Nothing about pregnancy has a neutral middle ground. Everything is extreme. From pregnancy cravings to decisions about diapering. The standpoint will always be extreme. To add to that fury, the expecting body alternates between sickness so extreme we never want to see food again to eating all.the.food in sight!
But food isn't just food anymore either. The hormones put all kinds of emotions behind food, and we think about food way differently when we're expecting. Expectant women are often torn between wanting to give their babies the best nutrients possible, and the raving desires of their hormonal bodies. It's between kale and donuts. And those pregnancy cravings are probably not pining over kale, amiright?
Any event or action that involves food could potentially bring on intense emotions. We've all seen the video of the expectant woman crying over chocolate in Target. And we feel her pain because she is us! Whether it's tears over chocolate or French fries, that's real emotional pain right there.
From extreme nausea, to the hangries, to a lifetime's worth of wrath. Mom-to-be just never knows what food will do to her. Pregnancy is not the time to mess with a momma's food stash! And anyone who does must have a death wish.
These hilarious memes say everything about pregnancy cravings a momma would ever want to say. They so perfectly explain the extremes, the hormones, the cravings, and everything a mom thinks about food as her legs swell underneath her.
We can't stop laughing!
17 Eat More? Mission Accepted!
Pregnancy is a time when you're given permission to eat extra. Most people laugh about how they're eating for two. What they don't realize is that they only need about 300-350 extra calories a day in the second trimester and 500 in the third trimester. That's little more than a bowl of cottage cheese with sliced pears on top, not an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's.
So, it's really not necessary to "eat for two" if that means doubling your calories.
However, any number of extra calories allotted are eagerly accepted, right? Who is going to turn down an offer to eat more? In our calorie-centric culture, this is one of the only times it's socially acceptable to nom on whatever you want without being scorned. So you won't hesitate to use your prescribed calorie increase to its full advantage. Would you like fries with that?
16 Keep Your Paws Off My Food
What's worse than stealing food from a baby? Stealing food from a pregnant mom. The baby will forget. The mom? Oh, no. You will be the source of her wrath for the rest of your life. As it should be, because that would be one of the most self centered things a person could do to a pregnant woman.
Just...don't. Don't touch her food. Don't let her smell your food. In fact, don't talk about any food unless it's on her list of foods acceptable to talk about. Don't think you're going to pick the restaurant or tell her no when she tells you what she wants for dinner. Never ever take the last donut hole or slice of cheese. God forbid you ever steal her food! For shame!
15 Put The Chips Down, And Nobody Gets Hurt
What man on heaven or earth thinks it's OK to ask a pregnant woman for something she's eating? No, she's not the same woman who wanted to share her pre-pregnancy meals with you at the restaurant so she didn't overeat. She wants her own and half of yours now, mkay?
Even just one bite isn't OK. Because that one bite could be the difference between the hangries and the cut off your handsies. Would you like to keep your hands? Then, keep them off of your pregnant wife's food.
All level of normalcy goes out the window during pregnancy. During this time, it's important to focus on giving to a pregnant woman and never asking for anything. Because momma is making an entire human inside of her expansive belly. Even just taking a bite of her food tells her that you're considering your own needs and not hers and that's a big no-no!
13 Baby Wants All This At Two AM
Men can literally earn their sainthood during the course of a pregnancy. Any knight in shining armour that would scour the shelves of the corner store at 2am for their dearest is pretty much. And the women appreciate the effort too, as long as the order comes back to the house exactly as it was given.
God help any man who goes out for ice cream, peanut butter, and Swedish Berries only to come back with the wrong kind of peanut butter or Sour Patch Kids instead of those coveted berries. No bomb shelter can save him from the blast he's about to get if the order isn't 100% perfect.
She's growing a human being for cripes sake, so at least get her late night food order right. GAWD!
12 I Can't Help It, I'm Hungry!
When mom wants something, she wants it, like now. She doesn't care how she looks while she's eating, she's just wanting that flavor of that whatever in her mouth on her tongue, Right.Now. While the woman above looks like a nature shot of the pregnant woman caught eating in her habitat, it's not too far off what it's like when these cravings strike.
Mama just wants to grab a seat and chow down. And if you so happen to be watching her eat, be prepared for her hormones to kick your butt. She's going to remind you that she's pregnant and she's only eating like this because the baby is demanding that she eats all of this row of cookies right away.
So you've been warned. Pregnancy eating is not like dining with the queen, it's more like every hungry hyena for themselves.
11 Hangry Times 1000
If you think the hangries that you get mid-afternoon after a run are bad, you've never experienced a pregnancy craving. Take the hangries and multiply them by 1000 and that's what you get with a momma on a food mission. An angry pregnant woman will plow you down, wrench food right from your hands, or lie down prostrate and demand to be fed.
No one mess with a hungry pregnant lady.
Dads beware. While your wife is busy growing a human inside of her swollen overtaken body, your only job is to keep her fed and comfortable. If that means driving to Wendy's at 1 in the morning for a sour cream and chive baked potato, because a baked potato made at home just isn't the same, then that's just what you have to do. Because once momma has focused in on a meal, she MUST have it!
9 The Heartburn Hangover
Oh and then there's the lovely repercussions of eating all those weird things. The heartburn. You knew it was going to happen, but you just couldn't put the sour cream and onion chip soaked Oreos down! When a craving hits, you listen to it. You can't be bothered by the outcome. The immediate gratification is always going to be stronger than the consequences.
That's true for so many things: weight loss, drugs, intimacy...and pregnancy cravings.
