We are all scared of something. These guys are scared out of their minds by the idea of becoming a father and all of the responsibilities that come along with that lifelong job. It's a legitimate fear. Becoming a parent is making the ultimate commitment to another person. We can't divorce our children. Once we have a kid our fate is set. We are forever mothers and fathers. As women, we all have fairly similar fears about becoming a Mommy. As for our men, just what is it that completely terrifies them so much?
It would be nice if we could have a heart to heart conversation with each guy we meet and find out just where he stands on being a father and how likely he is to want to become a Dad one day. Unfortunately, if we jump to the having kids' topic too soon it may freak out some guys. We don't want them to think that we are dreaming of carrying their babies after only knowing them for a week or two. There's a fine line there. We do need to find out how they feel about kids before we get too attached. We want to make sure we are on the same page so that if we are not we can go our separate ways.
As we navigate our way through our relationships and get to know our men let's hear what terrifies some of these guys from Whisper about becoming a Dad.
15 Don't End Up Like Me
Since this gentleman has struggled with mental illness he knows how hard life can be while dealing with this issue. He knows that although he has all sorts of things going on inside of his head he still is expected to be a functioning member of the outside world. This mental illness has obviously held him back and caused him problems. He doesn't want to see his own kid go through that. Not only will he have to continue to deal with his own illness he would then have to help another human being navigate through the same illness. He's decided to opt out and spare another human the grief he has experienced during his lifetime. That seems like an ultimate act of love.
14 Not Every Man Is Made For Fatherhood
Well, it official. This guy is not cut out to be a Dad. If he believes that he has the option to abandon his kids if he hates being a Dad then he shouldn't become one. Abandonment is not an option for parents who are dedicated to their families. At least this guys is being honest with himself. Hopefully, some girl doesn't try to talk him into having a kid even though he already knows what his truth is. If he does go down the road of being a father there is a good chance that he will walk away from both the mother and the kid. If he believes there is an out that he will find one. Every parent has days when things feel tough.
13 What If Mom Doesn't Make It?
Sadly, we are still losing women from pregnancy related complications. We don't hear about it too much anymore but it still occurs now and then. How heart-breaking this would be for the father, child, and their family. Losing the love of his life is what terrifies this true romantic the most. He's not thinking of himself or what he's going to have to give up or change. He's thinking about the woman who will be carrying his child. Now that is true love. While, this guy has obviously thought of everything if he focuses on being the best partner and birth coach for her hopefully his mind will be set at ease. She is going to need a lot of support during this birth and nothing is more comforting than having our loving man by our side.
12 Not For Me
Who doesn't like kids? They are so innocent and pure? This is a secret this guy better share with the women he is dating fairly early on in their relationships. That would be the worst to fall for a guy, dream of getting married and starting a family with him, then find out he not only doesn't want kids, he hates them. This would be a definite deal breaker for many women. For that reason, I could see this guy keeping his mouth shut about his secret so that he could get some action. It would be harder to cut him off after being intimate. Regardless, a man who hates kids would make a horrible father. Let's hope he never gets anyone pregnant.
11 Don't Call Me Daddy
This is a valid reason to be hesitant to have kids. It's easy to lose who we once were when we become parents. It's easy to get lost in the family life and let a lot of the other aspects of our personalities slip away. We all change when we become parents but we don't have to become only daddy or only mommy. I've seen it happen. The Dad helps get the kids ready and off to school in the morning, works all day, helps with dinner, after school activities, homework, bath time, bedtime routine, and then has no time for himself. His weekends are filled with family activities, kids sports, playdates, and chores. He's lucky if he gets to watch his favorite team.
10 It's All About Me
If having a lot of time to himself is non-negotiable then this man should be terrified of having a child. He makes a valid point in not wanting any. Ask any parent, once we have kids, finding time for ourselves becomes a challenge. Some of us may have to think long and hard to remember the last time we had any time to ourselves. Some of us may schedule time to be by ourselves and have a babysitter come over. Even if we have a sitter, this alone time doesn't really feel like our own. We are wondering if the kid stopped crying after we left or if they took the bottle or if the sitter could get them down for their nap so that they will be able to go to sleep on time tonight. We are truly never alone once we know we have another human being in this world that we are responsible for.
9 Maybe I'll Lose Her For Good
This is a risk we take baby or not. If someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat and we cannot control that. That choice is on them. Using our time and energy to worry about it is simply just a waste of time. I do agree that cheating is worse after having a child with someone because it makes breaking up harder. It's not like we can just walk away from our partner, no strings attached after we have kids. So, if we want to have kids and we have a suspicion that our partner may not be ready to be faithful to us then we know we need to wait. Generally, if someone isn't ready for marriage then they most likely aren't ready for the lifelong commitment of a kid either.
