15Don't You Dare Leave
This one is funny until it's 2:00 in the morning and you've finally, finally gotten your child to calm down, settle into your arms, and drift off. She's breathing deeply, slumbering soundly; time to make your escape!
You gently, gently lay your child down on her soft and cozy bed. You
ever-so-slowly slide your arm out from under her resting body...and turn to go. The second your arm is no longer in contact with her, she pops up like a jack-in-the-box. You jump a mile high and whisper-scream into the night air, "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" But, it's too late. She's awake. Again.
Time to choose your own adventure. Option 1: Leave and listen to her throw a tantrum for the next three hours while you lie awake and cry silent tears. Option 2: Read 5 more stories and sing 7 more lullabies to help her drift off. Prepare yourself for a sore neck. You're sleeping in a toddler bed with a knee in your kidney tonight, or not at all. Decisions, decisions.
"A mother's arms are made of tenderness and babies sleep soundly in them." -Victor Hugo