Mom-to-be is exhausted, she's hormonal and she's completely ready to be a mama – right now. The last thing she needs is her so-called better half picking a fight. Okay, so maybe he isn’t exactly picking a fight. Maybe it’s more like he innocently said something, setting off her short fuse. Hey, no one blames her. Pregnancy is a challenging even to the most prepared soul.
Between the body changes, the mood swings and the stress mom-to-be feels, she might not be the easiest person to get along with. Even though she's well aware that she's extra sensitive, that self-knowledge won’t exactly calm her down.
No one gets along 100 percent of the time. Even the most lovey dovey couples argue every once in a while. Right? So, when mom-to-be's partner isn’t acting in a way that makes her want to smile and say, “Well, I’m a lucky lady,” she may let her hormones get the better of her. But, there are some fights that are just not worth having during pregnancy.
Expecting mommas have got enough to handle at this point, so why add on more stress, anxiety and not-so-happy feelings?
We all have those ‘making mountains out of mole hills’ moments? Pregnancy is packed with them. From the moment that little pink plus sign pops up on the pee stick up until mom pushes that baby out, she’ll find plenty of times when both she and her baby-daddy need to stop, calm down and let go of whatever is bothering them.
He’ll realize that he doesn’t need a pre-zilla freaking out and she’ll see just how relaxing it can be to let go of things that really aren’t important anyway.
15 He Doesn’t Understand What I'm Going Through
Swollen feet, an aching back and heartburn that rages like you’ve just eaten a jalapeno milkshake with extra pepper on top. These are only a few of the oh-so-special little physical treats that pregnancy brings to you. Along with the random aches and pains, your growing belly bump isn’t just cute.
It’s making it tough to pick up anything that you happen to drop and you are starting to think that you’ll never see your feet again.
So, when your baby-daddy doesn’t seem to get how physically uncomfortable you’re becoming, you’re ready for a fight. But, this one just isn’t worth having. Even the most empathetic male can’t possibly understand what it feels like to be an expecting woman.
He can tote around a baby bump and think about the time when he had major heartburn from that five alarm chili, but it’s not the same. There’s no need to loose precious sleep over what may seem like insensitivity. He can’t completely understand what your body is going through.
Unless he’s making rude comments or shaming you (in which case you need to confidently remind him that you’re carrying his baby), let it go.
14 Too Much Baby Talk
It’s all babies all the time in your house. Yep, you’re on baby mode 24-7 and you can’t seem to stop talking. Mere months ago you talked to your honey about politics, pop culture and the new restaurants that you’d both like to try. Now its all cloth vs. disposable diapers, the best breast pumps, baby names and parenting styles.
When your other half brings up anything that falls under the non-baby category, you somehow manage to get back on the baby track. There’s a new movie out? Oh, the lead actress just had a baby – and you’re considering the same name that she picked out!
It’s been almost three trimesters of baby talk, and your S.O. starts complaining about it. You get the annoyance, but you’re of the opinion that this is the most important thing that’s ever happening to you. So, why not focus on it? There’s no winning here. In a few weeks (or months) the baby will be here and you’ll both be totally into talking about her!
13 He Gets "Handsy"
He’s all about your booming bosom and wants to take advantage of the last few months the two of you have as a couple (that is, a childless couple). Whether you’re answering emails on the couch after work, eating dinner or just about to fall asleep, he’s getting handsy. You brush off his advances, and he’s not happy about it.
The expectant mama side: You’ve got another person inside of you already. Your belly is swelling to a size that you almost can’t believe, your back aches and you’re exhausted. That gorgeous glow you’re throwing off is really the leftover sweat from this afternoon’s morning sickness session and what you really want right now is a good foot rub – and that’s all you want someone rubbing.
The baby-daddy’s side: You’re hot, he loves you and he’s a guy. That’s it.
While there’s no need to become a nun for the next nine months, you also don’t need to start a fight every time he touches you. Instead of swatting his hands away or saying, “Ugh, not again!” turn the impending argument into a chance to tell your partner what you need.
Whether it’s that foot rub or the chance to nap before doing anything else, letting him know why you’re turning him down may make him much more understanding.
12 It’s All Hormones
Yes, your hormones are raging. Like, crazy raging. Sure, they’re making your mood swing and pushing you into a much more aggressive, weepy or argumentative stance. But, they’re not always a reason to start a fight (or an excuse for it).
