After hearing the reasons men give for avoiding intimicy with their partners, we can easily draw one conclusion - not all men are the same! This sounds completely contrary to the age old saying ‘boys will be boys.’ How do different men respond to pregnancy ? It can depend on what they've seen in their family while they were growing up, or it can come down to personal preferences. Some of these reasons for not touching their wives are reasonable and show that dad-to-be is a caring gentleman, while a few reasons may not be so kind.
Pregnancy plays peek-a-boo with both husband and wife as far as sexual drive is concerned. Men may or may not like it, and women may reject their husbands one day and be all over him the next. So, as far as the woman is concerned she can be highly unpredictable.
But a husband’s behavior more or less stays constistent throughout. Either he's nervous about it or he enjoys the intimacy. What happens when a pregnant wife feels in the mood, but he's just not ready? It may make the mother feel all the more unattractive considering that she's already struggling with her body image. She may feel less confident and if it continues for the rest of her pregnancy, it may end up affecting her and her baby’s health.
Let's look at some of the excuses men give to withdraw from an intimate experience.
15 The Baby May Get Hurt
This could be a serious concern for a father. He doesn’t want to hurt the baby. He would rather stay away from the mom than do something that might harm his future son or daughter. Even though mothers have the baby inside, they are also very careful not to do certain things that may cause any harm to the baby. So, imagine a father who is not carrying the baby. His fear may be heightened.
This fear is usually only common with high risk pregnancies. However, this fear may be dispelled with the help of the obstetrician - wives can take the husband to the doctor and help him realize that his fears are baseless.
14 Brain Signals
One daddy successfully expressed his feelings about reduced sex drive beautifully. He said before the baby, a couple enjoys each other and makes out whenever they want. They were romantically drawn to each other and were gratified by the pleasure. Once the baby was conceived, his body gave him signals that the purpose has been fulfilled.
He adds that the drive started to return 6 months after the delivery and became completely normal again within 12 months. He says that human intellect sometimes makes men put their selfish interests behind and take complete care of the woman who is going to give birth to his baby. While this sounds romantic and idyllic, in the moment, an already hormonal wife can become even more emotional for feeling rejected. Of course, there are other ways of being intimate other than the complete act itself - which not to mention is what got them in this predicament in the first place.
13 Violating A Rule Of Nature
Sometimes pregnancy may take a dad to a whole new level of existence. Until conception, the couple is involved and engrossed in each other romantically. When the wife conceives, it brightens up the bigger realities and dad may realize that mom has another primary and natural function to perform. There is something about pregnancy that intrigues everyone.
Dad may naturally take a back seat looking at his wife carrying his baby and wonder at this amazing process. He may feel that his wife’s body is needed by the child for healthy development, so being intimate at such a time may hinder the process. He doesn’t want to go against what is intended by nature. He may see his wife’s body as a sheath for the human seed protecting it from everyone. That's why men may just want to cuddle and sleep instead of getting amorous.
12 Someone Else Is In The Room Watching
Hasn’t it been stated too many times that the baby can hear and understand everything in the womb? Everybody tells a pregnant woman to be happy as her vibes reach and affect the baby. It's often said that if the mother is unhappy it affects the overall development of the baby. This fact is taken literally to heart by fathers and he thinks that the baby is watching him and his wife during the act. This can make the dad feel uncomfortable even if it's something as innocent as making out.
Some men just can’t perform thinking that the baby might kick when they're reaching climax. That could put the dad off. And dad can sometimes take that as a ‘not allowed’ message from the baby and stop right there. However, it's not unusual for the baby to kick during the parent's private time - the act is, let's face it, active, so the baby may be woken up in there if it's right in the middle of nap time.
11 Wife May Get Hurt
The feeling of threat to the mother of his child is strong in most men. Some men experience a surge in emotion as a protector. They want to make sure that everything is in perfect order for their wife, and they're ready to sacrifice anything to that effect, hence the reluctance. Even if they initiate a moment, it may take a lot of courage on his part as he may feel that he can do more harm than good. They may show their over-sensitive side for the first time; he may become really caring and gentle.
So, the wife may need to do some pillow talk and assure the husband that she will communicate if something isn’t comfortable for her. The couple needs to figure out the dos and don’ts beforehand, making communication key. Since most husbands usually don't come out with their feelings unless asked, the wife needs to mediate the discussion.
In some cases, even looking at the wife with a big belly may hurt the father, forget about him wanting to have sex. It's really difficult to figure out the way to go about it, especially during the last trimester with a big belly. Accidentally falling on the belly or the discomfort mom faces while lying on her back could be a few things he may be concerned about. It might be difficult to find the perfect angle and position.
The wife may need to bring it up with him and discuss what positions they can try. Something will definitely work out eventually. Even before talking about trying different positions, it's better to check with the husband if he's up for it. He may get further discouraged by looking at his wife trying to be a sexual goddess. He may want to see his wife not his baby’s mother.
9 Scared Of Induction
There are many mothers who try natural methods of inducing labor after passing the due date. It happens that moms can go into labor a few hours after having sex. It doesn’t merely happen by intercourse, but by releasing the sperm inside the vagina. This causes ripening of the cervix due to a hormone called prostaglandin leading to labor contractions.
Since this is common knowledge nowadays, it may scare the husband. He doesn’t want anything to happen prematurely or he would feel guilty later for anything going wrong. This fear may be predominant in the last trimester when the belly bulge keeps increasing by the day.
