing work to grow a new human. However, sacrificing her physical appearance to achieve that miracle of life takes its toll causing the bedroom spice to fizzle out and die. One dad anonymously admits, “The absolute truth? The vertical lines down the belly, the darkened nipples, the extra weight, the waddling were not particularly attractive!” This brutally honest revelation is an unfortunate consequence that sometimes happens to even the most enamored couples. He might not even initiate sex, much less be able to enjoy it. And although unintentional and not personal, this drawback can really put a strain on the relationship, especially if she’s the type whose libido is in overdrive during pregnancy.
1 He's Freaked Out When Baby Kicks
Usually a ménage a trois is a sexy fantasy that all men would love to be a part of, but when it comes to sex during pregnancy, baby makes three and three is a crowd. The love nest can feel especially cramped when junior decides to make his presence known. One dad in a BabyCenter.com poll divulges that for him, “Sex stopped the day I felt my son kick me through her belly.” And another says “I got kicked in the stomach during the 8th month of the pregnancy. Instantly killed the mood.” It’s true, babies do respond to stimulus- in fact baby might enjoy the movement and surge of feel good hormones mom experiences during climax. A gentle kick is just their little ones saying hi from the inside. Even still, it’s a challenge to get back in the zone after any interruption and having an intruder constantly barge in can make a previously healthy and satisfying sex life become non-existent.
Sources: Men's Heath, Baby Center, Baby Centre UK