The Greek goddess Artemis had, like, seventy of them, because she was the goddess who nourished all life. That’s an awful lot of children to feed, and boy oh boy, we wouldn’t want to be around when all those nipples spring leaks, because we might drown.
Lactation is some serious business for mothers with nursing babies, which means a lot of time and energy spent, not to mention the pain and leakage that occurs on a daily basis. I don’t think we always take the time to appreciate all that goes into nursing babies, and so I’d like to take this moment to show that appreciation.
Nursing mothers often feel overwhelmed from the pain of overfull breasts, cracked nipples, baby bites, and clogged ducts. The time it takes to nurse a baby or pump breast milk alone is reason enough to pay homage to nursing mothers. As if the nine months of pregnancy and all the crazy symptoms that go with it wasn’t enough of a sacrifice for our children, we must also give birth in a rather painful way, and then at the end of it all, we are given a new challenge to overcome—breastfeeding. Mothers really are the strongest creatures on the planet, to endure all that they suffer through for their children.
I think we owe it to those mothers to give them a little humor, to relieve some of the stress of nursing, since we can’t actually relieve the pressure from boob build-up. The following 15 hilarious photos about lactation aught to be just the release nursing mothers need to get through this messy, achy breast time.
15 B Cups Make Yummy Cupcakes
Sometimes moms just need to crack jokes, in fact, they probably need humor more than anything else in the world. They say laughter is the best medicine, and we would have to agree. How else would we get through all the crazy that comes with raising little ones? Moms are some of the most creative people on the planet, in my humble opinion, and what better way to showcase your humor and creativity than by combining them into one cute, hilarious, and delicious confection? Don’t you agree that these precious cupcakes in the shape of a bra covered set of milk bags, would make all want to take a little suckle, lick, or nibble? Some people might think these cupcakes are slightly inappropriate, but I just think they are an adorable set of yum! It’s possible this baker mom simply has aching breasts on her mind, and felt compelled to share that inspiration with others!
14 All I Want For Christmas Is My Mom's Milk
I am all about nursing in public, and I think it’s great that society is moving in the direction of accepting pictures like this in the mainstream. There shouldn’t be anything shameful about feeding your baby, and when baby is hungry—he’s hungry. Why should he go starving simply because you happen to be in the middle of taking a picture with Santa. Now, it’s possible that Santa has not quite jumped on the Free The Nipple bandwagon, judging from his somewhat shocked expression. Still, it appears he is attempting to be a good sport when this mom pops out her boob to feed her precious babe. I’m actually a little surprised by this attitude from him—I’ve always heard Santa loves milk with his cookies. Come on, bro! Don’t be so shocked, now! It’s also possible I’m misinterpreting his expression. Maybe he just wants the baby to share and share alike?
13 The Mock Cover-up
Some people aren’t quite as accepting of nursing in public as good old Santa. I don’t understand what the big deal is, but they seem to feel rather disgusted by the whole thing. That’s why there is such a market for cover-ups for nursing mothers, which is the reason I find these cover-ups particularly awesome. The boob and nipple ‘covers’ are the flicking of a middle finger from moms, to all those annoying people who clearly have never seen a boob before. I’ve never understood the absolute horror of those who find nursing babies so ‘disgusting’. Babies are cute and squishy; boobs are cute and squishy…what’s not to love about that? These moms are cracking me up with their absolutely hilarious way of getting back at all the haters out there. Haters gonna hate, moms. You just keep right on rebelling against intolerance, and nursing your babes at the same time.
12 When They Feel Like Fireworks
Okay, so we realize that Katy Perry is not actually lactating in this video, but this hilarious visual does depict lactation. I feel like it’s actually pretty accurate of that time your boob squirts milk across the room into your husband’s eyeball. It’s quite startling the first time it happens, but after a while you can develop a real game out of it. Like those water shooters at carnivals where you have to aim at a bull’s-eye—the person with the most accurate aim wins.
It’s uncontrollable really, so nothing to be ashamed of; I just wish we could all have Katy’s confidence and energy when your boobs are behaving like erupting volcanoes. She certainly seems to feel like an attractive pop star, and she appears to be particularly excited about this whole situation. I don’t know, maybe we could all learn a thing or two from her, and jump around the house with our nipples squirting all over the place singing, “baby you’re a firework...as you shoot across the sky!”
