Facebook Mom Groups for a new Mom can be a lifesaver. There new moms find a community of other moms who are in the daily trenches of motherhood with them. Most of the women in these group are supportive and respectful of individual parenting styles.
I myself use them and have been privy to a few Mom's who don't know when to back off of a particular topic or opinion, but the vast majority are...unless you venture to the seedy underground world of the Sanctimommies.
Wikipedia defines a sanctimommy as " a portmanteau of two words, sanctimonious and mommy. The word is a colloquialism used to refer to a person, usually a female, who has very opinionated views on child rearing and presents them upfront without any sense of humility."
These are the women who have very strong feelings about parenting and they don't back off when someone says, "Thanks, but this works for us." In fact in these Facebook groups that all have names like "Sanctuary", "Retreat" or "Haven" you are encouraged to call people out and shame them until they eventually get so frustrated that they start calling people ugly and worse.
Each of these groups have no fewer than 3 admins who take their job more seriously than any of Trump's cabinet members. They delight in calling people out for "dirty deleting" posts and will hunt women down if they haven't agreed to the rules. In order to be apart of these groups women have to answer a bunch of questions about major parenting choices like feeding, extended rear facing, vaccinations and whether or not moms practice cry it out.
I joined these groups because I needed something to entertain me during endless Paw Patrol marathons and was tired of looking at what people were making for dinner on my feed. And I'm so glad I did. I went and did the dirty work for every woman reading this so they wouldn't have to and I have rounded up 15 of the best worst sanctimommies ever. And trust me, it was incredibly hard to narrow it down to 15.
15 I've Been Doing This For Two Weeks And I'm Already Better Than You
When I read this Mom's comment I imagine Elle Wood's when she's trying to get into Harvard and was all "What, like it's hard?" Ok Mom of a two- week old. Let me tell you something, moms-to-be those early days of having a baby will be some of the easiest of your parenting tenure.
People will constantly be telling you to sleep, eat, and won't expect you to do anything but nurse and watch The Kardashians. Sometimes it comes down to showering or folding 6 loads of laundry so you can start on the next 6 (not that, that was me yesterday).
Sometimes you let them run around the house with crackers because it's the only way you can get in a conversation with your husband. It's easy to think this whole gig is easy when your baby does nothing but sleep, poop and eat. Wait until they freak out because they don't understand Paw Patrol has to take commercial breaks. Wait until you bribe them with an entire bag of Starburst just to eat two pieces of broccoli. New parents are sooo cute.
14 Baby Wearing Is The Laziest Practice
Have you ever carried a child in a Moby wrap or Ergo? It's not something short of a heroic effort to do so and the furthest thing from lazy ever. I once so badly wanted to attend a Justin Timberlake concert that I took my 3 month old with us (he had headphones on so settle sound sancti's) and wore him THE ENTIRE concert.
In total I ended up wearing him for almost 7 hours! When I was finished all I wanted to do was melt into a puddle. There was definitely no attractive back happening at all because I was the Hunchback of Notre-Dame.
And yeah ok having to deal with a newly walking toddler who's just trying to literally stop and smell every single rose ever is a long and tedious task so it might seem easier to just strap them to you, but if you're only 5 feet tall like I am, this is not in fact easier at all as their legs swing and hit you in your knees and you can't see over the tops of their heads to grab something from the high shelves.
13 Stop Taking Pictures And Give That Baby A Bath!
We all have those photos from the first time our little ones dumped a bucket of spaghetti all over their face and got it everywhere including somehow in the crevice of their buttocks and most people would find this photo cute and maybe even a little gross.
But this poor mom got schooled when she posted a photo and video of not just her baby covered in noodles and Ragu, but also a baby who was sleepy too.
Shame on you Mom’s. Put that camera down and take a rag to your sleepy, naked precious little one. It’s the epitome of laziness. Couldn’t you bother with a plate? What is he a dog? How dare these parents’ use this opportunity to shame and humiliate their seed of love. Insert a huge eye roll emoji here. I mean come on it’s not like the baby is covered in blood and feces. I’m just glad I don’t have to give that baby a bath.
12 So What If She's Paralyzed With Pain! Put On A Movie!
When you become a mother you have to sacrifice a lot of things. Your hot bod, sleep, sleeping in, sleep, your hot bod and sleep. You should be ready to jump anytime your children ask you to do something. Are you in the shower mid shave and your child comes asking you for a yogurt?
