The mother and child relationship is one that is one of the most special bonds, one that cannot be broken. Becoming a mother is one of the joys of life. That human life coming into the world is one most women cherish and love forever.
For a child, his mother is one who has their back all the time, who is there for them when they need them, and who would do almost anything for their child. For a mother, her child is always her baby, the person she puts above all others – even herself. Motherhood changes a woman’s life forever and most of the time in a good one.
However, some mothers may have a sense of regret, disappointment, frustration, depression and failure when it comes to being a mother.
There's a great deal of pressure that comes with being a mother. Taking care of another human being and nurturing them into becoming a person is the toughest job. Mothers have a unique responsibility.
They not only have the responsibility of carrying the baby for nine months and personally experiencing the intense pain and overwhelming joy of birth, once the baby is born they remain the closest person to the child and the one with the most responsibility. All of these things can be overwhelming to a woman.
Add hormonal changes to the equation and things can really become difficult. Here are 15 Dark Truths Moms are often to afraid to talk about when it comes to motherhood and the changes it brings about.
15 Getting Angry With The Baby
This is something many parents, especially mothers may experience shortly after the birth of their child. You may ask yourself how can this be.
Well, when your hormones are trying to get themselves back to normal and you can’t find sleep or your little precious one turns into an unrelenting boss demanding to be picked up, fed or changed, your baby or their actions can quickly touch that last nerve causing you to lose patience.
What parents need to remember is that your baby can’t communicate with you other than by crying. That’s their way of telling us what their needs are.
Things will get better. Breathe. Take it easy and tell yourself this is my flesh and blood that brings happiness to my heart. They didn’t ask to be born. They’re here and I’m the adult in charge of taking care of them. And for the most part, most children will be there for you when you need them.
14 Regretting Motherhood
Most mothers welcome their little bundle of joy and wouldn’t replace their status as a mother for anything. However there are moments many women may regret being a mother. Being a mother, especially one with a newborn or small children, means very little time for yourself. Life suddenly revolves around your child and it continues for years.
When they’re born you’re focused on all their needs - their overall well-being, and this continues until they are grown and on their own. You realize at some point that you have no life and can’t get it back until your child is grown, which is a long time.
You realize you don’t have time for yourself, things like shopping for yourself, eating at your leisure, cleaning efficiently, hanging out with friends, quiet time with your spouse, personal desires and goals have been put on the background. This can be frustrating, disappointing and even a source of depression.
13 Rethinking Children As A Blessing
Many women from the time they are pre-teens may have a longing to have a child. They play with dolls and wish one day their dreams will come true and they will have children. Everything about having a child before actually having one seems to be wonderful. You may help take care of your younger siblings, nieces, nephews or work in a daycare.
All of this can make you anxious to have your own until you actually do and then you discover it’s not the same. Having and raising a child is much more difficult than playing with dolls or watching someone else’s children for a few hours.
You have to deal with cries from your newborn that seem to go on forever, a lack of sleep, nerves at their wits end, discipline, etc. which goes on and on will sometimes have you wondering if having a child is a cursing rather than a blessing.
12 Losing Friends
Do you like hanging out with your friends? Are you very sociable and like being around friends? Be ready to forget all that for awhile. Being a parent has a way of separating you from spending time with your friends. Say goodbye to road trips with friends, shopping excursions with your best friends and weekends full of fun when you become a parent.
You will have absolutely no time to hang out. Leisure time will be finding time to sit in a chair by yourself for 5 minutes without having something to take care of or getting a good night’s sleep. Having fun will be time spent making coo coo sounds, watching cartoons, and spending time reading to your little one or singing rockabye baby to your little.
Some of your friends will understand because they’re parents too. Some will feel disconnected or neglected for awhile, while others will never be as close as they once were.
11 Feeling Upset With Everybody
Many parents will at times find themselves upset with their child or their spouse for what they think is no apparent reason. However there are some reasons for these feelings of anger or frustration with the people closest to you. First, new mothers can experience depression due to changes in their hormones, changes in their life - sleeping patterns and activities, and the pressures of being a new mother.
Fathers may experience frustrations due to the pressures of being a new dad, adapting to changes, and their spouse not spending time with them. All of these emotional feelings can result in discontentment, short tempers and blaming others for shortcomings and perceived failures.
Put things into perspective. Remember times won’t always be chaotic. Others have been through this and have survived. Spend time away from your baby by asking trusted family and friends to babysit. This gives you some personal time to breathe and enjoy things for yourself.
10 Feeling Like A Failure
Many parents, especially new parents, try hard with their first child to do everything perfect and by the book, whatever that is. Many new parents spend much of their time reading everything there is to know on how to “properly” raise a child. And at their peril, may even ignore sound advice from those who’ve raised children and know what it takes.
They are so persistent with making sure everything is perfect and perfectly done that when the baby arrives and they find out nothing can be done perfectly, nothing is like the book said, they feel like a failure. They feel inadequate to raise their child properly, as they see it.
But what most new parents will discover, there is no perfect or even proper standard in raising children. Instead of experiencing a textbook raising of children, you’ll more than likely experience a practice makes perfect or gets the job done.
9 I Don’t Know My Child
This feeling can happen when a baby is born as well as when they grow up and start becoming their own person. When your baby is first born, some mothers may feel an odd sense of distance or unfamiliarity with their child. They may feel like they don’t know them or can’t bond with the child for whatever reason.
Maybe they had in their mind a certain way the child would look or act. This feeling usually comes from hormonal changes or a slight case of postpartum depression. Once your hormones get back to normal these feelings will change. Draw closer to your child be spending extra quality time with them.
