There is one person whom most of us will always fear judgment from–our mothers! From the time we are born through adulthood, moms are always there finding things that we are doing wrong or that we should be doing. It can be a very stressful experience. Many of us swear that we will never be as judgmental as our mothers and that we will be the laid-back parent. We also hear our mothers talking about their dearest friends, saying what bad parents they are and what rotten children they have. As non-parents, we are horrified that someone could speak of other people that way. We could never be so judgmental of other moms. They must be trying hard.
Then, it happens. We have our first child. Not only do we find ourselves judging our significant others and our children, but we start judging other moms!
We should be a united front, but some mothers and their actions just make it so difficult not to judge. Instead of outwardly judging, some moms took to Whisper to explain why they judge other moms. If you are wondering if that mom from the mommy and me class is judging you for your messy bun and ripped yoga pants, she probably is. Who knew that we were all judging? We just cannot stop!
15 Too Many Mama Labels
Today, there are a lot of expectations for moms. They get judged on every decision they make. If they pick option A, they are depriving their child of something they need. If they pick option B, they are putting their child in danger and their child should be taken away. There is no winning and no way to avoid the mommy shaming.
This mom is tired of having to deal with all of the mommy-shaming that she gets for not being a “modern” mom and following the trends that people expect her to follow. This mama is tired of all of the nonsense and thinks moms should just be moms, no labels needed. There is judgment from both sides of this equation and no one can seem to find a middle ground.
There are two options that new moms have to feed their babies. They can feed them with formula and a bottle or they can breastfeed. There are currently stigmas around both forms of feeding. For moms who breastfeed, people complain that they do not want to see a bare breast with a baby latched on and it is shameful.
Mothers who choose to breastfeed are sacrificing time and energy to do so. They are giving up control over their bodies—and for some, their sexual comfort—to nourish their child the way nature intended. The #BreastIsBest camp is growing quite tired of being expected not to judge formula feeding moms, and yet they are judged routinely for nursing. What gives?
13 I Judge For Your Safety
Standards for child safety have changed over the past few years. Regulations have gotten stricter. Car safety, house safety, bed safety and even food safety measures have changed drastically. There are some moms who stick to these regulations strictly, while other moms follow how they were raised. The mindset here is generally that the mother turned out fine, so why wouldn’t the old safety measures be fine for their own children? This could be dangerous for the children of these old-fashioned mothers.
This mama judges her own friends who are parents out of concern for their children. Many children are in booster seats until they are about 10 years old and reach the age, weight, and/or height requirements. With a three-year-old in a booster seat, there is no wonder judgment is being passed.
12 Weight A Minute
Baby weight is a huge stressor for new moms. Many new moms anticipate that their tummy will go down right after they deliver the baby. This is a false belief. It can take months, if not years, to get a pre-baby body back. This can be especially difficult if the mother gained a lot of weight during the pregnancy due to inactivity or dietary choices.
Videos of fit mothers are circulating the internet on a regular basis now, making all new moms wonder if they are being judged for having some of that baby weight on them. This mama does not judge you right after birth, but she will judge you a few years post-birth if you are holding on to weight. A strict diet and discipline can help shed the pounds.
11 Can’t You Work?
Stay-at-home moms cannot seem to catch a break. Some moms choose to stay home with the children because it is cheaper than putting their child in daycare or hiring a nanny. The mom will stay home with the child(ren) and teach them to the best of their ability. When the child(ren) goes off to school, some stay-at-home moms return to work. Others stay home, as they have become accustomed to that lifestyle.
This working mom judges these other moms harshly. If there is no need to stay home, why not go back to work? Everyone has chores and housework to do, so why not just do it in your down time? Plus, it is hard to call someone a stay-at-home mom when there are no kids at home with the mom.
10 Perfection Is A Myth
New moms have high expectations for themselves. They read all of the parenting books and listen to all the advice they are given. They know exactly how they want to present themselves and how they would like to handle various situations with their children. Veteran moms know that this is a farce.
While a new mom may be saying how precious and perfect their child is while dressing in their best clothing, seasoned mothers know that all this mom wants to do is eat a tub of ice cream, cry and wear sweatpants. This mom judges all of the moms who are not being true to themselves or to others. Pretending to be perfect will not help a child turn out better or make people respect you more, it will just exhaust you.
9 Are You Teaching That Child Anything?
Stay-at-home moms cannot catch a break. Working moms and other stay-at-home moms judge other stay-at-home moms endlessly. With a parent staying home full-time with the children, there is an expectation that this parent will help enrich their child’s life. From teaching them the alphabet and counting to teaching manners and potty training, these stay-at-home moms should be working hard with their children.
Of course, not all stay-at-home moms work on these things with their children. With every child being different, it is also hard to gauge when some milestones should be reached. This mom passes harsh judgment on the children and parents in this instance. By age four, this mother believes some children should be way ahead of where they actually are.
