15 Hysterical Things Women Have Compared Pregnancy To

Pregnancy is like… Well, there are plenty of things that expectant mamas compare ‘being with child’ to. Oh, and some of them are pretty funny. More like, highly hilarious.

Being pregnant is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. There’s another person growing inside of your belly. Whoa! As if that teeny tiny human being inside of you wasn’t alien enough, your body is going through some major changes. Suddenly you’ve gone from regular girl to vessel. And, that doesn’t exactly feel ‘normal’.

So what types of pregnancy comparisons do women make? Well, most of them have to do with this whole changing body thing. From comparing their preggo nipples (which, by the way, are totally different than normal nips) to various food products to find the similarities between the expecting emotional state and completely comical characters, those nine months have similarities to an awesome array of different things.

Between the good, the bad and the ugly comes laughter. Yep, that’s right – laughter. It’s totally necessary during pregnancy. Why? Well, you’re going through a major life change. It’s scary, it’s weird and it’s entirely beyond anxiety-producing. Sorry, but it is. With that in mind, a little light laughter can cut the tension and make you feel much more at ease. And, that’s a must-do right now.

Before you start taking your preggo-self all too seriously, check out these LOL things that some mamas-to-be have compared their pregnancies to. Hey, that’s not to say pregnancy isn’t serious business. But, sometimes you just need to sit back, relax, laugh and realize that other mommies feel just like you do.

15 Pregnant Pepperoni

Those sweet little perfect candy kiss-esque nips of yours about to go away. Far, far away. Oh, they might come back. Kind of. But during pregnancy they aren’t exactly going to stick around.

So what do some women compare their during-pregnancy nipples to? Um, pepperoni. Seriously. It’s a totally fair comparison. Well, for some mamas it’s more like full-fledged salami slices. Yeah, it sucks. Then again, you are getting a baby out of the deal. That pretty much makes the larger, darker, weirder nips okay. Or at least tolerable.

Along with these super-fun changes, you may also notice that your nips stick out more. Hmm. Maybe it’s your S.O. who is noticing that. And, you might see raised bumps on the surface. Don’t freak out. These are small glands on the surface of your areolas called Montgomery’s tubercles. This, and all of the other oddities of preggo breasts, are actually normal. If you’re at all concerned, talk to your medical provider right away.

14 Brainless With Baby

You’ve got mommy brain. And the baby isn’t even on the outside yet. Yes, plenty of mamas compare pregnancy to being basically brainless.

Hey, you’re a smart woman. You went to school and consider yourself at least somewhat intelligent. But, now that you’re preggo you feel like your brain may have fallen out of your head. You’ve locked the keys in the car at least a dozen times, you lost the TV remote (and later found it in the fridge) and you’ve left the house more than once wearing two different shoes.

Well, guess what? Mommy brain might be more of a real thing than a LOL pregnancy comparison. Research published in the journal Nature Neuroscience showed that some mother’s brains may change during pregnancy. This includes a reduction of gray matter that seems to stick around for at least the first two years after the baby is born. Um, does a gray matter loss mean mom is really losing her mind? Nope. As it turns out this might be a completely normal process that actually helps her to bond with baby.

13 Tough Mudder

You’ve heard pregnancy is a marathon. Well, that’s not exactly the case. It’s more of a ‘tough mudder’. If you’re not entirely familiar with what this means. A ‘tough mudder’ is a hardcore mud run, with obstacles too! It’s messy, it’s exhausting, it hurts and in the end you’re so proud of what you’ve accomplished. Hmm. Kind of sounds like something you’re going through too. Right?

Here’s the thing, you could deal with a plain ol’ marathon. It’s super-tiring, but there are cute running outfits, cool shoes and people cheering you on. A ‘tough mudder’ may have all of those things. But, it’s so much more grueling and so much messier, that it doesn’t even really compare.

Even though you’re not literally crawling the muck and mud, pregnancy is an awesomely challenging obstacle course – in many ways. Like the crazy-tough race, when you finally make it to the finish line, you’re rewarded royally. No, there’s no trophy. There’s the sense of pride in accomplishment. Oh yeah, and a baby.

12 Never-ending Story

Nine months. Nine long months. Um, actually it’s 10. Yep, you read that correctly. It’s not nine and you’re done. You need to go all the way through that ninth month. And, that makes it 10. Think about it – you’re pregnant for 40 weeks. At least if you’re going to make it to full-term. Forty! It’s not a year. Even so, it’s darn close.

It may seem like pregnancy doesn’t last long. But, when you’re in it pregnancy may seem like the never-ending story. It goes on, and on, and on and on some more. For some women, this is the most enjoyable time of their lives. They relish every moment. They hope it will last forever. But for others, it’s a crazy-long road that they’re ready to get to the end of.

Sure, in the beginning it’s all shiny and new. Maybe you’ve been trying for a while. So, you’re beyond excited at the fact that the little pink plus sign just crossed your pregnancy test. As the days go on you realize that this pregnancy thing is going to take more time than you could have ever imagined. The bigger that bump gets, the more you look forward to having the baby on the outside. And, that only makes the never-ending aspect of pregnancy more of a challenge. Don’t worry. You won’t really be pregnant forever.

