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15 LMAO Things About Getting It On After Having A Baby

Pregnant women have a long list of things to worry about. Eating the right stuff, avoiding the bad stuff, gaining the right amount of weight, genetic testing, a baby registry, childbirth classes, figuring out a name, and coping with the fears surrounding childbirth…

When it comes to delivery, there are lots of justifiable fears. How bad will it hurt? What if something goes wrong? What if something bad happens?

After childbirth, a brand mom may still have worries. The postpartum recovery period is no picnic. How bad is it going to hurt to go to the bathroom? Why do I still look like I’m six months pregnant? How long am I going to bleed like this? Stitches; ugh!!!

Then there’s even more for both parents to worry about once the baby comes home. He’s so tiny. Support his head! Is he getting enough to eat? Is he sleeping enough? Is he sleeping too much? Is there such a thing as a baby sleeping too much? Why is he crying? How am I supposed to give him a bath? This is terrifying!

Eventually, though, new parents will figure things out. They’ll settle into a routine and everything will start getting back to normal. The new mom might finally feel more like her old self, and around six weeks after delivery, it’ll be time to visit the doctor for a postpartum check-up. This is usually when most doctors will give new moms the green light to have sex again.

But just because the doctor says it’s okay… doesn’t mean that a lot of women are ready to jump right back in bed. Many women are afraid that having sex post-baby is going to hurt. (Spoiler alert: It might. In fact, it probably will.) But if you can get past the fear and the pain, having sex after baby can be fun… and kind of funny. Here are some of the reasons why you might laugh your A off when it comes to getting ready to have sex after childbirth.

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15 Wait... Only Six Weeks?!

The usual amount of time to wait before having sex after childbirth is six weeks.

ONLY SIX WEEKS?!

For some women, around the six-week mark, sex might be the last thing on their minds. Sure, some women may think this seems like a long period of time and might be ready to get it on as soon as the doctor says it’s okay. Some partners? Some Most partners probably think this is an insanely, torturously long period of time.

You’re going to have a lot going on down there after delivery. You might have stitches or a healing incision to deal with. You might be dealing with hemorrhoids. You’ll have postpartum bleeding for a few weeks. The bleeding will start off heavy and gradually taper off. You might think it’s completely done by the time your doctor gives you the go-ahead to get at it, but there might still be a little bit of bleeding the first time around. You might still be sore and uncomfortable, so just take it slow…

Six weeks is just a recommendation. If you don’t feel like having sex after six weeks, don’t!

14 Hot Mama!

Bonding over your new baby will bring you and your partner together in lots of ways. If it’s your first baby, it may very well be the first time you’ve ever seen your man in this light. The sight of him gently cuddling your fragile newborn and, yeah, even watching him change a poopy diaper, might make you feel… some kind of way. You’ll probably be happy and grateful… and maybe even a little turned on? What we’re trying to say is that the whole new dad thing can really be sexy.

And you? Your partner may find you to be super-attractive after childbirth. In addition to having just gone through the process of carrying his baby and giving birth, you’re now a mom. What could be more feminine than that?

But it’s more than just being feminine… you’re now one hot mama! You’ve got all these extra, voluptuous curves. Your boobs may have gotten bigger. He thought you were hot before, and now look at you!

13 Not So Hot Mama!

Your partner is drooling all over you but you might not feel sexy at all. You’re tired. You maybe haven’t showered in a day or two. Not sure about the last time you shaved your legs. You might still look like you’re a few months pregnant. Yes, your boobs are HUGE. And they’re big and heavy and they hurt. And they leak. And you feel like you’re nursing constantly. Yet you’re still worrying about whether or not you’re nursing enough. And if you’re not nursing, you’re pumping. Basically, you feel like something or someone is constantly attached to your boobs, so the last thing you want is another someone touching them. Back off, man. Keep your hands to yourself. Look, don’t touch. No! You know what? Don’t even look at them. It can be a little weird to think that your breasts now serve more than one purpose… and for some, it can also be a little awkward to think that what used to be used mostly for your (or your partner’s) pleasure is now also what feeds your baby.

12 Thanks, Hormones.

Your hormones will be all out of whack after delivery. You will be blissfully happy one minute, crying into your nursing pillow the next. You might actually feel like you might be getting turned on… and then everything else will get in the way. You’ll start thinking about other things that you need to or want to do: like sleeping, for instance. Or taking a shower or working on the pile of laundry on the closet floor or trying to cram in as many episodes of House of Cards as you can while the baby is sleeping.

