There is a pattern in movies where women are always dreaming of having babies while men are trying to escape this chaining responsibility. It is instilled in many cultures that women are the ones that go crazy over pictures of cute babies and always drop hints to their partners about how amazing it would be to have one. In real life, this is not always the case. Many women are becoming more directed at their careers and social lives and they don’t want anything to change that lifestyle.
It is not about selfishness as much as it is about priorities. Women who do not have babies on their list of life goals will simply may not be able to handle the intense sacrifice. They will keep lamenting all the things they missed out on and will not be able to live happily knowing that their dreams are collecting dust. It could also be about age. Some women are simply too young to comprehend the seriousness of being responsible for another soul. Others are just too immature for the job no matter how old they are.
For other women, babies may be a dream that they are not prepared for. Women have no idea how hard it is to raise a baby until they actually have one. This is why some women keep saying that they long for motherhood, but they have no idea how incompatible they are for that kind of life. In this article, we look at some examples of women’s attitudes that ensure that they are not ready for the motherhood ride.
15 Spends Too Much Money
Many people will say that being a mother is about effort and love, not about money. Those people are liars. A mother may not necessarily buy the most expensive gear or enroll her baby in a daycare that costs a fortune, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t need loads of money. Raising a Kid is expensive and there are a lot of things babies need that cannot be skipped.
If a woman spends irresponsibly, she will not be able to make ends meet when a baby arrives. If she is not willing to give up her fancy shopping to afford a month’s worth of diapers, she just doesn’t get the idea. It may be a sign of immaturity or of self-love. It is not shameful to love herself and spend a lot of money making herself feel good, but that means that there is no room for a baby here.
Having a career is a wonderful thing. It adds value to life and makes for a high self-esteem. Nowadays, more and more women are being financially independent and are reaching top leader roles. This kind of success takes a lot of time and effort. A good position needs many years of hard work to reach and an even bigger effort to maintain.
After becoming a successful woman with a gigantic office and a paycheck with many zeros on it, many women are determined not to risk losing it all for motherhood. If all a woman talks about is her job, how she can improve, and her ambitions for the future, she is probably too busy for a baby. Babies require that careers take a back seat, for at least of a few months. Many women know that they can continue working after their maternity leaves are over, but they do not wish to be held back.
13 Or Unprofessional!
The other side of the work spectrum also signifies that a woman cannot have a baby. For a couple to share a financial responsibility of children, as is the case for most people nowadays, both parents must be able to bring in a pay check. If a woman is in-between jobs and not able to stabilize her career in a single place, she probably isn’t ready. Having a baby takes a lot of time, and a woman who is not able to have a good career before the baby comes will most likely fail to have one after it.
More so, an unstable career is a sign of failure. If one cannot commit to something like a job, or maybe gets fired for not being good enough, how in the world will they commit to a living breathing little human? Getting your life on track is a must before having babies. This is why most people decide to get their financial, professional and personal lives straight before they try for parenthood.
12 That Snarky Comment!
Women who are not mothers are known to be judgmental towards parenting. Many women comment on why the mother with the whiny kid is unable to “control” her kid at the grocery store. Others judge appearances and comment on how unkempt a mother looks while she drags a train of children behind her. Other women look down on mothers and see them as slaves for their children.
And then there are women who are just plain mean. Women who not only judge silently, but openly. If a woman openly insults motherhood and looks down upon it, she is not fit to be one. If she goes as far as voicing that comment and showing an eyeroll over what a mother does or what she looks like, she is definitely not mother material. Some women see such scenes and comment on how cute the baby is, while others always find something negative to say. If a woman always sees the dark side of motherhood, she is not the right person for it.
11 She’s Always Stressed
Stress is a normal part of adult life. It happens all the time because of work, responsibilities in the home, relationship troubles, among many other reasons. However, being stressed all the time is a sign of poor time management and lack of prioritizing. A woman who cannot get things done is not fit to be a mother. She is already living in enough chaos, and a baby will only add a lot more.
Actually, being stressed is not only a load on the mother. It affects the baby as well. A baby can sense stress and if a stressed mother crashes emotionally, she will not be able to take care of the little one. Of course, not everyone who is ready for babies is completely calm and in control. But there is a difference between the on and off stresses of life, and living on the edge of a complete meltdown!
10 Relationship Issues
One of the most overlooked needs of a baby is a stable family. It may be obvious, but people assess their financial situation a lot more than they assess their relationship when deciding to have a baby. Many couples are tempted to ignore their problems and do quick fixes by having dinner together or buying flowers. In a short while, they fight all over again. Those are not the type of couples that should be having babies.
When someone notices an unstable relationship, they should discourage the woman from thinking about babies for the time being. Until all core problems are solved, the instability in the relationship could be signalling a breakup that would be devastating to kids. Also, custody battles are hard and messy. If a couple breaks up and one of them must care for the child for the rest of their lives, everything becomes significantly harder. Making sure both partners are ready and want to be together forever saves everyone from this big hassle.
9 Daddy Is Not On Board
If a woman hears that her best friend wants a baby, she will immediately think about baby names, showers, gifts, and maybe stretch mark creams. But what is the real deal here? The dad! It is true that women are the ones who carry the baby for nine months and give birth to it, but that does not mean that the partner does not get a say in this matter. Whatever the division of responsibility is between them, a father always has a say in whether or not it is time for a baby.
If a woman is struggling to “convince” her partner to have a baby, then she shouldn’t have one. Having a baby is a project for two. The saying goes “It takes a village to raise a child.” Many women do not have family nearby or are unable to afford nannies, so with their partner away from the details of raising a baby, they lose the closest thing they have to a “village.” Do not believe the idea that men get charmed when the baby arrives. They may change a diaper or two until the novelty wears off and that would be it.
