Bottom line: Applying makeup is an all or nothing kind of game. When it's applied correctly it can transform a face into a work of art. When makeup is applied incorrectly...women walk around looking like they clowns...or worse. I have watched dozens of YouTube videos on how to contour and highlight your face, but to no avail. It ends up making me look ridiculous. I've tried all of the cat eye eye liner tricks Facebook has to offer, one eye always ends up looking like I sneezed during its application. Lipstick? Forget it. Take Kylie Jenner's famous kissers and imagine the exact opposite, that's me. It just shouldn't be so hard, but it is.
Think of all the famous faces you see walking the red carpet. Their make up is so dazzling and flawless that they don't even look human. Theycertainly don't resemble us mere mortals donning our Target makeup in the least. There is good reason for that though, celebs have a team of professionals slapping on their foundation and making sure their cheekbones are highlighted just so. Judging from these famous ladies' makeup fails I'm pretty sure I know at least fifteen makeup artists that are currently out of a job, just in case you are thinking of hiring one!
15 Drew Barrymore Looks Like She Saw ET Again
Well Ms. Barrymore is a ghastly disaster here isn't she? Maybe she was running short on time and just dipped her head in giant vat of setting powder. The lady has a booming career and two small kids to take care of after all. Of all the powder princesses up on here, she might take the cake. It's in her freaking hair. How do you walk out the door or look in a bathroom mirror and not notice that? Also you are white. Not porcelain, just white...like a ghost. This is not a good look on Drew who normally gives us a fresh and natural face no matter where she goes. Bring back that Drew please. This one isn't working for us. I need rosy cheeked Drew in my life.
14 Tyra Banks - America's Next Top Makeup Fail
Oh! Ewwwww. What is happening here? This is precisely what I looked like the morning after my husband's holiday work party. Tyra, you should know better. High fashion doesn't necessarily translate to a good look in real life. Next time I wake up with make up smeared half way across my face I am going walk around town calling it high fashion. It's totally in guys, I saw Tyra rocking it once. What perplexes me so is this is a woman who IS fashion. It has been her world longer than I have been alive, so how did she not look in the mirror after her little makeup minion completed his train wreck and not burst into tears over this. Lord knows I would have. She looks like my toddler twins took a crack at her face and she must be stopped.
13 Khloe Kardashian - Eyebrows Are So last Year
Khloe Karadashian has made a fashion icon of herself so it was a bit shocking to find her making this list. You know they have an entire team of mascara wielding professionals at their beck and call so I see no reason why a Kardashian should ever be anything but flawless. The eyebrows are ever so important and can not be messed with nor neglected. Anytime I see a woman think they are super trendy by feathering their brows or dying them light I want to cry. It just doesn't look right. You are freaking Armenian, rock your dark brows Khloe. Everything else on her looks pretty fab, but it's hard to notice anything outside of the alien-brows. The hair style is throwing me off too, this is how I comb my kids' hair after they get out of the bath tub.
12 Angelina Jolie - Power To The Powder
This is so not a good look on the beautiful Tomb Raiding Humanitarian, Ms. Angelina Jolie. I am no makeup guru, but I think this might be setting powder. The good news is it set alright. The bad news is it set in all the wrong places and someone forgot to blend it in. That's a heaping load of powder there also. Is that normal? I would be so pissed if I were Angelina, but being the nonchalant understated Queen that she is, she probably could have cared less about it. She has better things to do with her days than fret over bad pictures, like adopt two children from every country, build an arc and set sail for better things. She has no time for makeup perfection when she is busy saving the universe from itself.
11 Christina Aguilera Practices Paint By Number On Her Face
This is similar to what my best effort at make up looks like if I spend hours in the bathroom trying to recreate what the Youtubers are trying to teach me when it comes to makeup application. Christina here is sporting the classic "paint by numbers" makeup face. You can tell where the bronzer was thrown up and then not blended in correctly as well as where she swiped her little highlighter stick. Her lips are fierce, if you prefer that whole street walker red thing. The eyes are okay, but you can see where her eyebrows kind of got forgotten. You gotta pay attention to those bad boys, and there is way too much concealer caked under her eyes. Dude, her and I could be makeup twins. Man would I love to see what this make up looked like after a few vodka sodas and some dance floor moves. I bet she was a hot mess leaving the club.
10 Leighton Meester Is The Joker
Oh God. I can't unsee this. Blair what in the actual hell were you thinking!? The lips? Too red and way too contrasting, especially with her dark hair. The eyes? What is even happening up there? Is purple eye shadow a thing now? Are we supposed to be rubbing it all over our faces like that? Leighton is a new mommy so maybe her brain has turned to mush, much like our mortal minds. Perhaps she is functioning on two hours of sleep and this is the best she could do. I don't know what her thinking is behind this punky fail but I certainly hope someone stopped her and told her to never again attempt this look. Purple eyes are never going to be a thing, either is eye shadow spread across half of your face. Guys, I'm serious. We can not let this become a thing.
9 Kim Kardashian - Gotta Hide Those Bags
Kim simply can not be outdone by one of her famous sisters. If Khloe turned up on the list you had better believe Kim was going to make an appearance too! Mrs. West is going for that fresh faced, I woke up looking dewy and glamorous look that all of us mothers wish we could master. The problem is even with all the help in the world, she is an exhausted mom of two as well as a mega-business mogul, so she is probably tired as all hell. Enter: concealer....tubs of it! Someone took that paste and smeared it allllll over Kim's face just to make sure not a hint of an under eye bag ever made it into the public eye. I am all for the under eye concealer, believe that, but that stuff has to be blended in hard core otherwise you just don't look right.