11 Whoops! I Tripped And Fell On The Wrong One!
Sometimes babies get a little confused about whose boob is whose, and we really can’t blame them—they mostly look the same. They might come in slightly different sizes, but they are all round and have a nipple on the end. It’s really not all that surprising that Junior here thought he just stumbled onto a buffet, when really, it’s just a very realistic statue. Boobs have been depicted in statues and art all over the world since ancient times; it actually is an overwhelmingly common subject matter for artists to recreate. That’s why the whole phobia of breast-feeding in public is so garsh-darn perplexing. This adorably confused baby is certainly making his mother laugh, and I’m sure she doesn’t mind the temporary break from him latching onto her breast. I bet she just wishes the statue could actually produce breast milk, and then she could really get a reprieve.
10 The Milk Hangover
Let’s be honest, drinking makes us pass out. It happens to the best of us, no matter how much we try to fight it. There must be something very relaxing in the drinking of liquid—that tummy gets full, and that tasty nectar makes us oh-so-sleepy. I’ve never passed out at the bar, but little, tiny babies can’t exactly catch an Uber home and put themselves to bed. There is nothing like a warm place to rest your head after a long night of drinking, and what’s more comfy than a fluffy pillow? This baby is clearly in a milk coma, and there is absolutely nothing cuter than that! I just hope all that drinking doesn’t have him waking up with a milk hangover in the morning. Slow it down, baby! We know that it makes you feel good, but we don’t want to have to send you to milkaholics anonymous.
9 Boob Milk Spillage Has You Like:
Some women can pump massive amounts of breast milk in one sitting, but for other moms it takes a lot longer to get a pittance of milk pumped into a 4 ounce bottle. Especially in the beginning, it can take some time to get the milk supply up. You’ve not known true jealousy until you find yourself envious of your best friend’s overabundance of breast milk, even when they are generous to offer you some of theirs. They’ve got it spilling out of their freezer, and you’ve got 2 ounces in a bottle that the baby didn’t drink, you put it right back into the fridge, because it’s as precious as gold. This picture depicts just how defeating it is when you spill all your breast milk it just took you an hour and a half to produce. And if someone says, “don’t cry over spilled milk”, a nursing mother is going to punch you in the face. Be warned.
8 Pumping On The Road
We’ve all known those uber-prepared mothers who don’t leave home without a week’s worth of survival gear in their purses. This incredible nursing mom featured above shows us just how serious business breast-feeding really is. Pain from engorgement is no joke people, so this mama is not taking any chances so she takes it on the road. She’s a road warrior of a milk woman for sure! Many mothers also don’t want to waste a drop of that oh-so-precious liquid, so they make sure to bring pumps everywhere they go. We’ve got to give this mom mad props for her ingenuity and multitasking abilities. As far as selfies go, this has to be one of the best ones I’ve ever seen. How can you not love a mom who is all smiles when she double-pumps nutrients for her babe, all while operating a vehicle? You rock the milk truck, mama!
7 Engorgement Has Us Like:
Next up, we have a photo that illustrates just how a nursing mother feels when her breasts become so engorged with breast milk that she simply must get home to feed her baby. It often seems a wonder that those bosoms can get so ginormous, and if I remember correctly (if I haven’t blocked out the experience for my own mental protection), I often worried they might just get so big they would carry me into the sky, like a hot air balloon. The pain of this experience is almost unbearable, and I’m pretty sure there is more than one time when moms wish they could take a sharp pin and prick those giant beach balls, to relieve all that buildup. It’s a wonder the nursing mother’s boobs don’t explode milk all over the place when they get that full! Oh wait a hot minute, I almost forgot. They do.