Don’t make them wait. The virtue of patience is highly overrated. And if your back is hurting for some inexplicable reason but your child want’s a movie. Get up right now you lazy excuse for mother and put that movie on. I don’t care if you have to crawl to the DVD player. Billy Bob wants to watch Frozen for the 100th time that week and you should indulge him every single chance you get. That is your job should you choose to accept the mission of parenthood and it look’s like you have
11 Cease And Desist Using Our Hashtag!
I’m like really, really good at naming my kids. I love the whole process of coming up with different words and phrases and matching them with middle names. The whole thing is fun for me. And yes, I’ll admit I’m one of those Mom’s who likes to give their child
yoonique unique or different names.
You know when I call for Yellow Sunshine Apple Bottom at the park I only want one to answer me. But if I were to ever run into another kid with our same name I wouldn’t be upset. It’s happened a few times and in fact I’m pretty stoked to meet someone else on the same creative wave link as me.
Oh, but this sweet Mom wasn’t so excited to find out she didn’t think outside the box enough. And I was actually pretty surprised to see how many other Mom’s thought she should ask the other family to change their hashtag, because, like she was there first.
10 Rich Family Members Should Buy Nicer Toys
If you have rich family member’s there is no reason that they should be buying your kids cheap, loud, and colorful toys laced with BPA poison in them. I mean your poor family is totally understandable. Just take the cheap crap and donate it for kids less fortunate because they don’t care about important things like BPA and educational value.
When you throw your baby girl her first birthday party with her dairy free, sugar free, gluten free, tasteless free smash cake and her hummus sticks dip you should be only expecting the best back in return.
What’s the point of even throwing a birthday party and ordering that special dress from Etsy and booking the photographer and the videographer and personalizing every single one of those tote bags filled with photos of your baby girl for someone to buy you some cheap Fisher Price bucket of balls?
And no it’s not the thought that counts if the thought isn’t how durable is this toy for your next offspring.
9 Why Is The Woman On The Bus Ignoring Her Baby?
Do you know the history of some of the most popular nursery rhymes? Some of them have very dark origins like Ring Around the Rosie is about the bubonic plague, Jack and Jill is about a cheating couple who both die and Wheels On The Bus is about a neglectful mother who can’t do anything but shh her baby.
I’m still trying to figure out why this mother hasn’t tapped into her telekinesis to read her baby’s mind and figure out why he’s crying. But I think I figured it out. The baby is probably incredibly stressed out because he’s riding on the bus and is NOT extended rear facing.
His mother is trying to prop a bottle of formula in his mouth and he knows he’s headed home to be put to sleep in a crib with bumpers, lovey’s and blankets after his mom gives him another bottle of formula with rice in it to make him sleep through the night.
8 Her Daughter Will Never Be A Natural Beauty
This example actually personally happened to me. I was minding my own business and scrolling my Facebook feed when I landed on an angry post about a photo of a crying baby and the caption of, "Getting her ears pierced for the first time. Poor baby" and chaos ensued.
People comparing piercing your little girl’s ears to child abuse. I jumped in and casually (and calmly might I add) mentioned that I pierced my daughter’s ears when she turned 1 and people ripped me to shreds. Women were telling me that I was trashy and selfish.
One Mom told me that she felt sorry that my daughter would never be complimented on her natural beauty again and how sad I must be to not recognize my own daughters natural, perfect and flawless beauty. Luckily for my daughter and these worried Mom’s, my husband and I have decided to re-route her college fund for a therapist because can you imagine the body complex I have just given her?
7 A Child's Fever Is More Important Than The Death of An Old Person
There is some major exaggeration happening in this post here. A 172-year-old woman? Like for real? She would have definitely made the news and I'm sure I would have remembered an irate young mother screaming at the ER staff, "She doesn't matter!! My baby is teething!"
Since this Mom didn't provide all the details I'm going to go ahead and take a judgment leap here and assume that her baby was laying in her arms withering in pain when the ER staff so rudely stepped over her to attend to someone who clearly needed to die anyway.
Can you imagine all the resources that a 172-year-old person takes up? That dying old woman should have noticed that precious baby was in pain and given up her spot and died a dignified hero. Clearly this old woman is not only mean spirited and selfish, but she was probably formula fed which led her to be able to make such awful life choices.
6 If A Child Won't Behave, Just Leave Them In The Car
I love taking my well behaved crew out to restaurants. It's the perfect place for my husband and I to have intimate conversations and enjoy each other. Our kid's sit quietly in their seats each coloring and sharing the crayons. No one spills, no one needs to pee every 2 1/2 minutes. The food arrives on time and not too hot and cut up in perfect bite-sized pieces to prevent choking.