Your flip-flopping hormones will affect you physically, too. Your hair might start falling out. You might sweat like crazy in bed. If your breastfeeding, your body will release hormones that can put a bit of a damper on your libido. Your body won’t recognize that it’s being turned on. In other words, you might think you’re turned on, but your vagina won’t be having any part of it, and things might be a little dry. You might find yourself feeling like a teenager again, unsure of how to act on your desires, worried about how this whole sex thing is supposed to work, and afraid that it’s going to hurt.

11 Sleep Comes First

And on top of all this, you’re going to be exhausted. It might not just be you, either. Your partner might be exhausted as well. Whether you’re tag-teaming the whole feeding-diapering-waking up in the middle of the night thing like an awesome co-parenting machine or one of you is on baby duty while the other one is back at work, there’s so much to do and only so much time to do it in! Sleep when the baby sleeps? Ha!

But… there IS only so much time to sneak in the sleep that you so desperately need – and deserve! So, probably nine times out of ten, when it comes down to having sleep or having sex, sleep will most likely win. You might head to the bedroom with thoughts of an amorous romp between the sheets, only to take one look at your bed and envision curling up and actually getting three hours of uninterrupted sleep instead.

10 Patience!

The important thing to remember is patience. Both you and your partner need to remember that. Maybe you’re both ready and eager to hop back in the sack, and that’s great. But if you’re not, that’s okay, too. A lot has been going on with your body for the past nine months and then some, so it can take awhile to get your head back in the game.

Even if everything is physically okay, some women may have difficulty adjusting to the fact that they’re a mom now. When that mom switch gets flipped, a lot of women immediately put that brand new baby first, ahead of everything else. It can be hard to think about your own pleasure when you’re worried about your new little one. Is he eating enough? Is he sleeping enough? Gaining enough weight? If we put him down in his room, will I be able to hear him if he wakes up and cries? What if I don’t hear him? What if…

Just give yourself a lot of time and take it easy on yourself. Don’t beat yourself up because you don’t feel like having sex just yet… And don’t beat yourself up if you actually do! It’ll all be okay.

9 Will It Hurt?

Uh, yeah... it might hurt. Some women, some doctors, even, may liken it to losing your virginity all over again. Some women find that it hurts waaaaaay more than that. Some women may say that childbirth itself wasn’t as bad as the first time they had sex again after the baby was born. Here are some descriptions of what some women felt during sex the first time after having a baby:

“It felt like I was having sex with a telephone pole. SIDEWAYS.”

“It doesn’t just hurt the FIRST time!!!! It’s been 12 weeks and still! Ouch!!”

“Nobody told me it would be like {having sex with} a cactus.”

So how are you supposed to get back in the saddle if it hurts like that? How do you even attempt it? Some people may tell you to have a glass of wine and try to relax. Take a warm bath to unwind. Get yourself dolled up, wear a sexy nightie or a robe, put the baby down for bedtime and make some time for just the two of you.

And repeat. The only way it’s going to get better is if you keep doing it. It might not be great the first few times, but trying again and again may help chip away at some of the worry and fear that you’re experiencing. Eventually, it might not be that bad, and then sooner or later, you’ll be back to normal. Uh… just like riding a bike. Kind of.

8 Will It Hurt If I Had A C-section?

Think you’re out of the woods because you had, or are planning to have, a C-section? Nope. A lot of women are surprised to find that they have lochia for several weeks even though they had a C-section. It doesn’t matter how you delivered the baby; the bleeding comes from the place in the uterus where the placenta was attached. Even if you didn’t deliver vaginally, you can still expect bleeding for 4-6 weeks after delivery.

And even though the baby didn’t come out of your vagina, that area can still be just as sore and tender as if it did, especially if you were in labor for a long time or did a lot of pushing before you had a C-section! Your incision and lower abdominal area may be sore and painful if any pressure or weight is placed on it. Also, your uterus still needs to shrink back to its normal, pre-baby size and shape and the cervix needs to close. (The cervix should be closed again before having sex to reduce the risk of infection.)

7 So What's A Girl To Do?

There are some things you can do to make sex feel better until you really get your groove back. Since vaginal dryness is most usually the culprit of unpleasant, painful postpartum sex, you can use lube. Some women may scoff at the thought of needing “help” in that department, but there’s no shame in the lube game. Buy a big tube and don’t be afraid to use a lot.

There are some other things to try to help you loosen up, so to speak. Ask your partner to give you a massage; it will relax you, and all the touching is a nice way to ease back into the bedroom. As mentioned before, have a small glass of wine to help you relax, too. It can help keep you from tensing up, which can make sex hurt even worse. And don’t forego the foreplay. While he might not need it, (or want it; he might just want to get right to it!) it can help you get into the mood, which might make things better for both of you!