8 Unfulfilled Dreams
We all have dreams we chase all the time. In fact, dreams are not a big to-do list with an expiry date. It is a dynamic renewable list in which we discover something new and want to try it, a new place that we want to visit, or a new lifestyle choice we wish to adopt. Whatever the current obsession someone has, it may change in a while. After being parents, the list of dreams becomes limited.
It is very hard to wait for everything we want to happen before having babies. One thing we can do is finish our current dream list successfully and accept the fact that we can only have baby-friendly dreams from now on. If a woman is unfulfilled and has a lot to do with her life, she may not be ready for restrain just yet. She needs to understand that life will change completely and that she won’t be responsible only for herself.
7 She’s A Party Animal
Women who fantasize about the club while at their desks at work are probably not mommy material. Those who consider the 9-5 the biggest restrain in the world that is keeping from going out and having fun have no idea what a baby is like. A baby does not have working hours and does not disappear on weekends. Women who lead an active social life that they are not willing to give up should refrain from the baby idea.
Social support is an important aspect of having babies. A woman whose friends will continue to party after they leave her at the hospital room with the baby will feel abandoned and unsupported. It is not logical for a woman to time having babies according to what her friends do, but if she is a big fan of this kind of lifestyle, the baby will make her hate her life. She will feel trapped and might develop postpartum depression.
6 Or An Introvert
Like with work, both extremes of social life are unfit for having babies. As much as the party girl is too busy partying, the quiet girl is in deep need of quietness. It is often harder on introverts to be mothers than it is on outgoing people. The reason for that is that no matter how outgoing you get, you still go home and it looks like a break. But as an introvert, you probably need a break from the people at your home!
Introverts need space. They need time to read, paint, listen to music, and sip their drinks. Having a baby tag at your leg and cry their eyeballs out all the time while you try to microwave your coffee is hardly an introvert lifestyle. Women who appreciate, and need, silence are probably not ready to have that silence invaded. It is not unless they can afford to get that silence “part-time” when they have help from others that they can attempt that motherhood thing.
5 Recurrent Illness
There are two sides to the illness coin. First, someone who is at risk of terminal illness should probably skip the baby idea. Babies need a lot of effort and that may be incompatible with the motherhood lifestyle. Pregnancy and childbirth alone poses excruciating risks to the body and to a woman’s overall physical and emotional health. What may be a manageable condition can become a severe problem after a baby comes.
On the other side, unmanaged sickness is a sign of carelessness. A woman who cannot take care of herself when she is alone will not be able to take care of a baby. Of course, mothers put their babies first. But life with a baby is a whole other nightmare. If a sick mother thinks her own illness is hindering her full potential, she must not bring on more responsibilities for herself when she can barely manage herself.
4 She’s Being Pressured
Women respond to societal pressures to have kids more often than we care to admit. When things are looking good for a couple, everyone starts the baby argument. Even friends do that. It is no longer about parents pressuring their adult kids anymore. Everybody does it! It is one of the most annoying conversations in existence.
If the idea seems appealing during a conversation, but later a woman realizes that it is horrible, then it is horrible. When one thinks things through on their own, they listen to their own mind instead of having people barge into their business and sway their minds with what is not right for them. Decisions like having babies should not come on an impulse. They definitely do not come because people said so or people are doing it. Having a child is something a couple should agree on, not something to be done under pressure.
3 Clock’s Ticking
Motherhood is not on the list of dreams of many women in their twenties and maybe thirties. Yet, as women approach menopause, they may start changing their mind. Conversations about fertility issues start to rise after 35 and many women are eager to have kids before that, even if it is not the right time for them. They think it is something that has to be done and that they might regret not having kids. In truth, the woman may still not be ready psychologically to have a baby, but is pushing herself to do so because she fears that time in running out.
The fact is that there is no right time for kids. A woman who is not ready for kids or does not want them simply shouldn’t have them. Her age does not matter and should not dictate her actions. She must not feel pressured by time, because if she has a child against her will, she might regret that later and cannot be a very good mother to an unwanted child.
2 The Scale
Many women struggle with weight gain. With today’s fast lifestyle, it is difficult to make time for exercise, cooking from scratch, or giving up takeout lunch. If a woman has self-esteem issues related to her body image, there is no way pregnancy is going to make her feel better. Also, a woman who has a baby, barely has time to take care of the baby and its needs. Therefore, her gym membership and her chance to cook her own favorite meals will be ancient history.
Also, if a woman has an eating disorder, she should steer clear of having babies. Pregnancy will destroy her and the new lifestyle will possibly make her prone to postpartum depression. Mental issues are not to be taken lightly. Such a big decision must be made in accordance with medical professionals if a woman has, or is expected to have, a major mental issue after having a child.
1 Attention Seeker
Some women are so fond of themselves. They take pride in the attention and compliments they get on their looks, fashion sense, or accomplishments. Many women have fragile egos that can be destroyed when a baby comes. If a mother is not ready to give up her expensive clothes and fancy lifestyle, she is definitely not ready. It is not just about spending money as much as it is about how she feels about herself.
A woman who shifts from fashion icon to sweatpants will feel horrible. Any comment or look she gets from other women that judge her miserable change will take a toll on her self-esteem. She will start hating her new self and her baby. The same is true for a woman who is used to hosting gatherings and all of a sudden will not be free for a shower! If the balance between her love for attention and her desire for babies does not come in favour of babies, the decision is definitely wrong for her.