"I love you, but right now I really do not like you." Honestly, I have lost count of the amount of times that my mom has said this to me during my 30 years on planet earth. Really don't blame her though. I could be an absolute nightmare when I was growing up. She would move heaven and earth for me. Jeez, the woman would die for me, but sometimes, sometimes she'd just had enough.
It's quite taboo to say that you don't like your child, even if you 'don't like them' just for the afternoon due to their appalling behaviour. It can be quite a burden to carry, not being able to freely admit that, yes, sometimes you just want your child out of your sight. Sometimes you just want to shout from the rooftops: 'MY CHILD IS BEING A LITTLE SHIT! SEND HELP!'
When a parent says that they don't like their child, it is predominantly because of their crappy behaviour. Or, they might not like the way that their child treats them and the other members of the family. In this article, 15 brave moms let loose about why they sometimes don't like their offspring.
15 "I Love Her, But I Hate Being A Mom"
It's common and ever so easy for people without kids to judge struggling moms. But doing so isn't fair by any stretch of the imagination. Rebecca Lammerson is unable to predict when she will 'hate being a mom,' but she is able to predict that she will hate it at times.
"I remember the first time I hated it. My eldest daughter was about 4 months old. All I wanted to do was shower but she didn’t want me to, so I clipped her into her bouncy seat, brought her in the bathroom and showered while she screamed.
I hate this, I thought. I love her, but I hate this, being a mom. I’m completely responsible 24-7 for this other person with no reprieve. I didn’t know there would be days I would want to quit because, although motherhood is a blessing, it’s also a job.
14 "The Thought Hits Me Like A Saucepan - I Don't Like You"
Helen Bale's son is 10 years old, and reminds of her Two-Face from Batman. He's capable of being kind and sensitive. But his good side is mostly hidden. He's arrogant, cocky and rude. Read on for an exchange they had following the death of a family member:
"Get inside the house!" I say, in a low growl, which I hope the neighbours can't hear.
"No," replies George.
"Listen, you brat" – tempers are frayed – "I know I promised a trip to the ice-cream place, but Auntie died two days ago and we are too upset, too busy. We'll go another time."
In the emotional-manipulation game, I've played my trump card. Now George plays his: "I don't give a [crap] that Auntie died."
I stare at my eldest child, who meets my apoplectic gaze with blank defiance, and the thought hits me like a saucepan to the head: I don't like you.
13 "He Can Have Me Crying And Call Me Pathetic"
It can be really easy to get jealous of moms who get on well with their sons. Angela writing on NeetMoms openly admitted that she wishes her and her son would get on better, instead of her always feeling tense around him, just waiting for him to push her buttons.
"I have felt a lot that I don't like my 11 year old!! Of course I love him but 90% if the time I don't like him. He is rude, bulshy, arrogant, a bully the list is endless. Of course there are times when he is lovely, kind hearted generous and just the best boy in the world!
I have had problems with mine and my sons relationship for a long time. He can have me crying and will laugh at me and call me pathetic."
12 "How Can You Like Your Child When..."
Emma W, another mom writing on NetMoms has a big brood - seven kids in total. While she tries hard to ensure that she makes the time for every child, her 13 year old will always, without fail, complain that her mom doesn't get enough attention.
"She knows exactly what to do to irritate me to the max and I simply can't do anything right in her eyes. I've witnessed her behaviour in the park and street when she hasn't realised I was around...kicking over wheelie bins, banging on car windows at the traffic lights.
It makes me ashamed of her. I've told hubby all this and he thought I was being awful, but how can you like your child when she's behaving like the type of kid that you despise."
11 "I Cannot Predict What Will Set Her Off"
I think that my mom would be able to relate to Marie S, who says that her daughter is like a Jekyll and Hyde because I was something like that too. One minute I was sweet as could be, the next I'd be telling my mom that I didn't care if she cried. Horrible, right?
"My dd is very nearly 5 and is a real Jekyll And Hyde, the vast majority of the time she is lovely but something will just click and it's as if she's been replaced, I have tried but I cannot predict what is going to set her off and I will admit it can really stress me out as while they are not common I do feel like I'm just waiting for the next one."
10 "His Attitude Can Stink"
When my siblings and I were good, we were very good. And when we were bad, we were bloody awful. Kirsty E wishes that her two children would go through the 'lovely' stage at the same time. Her daughter has the tendency to wake up in a foul mood and just make noises when her mom tries to cheer her up. She also has problems with her son.
"He's had so many medical and behavioral problems, I babied him and defo made a rod for my own back. His attitude can stink. Whereas 10 mins later he will clear the table "there you go mam," or feed the dog or tidy up after himself. Got to say I do like him as he is a right little character, but has his moments. But don't all kids? Suppose it's payback for all the grief I gave my mam."
9 "They Push My Buttons When Dad Is Out Working"
Growing up, it was a rare occasion that my siblings and I would misbehave when dad was at home. Back then, if we were bad we were threatened with the slipper. The times that we would really misbehave was when our mother was home alone with us.
Jules O has four teenagers and an almost teen. She says that there are many occasions that she doesn't like her children. They really know how to push her buttons, and, yes, like my siblings and I did when we were younger, they tend to only push those buttons when their dad is out working.
Jules says that, despite everything that they put her through, she still loves them, and she reminds herself that she wasn't always an angel to her mother either.
8 "His Behavior Caused Us Serious Stress And Embarrassment"
Pamela D's son has Asperger's Syndrome and from the age of 18 months to 5 years when he was finally diagnosed, he was in her words, 'a total nightmare.'