However, this is highly unlikely for a mother to go into labor prematurely. It usually happens in a pregnancy that is already complicated with cervical incompetence, placenta previa or a history of premature births. If the mother is carrying twins, then there is a high chance of early labor. It's better to discuss this with the doctor.
8 He Has A Different Idea Of Sex
Believe it or not, some men perceive sex as only a means to create progeny. It really sounds medieval, doesn’t it? These men get approval of their masculinity and feel proud that they are man enough to procreate. Many men have a lingering doubt in their minds about their fertility. They get an affirmation that their body is functioning in the right order. They don't find any sense in doing it again once their wife is pregnant.
The husband who believes in such a concept needs to know that most couples continue to have a healthy sexual relationship even after they complete their family. Nowadays, many sexual relationships are based on getting pleasure instead of reproduction anyway. Some men have a different definition of a woman who can mother his children and a woman who is sexy. It may take tough talking or even head banging to debate on this matter, but there is always hope.
7 It’s A Girl
If the ultrasound result shows that the baby is a girl then it may douse any fumes left in the father. In some cases, the dad may get a hunch that the baby is a girl. They don't want to get playful with the mother while the daughter is watching over the entire episode. Even though the baby in the womb may be oblivious of any such act, the dad-to-be may feel too self-conscious to be too close to the daughter while having sex.
The very thought of this makes the man feel awkward. He may love his wife and her new voluptuous body, but he may get turned off to think how close his daughter is. Well, it's difficult in such cases to convince the partner to oblige the mother. If a dad is bothered by the baby being a girl then it's better to let him get over his feelings slowly.
6 Seeing Her In A New Role Is Confusing
Although many men find their wives attractive and adorable in a new shape, they can't picture themselves in bed with her. This happens. They are unable to identify themselves as a husband anymore. They see their wife who is carrying their baby as a different person. It's difficult for him to see a mother carrying his baby becoming a lover. People put 'mother' on a different level and maybe a higher pedestal than wife.
A husband's cultural background also plays a big role in developing such feelings in a dad-to-be. The woman should be proud of such a husband who respects her new role while he tries to fathom how a father is supposed to be. This mostly happens in the case of first time fathers. After fathering one child, the process becomes much easier the second time around.
5 He Has Other Things To Worry About
There could be many other issues that might be troubling a father-to-be. In most cases, a couple shares their problems, but during pregnancy the husband may stop sharing his cup of woes. The simple reason behind this could be that he doesn’t want the mother to get stressed by anything else. He wants his wife and baby to be healthy and knows that any worry may be not good for their health.
Increasing household expenses and the ensuing rise in expenditure may put an extra burden on the man. Financial instability may rest on his shoulders if the mother-to-be decides to be a stay-at-home mom. Work pressure could be another reason for the husband to not be in the mood. For a new father, the whole idea of fatherhood may seem scary. He may need some time to prepare himself for being a ‘responsible’ father. Apart from that, he may also worry about D-day and the preparations that he needs to make.
4 Put Off By Mood Swings
It's true that men can be easily turned off by unexpected behavior in his wife. A woman who is riding high on hormones may do or say certain things that he may not like. Some men take time to bouncie back and not take everything personally. They may sometimes feel unloved or neglected. On the other hand, it can happen in an instant for a pregnant woman to be cheerful again.
A husband may be confused for most of the pregnancy and try to put up a fake smile thinking ‘What next?’ Men are usually at the receiving end when hormones are raging. The sudden anger spells may send a quiet signal of ‘Touch Me Not’ to the husband. They may be utterly confused by the sudden sweetness in the bedroom and may not know how to respond as his darling wife is getting irritated over every tiny good or bad move.
3 Turned Off By Pregnancy Symptoms
Pregnancy brings along many embarrassing situations that a woman doesn’t want to face, at least in front of her husband. A woman may start being nauseous in the first trimester followed by acne and the urge to pee constantly. After that, the real showdown with gas, farts, snoring, dental problems, insomnia, constant nagging and complaining about everything takes over. And if the woman is experiencing leaking from her breasts, it may add to his reluctance, as he may not want to get doused with baby food.
Wives may feel unattractive because of all these symptoms, and even the husband may feel awkward. However, there are many couples who take it as a joke and laugh it off. That's usually the best aproach. Women may want to give a heads up to their husbands about what may happen to them during the course of pregnancy. He can, therefore, prepare himself in advance so that the symptoms don’t surprise or shock him as they come.
2 Afraid Of Miscarriage
Miscarriage is equally devastating for men as it is for women. They don't want to do anything that may result in such a heart-shattering experience. If the couple already has a history of miscarriage, then it's not just the husband, but also the wife who may wade the waters carefully. Both of them will not take chances even if it is safe.
However, if the pregnancy is healthy then the doctors maintain that it's completely safe for the baby. In fact, many couples continue their sexual relationship during pregnancy and no such incident has been reported.
If it's difficult to shed the fear, then there are ways to get close to each other. Cuddling, kissing or a massage can also bring some amount of bonding. It will make the relationship stronger.
1 He Finds Her Unattractive
This can be the most annoying reason for a man to not touch his wife. It may be completely out of his control, and could have something to do with the way he was raised. It's hard to believe that he can create the baby and then find the person who is nurturing it unattractive. Most men find their wives more attractive and adorable when they become pregnant.
There have been a few cases where a husband found sexual pleasure outside the relationship. In a new relationship, this could be devastating for the mother. Cheating can never be forgotten or forgiven. Of course this usually doesn't happen, but it's extremely unfortunate when it does. In such a situation, take heart, as most men love their wives whether they are pregnant or not.