The first time that the two of you bicker and you pull out the, “It’s the hormones. I can’t help it” card, he’ll probably let it go. The second or even third times will probably still get you a pass. Now it’s a daily event, and your S.O. isn’t so quick to give you a hug (or even a pat on the back). He’s kind of confused about the hormonal meltdowns and is at a loss about what to do.
You’re pretty offended by the idea that he won’t cut you some hormonal slack. At the same time he’s starting to think that you’re just using your hormones as an excuse to act however you want to. This is a lose-lose argument. You’ll end up crying or storming out (seriously, hormonal mood swings are the real deal) and he probably won’t relent.
Come to an agreement where he won’t judge your hormonal outbursts and you won’t judge him for totally not understanding.
11 Who The Baby Will Take After
There’s a heated debate going on in your house. And, it’s all about your kiddo. The thing is, she isn’t even born yet. You think that she’ll look like you, have your temperament or in every other way take after you. But, her daddy thinks she’ll be just like him.
Come on, the baby isn’t on the outside. You’re still at least a trimester away from meeting her and you’re already arguing about whose eyes she’ll have and where she got her nose. Even if you have an awesomely amazing 3-D ultrasound pic, you don’t know what your little one looks like. Forget about the fighting right now.
You can put this one on hold until sometime after labor and delivery day. There’s absolutely no legit way for either one of you to win. It’s all guesswork until you actually get to meet your beautiful baby.
10 Spending Too Much Money
Ugh! This is a biggie for almost any couple. Unless you’ve recently won the lottery, it’s not likely that you’re totally financially set. The cost of raising a child greatly varies, depending on income level. But, it can range from $9,130 to $25,700 a year, according to the USDA’s Expenditures on Children by Families report.
From who will work to how much the crib costs, you can find plenty of money issues to argue about when you’re expecting. Even though it’s entirely possible to spend all nine months fighting over money, you’re not going to get anywhere. Yes, you need to agree on how you spend your paychecks – especially when the baby is here. But, that doesn’t mean every expense needs to end up in a fight.
Instead of fighting, create a budget that you both agree on. Outline each expense and what a realistic amount is. If you know that you’ll want something extra special (such as the super-fancy car seat) budget for that right now.
9 Who’s Going To What Appointment
The farther you get into your pregnancy the more it seems like you’re at the doctor. Those once monthly appointments eventually turn into weekly ones. Then there’s the ultrasound (or ultrasounds), tests for conditions such as gestational diabetes and childbirth prep classes. Yep, you’re at the doctor’s office, clinic or hospital all of the time.
And, you’d rather not go it alone. But, it feels like you’re begging your S.O. just to get him to accompany you once in a while.
You want someone to hold your hand as the OB listens for baby’s heartbeat. He’s been to a few appointments and feels like it’s the same old same old (he’s been there and done that, so why go again?). Suddenly you’re fighting over the seeming lack of interest in the baby. It’s not that he’s uninterested. It might be that the baby just isn’t ‘real’ for him yet (don’t worry, it will be after the birth).
It might also have something to do with your hubby wanting to rack up more hours at work now – making it easier to take time off when the baby’s here.
Whatever the reason is, don’t push. You can’t hog tie your honey, toss in the trunk and drag him to the doctors. If he won’t go, it’s his loss not yours.
8 The Name
You’ve decided that the baby will represent your Irish ancestry with a name that your family has used for generations. But, your spouse says no. What gives? Maybe your other half wants the baby to carry on his family’s traditions. Now you’re in a baby name war, and no one is a winner.
Okay, so your baby’s name is super-important. It’s something that she’ll have for the rest of her life (of course, unless she decides to change it as an adult). Naming a baby is also a way to celebrate beloved family members, represent your culture and carry on traditions. When the name is equally as important to both of you, it’s easy to argue. But, that doesn’t mean you should.
Instead of bickering back and forth, look for a way to combine both of your picks. Is it possible to use the first name that you want and his choice as the middle name? Maybe you can combine the two into a brand new name or hyphenate it? And keep in mind, when you finally meet your brand new baby you might decide that you’re both wrong or that she looks much more like one name over the other.
7 Parenting Style
Are you a hippo or a tiger? Is attachment for you or you going to free range it? There are enough parenting styles out there to make a perfectly sane expectant person completely crazy. You’ve read the books and the blogs, and you’re fairly certain you know exactly how you want to raise your child. But, your baby-daddy does not agree.
Hey, take a step back. You’ve got a few trimesters left until your baby is on the outside. That means there’s plenty of time to discuss and figure out how you both want to parent your child. Fighting about it right now isn’t doing either one of you any good. You have no idea what this child will be like or how she’ll respond to different types of parenting.