8 When It's Your Mom Doing The Shaming
Sometimes, judgment hits way too close to home. What is a young mother to do when the women she has respected and looked up to for parenting advice are the very women who are pushing her to do something to her child that she strongly feels is wrong? If we’re taking a lesson from this mother, we tell them to pound sand.
Mothers are routinely judged for their choice to keep their sons intact—a practice that the rest of the world hardly thinks about. For it is only Americans who engage in routine infant circumcision, despite no medical organization in the world recommending it.
It’s ironic that many mothers don’t want to be judged for their choices, but they will make condescending remarks about the way a male is born—implying his genitals need cosmetic surgery to be attractive. It leads us to wonder just how many women would be on board with it if people were encouraged to give their daughters breast implants because our society has been driven to believe flat chests aren’t attractive. Hmmmmm.
7 Party All The Time
New moms deserve to have fun. Once in a while, new parents should be able to call a babysitter and go out for dinner and maybe a few drinks. This seems universally fine. This mom only has a problem with certain moms. It is the moms who are still living like the cast of Jersey Shore.
The moms who are doing illegal things, including illegal substances, while leaving their babies constantly is a problem. These are moms who try to claim they are great moms and deserve to let loose. These are the moms who give other moms a bad name when they want to have a baby-free night. It is almost impossible not to judge when you see these posts on social media. Keep it classy, ladies.
6 Diaper Duty
As we have said, new moms get judged for everything they do. No matter what choice a mother makes, someone will bring up the negative impacts of it compared to the alternative. If the new mom chose the alternative, someone would bring up the negative impacts of that. It’s hard to win. Many moms are shying away from disposable diapers and are going towards the cloth diapers that our moms and grandmothers used.
This mom is judging and shaming both the moms and the babies who use disposable diapers, even going as far to say it impacts how the baby looks. This mom is a firm believer in keeping chemicals and anything artificial away from little ones. Keep your disposable diapers away. She can smell them from a mile away.
5 No Crying In The Club
Moms get judged by others from the moment that they announce they are pregnant. Every decision they make for their newborn gets judged as well. Who knew that this judgment could get carried on as their children got much older? These moms do not even have to be with their children. Once they hit middle age, other moms will start judging what they are wearing, especially if it appears that they are trying to outrun Father Time.
Some of these moms even go out with their older children and wear matching outfits. This mom will judge you hard for your crop tops and short skirts and any other non-age appropriate attire. This mom believes that middle-aged moms should not be going out with their kids, but should be staying home in their sweaters while crocheting.
4 No Dads Allowed
Being a single mom is tough. In this instance, a tragedy brought this mom to raise her child alone. In other instances, the mom knew it would be best for her children to get rid of the birth father. When you have children, dating can be incredibly hard. You have to find a person whom you can trust enough to introduce to your children. This person then has to get along with your children.
This mom instantly judges dads and will not date them. Since these dads have been parents already, they have expectations of rules and how children should be raised. This can cause unnecessary clashes of power and can lead to confusion for the children. This mom runs the other way of anyone who could even be a dad.
3 Car Seat Drama
Child safety is incredibly important for all families. Household objects can become dangerous for children and precautions need to be taken. Then, there are devices and furniture meant for babies that need to be read about prior to use, as these objects do not come as second nature to many people.
However, some parents believe that after seeing friends or family with children, or after watching shows with children in them, they know exactly what to do. This mom judges every parent who uses their baby’s equipment wrong. It is even worse when signs explain exactly what not to do, like putting a car seat in a carriage’s upper area or facing the seat incorrectly in the car. So many terrible things can happen and this mom is judging you for your child’s safety.
2 Still Hitting The Bottle
Some children may take longer to reach different developmental milestones. Some children start walking really early, while others may not walk until after they turn two. Some children may need to eat solid foods early because of their weight, while others are supposed to have milk for as long as possible.
Every child has different needs. This mother had an overachiever for a child. Instead of breastfeeding for a few years or bottle feeding for a while, this mother’s child was drinking from a sippy cup before she turned a year old. Now, this mother judges all children who are drinking out of bottles past a certain time, specifically past age one. Not only is she judging the children, but also the parents who are not weaning them off.
1 It Wasn't My Fault
And sometimes, if we want to refrain from judging, we also have to consider what it feels like to be those who are judged. This momma was clearly having all the feels when she broke down and confided in her fellow Whisperers about her traumatic past and the everyday reminder she lives with now. There is no escaping this kind of tragedy when you are raising a child that is the product of rape.
We can't even fathom what it will be like for this mom to explain the child's parentage to her daughter someday. Not only that, but the risk of genetic defects and disorders run much higher when incest is involved. To still go through with the pregnancy despite what happened to her and the immense risk factors make this mom one of the bravest we've seen. We can only hope her child grows up to see the selfless kind of love her mother devoted to her long before she was born.