6 Switch It Up!

Back before baby, you might have been the adventurous type that tried different sexual positions just for fun, or just to see what your body was capable of. Now that you’ve had your baby, and you’re dealing with your postpartum body and all of your other issues, you might not be feeling so adventurous. You might be worried about what your partner thinks about your body or worried about how your belly looks with stretch marks running all across it, but don’t let that stop you from trying new positions.

For one thing, some positions may feel better than others. You might not want to try anything crazy, but switching things up in the bedroom might actually help you find a position that isn’t as painful. And if you find something that works or feels better than others, stick with it! Think of it as a way to experiment in the bedroom without feeling awkward about it. You’re just trying to find a way to have sex that doesn’t hurt!

5 Afternoon Delight

Don’t think that sex only has to happen at night. At the end of a long day, you and your partner may be more likely to crawl into bed and pass out than start pawing at each other. Another thing? Don’t think that sex needs to be some long, drawn-out, elaborate affair. If the mood strikes you, morning, noon, or night, then go for it. Your hormones may have you roaring to go first thing in the morning. Or you might put the baby down for his afternoon nap and have a few glorious minutes where you actually don’t have ANYTHING else to do – for once. If that’s the case, JUST DO IT.

Sex doesn’t necessarily have to take place in bed, either. If you’re open to trying other positions, try some other locations, too. Maybe the couch is more comfortable. Maybe you’d rather have sex in a room far away from where the baby’s sleeping because you’re afraid any noise will wake the baby up.

4 Everybody's Different

At some point, you will more than likely come across a story of a woman who gave birth and couldn’t wait to have sex again. You may even hear about a woman who DIDN’T wait and had sex four weeks… even two weeks… after giving birth. This might be someone that you actually know, or it might be someone that you read about on a blog somewhere.

Everybody’s different. Some women may have sex after baby and it might not feel any different than before. It might not hurt a bit. Some women might be climbing the walls waiting until the doctor tells them it’s okay to have sex again. Others might throw caution to the wind and have sex two weeks postpartum because they’ve been dying to do it again. Some women might get the go-ahead from their doctor but have zero interest in resuming their sex life. Some women may attempt having sex for a year after having birth and find that it’s still painful. Some women say their sex life goes down the tubes after a baby, others say their sex life has never been better.

The bottom line? Don’t compare yourself to other women. Listen to your body and do what feels comfortable.

3 Don't Wake The Baby!

If you’ve ever read Cosmo or seen an episode of Sex and the City, you’re probably familiar with the idea that sex with someone right in the other room is supposed to be hot and exciting.

The fear of getting found out… Trying to get things done in a hurry… Trying to be quiet…

These things are all supposed to heighten your pleasure. This is not always the case when the person in the other room is your sleeping infant.

You’ve finally made it through “The Witching Hour,” rocked your baby to sleep for a half an hour, (which felt more like three hours) and at last deposited him in his crib, cranking the white noise machine up a notch before you tiptoe out the door.

No matter how badly you want it, sex just isn’t the same when you’re holding your breath, trying to be quiet, afraid to let out a gasp in case the baby wakes up. Or you’re holding your breath, trying to be quiet, afraid that you won’t hear the baby if he wakes up.

2 What Are You Thinking About?

You might not want to, but yes, you’ll probably think about your baby during sex. You might worry that you won’t hear him if he wakes up. You might worry that you’re making too much noise and that you might be the reason he wakes up – after you finally, finally got him to sleep. You might worry that sex is taking too long and you might need to wake him up to nurse.

And even if it doesn’t hurt, you’ll be trying to figure out if it feels different. You might wonder if it feels different for your partner, too.

And you might end up thinking about all the other things you have to do. Laundry, work, write thank-you notes, cook dinner, take a shower, more laundry, order more diapers online, read about the

You also might have some weird childbirth flashbacks during sex. Yeah. A baby just came out of there a couple months ago, and now something else is going back in. <shudder.>

1 It Will Get Better!

The one thing to keep in mind is that, even though it might seem weird, uncomfortable, and awkward now… it will get better. The timeline varies for every woman, but eventually you’ll get your groove back.

You might not feel like it and you probably have a million other things going on right now, but it’s important to keep the romance alive. Your household may have gone from two people to three, and you might think of yourselves as a family now, but it’s important to remember that even though you’re now someone’s parents, you’re still a couple. That means you need to make time for each other – as a couple. That’s what got you to this point in the first place.

Take it easy, take it slow, and remember… it’ll get better eventually.

And, obviously, if you’re not planning on having another baby right away, be sure to use some sort of protection!

Sources: Parenting, Parents, Today's Parent, Huffington Post, Fit Pregnancy, What to Expect, PopSugar, WebMD, Baby Center

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