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15 Hilarious Tweets About April The Giraffe

April the giraffe. If anyone haven’t heard of her, they must be living under a rock. She’s the most popular part of the animal community in the world right now. Right up there with Bao Bao the panda, April has kept animal lovers — and baby lovers — everywhere on their toes in recent months.

It all started back in February when the Animal Adventure Park, located in Harpursville, New York, carried out a Q&A on their YouTube channel. Viewers became instantly obsessed with April the giraffe, a 15-year old giraffe that has been calling the central New York park home for about a year and a half.

While some people were initially concerned about April, because a giraffe’s typical lifespan is only 15 years, they were reassured to find that this limitation applies only to giraffes in the wild. Those who are cared for by humans are more likely to live well into their twenties.

So, what’s so fabulous about April? She was expecting a calf, and as it turns out, was allegedly in labor for quite some time. Past visitors to the park knew she was pregnant and due sometime in mid-February. They wanted updates and the park was more than willing to keep them in the loop. April became a sensation when she surpassed her due date tremendously and went on to deliver a male calf in — of all the months — April!

On the flipside, it’s a shame we don’t trust nature more when it comes to people the way we do with animals. April’s body knew just what it was doing, and it was perfectly safe for her due date to be overlooked and to allow her body to take control and engage in birth when it was time.

More women should be asking why they aren’t encouraged to wait until their body goes into labor naturally in our induction-obsessed society. In honor of the many things this giraffe’s birth has taught us, let’s hear it for the laughs we’ve shared, even if they’re at April’s expense.

15 Who Gets More Action

@Scot4bz shared: “April the giraffe has now given birth 4 times. Apparently even giraffes get more than I do.” We’ve gotta admit that April isn’t hurting in the looks department. Apparently that carries over into the bedroom. Not that giraffes have bedrooms. They’re way more brazen than that. Most of them enjoy danger sex, AKA having sex outdoors.

They don’t get down halfway either. Completely in le buff and completely without regard for who’s watching, April and her baby daddy, Oliver probably got in on like Donkey Kong without thinking twice about where they were or whether it was appropriate behavior at the time. Gotta love nature!

Couples who are looking to spice things up a bit might learn a lesson or two from April and her beau. Still, we’d encourage a little discretion, because while the giraffes can feel free to do it wherever they’d like, we humans are restricted from public nudity. Sigh.

14 Baby Drop

@TheVickster_sa shared: “I drop an egg off a kitchen counter & vegans scream murderer at me. But when April the giraffe drops her baby from 20 feet, everyone cheers.” Isn’t that the truth! Is there anything more humorous than an analogy that is totally on point?

Hey, we’re not here to poke fun at the vegans, but if the shoe fits, wear it well, folks. While I am a meat eater and I love it, I’m not completely closed off to the vegan way of thinking. I do not like entertaining thoughts of how my food got to me all the time. On that note, we do try to eat organic, pasture-raised, grass-fed meats. I digress.

I have a close friend who is vegan and she’s never once judged me — at least not out loud — for what I eat. Nor would I judge her consumption of GMO soy products. Hey, we all have our opinions. We can all respectfully get along with judgement. It is possible. So why not try it?

Admittedly, April dropping her calf from 20 feet above immediately brings back memories of Michael Jackson dangling his baby from a way-high balcony above a crowd of onlookers. I’m willing to bet that baby giraffes are engineered to withstand that drop, given the height of their mothers. But since I’m not keen on thinking about animal harm, I’m not going to entertain the idea that they aren’t. Call me ignorant.

13 High As A Kite

@ClichedOut shared: “April the giraffe doesn’t need drugs; she’s naturally high.” Well, it’s true. The average female giraffe stands 15 feet tall. The males are generally 16 to 20 feet tall. Good to know giraffes prefer their men taller, too.

This tweet sparked a new take on April’s birth for me. What if April were high? Don’t women all across America give birth while under the influence all the time? Hey, don’t hate the messenger. It’s true. At least 60 percent of women choose the epidural while in labor, and many others opt for IV drugs.

While we like to label it as an epidural, it’s actually a shot of a narcotic drug into your spinal cavity. Saying IV meds might make you feel better than saying I had a morphine drip, but that’s essentially what’s going on here. Opiates. Congrats to April for rocking her birth au natural. We can’t hate on that.

12 He Is NOT The Father

@Hobo_Splendido shared: “I’m watching April the giraffe cam just to make sure I’m not the father.” This was on point. While we can most certainly assume that no one with ten fingers available to type that up ever fathered a child with a giraffe, we can’t assume that someone wouldn’t try.