And, for all you know, there might very well be four or five new parenting styles introduced by the time you give birth.
6 Nursery Décor
Seriously. In the grand scheme of things the color palette for your baby’s room isn’t exactly a major world problem. Deciding whether to have your little boy circumcised? That’s a pretty major (and permanent – depending on which way you go) decision. Deciding whether to go with robin’s egg blue or periwinkle? Not exactly life-changing.
So, you’re into shabby chic. Your significant other is all about clean contemporary lines. As you plan the nursery your styles are at odds, and so are the two of you. With all of the major decisions that you have going on right now, this isn’t one to fight about. If you can’t stop a décor disaster from happening, remind yourself just how trivial this is.
List out the issues you’re dealing with, in order of importance. It’s not likely that whether to have a seafoam accent wall or not will even be in the top five.
5 Family Matters
You want your mother to watch the baby when you go back to work. Your baby-daddy says his will. Now your mom and your MIL are at each other’s throats. And guess who’s in the middle? That’s right, it’s you – and your guy.
Bringing a baby into your family doesn’t just mean going from two to three (or four, five or more). It means adding to entire group. You have two sides of your family, and potentially dozens of people in each one. That means there are other family members who will weigh in on your baby, your parenting and just about everything else. Don’t let them get in the way of your baby bliss.
Yes, you both want to protect your respective families. But, you also don’t want them to get in the way of your relationship. Don’t let squabbles among other family members bother you right now. This is your baby, and not theirs.
4 Irritated Fight
Your hormones are on high and absolutely everything is irritating you. From the way your other half is chewing his morning eggs to the fact that he used the last egg (without offering it to you first), you’re entirely irked by him.
The moment he opens his mouth you’re jumping onto the defensive. You’re baby bump is massive, your back aches, your feet hurt, you’re crying one moment and positively joyous the next, and your baby-daddy is possibly the most annoying person on the plane. It’s completely possible that he hasn’t even done something to bug you. But, it’s just his mere presence (in the face of your expectant-self) that’s making you want to scream.
Take a moment and calm down. If he really hasn’t done anything, consider the idea that you’re just super-sensitive. Yeah, we know that you’re totally justified in your own thoughts – just consider the sensitivity factor.
3 Going Out
His buddies are texting, again. They’re asking him to go out for a pre-baby night on the town. The plans are dinner and a late-night bar excursion. While he’s out with his buds you’re left home alone. Well, you could go out with your girls. But, sitting and watching them down cocktails as you sip sparkling water doesn’t exactly sound like fun right now.
Whether it’s a one-time evening out or he’s at the local watering hole once a week, it bothers you that he gets to have all the fun. Instead of fighting over this (there’s really nothing you can do about your inability to go out for a crazy-wild night), tell him how you feel. He might not realize that you feel left out.
Instead of screaming every time he goes to walk out the door, suggest that the two of you spend more time together doing things that you actually can do during pregnancy (such as going out to dinner or seeing a movie).
2 The Same Old, Same Old
You always fight over the way that your hubby overstuffs the washing machine. You can’t stand that it throws the whole thing off balance and you’re sure he’s going to break it (great, another expense). You’ve had this fight over and over and over again. Whatever your ‘usual’ fight is with your S.O., now is the time to let it go.
You’ve got plenty on your mind right now. Between all things pregnancy and what’s going to happen after the baby is born, you don’t need to waste time bickering about the same things that you’ve been fighting about for years. Unless it’s something major, get rid of those teeny tiny trivial little fights that seem to pop up regularly.
It’s just not worth rehashing the exact same arguments that you’ve been having since the day you moved in together. Forget about these fights and focus on your pregnancy instead!
1 The Good Looking Neighbor
She’s hot. Like, Sports Illustrated swimsuit model hot. She’s always dressed in barely there skirts with belly-baring tops. Compared to her toned midriff your baby belly looks like a mountain. Between the cute little waves and the fact that she’s always out on her deck sunbathing, you’re feeling rather jealous.
Not only are you’re a few trimesters away from having your pre-baby bod back, but it never looked like that in the first place.
So, your hubby stares. How could he not? You’re staring too! Most people would (and they probably do too). A look is just a look, and nothing more. There’s no need to fight over a little innocent ogling. If he’s popping over to her apartment a few times a week, seems overly friendly with her or is ignoring you when she’s around, then you might have a problem. If not, it’s not worth the fight.
Sources: USDA.gov, Americanpregnancy.org, CNPP