6 When You Forget To Put In The Nursing Pads
This delightful image is an experience all nursing mothers have been through—boob leakage. There are all sorts of marketed devices to assist in concealing this inconvenient side effect of nursing—bras, pads, specially made shirts—and yet they never seem to fully save moms from this experience. It smells a bit funny, and it’s kind of cold too. There were many nights when I woke up shivering in my bed, only to find I was basically sleeping in a bath. A bath of cold milk. Not to worry, don’t they say breast milk is good for the skin? I heard Kim K. uses it to cure skin ailments, and I’m pretty sure I watched an episode where she was stealing breast milk from her sister Courtney’s baby to use on herself. Stealing milk from a baby? Now that’s low! I’m sure Courtney would have given you some, Kim, if you’d just asked her.
5 The Marathon Breast Pumper
Some breast-feeding mothers just give the rest of us a bad name. We all have our limits on where and when we feel comfortable pumping our breasts while in public, but this mom outstrips the rest of us by far. Here she is running a marathon, and pumping breast milk for her baby at the same time. There simply must be nothing this woman is not capable of. If you say that she actually won the marathon, I’m packing up my mom bags and calling it quits right now. There is absolutely no way I can be a better mom than this lady. I’m impressed with her devotion to her child, and if she didn’t win the marathon, she better have won something—like best breast-feeding mother of the decade. I hope her baby grows up to know all the things his amazing mom did for him, because clearly he is loved.
4 The Letdown
There is no getting around it, breast-feeding is a messy job. No matter how practiced you get in the art of latching and feeding your baby, there are always going to be leaks and downright explosions of breast-milk all over you, and likely all over your clothes. Mothers do their very best to avoid messes, but they are inevitable. And how annoying is it when you are constantly changing your shirt because of breast-milk spills? Sometimes baby will unlatch and you can clean up the dribbles with a nursing pad, but sometimes when baby frees the nipple—your boob just does not want to stop shooting out enormous amounts of liquid. It’s like running into a fire hydrant on the movies, and the water shoots sky high. There is no turning that breast off. That’s why this photo of a fountain geyser perfectly sums up the nursing mother’s feelings on the subject.
3 Road Trip Snack Break
Even though we shouldn’t be ashamed of feeding our babies in public, there are still some times of the day when you just don’t want someone latched onto your boob—we all need our bodies to ourselves some of the time. Check out this picture of a mom and her child nursing mid cruise. I get the feeling this mom thinks this situation is just a little too much. She’s still letting her child nurse, I mean—if she’s hungry, she’s hungry. But if she’s just comfort nursing on a long bike ride, she needs to suck on a paci instead. Still, this is a pretty hilarious and adorable picture of mama and baby girl getting their bike on, and we can’t really blame the little one for needing a snack on a road trip. I know I’ve gotta have my cappuccino and gummy bears, so I totally get it. Ride on cutie!
2 Ryan's Thoughts On Breast Pumping
If Ryan Reynolds tells you it’s sexy to pump at work, girl you better listen! I have known many women who feel embarrassed to pump at work, but I think times are gradually moving in the direction of acceptance of breast-feeding mothers as the new normal. Thank goodness. Even when breast-feeding becomes widely accepted, you still have the problem of how you feel about it. Sure, nursing mothers want to feed their babies, but it’s probably not making you feel like the sexiest person at the water cooler. But, attractiveness has so much more to do with how you feel about yourself, than how others feel about you. If you believe you are sexy, squirting boobs and all, you will be attractive and beautiful. That internal beauty is a real thing that shines through the skin and draws people from across the room. Sure, you might smell like breast milk, but I heard that smell is intoxicating to many. Don’t let it make you feel unsexy.
1 The BreastFeeding Snow Woman
Finally, and probably my favorite picture of all, we have a fabulous breastfeeding snow-woman. Whoever made this snow-woman is absolutely genius, and this creative spectacle should be entered into a competition or something. I love winter, and thus I love snowmen, so this just makes my little feminist heart melt, because some snow-women are worth melting for.
I really love when people think outside of the box, and really use their imagination to create something that perfectly represents who they are in this world. Clearly, the maker of this winter sculpture had baby on the brain, big time. Nothing wrong with that. It’s possible baby was feeding from mom while mom was building this impressive art piece, and so mom was literally inspired. Whatever the reason for this frosty wonder, we are laughing and loving it. Keep up the great art, mama! Maybe next year we could get a nursing snow angel?