Yes, we’re going there. There are men — and women — out there who have the desire to do the deed with… animals! Sometimes referred to as bestiality, the term more commonly used today to describe this is zoophilia.

Roughly 8 percent of men and 4 percent of women were estimated to have an interest in zoophilia back in the 1960s, and those estimates dropped to 4 and 1 percent just a decade later. Unfortunately, it wasn’t due to a lack of interest, but rather a lack of opportunity as farming communities dwindled. Research hailing from Brazil supports that theory, noting that 35 percent of native Brazilian men have had sex with animals. Yikes!

11 April The Con Artist

@Britweis shared: “At this point, I really think April the giraffe is just faking her pregnancy so her man doesn’t leave her.” Normally, we could rule this theory out, since animals don’t really have the capacity to fake a pregnancy, nor the desire. They mate for a purpose — to procreate. Giraffes are not glued to one mate for their whole lives.

In fact, they like to get it on with several mates. No, not at the same time, but they are freaks of nature, for sure. For example, before they get down to business, the female giraffe urinates in the male giraffe’s mouth. You can’t un-know that now.

Let’s pretend for a moment that April was like a human female, and she was faking her pregnancy just to keep old Oliver around. April and the zoo workers didn’t do a very good time tracking her cycle, which is only 17 days in a giraffe by the way. While they did observe breeding behavior in mid-October, that doesn’t mean conception occurred then.

It’s likely that April conceived far before then, because giraffes are typically pregnant for 14 to 15 months. Ouch! Well, they do have to grow 6-foot tall calves with hooves! ‘Nuff said.

10 Conspiracy Theories

@Juan_Abbe shared: “There is no April. There is no baby giraffe. It’s all staged, like the moon landing.” Believe it or not, there are people who insist that we never really landed on the moon. If you’re curious, feel free to look it up. There is actually some pretty compelling evidence to the contrary, but it all comes down to which side you’re most likely to align on. It’s hard to go against the grain of what’s been hammered into your head for your whole life, or what you feel like you saw happen with your own eyes.

A lot of people were feeling this way about April the giraffe. After all, she’d been pregnant forever it would seem. Although, given that 15 months is a normal gestation period for giraffes — a good six months long than what we humans are accustomed to — it was likely always going to seem like she’d been pregnant for way too long.

9 They’re Watching Us

@Patr1ck0 shared: “Syria was just a distraction from the fact April the giraffe is still in labor.” Expanding upon that conspiracy theory notion, there are a lot of things that the media presents to us mere mortals and they expect us to salivate over it and become completely distracted from what is going on in the rest of the world.

They expect this of us because we’ve shown them time and time again that it will work.

We like to be entertained. We like up-to-the-minute updates. We like instant gratification. In a way, our modern world has shaped us into these people. We weren’t always this way. Remember when you had to wait for someone else to return a new release to the movie store before you could rent it?

Remember when slow cooking food actually required you to monitor a pot on the stove all day? I think you get my drift. This fella might not have been too far off, because I still see far more people talking about April than Syria in my newsfeed.

8 Feeling Like A Black Sheep

@JorgeG237 shared: “Just found out both my sisters watch April the giraffe on the daily… And I’m the black sheep of this family?!” A lot of you may be laughing at this right now knowing that you too were watching that April cam. Others might understand just where he’s coming from, because you didn’t and couldn’t believe how many of your friends and family were glued to it.

April the giraffe certainly brought many people together while completely alienating others who just couldn’t bring themselves to get on board with stalking a giraffe’s vagina. Let’s be honest, can anyone really pinpoint what was so mesmerizing about this event? Don’t giraffes and other animals give birth every day? Don’t people? Why was April special? Was it all media hype that turned this normal, everyday event into something of a cult following? The world may never know.

7 Cast Thou Judgement

@WaterLilyDreams shared: “My new favorite place to judge people is the live April the giraffe feed.” We can’t knock it. We were doing it, too. From people who were ridiculing the staff for not knowing the exact moment that Oliver fertilized his mate, to those who were seriously impatient and demanding a C-section, some of the commentary that people were flooding the park with had us rolling.

You know those new articles and posts you see on Twitter and Facebook that you don’t even read but you check the comments because you just know they’re going to be hilarious? That’s kind of how it was watching the live feed scroll by while waiting on April to give birth. I know a few people out there who might be feeling kind of empty inside now that it’s all over.

6 Here Comes Maury

@DifficultMommy shared: “When it comes to April the giraffe, I’m mainly looking forward to the inevitable Maury episode where we find out if Geoffrey is the father.” Don’t act like you weren’t thinking the same thing. Alright, maybe not Maury. It would be difficult to transport every giraffe in the zoo to Maury’s studio in Stamford, Connecticut for filming, and we know Maury isn’t keen on doing on-location filming.