When your child reaches pre-teen and especially the teen years there will definitely be times you feel like they are a stranger. Be patient with them. They are going through a normal phase in life that will soon pass.
8 Parenting Is Unfulfilling
One thing that’s common in the human experience is for us to imagine things a certain way and build our expectations and anticipations around this image of what we think something will be like to fulfill a void in our lives. We have this image of something fulfilling us. And oftentimes, parenting is seen as something that will fulfill us, fulfilling a void in our lives.
But what happens is we often disappoint ourselves with this image of what fulfills us. Sometimes parents have past issues from their childhood or from relationships in their life and they seek parenthood as the solution. This will lead to major disappointment when parenting doesn’t fulfill us.
Parenting, like everything else in this world, will not be completely fulfilling for anyone. Just like anyone else, children can’t fulfil us or make us whole. They can’t consume our lives and they can’t be an extension of ourselves.
7 View Of Life Changes
Depending on how old you are when you become a parent for the first time, your viewpoint of life may change. If you’re older, well into your 30s and perhaps 40s, you’ll already have a clear understanding of the disappointments and troubles associated with life and so you may be better equipped to handle or deal with situations and dangers that can happen to your child.
So you may be wiser in your decision to avoid this situation, keep them from going to this location and informing them about certain people. For example, you may be more likely to investigate child care centers or avoid feeding them certain foods before a certain age.
However if you’re younger, you’re more likely to take chances because you’re unaware of the dangers or risks associated with that activity. Babies can also wear your nerves, but older parents will display more patience than a young parent.
6 Postpartum Depression
Depression is real. It affects people in a different way. Some withdraw from friends and family, others become heavily involved, overly involved to the others, in certain activities to mask their hurt and pain. Postpartum depression occurs in women who have just had a baby and instead of feeling nothing but happiness and closeness with their baby they feel unsure, uncertain, and even distant from their child.
One reason for postpartum depression may be attributed to the hormonal changes in their body. Carrying and delivering a baby brings about major changes to a woman’s body and it can affect it in a physiologically. Another reason is the pressure placed on mothers to not only have a perfect baby, which will not happen, but also the pressure of trying to raise a child perfectly, which is also unrealistic.
These issues need to be addressed before the baby arrives so new mothers understand perfection is an impossibility.
5 Giving Up The Things You Love
One of the dark truths of parenting is often giving up things you love to do or goals or inspirations you had for yourself.
One of the reasons some wait to have children later in life is to make sure they achieve their desires and do things they love to do such as seeking and securing their career, buying the house of their dreams, traveling around the world or just enjoying their life before the discipline and difficulty of parenting comes into play.
The main regret many younger parents may have is that they have to put their life on the back burner. It’s difficult to continue their education. Careers are put on hold to care for a child or raise a family. Traveling abroad is now part of your future plans when you have children to take care of. You simply don’t have the time you used to when a baby comes into your life.
4 Getting Angry With The Dad
The presence of a baby in the family calls for major adjustments. It would be nice to think problems between you and your spouse won’t happen because of the new addition to your family. But there are a number of reasons why things can get dicey between you and your spouse.
Since the mother’s job is to nurture her children and bonding between mother and child is essential in the child’s development, some fathers may feel left out. This can cause them to become angry with the mother and vice versa. The mother will resent the fact that the father is being selfish.
A new addition to the family means both parents need to make adjustments because baby’s needs are most important at the moment. One of the main things a new baby will cause to parents is maturity. Children will help you grow up and realize someone else’s needs are more important than yours.
3 Wishing The Kids Were Different
This is probably a huge dark truth most mothers will not admit to thinking. As previously mentioned, we all have this image in our mind of how we want our children to look, act and become. The disappointments can start from birth and continue all the way to adulthood.
We may want them to have certain color eyes or skin, to be taller or thinner, to have a certain characteristic, have a certain career or position in life or marry a certain person. But one thing we have to remember is there are certain things we can’t change about our children, especially when they grow up and follow their own goals and dreams.
Other than inheriting our genes, we didn’t have anything to do with deciding what facial features or characteristics they have, nor can we push them into seeking a career or life we determine for them. Some things you just have to accept.
2 Dissatisfied With The Postpartum Body
This may not be as dark of a truth as some of the other ones but one thing is for sure you will regret the fact that your body can’t get back to the way it once was. Now, of course, this is mostly for mothers since we’re the ones that actually carry the baby for nine months.
If you’re a young mother, under 25, you have a better chance of getting your body back like it used to look without a great deal of effort. However, if you’re closer to 30 or 40 or you have more than one child, you can pretty much kiss your pre-child body goodbye.
Some of the culprits for the changes in your body include hormonal changes, less time available to cook and eat nutritious meals, and even though you’ll have plenty of time running to and fro, your personal exercise time will disappear.
1 Seeing Personal Faults In The Kids
Just like you’ll delight in seeing some of your best features and characteristics in your child, you will regret seeing some of your worse characteristics, and features, in your child. As far as the physical goes, you never cared for your nose or those squinty eyes or short legs? One of those features will appear in your child and if you have more than one child, one of them may have all those features.
Are you moody, not very sociable, full of sarcasm that’s irritating to others? Beware. Your child, or one of them, is likely to adopt the same characteristics which you will despise and probably be the least thing you like about them. The problem is that you were or still are the same way and may not accept or realize it.
No doubt this will slowly lead you down the path of turning into your parents and scolding your child like you were scolded.