8 Jessica Simpson Channeling Her Inner Oompa Loompa
Everyone loves a good old sun kissed glow. It always seems to mask my fat rolls and blemishes so hey, I am all for a little tan action whether it be a spray tan, a tinted lotion or twenty minutes basking in the warm sun. I love it...give it too me! Everyone's favorite maybe-drunk celebrity, Jessica Simpson, loves it too. She missed the mark here though. There is a fine line between sun kissed and Oompa Loompa and she is waaaaay over in Loompa Land. On the bright side she managed a good smoky eye here and her teeth are so freaking white they are blinding. If only she would have toned down the orange glow this might have been a fashion win. Sadly no one wins with orange skin.
7 Angelina Jolie Has The Fiercest Brows On The Block
Well look who showed up to the makeup fail party? It's yester-year Angelina with her notorious "I will kick your ass in a hot second" eyebrows. Who knew eyebrows could exude such a feeling of fear and unease? These furries are too much. Everything else is on point, soft, supple and feminine and then she appeared to take a permanent black marker and draw on her eyebrows, much like she allowed his children to doodle all over her super expensive wedding dress. (Seriously I love my kids too, but hell no!) Scary brows or not, she is still one of the most stunning faces known to man kind. I'm glad she grew up a bit and worked that whole eyebrow thing out. I don't think the severe brows work on anyone.
6 Lil Kim Is Clown-Tastic
Ok so truth be told I don't think any of us expect great things when it comes to Lil Kim and her fashion sense. She is basically known for wearing sequined outfits that display here tatas. Who can forget the sparkly pastie that she covered her bare nip up with at the MTV Music Awards a few years back? Kim: a sticker on your nipple doesn't make you any less nude, just so we are clear. Her make up is as atrocious as her outfits. Too much Kim, just too much everything! That blush is straight out of the eighties and the lipstick is a shade that only barbie can wear. You are not Barbie. The eye makeup is drag queen-tastic and someone could not put down the eyebrow pencil. For the love of all that is good and holy, please wipe this makeup off and start over. I beg of you.
5 Guiliana Ransic Less Is More... Learn It
For starters, isn't there some sort of makeup law out there that says heavy lips, less on the eyes or heavy eyes, soft on the lips? I swear that's a thing. Secondly, shouldn't this lady KNOW that? She makes a living speaking to the stars at the greatest fashion gatherings on the planet. Her number one line in life is, "Who are you wearing?" So maybe Lil' Kim gets a pass for her drag queen make up, but Guilianna gets no such pass. It's soo much heavy makeup for her gaunt, little face. She has a sharp bone structure as it is, why remind people that you resemble Skeletor? Someone definitely lost their job over this one, and rightfully so. If you are running a fashion review television show and interviewing the stars of the red carpet, you better bring your A Game. Every. Single. Time.
4 Melissa Joan Hart - Sabrina The Teenage Mess
So it looks like Sabrina the Teenage Mess here wanted to really highlight her forehead. Mission accomplished Melissa Joan Hart. The haters will come for me here, saying that I am mom shaming her, but what's new. Sabrina needs help from top to bottom. Literally nothing about this look is flattering except perhaps the giant rock sitting on her finger, but the makeup really sets it off. I feel bad for her really because you can see here that she tried to get it together, but clearly failed. I am seeing a real makeup fail trending here guys. Powder is the devil. Let's go power free for a bit and see what happens. It can't be any worse than these ladies who look like they just walked out of a full day at the bakery.
3 Pam Anderson Smoky Eye Goes Up In Flames
If this sub par make up job is coming back into trend them I am a shoe in! Watch out world cause this girl has the janky cat eye down pat! This is all sorts of liners gone totally wrong. Eyes are hard. Heaven knows I have attempted the good old "cat eye" more times than I want to admit and it almost always results in something very similar to what Pammycakes here has done. So yes, the eyes are a clear fail, but then she bombed the lips as well. I am no wizard when it comes to the perfect pout, I pretty much stick to all shades of nude. No one can screw that up...unless you are Pam Anderson and you pair your nude lipstick with a wine stain red liner. Now she looks like a geriatric drag queen, worse actually. Drag queens are Gods of the makeup world. Come to think of it maybe Pam should hire a drag queen to take over her face painting duties.
2 Amy Child's Contour Detour
Amy Childs isn't big news here in the states but she is kind of a massive deal across the pond. Childs is a British model, television personality and business woman who according to her lengthy resume probably makes mad dough. She should take that mad dough and hire a make up artist because the girl has some serious application flaws going on. She is such a stunning lady, she probably needs no make up at all, but if she is gonna rock it she should do it properly. What the hell is happening with the two toned face here. There are two shades of Amy in this photo and neither is a natural look. The highlighter is too light and the bronzer is too dark and the contrast is bothersome. Also the lips. Lining lips in dark red and applying a nude lip shade is not ok. Even I know that!
1 Victoria Beckham - I Just Woke Up Like This...
Posh Spice we expect more from you. This eye makeup is scaring and confusing me. Your eyebrows seem to blend right into your upper eyelid, it's one giant brown mask. Then the eye shadow is continued into some kind of feathery design with a thick layer at the bottom. Beckham's old lady went way to heavy on the eyes and kept everything else simple, which in theory should work, but it just doesn't. I wonder if she let her little daughter, Harper, help her get ready for the evening? This is something my kids would do: find the darkest eye shadow in the pallet and just put it everywhere. It's very extra-terrestrial looking this make up of hers. She looks mad too, like she knows she looks a mess and someone is gonna catch it for this blunder.