If that old wive's tale about heartburn leading to hair is true, you're going to give birth to either Chewbacca or Rapunzel with a lush head of tower-length hair. Because the acid boiling up into your throat has got to be a sign of something fun like that or you wouldn't be able to bare it.
8 Blame It On The Baby
It's perfectly acceptable for a pregnant woman to say, "The baby wanted it" with a cute coy smile before downing an entire bag of cheddar goldfish crackers mixed with marshmallows. (Oh shoot, now I just gave you another pregnancy craving. Sorry about that.)
But what if the baby actually does want it? What if science showed us that the baby really did want cake instead of a salad. Then our comments would be completely validated.
Because seriously, doesn't the extent of the craving make you feel like the baby actually does need Cheetos with every inch of his tiny body. Like that craving comes from so deep inside of you, that it must be coming from the pit of the baby's stomach. Yeah, let's go with that!
7 A Delicious Compromise For What She Can't Have
Nine months without alcohol and caffeine might as well be a lifetime of deprivation to a pregnant mom. You have to do something to fill that gaping empty hole! To make you feel like a valid human again. Ice cream and chocolate? Yes please! Because ice cream is kind of like wine and chocolate is kind of like coffee. Yes, we can see how that might translate.
Hey, no one's going to argue with a pregnant momma about what she wants to eat either. It's the only time a woman's in life when it's perfectly acceptable for her to mow down a pint of ice cream with a bottle of chocolate sauce squirted on top before dessert. It's the only time she really feels good about relaxing her diet. And by relax, I mean ditch any semblance of normalcy.
6 The Weird Pickles And Ice Cream Mashups
You don't know why, but you're craving something weird, topped with something weird, stuffed with something weird. Your pregnancy cravings are just the weirdest! It might not be pickles and ice cream, but it's things you never thought about before or ever thought of pairing. Like cranberry chutney on a sweet potato. You never really understood the reality of the whole pregnancy craving thing until it actually happened to you.
What are some of your weird pregnancy craving combinations? French fries dipped in ice cream? That's too cliche. How about graham crackers with cream cheese? Or did I just get you with the cranberry chutney thing? It's a wonder where these cravings come from. Perhaps they're your body's way of telling you it needs a certain nutrient or perhaps your taste buds are just as whackadoodle as your hormones.
Who cares? Pass the sour cream and onion chips!
5 The Raging Hormones Make Mom Lose Control Like...
Hormones make you feel like you're not even in control of your body anymore. Crying over not being able to have a specific type of French fry from a specific drive-through? Yep. That's hormones for you. And then you pair hormones with cravings and you can't even be sure you have any control over yourself anymore.
Pregnancy is a valid reason for many behaviors, including crying like a toddler who wants a certain kind of juice in a certain cup, or you can't make sense of the world anymore. What doesn't make sense in the context of normalcy, makes sense in the context of hormones. At least you're self-aware enough to wonder if your behavior is caused by actual hormones or an actual valid reason.
4 This Is Just A Snack
Your eyes are way bigger than your stomach. Well, maybe not to the outside world, since your belly outgrew your entire body months ago. But your actual stomach? That little tiny sac that's being pushed way up onto the top corner of your uterus in a little crumpled ball. It says it wants ALL the food. You oblige. Everything looks good, so you scoop it onto your plate.
Then, after sitting down with all the food, you take two bites and you're done. Your eyes wanted all those fries and that pile of fried chicken (and you put the veggies on there to make yourself feel better). But that crumpled little sack says, whoa whoa whoa woman, where do you think you're going to put that? And then the heartburn commences.
3 The Stomach Just Can't Decide
Early in pregnancy, you feel like you had the flu for months on end. You wonder how your little one is ever going to develop on little bits of crackers and ginger ale that may or may not even stay down. And you wonder when you're ever going to feel normal again. Like you cannot handle one more day of this nonsense.
Then, you get to a point where you've calculated that you need to feed your mouth a cracker every 10.2 minutes to keep yourself on an even keel between nauseated and starved. It's just enough to keep the hunger from turning into nausea and the nausea from making you not want to eat. People aren't even allowed to talk about or let you smell food other than crackers at this point either, otherwise the nausea will start all over again.
2 Every Bite, Hiccup, And Sneeze Feels Like An Impending Explosion
You squeeze one last bite into your mouth. Meanwhile, two bites ago, you were starving. Now you feel like you're going to burst. And then, your meal is followed by a sneeze or a hiccup and you're convinced that your body is going to explode all over the walls. I mean, where else would your innards go, because they're pressed as tightly against your skin as they could possibly be.
This picture is exactly what it feels like from about 6 months on. You pretty much feel like you're going to explode any time food enters or air exits your body. And if you consider pee coming out when you sneeze an explosion, then you probably explode a little bit every day. You have to brace yourself every time you feel the itch coming on because a sneeze is an "event," not just a little disturbance that you can ignore while you carry on with your day.
1 Funny, Not Funny
Oh, the weight gain. You're not supposed to be worried about it, but everyone's comments make you acutely aware of your extending size. Like thank goodness you're not getting fat because of depression. Or, are you sure you're not having twins? How insensitive! This supposed to be the one time where a woman's growing waist line is a good thing.
But you're never going to admit it's because you eat Oreos by the row and heaping bowls of cereal as light snacks. It's because you're making a human! Duh! How dare anyone think anything else.
You know in the back of your mind that eventually you'll be pressured into getting back into pre-pregnancy shape, but right now, you're enjoying the free reign you have to eat and gain and feel happy about it. Because surely you're not depressed.
Source: What to Expect