8 Stealing My Life
When deciding whether or not we want to be parent we need to think about what our priorities are. If there are still a lot of independent activities that we want to participate in, then we aren't ready. If we still want to party hard, then we are not ready. If we don't have the patience for family movie night, then we are not ready. Family movie night is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to kid's entertainment. Get ready to hear children's songs and TV shows played over and over again. Get ready to read their favorite books over and over again. If we are not ready to tote a little one and all of the necessities to care for this little one on our trips, then we are not ready to be a Daddy. Finally, if we are not ready to share our bank accounts with a tiny being then we are definitely not ready.
7 Too Much Pressure
It's so common to hear people blaming their parents for their issues, even when they become adults. People believe that they are screwed up because of their parents. Sure, everyone's parents make mistakes. Sure, people have issues that stem from how they were raised but there comes a point in time when we have the option of doing something about these issues. If we believed our parents screwed us up it's our job to unscrew ourselves. The same would be true for our own kids. We do our best. We give it our all. In the end, if there was an area where they needed something from us that they didn't get then they will recognize it and will need to take the steps to make themselves whole.
6 Daddy's Little Girl
All Dads are protective of their little girls. As parents the last thing we want to see is our children getting their hearts broken. We all go through different types of heartbreak as we grow. It's part of life. As parents, we can protect our children the best we can by putting them in situations where we feel that they will be the least exposed to hurtful situations. Once we let them go and they walk through the doors of their school for the day we can't control what goes on. What we can do is prepare them for how to deal with these things. This way when life throws them a curve ball they will have the tools to deal with it instead of melting down. If we know our daughters are handling these guys effectively on their own, then maybe our men will have fewer fears about the possibility of their hearts being broken.
5 A Hidden Fear
Let's let this guy in on a little secret. He's not alone. Many parents worry that they won't be good enough. Many parents worry that they aren't up for the job. Many parents worry that they will screw their kid up. Many parents worry that they won't know how to be a parent. Parenting is a job we learn as we go along. We can read books on it. We can spend time with parents we strive to be like. We can ask for advice from our own parents and other people who we feel are awesome parents. However, we all have our days where we fear that we are just not good enough. Then we have those other days when our kids say their first words, take their first steps, or tell us they love us and we feel like we are finally getting the hang of this parenting thing.
4 The Family Tree
We are not our parents. We get to pick and choose what kind of parent we want to be. We get to make our own rules. We get to let our kids do all of the things that we weren't allowed to do but still to this day don't understand why. If we don't want to do things like our parents did, we don't have to. We do parenting our own way. If we want to be parents we don't need to let our pasts hold us back. Each day is a chance for a new beginning. Each one of us has a lot to teach a child. The first thing on this guy's list can be to teach his kid how to do things the opposite way that his Dad did.
3 Money Problems
This Dad is terrified that he doesn't have the financial means to bring his children happiness. Money is a huge concern for a lot of families when thinking about having a child. This Dad must be doing something right because although he might not have a lot of cash his kids are happy. That's worth more than the hottest new toy or getting a brand new wardrobe each season. There are lots of kids out there who can have almost anything they want but they still aren't happy. We all know that happiness can't be bought. Children are happy when they are heard. Children are happy when they are played with and paid attention too. Children are happy when they are loved. Sounds like this Dad has nothing to fear.
2 What About My Friends?
After we have kids some of our friendships do change. It happens gradually over time but it definitely happens. We can generally tell which friends are going to be sticking around by their response to our pregnancy announcement. If they are happy for us, then count them in. If they are mortified and feel sorry for us, then there's a good chance that after they get a chance to meet the new baby once or twice we won't hear much from them until they have a kid of their own. Parents generally hang out at the same places, look for kid-friendly activities and restaurants, and are on a similar schedule. We also are generally more responsible because we know if anything happens to us we will be leaving a little one without a parent.
1 I'm Not A Good Person
How many times have we heard a parent curse their child with the words, "I hope you have a son just like you someday?" This guy has grown up and is now thinking just how challenging it would be to have a son who turned out just like him. Maybe he's concerned about the wellbeing of his future son. Maybe he's concerned about his own wellbeing. It could quite possibly be a combination of both. This guy must have been a troublemaker, prankster, comedian, player, rule breaker, or just an all-around bad boy. Now that he's green up his past hasn't served him well and since he messed up the first time around he feels that his son doesn't have a chance.