"Several extreme tantrums every day for no apparent reason, angry all the time and never smiled. We never left the house until we had to because his behaviour ruined any social events and caused us extreme stress and embarrassment. I can honestly say that during that period I didn't like him and got absolutely no enjoyment out of being his mum, to the point that we almost didn't have any more children.
Thankfully he has changed beyond all recognition since then, having been diagnosed and "grown out" of certain challenging behaviour as he's gone through school. I do feel guilty about feeling like that, but it was one of the most stressful times of my life."
7 "He Is So Emotionally Manipulative"
When a child thinks that 'he's a special case,' you are bound to have some trouble on your hands. Sooz, mom to three boys, says that most of the time she 'can't stand' her 10 year old.'
"He is very emotionally needy, in that even though he does get praise I can't praise one of his brothers without hearing him say, "What about me? Aren't I good/clever/handsome?" He is also very emotionally manipulative.
At other times he can be really sweet and help out but always, ALWAYS he gives me the impression that he's creeping, like he's analyzing how his every action affects me and storing the info for later use. To be honest this really creeps me out. But I do love him and we can have some amazing chats as he is super intelligent and in fact is my go-to guy for any science ponderings I might have."
6 "It's Entirely Possible To Love But Not Like Someone"
What's important to remember as you're reading this, is that love isn't the same as like. It's entirely possible - and normal - to actively dislike your child now and then. Not liking them doesn't mean you've stopped loving them, as mom Caitlin G points out.
"I love my daughter, I mean truly willing-to-die-for-her love her. She is three years old bouncy, funny, loving, manipulative and bull headed. However, some days I can't stand her, I still love her but I don't like her.
I feel guilty as hell when I think like that, but she pushes the wrong buttons persistently and for a few minutes-hour I don't like her. I don't think its abnormal, I think its natural we can't like everyone all the time but like isn't loving them. It is very possible to like but not love someone, and same of loving but not liking someone."
5 "I Keep Thinking It Will Change. But It's Worse Everyday"
When you want nothing more than to be a mom, it can be heartbreaking when it transpires that you can't bear to look at them sometimes. This is what's happening to one anonymous mom on NetMoms.
"I quit working 4 years ago when our first daughter was born. I always wanted to be a mother. She's been difficult since birth. But she's a blessing. Two years later came baby #2. Much easier kid and also very precious.
But now they're 4 and 2 and I just can't stand being around them. I can't bear to look at them sometimes and I don't like to play with them. I keep thinking something will change and I'll start to enjoy them but it's worse every day. But why do I hate being around them so much and why do I NEVER enjoy them? I want to like my babies. It's so sad."
4 "I Can't Stand That She's Always So Negative And Depressed"
History of depression in your family? You might relate to Samantha Shoech'sexperience.
"Of course I love her. Of course I’d throw my body in front of a train for her. Of course I think she’s smart, funny, pretty, and kind. But, man, I'm not liking her at all at the moment. Maggie is a very sensitive person. But lately it seems like all she does is complain. And whine. And then, about 30% of the time, she’s awesome.
It’s not even the behaviours that are so unlikable. It’s the underlying dissatisfaction that gets under my skin. Why is she such a negative Nelly? I come for a very long line of charming depressives who tend to look on the dark side. And it just kills me that she has such a hard time being happy, satisfied and relaxed. It kills me that everything is such a BFD."
3 "She's So Difficult, I'm Convinced She Has A Mental Illness"
It's tragic to read of so many women who think they're bad mothers. But it's also a relief to read words from women who've found strength through other honest moms. Florexas is one of those moms.
"I feel like I am bad mother because I don't like my daughter. Like you I couldn't love her more, but she makes me absolutely crazy. I know most people will tell me it's just that she's 2 and she will grow out of it, except she has been loud, obnoxious and whinny since birth.
I worry so much about her. I wonder if she has some kind of mental illness that makes her this way. I've never been able to say what I feel, for fear that people will think I am just a lazy mom. And that's not the case. I'm glad it's not just me."
2 "At This Point It's Best To Have Some Time Apart"
When you've been a full-time mom to two kids since day one, with only two days break in all that time, it's only natural that your kids are going to drive you nuts! This is what happened to Christina D.
"My daughter is 2 and 4 months old and my son is 4months old. I tried to explain to my spouse that I need time without her because she DRIVES ME NUTS! I have been a 24-7 mom every day for the last 2 years minus 2 days. No time at the baby sitter without mommy. No time at either grandparents homes without mommy. No grocery shopping without mommy. Mommy needs to figure out who she is before the individual is completely gone.
Sometimes moms, women just want to enjoy a 20 minute bath. Plus it is great for our children and us to have some time apart."
1 "I'm Trying To Be Understanding. But I've Had Enough"
Like Marie S, I think my mom went through phases with whom she liked and disliked. (It was bound to happen, there are 4 of us!) I always felt so smug when I was on her good side. And felt like I wanted to run away when I wasn't. (I was always slightly too dramatic.)
"I go through phases where the older ones are the ones I dislike. My son has Aspergers and there are times that I can't handle the way he is.
DD #1 is the one I'm not too in like with right now. She is in a super picky eater, whiny, do what I can to get exactly what I want, I don't want to listen to a word you say phase and I am over it! I'm trying to be understanding especially because I was the emotionally charged child too. But really, I've had enough."
Sources: HuffingtonPost.com, TheGuardian.com, NetMums.com, BabyCenter.com, DailyMail.co.uk