11 Alien Takeover

Some mamas-to-be view pregnancy as a total alien takeover. Think about one of those alien abduction movies. The lead character is taken aboard an alien craft, and at some point (which seems to happen in every alien movie) the creatures put a probe of sorts into the person. It’s not just any ordinary probe, it’s one that releases a larval alien. Eventually that alien grows and takes over said human – making them into a slave.

Sound familiar? Your body used to be – well, yours. Now it’s gone from yours and yours alone, to a home for your growing baby. Along with the little creature who is currently living inside of your belly, your body feels totally different. It’s growing and stretching in ways that you never knew it could. That belly of yours is preventing you from doing what used to be simple tasks, such as bending over or putting on your shoes.

It won’t be like this forever. You’ll have your baby. And, your body will feel like it’s yours again. Kind of.

10 Perma PMS

If you’re S.O. rolls their eyes and pokes fun of your PMS symptoms one more time you’re going to lose it. Your hormones are on high and you can’t take even the slightest provocation. It feels like you’re on an emotional roller coaster that’s about 10 stories high. You’re up, you’re down and you’re going through loops. Before you know it, you’re dizzy, you’re nauseous and you’re screaming at the top of your lungs. That’s PMS for you.

And, sometimes pregnancy is no different. It’s no surprise that pregnancy can feel like PMS. Both have hormonal components that turn your normal, rational self into a crazy lady. Seriously. Hey, we’re not calling you crazy. No one is. At least, not to your face.

Comparing pregnancy to PMS in kind of a no-brainer. Here’s the kicker – it last for nine months. Yeah, those brief two or so days of PMS is no big deal. Now add on another couple hundred days and you’ve got something that no one wants. Really.

9 Frat Boy

He’s kind of gross. He passes gas at will, almost never sleeps, eats odd food combos and is always up for a party. Okay, so the last part doesn’t really apply to you. But, the rest does.

Pregnant mamas are kind of like fart-blasting, pizza-eating frat boys. They’re super-excited about everything, don’t have any desire to clean their house and are always on the lookout for new members. Huh? Yeah, you want new members. Of your mom tribe, that is. You’re looking for mommy friends in the same way that the frat recruits new pledges. You’re putting out the call, interviewing possible candidates and seeing who meets your strict standards.

Okay, so there are no beer-drenched parties, bottles of tequila or Jello shots. There might be some Jello though. And, there’s definitely darting. Sadly, more than you could have ever imagined. Oh, and it’s pretty likely that you’ll be wearing the same oversized college hoodie that your S.O. wore in his frat boy days. Why wouldn’t you? It’s much better than trying to stuff your belly into those button-down work blouses you really can’t stand.

8 Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde

One moment you’re super-sweet. You’re all love, rainbows and sparkly unicorns. Everything is perfect and you’re a silently serene mama-to-be. It’s beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Um, what’s beautiful? Everything. You’re on top of the world and no one can bring you down. There’s a baby growing in your belly and you’re ready for anything and everything. Your S.O. is the best person you’ve ever met and you’re thankful for having this wonderful person in your life.

And, then… Well, then your alter-ego comes out. She’s PO’d at the S.O. and kind of crazy. She cries, she rants, she raves and she’s anything but sweet. She pretty much hates the world and she’s done with being pregnant.

Yep, being pregnant is often like acting out Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Hey, blame it on the hormones. Or blame it on the constant pressures, stresses, aches and pains you’re going through – both physically and emotionally. Whatever you blame it on, it’s completely normal to feel this way during pregnancy.

7 Spin Cycle

Morning sickness is totally unfair. To start with, the name is so very misleading. Morning? Yeah right. You’re having 24-hour sickness. That’s morning, noon and night. Sure, your mornings kind of suck. But, so do your afternoons and nights.

Oh, and then there’s the really unfair part – you feel like someone stuffed you in a washing machine and put you on the spin cycle. You’d love to get off this wild ride. But, that’s not going to happen. You’re pregnant and you’re stuck. Okay, so “stuck” isn’t really your fave way of describing pregnancy. It’s more of an uncomfortable state of being that you have to endure just to get to the good part – the baby!

Comparing morning sickness to your washer’s spin cycle isn’t exactly off base. It’s actually pretty on target. Your belly is rocking, and you feel like everything is going around, and around, and around and around some more.

Keep in mind, morning sickness is typically the worst during the first trimester. But, some women have symptoms for much longer. If you’re unable to keep anything down, you’re not gaining weight or you’re losing weight, talk to your doc immediately.

6 Stay Puft Marshmallow Man

Come on, you know him. Even if you’ve never really seen the ad, you probably know this puffy not-so-little guy from Ghostbusters. Yep, he’s the massive marshmallow dude who came to life towards the end of the 80s flick. He’s big, he’s bold and he is puffy, puffy, puffy. And that’s exactly how you feel right now.