Let’s assume for a moment that Geoffrey the giraffe was the father of April’s calf. Would that mean the newborn calf was an heir to the toy kingdom or something? Would April’s child become the new face of Toys ‘R Us? How can we even be sure that Geoffrey is real, and if he is, how do we know there haven’t been several Geoffrey’s already? We can’t, but this was funny.

5 Just Telling It Like It Is

@Hovdemike shared “I need to know why everyone was so lit for April the giraffe having her baby, but can’t stand seeing a new human pregnancy announcement…” Truer words have never been spoken. Everyone was jumping up and down with excitement to check in with April every day. They wanted to know if the big day had arrived yet.

They were planning parties with wildlife decorations and party favors to celebrate the calf’s birth.

Yet, when you best friend announces she’s pregnant, you’re all “Yay! Insert fake Facebook excitement here” and moving on with your life five minutes later like it never happened. Never mind the real hypocrisy when a woman actually gives birth. Men everywhere feign illness and become so grossed out that you’d think it was a scene from Alien.

Even plenty of women are scared to actually see a video of a child being born. But no one has an issue with hooves coming out of a giraffe’s ass. Okay.

4 Waste Products

@asmithens2334 shared: “I’ve been watching the live stream of April the giraffe for a while and thought she was going into labor, but she just pooped. I’m disappointed.” Who else captured one of the intimate moments with April? Picture it. You’re watching the live feed rather intensely. You’ve been waiting months for this birth to happen. You aren’t going to miss one moment of it.

Suddenly, it seems like April is feeling a little restless. Remember, giraffes won’t show it when they’re in labor or contracting. They hide their discomfort because in the wild, it would make them vulnerable to attack if other animals knew they were in labor.

As April starts to squat slightly, millions of people across the globe are staring at their screens in awe and hoping to catch that first glimpse of a hoof pop out. Instead, she was having a bowel movement in front of millions of anxious viewers. Who else lost their lunch in that moment?

3 Happy New Year!

@Hey_halie shared: “I can see it now… New Year’s 2017 everyone will be reminiscing on how we spent 3 months waiting for April the giraffe to give birth.” She’s probably right. Looking back, there are always those infamous listicles that come out each year and give us a brief overview of what we spent the last 12 months doing with our time.

In 1999, we were worried the world was going to end. In 2013, we were introduced to the cronut. In 2014, Oregon, Alaska and the District of Columbia all legalized marijuana. In 2015, we said goodbye to Bruce and hello to Caitlyn Jenner. In 2016, we voted a reality TV star into the White House.

Now in 2017, we’re stepping back to take it all in with live streams of giraffe poop and questions about the paternity of baby giraffes. Does anyone else feel like we’re not going in the right direction?

2 This Time Last Year…

@DannyJConrad shared: “Probably still be waiting for April the giraffe to give birth by the time this shows up on my Timehop.” Ah, Timehop. You know you love it. It’s great for reminding us of that wild night out we had with our girlfriends last year before we got pregnant with number three. It’s even better at reminding us that number two is no longer our wittle baby. Sigh.

Still, it’s a nice thing to have on hand, because just when you thought you had moved on from being the one to figure out where Natalie Holloway is, Facebook reminds you that you better start planning that trip to Aruba to investigate.

Next Spring, you will undoubtedly be bombarded day after day with relentless posts you made this year about waiting for April and Oliver to carry on their lifeline. You will look back and wonder how much time you actually wasted watching April in anticipation of the birth compared to how long the single event actually took. And you might vow to never join a live feed of anything again with your Xanax.

1 Come On Baby!

@Cass_can shared: “Someone give April a shitload of pineapple juice of a trampoline to jump on.” Everyone was getting a little induction happy around April this year. No one seemed to want to wait for her to birth in her own time, the way nature intended. Yet, we allowed her that. Did you catch that? I said allowed.

Why is it that we take no issue with letting a giraffe in a zoo birth whenever she births, but if a woman in a doctor’s office hasn’t hit the mark exactly as we predicted, we push her into a slew of interventions that her body often doesn’t need?

Instead of making April’s calf the new face of a toy store, perhaps she should be the face of awareness. Awareness for women everywhere that due dates are just a guess. Awareness that waiting until labor starts naturally on its own is always the best and safest option as long as the baby isn’t in distress. Hitting 15 months didn’t automatically put April in danger and a woman hitting 42 weeks doesn’t automatically put her and her child in danger, either. Research! Know your body! Let nature run its course, mommies.

Sources: Fit Pregnancy, Twitter, Hanger17

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