I hate when I see other parent's out with their kids and they are zoned out on tablet's, or fighting and loud talking. Children's manners in public are an extension of the parenting we do at home so I can only imagine the chaos that their homes are.
I will never shame another parent for making their kids sit in the car alone while they finish their meal, but I will shame them if I can't eat my chicken tacos in peace because the noise from your table is interrupting me. If your 2-year-old doesn't know how to sit at a highchair for a 2-hour meal in a restaurant how can you even call yourself a good parent?
5 Baby Hates Your Chest, That's Why They're Always Crying
I am so grateful that I found this gem because I think I have finally figured out what my babies problem has been. It's not colic, it's not gas, it's not her being over tired. No she's just simply tired of eating the same thing, day in, day out. I was on a diet once where all I ate was grilled chicken and spinach. After about 2 weeks I was ready to murder someone because I needed different flavors and textures!
I can't imagine how frustrated an 8-month old must be after receiving the same room temperature sweet milk all day long. And the flavor of the nipple!? Skin and milk. That's all your baby gets. Please if this is still you and you are practicing some kind of crazy long term breastfeeding thing switch it up and maybe at least let your baby have a jack and coke before bed. Sheesh.
4 Stay At Home Play Companion
The person who originally posted this wanted to know ways to entertain her 4 year-old while she got chores done. And as you see the yellow commenter was having none of that. Don't you know that when you decide to become a stay-at-home mom you are really a stay-at-home play companion. You should be doing nothing that doesn't involve your little ones.
Showers should be accomplished with your child standing outside the door holding your hand. We of course all know you can never go to the bathroom unless you have a full audience. There are so many teachable moments to have that we miss out on because we think our child should be occupied by something other than ourselves.
I would even go as so far to argue with this mother that you shouldn’t even be cleaning while your child naps. You should be using that time to set up their next magical adventure. In fact, entertaining your child is so important that I think someone should create a hybrid infant CPR class and balloon animal magic show for parents to take.
3 Being A Mom Isn't Hard And Anyone Who Thinks Otherwise Is A Crap Mom
This example probably makes me the most upset because it continues to perpetuate this huge stigma within the "mommy hood". This idea that somehow if you're struggling just to make it through your daily every day with your baby and you seriously considering selling them on a regular basis (guilty as charged) that you don't deserve to be a Mom.
It's a dangerous notion to continue to put out because it leaves new mom's feeling guilty and it leaves them isolated and that's incredibly dangerous. The mom in need who posted this is in another mommy support group and got great support. But someone else decided to shame her and post it in another group that is strictly for shaming other mom’s and bringing drama.
Thankfully the OP (original poster for all of those who don't know) was taken through the ringer for her what she tried to do to this Mom. I just hope that the mom who need help continues to reach out when she’s feeling overwhelmed. It’s important to hear that you aren’t alone during these first few days and months.
2 Poor Starving Baby, I'll Feed You
If we are keeping score, this Mom is gonna get 10 points for being sanctimonious and another 10 for being incredibly passive aggressive. I don't know how many times this woman has tried to convince her sister that breastfeeding is the ONLY way she should feed her baby, but if she's had to tell her more than once that was too many times.
Is anyone else getting a Hand That Rocks the Cradle vibe here? When I see other Mom's in the mall feeding their babies bottles I just run up, whip out my boob and start spraying milk all over them. I'm hoping that some will land in the babies mouth and they'll realize how robbed they are and start refusing anything other than the liquid gold.
I wonder what else she does for her sister's family that her sister refuses to do?? Or maybe this was just some big ruse for her sister to finally stop asking her to babysit, I bet it worked too!
1 A Ten-Year-Old's Cry For Help
By now you probably have seen the viral story about the 5th grader who sent a message to The Ohio Police Department Facebook page for help with her homework. And I don't blame her! Have you seen common core math homework?
But the only thing this sanctimommy seemed concern with was the fact that a 10-year-old was still up at 1:30 in the morning. Again, I ask you, have you seen common core math homework? I digress. This Mom seems concerned that maybe there is something a little more sinister going on and maybe that's why she reached out to the police department instead of just hitting Google up for the answer.
The Mom in blue also pointed out an important note that the little girl's Mom obviously didn't seem to care that her 10-year-old was still awake and on Facebook at the wee hours of the morning AND during school hours. Surely this Mom could have stopped doing whatever it is that Mom's do and help her child with homework.
All I know is I'm going to make sure my son knows how to access the LA police department page as well since they give such good homework advice.