You don’t feel like a beached whale or some other unsightly creature that people absolutely seem to adore comparing preggo’s to. Instead of feeling like something that’s bloated and flapping away on the sand, you just feel slightly rounder. Okay, okay, more than slightly. But, it seems like a puffy marshmallowy guy is more your style. You’re all kinds of swollen and have a few sweet layers of inflated mama-to-be wrapped around you.

Comparing your pregnant self to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man adds a bit of comedy and can lighten your mood. After all, you – as a marshmallow guy? Isn’t that a comparison that makes you want to giggle? Of course it is.

5 Duck Walk

Right now you’re not exactly moving gracefully like a stealthy little fawn. Nope. No way. You’re in full-fledged mama mode and your body is more than awkward. You’ve got a bump on your belly that’s totally throwing off your center of gravity. Top that with loosened ligaments (it happens to prep your body for the great stretch of birth) and you’re not exactly walking like a supermodel at a VS fashion show. And yes, we do realize that there have been more than one model walk that angelic runway while preggo. We just don’t want to think about it. Why not? Um, duh. For the obvious reasons. Oh, and because most pregnant mamas are walking more like ducks than like very well paid fashionistas.

That distinct waddle that pregnant women have is completely comparable to a duck walk. Hey, it’s not a put down. It’s just a fact. You can’t possibly walk like a normal, non-pregnant person right now. There’s no need to feel awkward. Yes, your body is somewhat awkward. And, so is your walk. But, before you know it you’ll be a mama (in other words, the baby will be on the outside) and your regular walk will return.

4 Bowling Ball

No, you don’t look like an overall bowling ball. Comparing your entire body to something so round is just not exactly right. But, you do have a bit of a belly. Well, more than a bit. It’s not like you overdid it on the chips and ice cream. Well, maybe you did. That’s not what’s contributing to your growing bump. It’s your baby who is in there and getting bigger.

Comparing mom’s belly to a bowling ball is pretty straightforward. And, it’s also pretty true. Sure, it would be nice if your body stayed exactly the same as it was in those pre-preggo days. But, that’s not going to happen. It’s a total impossibility. Your baby needs room to grow. And as she gets bigger, your bowling ball does too.

Not only does the round bump on your belly look a bowling ball, it kind of feels like one too! What? Yep. If you’re not there yet, just wait.

3 Cruella De Vil

She’s not the nicest person you’ll ever meet. Oh, the Disney character is really a villain. Obviously. Hey, you’re no meany. Not at all. You’re the total opposite. It’s not like anyone has ever accused you of villainous behavior. Ever. But, now that you’re pregnant you’re sometimes acting like Cruella. Or, more precisely, Cruella de diva.

No one is saying that all pregnant women are 100% like the 101 Dalmatians grand dame. She’s cruel. Yeah, you got that from the name. But, sometimes pregnancy is cruel. And sometimes pregnant mamas have that cruel streak in them too. Okay, so cruel is really an overstatement. A major one.

It’s more like you’re running hot and cold. You’re nice as nice can be one moment. Then, the next moment you’re screaming or having a mini tantrum. Hormones. What are you going to do? It’s okay. Everyone understands. It’s not you, it’s the hormones. They’re the mean ones.

2 Hot Yoga

You’re soaked. Seriously. You’re a sweaty mess. Ugh! All you’re doing is crashing in bed, and suddenly the sweat is flowing like raging rapids. What the heck is going on here? Some might compare you’re sweaty state to a session of hot yoga. You know, yoga – just hotter. They turn the heat up. Way, way up. And you sweat through the poses.

Unfortunately for you, there is no actual hot yoga going on. It’s all about your sweaty self. Oh, and it’s just the pregnancy that’s causing the major puddles currently soaking your sheets. More specifically, it’s the hormones. The changing hormone levels in your body are most likely the culprit behind the serious sweating that’s going on. That means it won’t stick around for all nine months. As your hormones shift and fluctuate, the sweating will subside. Unless, of course, it’s mid-August, you’re nine months along and the AC just quit working. Then it might be hot yoga all over again for you!

1 Being A Child Again

You’re having a child. So how could you be like a child? This is a common comparison when it comes to pregnancy. No, we don’t mean that you’re stomping your feet, having tantrums and wearing pigtails again. Well, maybe you are doing all of those things. But, we’re talking about the way that people tend to treat pregnant women.

Um, you’re a grown woman. An adult. You got pregnant and suddenly everyone started babying you. At first it was okay. Actually, at first it was pretty nice. You felt super-special and totally enjoyed taking a load off while everyone else fluttered around you. After a while something changed. You went from being taken care of to being told what to do.

There used to be a time when you could life a grocery bag without a chorus screaming out, “Put that down!” Now you feel like a child. Your S.O., your mother, your MIL, your co-workers, your BFF and everyone else is treating you like you’re a toddler. Yes, it sucks right now. Soon enough you’ll be the mother and no one will treat you like a child.

Sources: American Pregnancy Association, CNN, Womenshealth.gov

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